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Topic: not sure about dating

Forum: LGBTQ With Breast Cancer —

A special and safe place for the LGBTQ community diagnosed with breast cancer to connect.

Posted on: Mar 10, 2012 09:52AM

living4myson wrote:

Hello all,

Just had a double mastectomy my choice  1`month ago and now undergoing reconstruction.  I've been single for 10 months and now would like to start dating, but not sure how to go about starting. I feel like I would like to start up a friendship and see what it leads to. I guess I feel worried about anyone liking me for the way I look now..

living4myson
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Mar 13, 2012 12:07PM stillhere663 wrote:

Dear Living,

Any of us who do not have a partner feel this way. I had a double,my choice as well, and wonder as you do. Add to that I am in my late 40's and have no hair!!! I have opted not to reconstruct.

This journey is quite an uphill battle at times. I decided that whom ever I end up with is lucky to get me. It is the me that is on the inside that matters anyway.  It is so hard to look in the mirror and remember that sometimes. We are still women after all. I have the feeling that you are very beautiful inside and out.

I wish I had advice to make your transition easier. Know that you are not alone. We are all in this together and support you.

S H

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Dec 10, 2012 06:18PM Mountain_Gem wrote:

S H,

Wow! Finally someone mentions the lack of hair. Due to an oopherectomy at 40 I lost my hair and most of my labias when I was about your age. I remember feeling naked down there and finally taking a mirror to check. Was I ever surprised...  I started on Vagifem which helped me feel better, but no visual change.

I'm 63 and just before my diagnosis last year I thought about dating again. I went to my GP (A Woman) and asked her how unusual I was for my age. I could tell she was lying when she said I was just about normal. God/dess bless her. Now between Arimidex and arthritis, even thinking about sex hurts :>0.   I would love to have a very close companion though. I hope you don't give up at your age.

Dx 1/25/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/22/2012 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 4/22/2012 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 7/24/2012 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 25, 2013 08:55AM Tmorrison9 wrote:

I am in the same situation however I am 21 years old and did not reconstruct I am also having a hysterectomy at the end of April . I don't know how to start a new relationship with someone and then just surprise them when my shirt comes off or tell them upfront idk the proper thing to do also being 21 I will be going thru surgical menopause which is very very rare for someone my age so idk if anyone else can rele even handle all that emotional roller coaster at this point in there life. I'm so lost on dating right now some advice on when to tell someone how to tell someone would be amazing I'm just scared people won't get past my looks to see what else I have to offer.

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May 29, 2013 09:05AM Auralaine wrote:

Hi all,

I'm having the same issues: double mastectomy in February, still going through chemo with no hair (yes, the flooring matches the ceiling - no carpet...), am 53yo, and single after my partner of 27 years left in '05. I've had a few short-term relationships since the break up, but none have worked out, and it's been very hard to meet single women my age no matter what the circumstances. Not to add this into the mix... I've chosen to not even try to date while I'm going through treatment, just no energy to give to meeting someone new at this point. I'm sure I will be very upfront and open with whoever I do date, if and when that happens. Reconstruction wasn't an option for me, and I have a friend who lived with a double with nothing for 9 years and finally opted for reconstruction because she wasn't happy with nothing, so I'm going with implants once I finish up with all my chemo. I don't know what that's going to be like - the expanders that I have in now are very hard and stiff and uncomfortable. I'm told the implants are much softer and more realistic, and not uncomfortable - I sure hope so! Anyway, I've been nervous about dating anyway, and now I'm doubly so. It's helpful to talk about it here - I appreciate this forum! Thanks ladies!

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Jun 17, 2013 11:33PM Sparkytheimp wrote:

I too am single. Fixing to have one side gone and not sure if I ever want to date again anymore. I just don't know how I am supposed to bring it up or anything. I am opting for no reconstruction at this point, because I have one of those really bad feelings my other side will be gone next.

Any advice anyone has on dating after or during treatment would be appreciated.

I haven't even begun treatment and I am already saying just forget being with anyone ever again, and I know that is not a good way to think. I don't think it is anyway.

Surgery 6/21/2008 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Dx 5/7/2013, DCIS, 3cm, Stage IIIA, 1/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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