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Jun 24, 2013 05:36PM
Hi sisters in the BC dance! I'm sorry we have to be in this club, but I'm glad I'm not alone. As a community, cancer is hardly talked about, as we have so many other issues at hand to work through, and I personally haven't had any close friends or partners who've done this dance. Especially not in their 20' s & 30's. I have had a few friends 'come out' about their cancer dance after I 'came out' with my BC dx at the beginning of the year.
After I came out (because it really did feel like coming out again, the fear of people knowing, the anxiety of what the future holds, the worry of rejection, and the spotlight of attention turned my way after people knew), I decided to blog my experience. It gave me a place to offer to others in my boat who go home after dx, and immediately Google lesbians with cancer, queers with cancer, and not turning up a lot of information or community. It's been a good experience, the blogging, as I process best through writing, and hope that it helps others in a time of need to not feel so alone.
I was dx with IDC stage II/grade3 with lymph node involvement at first. They've been following minuscule spots on my lungs, and after a follow up when I finished chemo and they shrunk, suggesting the spots responded to chemo, my onco informed me that she's pretty sure they're a metastatis of my BC. So now my dx is 'presumed stage IV. It still seems unclear if they responded to chemo, or they're a long standing infection that's been healing due to my holistic alternative cleansing and detoxing I've been doing since dx.
I just had surgery and am healing well. Just got my drains out today- wow does that feel better! I'd love to talk to other lesbians about how mastectomy has impacted your body image? I came of age in a community where a lot of dykea were transitioning to become men, and so many of my friends and acquaintences had top surgery. And I've been to women's music festivals where topless, post mastectomy women bared their scars proudly, so in some ways I feel like I've had experiences where breast removal, both by choice and necessity, has kind of normalized the experience of breast loss through my community. I wonder if anyone has had similar experiences?
So, next on my path is radiation, which I'm not really looking forward to as I worry about long term health problems related to rads; however, if I've already chosen the aggressive route, I will follow the regimen of care and include healthy alternative practices to lessen the damage as much as possible.
I've been incredibly blessed by the incredible amount of support from my friends and community, but I definitely feel isolated in the experience. Thankfully I've found a few ppl to talk to who've been here, but I'm always open to talk more with BC sisters!
12/14/2012, IDC, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 9/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
2/1/2013 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel), Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxol (paclitaxel), Taxotere (docetaxel)
6/14/2013 Lymph node removal: Right, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left
7/7/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes