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Topic: We butches are at a disadvantage... ; )

Forum: LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer —

A special and safe place for the LGBTQ community diagnosed with breast cancer to connect.

Posted on: May 24, 2013 11:45PM

Tr4c3y wrote:

As of today, I am 5 treatments into my regimen.  Hair, which was longish, straight and fine: mostly gone.  Complexion: terri-bad (acne, bad color).  Eyebrows: Still hanging in there, but telling me in the mirror every morning, "Girlfriend, soon we will leave you as well.  Muahahahahaha!"

We women who are not accustomed to using makeup are at a distinct disadvantage in this process, amirite?  Makeup-using women have always used makeup to hide their (real or perceived flaws), and now I, at 46, am thinking I'd better figure this thing out, and fast, since the last time I wore makeup was Prom Night in 19(mumblemumble, oh wait, I just told you hold ancient I am), and that required me to be sedated with a tranq gun and wrestled to the ground.

Last weekend I bought makeup for the first time in my life.  Not that I've used it yet - I have enjoyed staring at it somewhat quizzically, the way a corgi might watch a tennis match on TV, every time I open my bathroom drawer.  I am considering signing up for one of those "Look Good, Feel Better" seminars, but I think I would stick out like a pig at an expensive wedding.

Besides having a supportive but also-mostly-non-makeup-wearing DP, I have a BFF who's a hottie straight girl, and she's offered to help me, so all may not be lost.  I don't want to look "made up," but I am trying hard not to look like an acne-ridden zombie.  She promises she can make me look "natural," which, when it comes to makeup, is one of those things you usually only hear from funeral directors.

Has anyone else struggled with this as yet another of those super-fun issues that BC throws at you?

Dx 4/4/2013, IBC, 3cm, Stage IV, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 4/11/2013 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 4/11/2013 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 4/11/2013 Taxotere (docetaxel) Chemotherapy 5/10/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 24, 2013 11:50PM - edited May 24, 2013 11:50PM by Tr4c3y

This Post was deleted by Tr4c3y.
Dx 4/4/2013, IBC, 3cm, Stage IV, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 4/11/2013 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 4/11/2013 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 4/11/2013 Taxotere (docetaxel) Chemotherapy 5/10/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 25, 2013 12:03AM exbrnxgrl wrote:

I'm not a lesbian, but am a daily (natural) make up wearing ex-flight attendant. I went to the Look Good, Feel Better class and all types of women were there. I think it's worth going to since 1) everything is free 2) the women who volunteer to teach it were really nice and listened to everyone's needs and concerns.
There was a wonderful British woman on the stage IV forum who told us that in England, putting on make up is called " getting your slap on". So, have fun getting your slap on!

Bilateral mx 9/7/11 with one step ns reconstruction. As of 11/21/11, 2cm met to upper left femur Dx 7/8/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/7/2011 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 11/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 11/21/2011 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 11/21/2011 Bone Hormonal Therapy 6/19/2014 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy Aromasin (exemestane)
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May 25, 2013 12:15AM Tr4c3y wrote:

I should add that I have also had zero luck finding a wig, so I have amassed a shamelessly large collection of bandanas, biker skull caps and now two Buffs (for dress-up occasions).  My first wig looked like something Heather Locklear may have worn on the original 90210, and my last wig looks great on the model, but on me it looks like Dinah Shore Weekend 1987.  So I think it's even more critical to get the face in better shape, at least...

Dx 4/4/2013, IBC, 3cm, Stage IV, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 4/11/2013 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 4/11/2013 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 4/11/2013 Taxotere (docetaxel) Chemotherapy 5/10/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 25, 2013 01:00AM cooka wrote:

Hiya TR,Thanks for the laugh! I am on the butch (ie) side of things, and had many of the same struggles.  i joked with someone else about starting a butchtique for lesbians with cancer so we could find appropriate camouflage to help us keep going through some of the bald, eyebrows falling off, acne- ridden fun (as well as mastectomy recovery gear that wasn't ridiculously pink, etc.) I color in my eyebrows for work still (cuz they are still MIA and I am tired of looking perpetually surpised), and my wig lasted about 2 days and I just had to go without and with some silly hats that I though worked with business casual (who was I tying to kid?) Hope you are through this extra special time soon!

hang in there:)

Dx 7/15/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 8/12/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 9/17/2011 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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May 25, 2013 06:02AM Ariom wrote:

Thanks for that really well written post Tr4c3y ! I had a laugh too!

Also, not gay, but I agree with Caryn. I used to be a volunteer makeup artist for Look Good Feel Better, many years ago. I would say, give it a go.

There are many women who turn up for the LGFB who are not interested in a lot of makeup, they just want a little help to cover blemishes and to learn how to draw subtle brows.

Cooka, I love your writing style too, you relly painted a picture!

All the very best to both of you!

Dx Mondors Disease (cording) after Umx and "Dog Ear" removed 14 months post UMx .................. The Dx shuffles you like a deck of cards and then deals you a new hand! Dx 11/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes Surgery 12/18/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Right
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May 25, 2013 07:26AM softness1 wrote:


I feel your pain. Although I'm not a lesbian, I'm not into make up. Maybe lip gloss here & there and eyeliner at functions I attend. I did attend Look Good, Feel Better & got great pointers. I use the concealer for dark circles under my eyes & the eyebrow pencil trick to thicken thinning brows. That's it. It made a difference. Of course I spent hours in the mirror getting it right. Go to the class and ask about accomplishing the no make up look. Lots of pple, women & men fool us with that fresh face no make up look. It's at least worth a try

Good luck

Dx 11/6/2012, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/11/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left Surgery 12/11/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Chemotherapy 2/13/2013 CMF Hormonal Therapy 8/14/2013 Surgery 10/6/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 12/8/2013 Reconstruction (left): Nipple reconstruction; Reconstruction (right): Nipple reconstruction
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Jun 3, 2013 03:01PM Sparkytheimp wrote:

I have never touched make up in my life, so this is definitely a thread that holds some interest for me.

Never heard of Look Good Feel Good seminar, but maybe I will check it out when I can.

Somebody mentioned ridiculously pink. Is that what I have to look forward to? Bleah.

On the sunny side my friend will be sending me some crazy colourful wigs to wear, and I have zero problem with that. I'm a huge goofball, so anything that can turn whatever aspect of this rotten cancer treatment into something fun, is totally worth it.

Surgery 6/21/2008 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Dx 5/7/2013, DCIS, 3cm, Stage IIIA, 1/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jun 5, 2013 09:38AM - edited Jun 5, 2013 09:39AM by Sherlocked

Yeah, I'd go to the Look Good Feel Better thang.  You won't stick out.  I looked like Uncle Fester myself and fit right in.   They'll teach you how to use it ALL, way more than most of us would ever use.  

If you could learn to put some darkness around your eyes to emulate lashes with eyeliner or eye shadow, and do something with the brows - pencil, tattoo, or those fake tattoos that last up to a week, you will look much less sick.  Sallow or zitty skin, dark circles, all of this stuff does not help but really it's the lack of this hair that makes us look like cancer patients.  You don't have to get good at it all...just learn to handle one pencil to smudge a bit of darkness on your eyelids by where the eyelashes should be thicker (or should be period), and color in your brows a little bit with a pencil.

Over my year of treatment I acquired, I dunno, maybe 7 wigs.  They all looked like shit on me.  I just went around bald despite being more girly than not. 

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Jun 5, 2013 09:48AM GoWithTheFlow wrote:

For those dealing with acne, I had bought a  clarisonic cleaner brush a while back.  I find when I use it daily with the philosophy purity cleanser, my skin looks good.  I tend to get blackheads on my cheeks and temples and this helps them go away.  plus, the vibration of the brush gives my skin a healthy glow.

We had all types of women in the look good feel better class I attended.  It's summer in virginia and I don't like to wear too much makeup because my face will melt.  But I've gotten good use out of the eyebrown pencil to fill in my bare spots, and I was so happy to learn how to use a bandana and scarf, something that had intimidated me before.

How can we dance while our world is turning? How can we sleep while our breasts are burning? Dx 12/21/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 1/10/2013 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 5/22/2013 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Radiation Therapy 6/17/2013 Breast
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Jun 9, 2013 05:01AM gonegirl wrote:

I had terrible acne on steroids. I got a cream called duac from my doctor. That helped. I also used only powder on my face. That works well. Physician Formula is line with less of the nasty chemicals. I stay away from the minerals since those are harder on skin, and stay with regular powder. Also, light eyeliner and some mascara also helps. Lipstick would help as well, maybe a gloss with some color. I never wore wigs, only bandanas. Hate the wigs Dx 1/3/2012, IDC, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 2/9/2012 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 2/9/2012 Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 11/5/2012 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Targeted Therapy 12/7/2013 Kadcyla (T-DM1, ado-trastuzumab) Radiation Therapy 11/6/2015 External: Bone Targeted Therapy 9/11/2018 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 9/11/2018 Perjeta (pertuzumab)

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