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Topic: Making Love to Her After Mastectomy

Forum: LGBTQ With Breast Cancer —

A special and safe place for the LGBTQ community diagnosed with breast cancer to connect.

Posted on: Jan 23, 2020 11:36PM

Andiloveherso wrote:

So...my love had a bilateral mastectomy, no reconstructive surgery last spring. I had the incredible, holy privilege of emptying her drains, checking on her surgery site until she felt ready to look, and walking alongside her on this journey.

She is the bravest most beautiful and humble woman I have ever known.

We have been together for five years now, the first same-gender relationship for both of us, and the last any-gender relationship for me anyway, as she is the “One" and it was worth the 40+ year wait to find love!

Ah but I go on and on...sorry!

Tomorrow night she believes she will be ready for us to resume love making. We have been cuddling, kissing, making love that way, a little at a time since the surgery but tomorrow she feels ready for more.

I am thrilled! I feel like a teenager! I want to do this right, though. She isn't one to tell me what she wants and likes in words, no way, super shy that way. So I know I will need to pay attention to the non-verbal cues, and I know everyone is different, but, dear brave women who have gone through this, can you give me some “dos" and “don'ts" in so far as your experience?

Love and prayers to all of you!

Thank you

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Jan 23, 2020 11:49PM santabarbarian wrote:

I did not have a Mx, only a Lx, but I will share that there can be areas of numbness or mild pain in the areas of incisions or scars, even for a Lx, and that these spots may be more or less sensitive.... she may be uncomfortable with certain pressures or kinds of touches in these areas with "buzzy" nerves. That is going to be individual but it is likely to be true of most women post-surgery so ask. I would think gentle light grazing touching would be a safe bet.


pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices; Proton rads. Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 8/12/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/10/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jan 24, 2020 11:03AM Andiloveherso wrote:

Thank you so very, very much for your thoughts and feelings. I really appreciate your willingness to share. Prayers and good thoughts to you :

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Jan 24, 2020 11:11PM TB90 wrote:

You already have it right as you are sensitive to her needs and non verbal cues. Do not stress. Enjoy one another and be so thankful for each other.

Dx 11/28/2013, DCIS, Grade 2 Surgery 12/18/2013 Mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/20/2014 Breast
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Jan 25, 2020 03:09PM Partyoffive wrote:

Andiloveherso-you are already ahead of the game-anticipating her wants and needs is amazing and it seems like are both brave women. I know for me even when I was ready I was surprised at what bothered me. It’s been 7 years for me and I’m still dont like to have my chest touched(it’s mostly numb but feels strange) I did tell my husband that it wasn’t him just something I didn’t enjoy anymore. And oddly enough for the first year I did like feel of oral sex-I’m not sure if it was hormone related or if I just felt uncomfortable in my body but we have slowly gotten our groove back. Good luck and have fun

Dx 6/2013, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, 9/21 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/16/2013 Lymph node removal: Right; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Hormonal Therapy 6/24/2013

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