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May 30, 2012 01:01AM
Joanne ~ I thought ahead and bought two giant bottles of wine yesterday. My DH was laughing at me. You bring up the question I've been asking myself lately...is THIS who I am now? I know I won't ever be the same person I was before ~ too much has happened to change me (mostly for the better), but I wonder if I will every rediscover my confidence and my boldness. I guess time will tell.
Selena ~ I had the same "Naaaaa, not me" attitude. After all, everyone told me how strong I was and how I'd beat cancer to a bloody pulp, etc, etc, blah blah blah. Little did I know that the first thing cancer steals is your strength. Sometimes a total win for me is simply putting one foot in front of the other and getting through the day. About 10 days ago I had to go see my MO after all my rads tx's were done. I found myself really freaking out on the drive down and, especially, sitting in my old chemo room having blood drawn. It truly was a PTSD moment for me. Luckily my DH was right there beside me being my rock. Dear GOD, what would I have done without him the last 10 months?
Robo ~ That is so funny. I was the opposite. I loved CA (although I never lived right in LA), but I felt drawn back to my native Chicago when my 10 year marriage ended in 2004. I met my fabulous DH in church in Naperville in 2005 and we decided to migrate back to SoCal when my youngest chose to go to Azusa Pacific University in LA. Those 6 1/2 years back in the Midwest were brutal for me. I just don't do winter anymore.
HI CLAIRE!!! ~ I cannot imagine what you've gone through having to re-live so much of what you experienced with your DH's cancer battle. In so many ways, your attitude has inspired me. You rock sister.
Fran ~ Don't be hard on yourself about being indecisive. Half of my problem right now is not actually knowing what I need to feel better. Just take each day as it comes and, if they'll let you scale back, give that a try. Maybe an all or nothing approach isn't what you need right now. Baby steps =]
BTW, for those keeping score...I STILL have not filled my Tamoxifen Rx <|8-0 I had a busy work day today and I just didn't do it. Tomorrow, tomorrow....I'll fill it, tomorrow. It's only a day away.
8/5/2011, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
9/23/2011 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement
11/4/2011 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)