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Jul 5, 2007 10:43PM
I would try very hard to not obsess over whether this is the "Beginning of the End", even though I know first hand what it feels like, because I developed my first pleural effusion last month, and did have it drained, but it filled right back up again, and my lung collapsed (doesn't happen with abdomen).
The truth is that right now, you mom needs that fluid drained, just as often as she needs it. As you've said, it provides her with tremendous relief, so that is your answer right there. Hopefully with successful tx, this will subside - that's what I'm hoping for my lungs.
In terms of "the end" though, I don't feel like I am beginning that just yet, I have a lot of living and loving left to do. Unfortunately, I do not control that decision or that path, and so I know it sounds crazy, but I just force myself to turn these worries into spiritual possibilities, and I try to turn them over to my God for him/her to carry for me. I have to force myself to say those words sometimes, but I work hard at it.
I will do everything I can to stay on this earth for my family, but "the end" is not controlled by me. (This shocking bit of insight was hard won for a control freak like me).
I hope your mom find relief from pain and anxiety, and peace for her bumpy journey ahead. And I am sure this is just a detour. Why not think that way as opposed to the other? Does no harm as long as you are realistic about the uncertainties in this dreadful disease that we can not and do not control.
My hopes are not always realized but I always hope - Ovid
4/2006, IDC, 1cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/33 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-