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Topic: Need your advice please

Forum: Stage IV and Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY —

A place for those managing the ups & downs of a Stage IV/metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. Please respect that this forum is for Stage IV members only. There is a separate forum For Family and Caregivers of People with a STAGE IV Diagnosis.

Posted on: Aug 31, 2007 09:03AM

agn2010 wrote:

My mother in law is not feeling any good these days. She is very weak and can hardly walk or talk much. Last week they drained more than five litter of fluid from her stomac or abdomenal. She is on Navelbine and this drug has really taken her toll. My MIL keeps telling us that she is really tried of fighting. It is almost like she is about to give up. My father in law, my wife, and her brother keep telling her that she needs to fight by eating a lot, exercising a lot, continue with the chemo treatment, and to be positive. My father in law tells her that he is spending all this money to make her good again and he will do anything to get there.

I personally believe that my MIL is at the end of her nine year fight. I want her to continue to fight but at the same time I want her to know that I know what she is going thru. I want to make her feel good and let her know that God has a plan for all of us. My question to you all is that:
- What do you think that she wants to hear?
- And what is that she does NOT want to heart now?

God Bless,
-Ali Log in to post a reply

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Aug 31, 2007 11:22AM Fllorik wrote:

Please contact Hospice. They can help you and your family understand and respect your mother in law's wishes.

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Aug 31, 2007 12:53PM LuAnnH wrote:

I agree, contact hospice. Honestly you and your family need to tell her that you will support what she wants. The person going through this battle knows when they have had enough. Chemo is very hard and exhausting. We continue to fight not necessarily for ourselves but our loved ones. We don't want to let them down or make them sad by leaving. When she has decided to stop treatment she will need everyone on board to back her up and support that decision. It seems a person will hang on until they are given permission to quit. Sounds strange but we need to know our family will be ok without us. Hospice can really aid alot and you don't have to wait until the very end of life to call them. They offer pallative services that really can help alot. Bottom line, you need to support her decision. Good Luck.

LuAnn -- Dx 7/2/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage IV, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Sep 1, 2007 06:21AM joanne1428 wrote:

I think she wants to hear that her decision will be respected and supported. And if her decision is to cease treatment, she wants to hear that it is OK.

I would also think that she wants to hear that you all will be OK, that you will love and cherish her always, but that you will respect her wishes for when it is "time" to stop treatment.

And if she has not already heard this, than she probably wants to hear that you will continue to support her, and to be with her. That she will not be alone.

I totally agree that calling in Hospice or Palliative Care is the wisest thing you could do. They will support her and your family regardless of what her decision is regarding treatment, and they can help make her journey peaceful.
My hopes are not always realized but I always hope - Ovid Dx 4/2006, IDC, 1cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/33 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Sep 1, 2007 06:29AM CalGal wrote:

Great suggestions and points so far ... I completely agree. The only thing I'd like to add is for her loved ones to (maybe) go to the self-help section of their local bookstore or library and choose some books on death and dying ... or even see a counselor/therapist ...

Yes, it's difficult reading ... I did it when my mom was on her final decline due to bc mets ... but I found that it helped. When it was obvious that she would not be "getting better this time" I also went thru her phone book and called family and friends to come visit now rather than in the future ...

Now I have bc mets, but I'm in the fight!

Best to you,

Trip Neg, BRCA1, Mets dx 12/05 despite 2 cm tumor & clear nodes at orig dx 9/04.. Liver, lung & one bone met.
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Sep 1, 2007 06:30AM katie11 wrote:

I can't add anything more to the excellent advice you had already had here, but I did want you to know that I am thinking of you, your mother in law and your family as you go through this difficult time.


Katie xxx
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst! Dx 7/15/2006, ILC, 2cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Sep 1, 2007 08:30AM ForTheMoment wrote:

I also can't say anything you haven't already heard above. Great advice here. Just wanted you to know that my prayers are with you and your family. It is a very hard time, but I hope that you find peace for your family.

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