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Jun 10, 2011 11:50AM
Jun 10, 2011 11:51AM
ma111, don't worry, I'm ALWAYS gloomy! That's part of my NORMAL personality, it's not all on account of the cancer. I suppose it helps to be gloomy now that I DO have the cancer (when you think the worst and it happens, you're not so surprised and disappointed, but when you think the worst and something GOOD happens, it's a really pleasant SURPRISE!), but no, I didn't suddenly turn into a cynical, bitter pessimist upon hearing the doctor say, "You have inflammatory breast cancer. It's Stage IV." I already WAS like that! LOL
Actually I just GOT about an even amount of mixed occurences, so here's a perfect example of it:
1. When I was told I had to have a BMX in May, I thought my whole summer would be shot due to having to recover from it.
2. As it actually happened, the sequelae of the BMX (plus removal of some skin mets on the skin on my right ribcage area) has been turning out not nearly as bad as I thought, and no, recovering from the surgery will NOT ruin my summer. I even got to start my container garden. Oh, and even BETTER? My surgeon told me that as far as evidence was concerned, she got ALL the cancer out, and she goes on to add that with this serious reduction in the tumor burden my body was carrying, I might actually feel some physical energy soon. Key words here are, of course, "as far as her evidence is concerned," which now brings us to:
3. She says I really need to have rads on that area where the skin mets were, and she's positive that if I don't, they and probably more just like 'em will be popping back up again within a few months at most, and I know my oncologist (who I have an appointment with next week) will back her up strongly, since she (my oncologist) has also occasionally whispered the word "radiation" since I showed her the first skin met.
A. Did my surgeon say RADS at the same appointment she said "physical energy"? I guess I'm the only person who even notices things like this. Sooo, I was right the first time: My summer IS going to be ruined, even if it's rads that ruin it and not the BMX. I mean, how is being exhausted at best from rads, between the rads themselves and having to drive 60 miles a day round trip to go get them, for however long I have to go for treatment. Still waiting to be scheduled to see the radiation oncologist though so I don't know the precise details of my dosage, number of treatments or for how long I have to get them -- going to allow me to enjoy the summer or get some energy going?! I mean even if ALL I get is tired -- which would be "good" because I really have very fair, hypersensitive skin as it is -- like how much time am I going to have to enjoy and how easy will it be to make plans to, or actually do fun things, i.e., actually live my life while I still have it -- if I'm constantly tired plus busy every day driving to and from the cancer center?! (and THAT's ONLY if it goes GOOD: i.e., no skin issues in the treatment area.) And no I don't like to drive, so that won't be "fun" I can mix up with the treatments.
B. You see, I was right from the get-go on this. My summer is going to be totally or almost totally ruined. Good thing I'm so negative! LOL
If I was one of those cheery optimist "hope" types, I'd probably have gone insane having all that hope smashed against a brick wall.
So OK, back to the Gloom and Doom... LOL yeah steelrose, "indigent." Don't tell me you already have brain mets...! :-O
Anne -- yup, I know what you mean -- "let them" (them being those you leave behind) do what they want with your cremated remains. I suppose I'll actually need to clarify more that kind of thing in my will (when I finish it: still haven't gone back!). I mean it when I say that I personally don't need or want a funeral, so that's why I won't be planning one or leaving any kind of guidelines, but if there's anyone who WANTS to have a funeral or memorial service of some kind because it gives THEM closure and makes THEM feel better, it's OK and they can do what they want. (Like I'll have any control over anything after I'm dead! HA!)
Why buy shampoo when you can get real poo for free?
2/9/2009, IBC, 6cm+, Stage IV, Grade 3, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+