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Topic: The solution to painful intercourse!!!!!! Yipeee!

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY —

Please respect that this forum is for members with stage IV/metastatic breast cancer only. There is a separate forum for caregivers and friends: Caring for Someone with Stage 4 or Mets.

Posted on: Oct 11, 2011 05:15PM

LivingIt wrote:

Like so many of us, chemo, hormones and surgery have made my marital relations very very painful. Since all this started my DH and I have tried a total of 4 times over 2 years. That is soo sad I know. But it was so very painful I bled for 2 days after try number 3. Then I decided I wanted to try again cause Im so crazy about this guy. We had a date night and I did two things that ended up making me feel like I was 21 again (or a newly wed or however you want to think about it).

1) Scream Cream (thanks K-Lo)

2) 5% Lidocaine Ointment.

The first brings blood to the area and hightens sensation like you cant believe. The second makes the tearing pain DISAPPEAR!!!!

To get scream cream I brought this page to my onc and he wrote the script and I paid about $30. The lidocaine was perscribed for my neuropathic feet so it was free/insurance. 

I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could tell everybody who ever got chemo. I hope you try it if you have this problem.  

Zoh - Don't Postpone Joy!!!! 11/07 AC +Taxotere, then Tamoxifen x2yrs. Aromasin x 6 months, Taxotere x 1.5 yrs, Abraxane 2months, Tamoxifen 1 month, Xeloda Diva x 1 month crazy progression - Gemzar/Faslodex/Xgeva Dx 11/11/2007, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, 2/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 11, 2011 05:36PM Kathy36 wrote:

Wow! Thanks for this. Is Scream Cream the medical name? What name would the oncologist call in when she prescribes? And do you apply all this externally, or internally?

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Oct 11, 2011 06:39PM CoolBreeze wrote:

I have had the same problem, poor hubby.  Now I'm in no shape to try but someday.....so what is "Scream Cream" and is there a clinical name for it? I'm not asking my doctor for that.  I have lidocaine for my port - do you put that inside, or what?

Ann's cancer blog: www.butdoctorihatepink.com .....multicentric/multifocal IDC/ILC+DCIS/LCIS/ADH Official dx? "Your breast was a mess." ~UniMastectomy/Chemo/Herceptin/Tamoxifen/Recon Almost Done! Oh wait. mets to liver 5/21/11 Now Stage IV Dx 8/17/2009, IDC, 4cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+
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Oct 11, 2011 07:37PM Annie4 wrote:

Yes, need to know more!! I have the same prob. Havent had sex in so long - my poor sweet husband!!! Thank you for sharing!!

Dx 10/25/2004, ILC, Stage IV, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 11, 2011 07:42PM MaryjRN wrote:

Hi ladies,

I'm definitely interested in both products. Is EMLA cream the same as lidocaine?  i used the EMLA for by SNB and I have a tube of it left.

Chemo done! Tamoxifen for 2 1/2 years, then Femara for 5. Start rads 12/27/11 Dx 6/23/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 11, 2011 07:45PM Cafelovr wrote:

Thanks for bringing up what I was too embarrassed to. Interesting!

Linda J Dx 10/19/2009, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, Grade 3, 2/2 nodes, mets, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 11/23/2009 AC + T (Taxol) Targeted Therapy 1/22/2010 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 4/4/2010 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 5/4/2010 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 7/10/2010 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 12/28/2011 Reconstruction (left): Latissimus dorsi flap, Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Latissimus dorsi flap, Tissue expander placement Surgery 5/28/2013 Prophylactic ovary removal
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Oct 11, 2011 07:50PM NannaBaby wrote:

Sorry to peek on this stage 4 thread... for those that are annoyed...

I have discovered Astroglide lube and it's amazing!!! Specifically the green label that claims to be paraben free and glycerin free.

I have tried a bunch of lubes, and nothing compares to this one! I am so happy my good friend bought me this lube for me! I swear they should offer it at the cancer clinics!

NannyBaby, dx May 2010 at age 28. Neo-Chemo AC+Taxotere, surgery uMx, 25 Tomo rads, more chemo Cisplatin+Vinorelbine. Dx 5/28/2010, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 6/4/2010 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/14/2010 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/20/2011 3DCRT: Breast, Lymph nodes Chemotherapy 4/1/2011 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Navelbine (vinorelbine) Surgery 7/13/2012 Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap
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Oct 11, 2011 07:51PM Enjoyful wrote:

Details, please!!

BENGHAZI! Dx 9/2004, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 4/14 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 8/28/2009, IDC, 2cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Oct 11, 2011 08:13PM jenn3 wrote:

Yes, more info please.  My onc is so straight laced and clinical I think if I asked for Scream Cream he would first, turn red, second stumble on his words and third, ask for the clinical name.  I remember asking for the Magic Mouthwash and he said he didn't know what it was and prescribed me something else.  It turns out what he prescribed was the same thing.  And......lidocaine, inside? outside? both?

My DH is so patient with me and will wait long periods without.  It's hard for both him and me knowing how painful it is and knowing it'll bleed.  Ahhhhhhh the joys of BC.

Jenn - June 2009 IDC-TN, Stage III, 02/2011 Stage IV mets to the lungs & spine / Laugh until your belly hurts, then laugh some more...........
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Oct 11, 2011 08:36PM NannaBaby wrote:

More details about astroglide???

It's the liquid glycerin and paraben free kind I tried, not the natural one. 

 http://www.astroglide.com/product-glycerin-and-paraben-free-astroglide.html

They don't provide samples of the one I tried, but they are providing free samples of the natural kind on their website! Trust me, the glycerin and paraben free kind is well worth the $7 and it's available in wal-mart.

http://www.astroglide.com/product-astroglide-natural.html

NannyBaby, dx May 2010 at age 28. Neo-Chemo AC+Taxotere, surgery uMx, 25 Tomo rads, more chemo Cisplatin+Vinorelbine. Dx 5/28/2010, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 6/4/2010 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/14/2010 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 2/20/2011 3DCRT: Breast, Lymph nodes Chemotherapy 4/1/2011 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Navelbine (vinorelbine) Surgery 7/13/2012 Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap
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Oct 11, 2011 08:57PM Del11 wrote:

I've tried the lidocaine and a lubricant, but the tearing still happens.  Did the other cream prevent the tearing for you?

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Oct 11, 2011 09:25PM debstar wrote:

I have a female onc. and I cannot wait to ask for a presciption for this I miss sex with my hubby soooo much and I know its the different drugs doing this, thank you soooo much!!!!!

 debbie 

Dx 5/2007, Stage IV, mets, ER+, HER2-
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Oct 11, 2011 09:34PM K-Lo wrote:

Zoh, you little devil.

Scream Cream is by prescription:
http://compoundingtoday.com/CNLSharedInfo/DownloadPDF.cfm?Item=Scream_Cream_Handout.pdf

Kathy Dx 8/30/2010, IDC, 4cm, Stage IV, 8/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 11, 2011 09:54PM justjudie wrote:

All I can say is I am glad to see so many women here still interested in sex!! Thats a good healthy thing to still have sexual desire although you have been through so much. L' Chaim!! To Life!!


Judie

Judie Dx 3/31/2010, IDC, Stage IV, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 11, 2011 09:54PM jancie wrote:

Sorry for busting in but I have been complaining to my oncologist, gynocologist and urologist about this same issue since having chemo 2 years ago!

Printed out the scream cream - I see my oncologist next month.

What are the details about the lidocaine?  I have been using a dilator at the request of my gynocologist but even though I use it every night - IT STILL HURTS!! 

I was even wondering earlier today if they couldn't cut me in there to make me wider because that dilator is too "girthy" for me.  I know,  TMI.

Please.....more details on the lidocaine!

Never Alone - My TaTa Sisters are always with me! Dx 12/30/2008, IDC, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 12, 2011 06:54AM LivingIt wrote:

Scream Cream is by prescription: 

compoundingtoday.com/CNLShared... 

Lidocaine OINTMENT 5%:  

Both are gooey ointments to be applied LIBERALLY externally. (who can even apply anything internally without pain anyway??)

They both do thier thing within minutes.

Jancie, I know what you mean! I felt like I had a rubber band at the entrance and it tore each of the times we tried. Aweful.

The lidocane numbs that area while the scream cream brings circulation and sensation to the area so that it loosens up the way it naturally would.

I think the dilator may have been the idea of a male doc..Do try using the lidocane scream combo with the dilator. I think you'll get good resultsWink

Astroglide: I have used this and it does help some for sure, but it didnt change the pain and it didnt change the fact that my "area" didn't respond in any way to sex. So the three together worked well. I did use a lube, I forgot to mention cause it wasn't new to me.

Any reports yet???

PS: DH hung around hopefully last night (first time in three years) but the kids were both in and out of bed till 2:00AM..   ha ha ha.. itsn that the way.  

Zoh - Don't Postpone Joy!!!! 11/07 AC +Taxotere, then Tamoxifen x2yrs. Aromasin x 6 months, Taxotere x 1.5 yrs, Abraxane 2months, Tamoxifen 1 month, Xeloda Diva x 1 month crazy progression - Gemzar/Faslodex/Xgeva Dx 11/11/2007, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, 2/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 12, 2011 07:25AM apple wrote:

i am so jealous of you guys.. 'we' have an unspoken contract of sorts with which i dutifully and rarely happily comply.. but that's because i have absolutely no libido whatsoever.. i've never had any libido.. it's like i am a sexual autistic. unless i am extremely stoned and that is certainly not going to happen these days.

once every two or three days.  i would love a sex free life.  HOWEVER, for my husband's sake i will definitely check into this scream dream thing.  I''m sure he'll love it.  how big is a tube?

peace and love, apple - ..... Mary Magdalen Dx 4/10/2008, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, mets, ER+, HER2+
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Oct 12, 2011 07:43AM kriserts wrote:

It's still not clear to me. You apply lidocaine to the inside of your vagina?

My gyno has recommended Yes lubes, because they're "cleaner" than K-Y: www.yesyesyes.org/

But if lidocaine can help with the stinging pain, that would be great.

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Oct 12, 2011 08:05AM Del11 wrote:

Yes is great. Organic. Made in the UK, I think?  There's a water-based version and an oil-based version (I have both).  My gyn-onc recommends the oil-based because she thinks it works better and longer, but it's  little messier than the water-based version.

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Oct 12, 2011 08:31AM LivingIt wrote:

Kriserts: Heres the how to. 

Scream Cream is in a sort of pot shaped like a pill bottle or something. I just dip in a finger and take out a glob about a 1/2 teaspoon. Maybe more. I smooth this over my clitoral area and over the labia. If it is not painful I part the labia and put a bit in there, but ususally it stings so I don't.

A bit later when penetration is about to happen I squeeze a big teaspoon of lidocaine ointment (not liquid) out of the tube. (its like a toothpaste tube) and spread that over the labia parting the labia so that I can get a good glob on the bottom of the vaginal opening. I get the most pain at the part of the vaginal opening nearest the anus. By the time Ive had the lidocaine in contact with my skin for 20 seconds or so, I can insert my finger about an inch into the vagina to get some of the lidocaine inside. I think that slow penetration would also do this, so the only thing would be to have a nice amount of lidocaine ointment on the labia so that it can be smeared around by intercourse.

I did find that at first both the scream cream and the lidocaine gave me a bit of stinging even around the urethra. But it passed quickly. After sex I took a quart of warm water in a plastic jar and gently rinsed the whole vulva as I didn't want those ointments sitting on my tender skin or causing me a urinary tract irritation.

Writing this I remember the scene in Apollo 13 where the scientists on the earth had to figure out how to tell the astronauts how to build an air filter using socks...

Anyhow. I hope that makes things easier.

Take home message:  Lots of gloop on the outside. Scream on top for clitoral area, Lidocaine on vaginal opening for pain. Intercourse or finger can be used to get lidocaine inside. Rinse afterward to avoid UTI.  

Zoh - Don't Postpone Joy!!!! 11/07 AC +Taxotere, then Tamoxifen x2yrs. Aromasin x 6 months, Taxotere x 1.5 yrs, Abraxane 2months, Tamoxifen 1 month, Xeloda Diva x 1 month crazy progression - Gemzar/Faslodex/Xgeva Dx 11/11/2007, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, 2/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 12, 2011 08:45AM sueopp wrote:

Jolly good for each of you!  I am an old lady, but still love the romance.  Thanks to each for sharing - we are all truly sisters - Sue

Dx 12/2010, IDC, Stage IV, 26/35 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Oct 12, 2011 08:55AM Bernicky wrote:

4 times in 2 years! Wow that's 4 times more than some of us.

Good posting and I am sure more people have read it than are willing to post a response but the advice is going to be valuable to many who are still willing of spirit.

Denis - www.bernicky.com/blog - Life its own self.
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Oct 12, 2011 09:15AM Lynn1 wrote:

You said the lidocane was a prescription.  Do you know if it is only available that way, or could you buy something at the drugstore?

I think if I could get past the pain, the rest would be ok, so I'm quite interested in this.  Thank you for sharing all this information!!!  Only here can one be so open and honest.  It is very much appreciated.

~Lynn ER+, HER2- Bone mets: sternum, pelvis, spine, ribs....it's everywhere. Started Afinitor/Femara 10/15/12
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Oct 12, 2011 09:22AM jenn3 wrote:

Livingit - thank you so very much for the details.  After typing my post yesterday I remembered that I have a gyn appt later this week and will ask her about both scream cream and lidocaine.  I would love to be more intimate with my DH.  He is so patient and understanding, but I still feel terrible for him.

Jenn - June 2009 IDC-TN, Stage III, 02/2011 Stage IV mets to the lungs & spine / Laugh until your belly hurts, then laugh some more...........
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Oct 12, 2011 09:57AM - edited Oct 12, 2011 09:59AM by Stiney

Ladies. Excuse me for butting in. My name's Stiney and my partner was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer last December at age 36. In February we were at the C4YW conference in Orlando and Pure Romance was there with their intimate products.
I was blown away by how much care the company put into getting products for women going through cancer that I ended up becoming a consultant.
We actually have great things to help with your intimacy issues, that I know about myself.
We have this AMAZING lubricant called Just Like Me. It's PH balanced so it won't throw you out of whack and it actually works with your body to help you retain moisture.
It's water based and contains no sugars even though it's edible. ;)
We also have an amazing arousal cream called X-Scream. It's actually unisex so you can both use it and it's also edible.
We have dilator sets and oil to help with stretch marks and scars that are in our SSS line, which stands for Sensuality, Sexuality, Survival.
I feel weird busting in on the conversation but I just wanted to let you know about the great products that I can personally vouch for.
My website is http://www.christinedavenport.pureromance.com
We're a great company that's focused on sexual education and health of women all over the world.

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Oct 12, 2011 10:32AM 3katz wrote:

This is great info - thanks for sharing. Now if there was just a simple aphrodisiac (sp?) to get the libido going . . . sigh! My poor, poor hubby . . . my mojo has left this planet.
Amy D - orig dx 2005, stage III / recur-mets Stage IV dx 2008, multiple bone lesions / er/pr+, her2neu+++ / Dx 5-2010 brain met
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Oct 12, 2011 10:44AM apple wrote:

edible... eeew

lol

peace and love, apple - ..... Mary Magdalen Dx 4/10/2008, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, mets, ER+, HER2+
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Oct 12, 2011 11:17AM K-Lo wrote:

I have Scream Cream for MY sake. Sometimes I'll tell DH " hey I have scream cream" and raise my eyebrows up and down. He's the one afraid to tire my body, but we get cozy now and then.

I have placed SC only inside and it helped the entire process. something loosened up the walls and made more pleasure than pain.

Kathy Dx 8/30/2010, IDC, 4cm, Stage IV, 8/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 12, 2011 12:31PM Kaara wrote:

Great info...thanks!  I haven't started any treatment, but just from having my complete hysterectomy and lowering my HRT dose dramatically, I am having some problems, so can only imagine what everyone else is experiencing.  If guys were having these problems it would be blasted all over the internet, and on every TV show!  Thank goodness we have each other to share with.

Kaara Dx 11/14/2011, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 12, 2011 12:48PM jancie wrote:

I am back!!!!  Thanks for the details on how to use the products.

Besides feeling like the outside is tearing as it is all pushed inside for penetration - my main pain is about 3' inside of the vagina.  There seems to be a muscle there that does not want to stretch which is why the dilator is not working but the vibrator that I have that is skinny is fine.  However my dh is built like the dilator.  I figured if anything get the blood flowing in that area should help.  Been working on this nightly for about 2 weeks without much success.

So my question is about the lidocain does it numb you?  I keep thinking about this friend that went to a sex party (can't remember the name of it) but it is where you buy all of these great products to enhance your sex life.  Her problem was that her husband was quick to fire.  So she got some numbing gel and put it on him.  Her mistake was to give him a blow job with that gel on him and it numbed her entire mouth.  I still giggle when I think about this.

Does the lidocain get rid of pain or is it also a numbing agent because I don't want my dh to get numb in the middle of all of this.

Never Alone - My TaTa Sisters are always with me! Dx 12/30/2008, IDC, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 12, 2011 03:51PM billiegirl wrote:

I buy a product from Swanson Vitamins (on line) called Arginine Arousal Gel. Works wonders. And if you don't have lidocaine, maybe Oragel would work...I used that on hemorrhoids during chemo.I am getting married in 2 weeks and have been "worrying" about this sensitive issue also.

Billiegirl Dx 9/21/2004, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, 31/31 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+

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