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Mar 20, 2012 04:36PM
Mar 20, 2012 04:38PM
CoolBreeze, I think you need to apologize for your first comments. They were not very nice and you should not be judging her. It is her lifestyle and choices. We are here to offer support. Dawn
What do I need to apologize for?
She said she gave up the idea of having a child, is a wreck at the idea of being pregnant and is feeling helpless over the situation, along with feelings of guilt that her child will grow up without a mom. She sounded desperate in her first note.
I shared my very personal experience of agony over what this is doing to my own child and gave her the suggestion of thinking about adoption, as an offering.
Since when did adoption become a bad thing? When is it judgmental? Many women have given up children over not having money, not having a husband - feeling helpless in their lives. That is a loving thing to do. They are heroes.
She wasn't upset at my note, just didn't feel my idea was for her and so then I congratulated her and told her she would be a great mom, which I'm sure she will be. How is that judgmental?
I am not judging her - YOU are judging me, it's so hypocritical.
I use the plural because NancyH also seemed fit to chastise me in a nice long flame-fest and I'm sure she's not alone.
Support takes on many forms, and not everybody sees things the same way. That's why an internet board can be so useful.
Honestly, I have about had it with the women on this board. You want to accuse me of being judgmental when that is what you are being yourselves. Some of you are the most close-minded women I've ever met, or you are stuck in middle school and anybody who doesn't wear the right clothes you feel the need to chastise. Anybody not in lockstep with a certain idea of support, way of writing, or a particular method of saying things is always treated badly or called out.
Last time I said something a little different (but with a kind heart), I was told I didn't belong on this board because the surgery I had removed my cancer. (Apparently temporarily) Several people kept asking me to come back so I did, but I think that was a mistake.
I owe no apologies because I meant no harm, I called no names, I wasn't judging her and I don't think badly of her no matter what she does. I feel like we are all in this together.
Or, at least some of us are.
Ann's cancer blog: www.butdoctorihatepink.com .....multicentric/multifocal IDC/ILC+DCIS/LCIS/ADH Official dx? "Your breast was a mess." ~UniMastectomy/Chemo/Herceptin/Tamoxifen/Recon Almost Done! Oh wait. mets to liver 5/21/11 Now Stage IV
8/17/2009, IDC, 4cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+