My last scans show that I am in complete remission. My Oncologist said it is miraculous. I was in the exam room with my Husband and Mother when we got the news. We were all three dumbfounded. I look back now and I am a little embarrassed at our response. We walked out and were in shock. Happy Numb is how I would describe it. That was July 2012.
It took about a month to sink in and to begin changing my daily way of thinking. The first feeling I was able to identify was guilt. Why me? I had made peace with making the absoulte most of every day and accepting that I would not be here with my family as long as I had planned and wanted to be. But I was NOT giving up by any means and was fighting to be here as long as I could.
I was hoping for improvment to show on my scans with the new treatment I was on, but NEVER is a million years expected to hear that there were no signs of any active cancer in my liver, lungs or bones (it was in my bones from my skull to my knees) anymore.
It has been 3 months now and I was cruising along with the new plan. (I will continue my treatment as is and rescan in 6 months - My Oncologist doesn't want to change anything at this time.) I had figured out how to live life on treatment with this new happy happy news and even managed to not think about reoccurrence. Believe it or not - ha ha Then Friday I called to schedule my annual PAP since I am due in December for this. The nurse called me back to confirm that I could schedule my appointment while on this chemo and not worry about it effecting the PAP test results. The nurse left a very sweet voice mail about this and how they are there for me and that they would schedule an appointment in the morning so I would not have to be in the waiting are for a long time. Then as she was hanging up the phone I heard her speaking with a coworker. She said, "Wow! Stage IV breast cancer. How sad. I mean what do you do?" Of course I had to replay it to make sure I heard it right. Yes I did and now all of a sudden I am sucked back in to this doomsday sadness and worry again like back in 2008. Reading and searching for others in a similar situation and wanting to be encouraged by other success stories. I fear this will consume my thoughts again.
Anyone else out there in a similar situation?
A little history:
Nov 2008 diagnosed with Stage I Grade 3 IDC
Sep 2009 NED
Nov 2011 diagnosed with Stage IV (in liver, lungs and bones) E+, P+ Her2+
Jul 2012 complete remission
12/2008, DCIS, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
1/8/2009 Lymph node removal: Right; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement
2/28/2009 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
2/28/2009 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel)
1/8/2011 Xeloda (capecitabine)
12/9/2011, DCIS, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+
1/8/2012 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
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