Topic: Mothers with school aged children

Sep 18, 2016 02:59AM PattyPeppermint wrote:

thanks. Michelle

He has already brought his grade up to a high D. Still not acceptable but seeing some effort from him. Teacher said he actually volunteered to answer a question he never does this even when he knows the answer since he is so shy

Sep 18, 2016 02:32PM PattyPeppermint wrote:

Oct 12, 2016 07:42PM kaayborg wrote:

Thanks for sharing! I found it very interesting to know more of your story. I have not yet told my children about cancer taking my life eventually. They think this chemo thing will last me always. Sometimes I think the same. I feel conflicted about telling more. Your kids do okay, though? They sound so brave in the article. My 13 year old is starting to ask more questions. Well, she asked one question in our shared journal just yesterday. She's never asked anything before. "How's chemo going? Are things getting any better? Any worse?" I have good answers but it also makes me think she may be wondering more.

I was never given a time frame for how long to expect to live. I think my doctor prefers not forecasting given there are so many outcomes. I did have a year in my mind from having read some research articles about stage 4 triple negative outcomes. And my liver was chock full of cancer, too. But here we are anyway. So glad about that. On to many more. Four years for you coming up soon. Yay!!!!

Nov 25, 2016 10:55PM zarovka wrote:

Girl Warrior. I am so sorry. I would start now, slowly. You have a good counselor who can give you tools and strategies. However, I don't think there is any right way. I just stumbled through it. You can start anywhere and your daughter will ask what she needs to know.

My experience with kids is that it takes a while for them to process the information. They appear fine because they don't fully grasp what is going on. There are a lot of new concepts. It's been almost a year since my original diagnosis. I've been straight with my kids, now 10 and 13, from the beginning. I've laid down the facts as I understand them simply. I've done it several times. We've watched programs about cancer, we talk about other the experience of other families dealing with cancer. I respond to their questions truthfully as they come up. Even after 9 months, they are still grasping the concepts, new questions and emotions come up all the time. And it's a dialogue. I need time myself to think and respond.

In general, I have been astonished by my children's resilience and wisdom. Communicating with them has given them a sense that I have confidence that they can handle this, and I do. I have also found them resourceful in getting help. Both girls realized fairly quickly that they had in their own circle of friends, children who's parents had cancer or other serious chronic illnesses. They have found in those friends a network of support. Their families have been dealing with these things in their own ways.

My kids give me strength. They know this and that in turn gives them confidence and strengthens our bond. Confidence and a sense that we are connected forever, whatever happens, is what I want to leave them. So that is my strategy.

Xmas is a good time with family and friends near to support your child as she processes what is going on. I wouldn't wait until you are more symptomatic and distracted by medical decisions and your health. This is the ultimate parenting opportunity. You want to be fully present and you need time. But you and your daughter are both going to need help from others. Xmas is a good time for both of you to build that network.

Finally, I deeply respect that you are facing your progression and the possibility that you may die. However, I am praying for your full recovery.

>Z<

Nov 26, 2016 09:12AM kaayborg wrote:

Girl Warrior, this is the question I'm not sure I'll ever figure out the correct answer to. Go slow sounds like good advice but I don't really know what that means exactly. It's a unique terrain for each of us to navigate, I suppose. I always think that I'll keep my children posted of news honestly as it comes in but other times I think the roller coaster is enough for me to take, why drag them along, especially since sometimes you're down just a short while before you're up again. So often they could be none the wiser and go on with their protected childhoods for years even. When I am sure the end is near, I'll tell them certainly but there will always be the question of how soon is too soon, how late is too late. Mostly, I don't want to my children to be secretly fearful when my openness could at least offer parental comfort and truth without exaggerations they'd be prone to create when left in the dark.

My heart goes out to you. You are in such a tough place, a place no one wishes to be, with questions no one wishes to face and yet you do face them and think deeply about how to live and die in the best interest of your daughter. I never feel much courageous because it's not like there's a way to opt out of this, but courageous you are. You could hide from it all, but instead you grapple and I know you will land on the right decision.

Dec 4, 2016 11:38AM leftfootforward wrote:

girl warrior- no advise here. Just lots of love. Dealing with and exposing this beast is what I find to be the hardest part of the journey. Trust your instincts.

Hug

Dec 5, 2016 10:55PM singlemom1 wrote:

sending you love and strength girl warrior. I am so deeply sorry and will pray for you and your daughter.

Dec 6, 2016 02:36AM leftfootforward wrote:

to you too Rosevalle

Dec 9, 2016 04:26AM - edited Dec 14, 2016 08:05AM by Bluefrog76

Girl Warrior and Rose Valley, thinking of you often. I have no sage advice, but your love for your children shines through.

Dec 24, 2016 01:12AM JFL wrote:

Amen to GirlWarrior's wish!

Dec 24, 2016 03:55AM leftfootforward wrote:

photos of my kids 6 years ago at diagnosis and this august. I have had a few rough Decembers (2010,2012(mets)) but am ever so grateful to be here today.

May we all be around to see more holidays with our kiddos.

Dec 29, 2016 07:05AM Bluefrog76 wrote:

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate and happy holiday season to all of you. Holidays like these make every surgery, infusion, side effect tolerable and worth it.

Dec 30, 2016 06:32PM - edited Dec 30, 2016 06:33PM by Noni

Hope everyone had a good holiday. I dosed myself up with steroids, which I hate to do but it helped me be present for my family.

I had a tough chat with my daughter earlier this week. Lots of tears and most heart breaking was when she admitted that she needs more hugs. She said all she wants is someone to hold her every day and tell her everything is going to be alright. Makes me glad we took this memorable picture Christmas morning. Something that will hopefully remind her how much her parents always treasured her.

I hate what cancer does to our families, especially our children.

Feb 9, 2017 09:04PM Kjones13 wrote:

rgc77--how awful!! So sorry for your kiddos! (And you 😜!) my daughter and I had something over Christmas break. Hers continued a couple weeks longer than mine.

I can imagine everyone was on pins and needles with the rain mets diagnosis. Easy to get run down with little to no sleep and anxiety. Are you having treatments or surgery? Praying the mets get under control!

It has really been nice outside! Except for today--wind non-stop! I've been able to get out and enjoy the weather. Hope you have too!

Hey mommas! What has everyone been into these days?!?

Feb 11, 2017 08:22AM kaayborg wrote:

Well, we've been sick around my house, too. Two daughters with strep (including one with vomiting) and an ear infection, too. This after my own icky cold and my youngest's stomach bug. Not a good month for health but we're on the up and up, and somehow I have escaped the worst of it. So thankful for Saturday, a long day of rest for us all!