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Jun 6, 2017 10:13AM
I homeschooled my daughter her entire education. She was my companion from birth to 18. Hub worked an average of 55 - 70 hours a week for all those years. Not because he had to, because he wanted to. I was, effectively, a single parent.
Daughter and I did everything together. Went everywhere together. Used to drive through the rural back roads looking for old trucks and horses. I was at every event of her life. Our homeschooling did not keep us tied to the table doing book learning 5 days a week. We were very fluid and flexible and moved as the spirit told us. Because she didn't have to get up to go to school in the morning, there were many late winter nights, so cold and crystal clear, that we used to haul out the toboggans and go sliding through the snow, under the stars, laughing like fools.
When she got her own license, truck and then moved out, I was ready for her to go, encouraged her to go. In fact we were clashing so bad one of us had to go! But I crashed all the same. It hurt so bad some days I could hardly breathe. I would sit in this still, quiet, empty house and pray that my heart would stop. Just stop. Just stop beating. I truly felt that I had lived long enough and did not, at this point, need nor deserve to hurt so bad.
I take huge offense when people sweep the leaving of children under the rug as a minor life blip and tell parents (often moms) to get up and get on with life. Have you seen what happens to a man who invests his life in his job and then suddenly loses that job? That is a crisis !! But when a mother is suddenly faced with the unjobbing of her life and left in an 'empty nest' (that term makes me gag) it is often glossed over and the insensitive question of :what are you going to do now? gets blared in your face. Usually followed by lots of happy, upbeat suggestions and oh, having given your life and time over to the citizens you've just raised and invested in, step right into fulltime employment so you can give over even more of your time and energy to someone else's cause and don't miss a beat acting like kids leaving is a big deal, cause it isn't.
Well yes it is! Blainejennie, this is a big kick in a mom's solar plexus. Go ahead and feel lousy and DO NOT tell yourself to gloss over it by getting on with your life. It can be a horrible, painful time. It brings to light many things, not all of them good, like maybe your spouse has chosen to NOT be a companion in any way and you never realized how he ducked out of that obligation and responsibility - yet we reward and praise men who work in excess. We feel bad for them when they lose those jobs, those objects of their focus and desire. But when mom's are left behind as kids fly off... hey, what job are you going to do now, you old work horse you?
I cannot even imagine how much worse this is compounded with a cancer diagnosis. You are torn knowing your kids need to go and knowing that your time with them may be limited. I do not envy you. This has got to be indescribable. I am very, very sorry that you are in this situation. But do not belittle the pain of that empty place that is left when our children leave us. Things will never be the same again. Mourn. It is appropriate.
3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
4/12/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal
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