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All TopicsForum: Stage IV and Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY → Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV and Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY —

A place for those managing the ups & downs of a Stage IV/metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. Please respect that this forum is for Stage IV members only. There is a separate forum For Family and Caregivers of People with a STAGE IV Diagnosis.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Jul 7, 2017 02:46PM by Micmel

Micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 6, 2017 06:30PM DivineMrsM wrote:

Micmel, I am not sure how old you are. I was in my early 50s when diagnosed. It took me a long time to process my changed life. One way I dealt with the sadness was to keep a journal, writing three pages in the morning of any and everything on my mind. It helps get thoughts in order and I can't recommend it highly enough.

I think if I go before my husband, he is the type to find female company. I see it happen a lot in our small town. I have mixed feelings about it, but it is what it is. And I think dh is the type to have a woman take advantage of him, so he may not weather the new relationship thing so well.

But I most often do not even think about it.We have been married 25+ years and there is love and respect and a history we have together. As I continue living with this disease, I am more about me. Yep, I lovemy husband, son and all family and friends, but I am still allowed to have a life and live for me. I seek meaningful interactions with people I am close to and like trying new things, even simple new things (like going to the pool today by myself for the first time) and continuing to havenice times and memorable times with my loved ones. I simply cannot spend much time worrying about that which I cannot control.

found lump 12/22/10~er+/pr+/her2- stage iv bone mets~chemo~lumpectomy~ radiation~arimidex~
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Jul 6, 2017 08:10PM Micmel wrote:

Divine~ Thank you, I am 47 and was diagnosed at 45. The bottom dropped out of my world and while it was spinning, the only one who held onto me, was him. He has been the only constant thing in my life, since I have been gifted and blessed enough to find him. Even though he drives me crazy sometimes. I adore him like no other. They say there is only one. I know for me it's him. Always has been right from the day I laid eyes on him. I may try a journal, sounds like a good idea. I have to find someplace to put all my sadness and emotion because the grief makes me feel like I am not able to really live any sort of life, because I am always so deeply broken and sad In the inside. And sex.....? Another thing I am just so broken. I can't seem to pick myself up. And live this life that I one day just woke up with. Thank you for sharing how you cope. It means a lot. Hugs ~M~
Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 6, 2017 08:11PM - edited Jul 6, 2017 08:26PM by Micmel

This Post was deleted by Micmel.
Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM Cure-ious wrote:

MicMel- do you have children? I have a different concern about DH, I love him dearly but he is definitely the type who would need to have a partner by his side in life, no matter how old he may be when I am gone. My concern is how to create an inheritance for my kids-in our system he will inherit the $$$ and the house, and can do with it as he wishes. Most likely, he will re-marry someone who already has kids, and my children would then only inherit a portion of the estate that I leave behind, and then only after his death and/or potentially the death of his second spouse ( if she even decides to leave anything to my kids). Legally I am surprised to find that there seems to be very little I can do about it, unless I want to get a divorce, it's crazy.

Dx 10/2003, IDC, Stage IIB, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 7/2015, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jul 6, 2017 08:44PM MinusTwo wrote:

I don't believe that is true If you are in a community property state. Your husband legally inherits half of your estate in that case. You can do what you wish with the other half. You can leave it in trust for your children and have a 3rd party as the trustee (like a sister). Please do see an attorney.

2/15/11 BMX-DCIS 2SNB clear-TEs; 9/15/11-410gummies; 3/20/13 recurrance-5.5cm,mets to lymphs, Stage IIIB IDC ER/PRneg,HER2+; TCH/Perjeta/Neulasta x6; ALND 9/24/13 1/18 nodes 4.5cm; AC chemo 10/30/13 x3; herceptin again; Rads Feb2014
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Jul 6, 2017 09:17PM Kandy wrote:

Micmel, this is one topic that not only breaks my, it drives me crazy. I met my husband when I was 14. We have been together every since. Obviously we have our disagreements but other than that I have had a fairy tale life. The thought of another lady moving into my space haunts me. We have discussed this multiple times. He says it will never happen, I think it will because he's a good catch. Plus he is still young to think he will not want a partner. He's 58. I can't say I don't think about it anymore, but like Ms Divine says, you can't control it. It might have became easier when I went on anti anxiety and antidepressants. If you are not taking something, I strongly recommend it. I also have mixed emotions about this. I want him to find happiness cause he deserves it. If that helps then maybe that eases the pain. I'm not sure there is a good answer to this. I can't wait to see what others say. Wishing you the best. Enjoy the moment.

Dx 1/20/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/26/2009 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 3/9/2009 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Gemzar (gemcitabine), Navelbine (vinorelbine) Radiation Therapy 10/7/2009 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 1/4/2010 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 10/31/2013, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 11/18/2013 3DCRT: Bone Hormonal Therapy 12/3/2013 Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Jul 6, 2017 10:01PM - edited Jul 7, 2017 04:23AM by Micmel

Kandy~Cureious~minus two~ Thank you for all of your responses. I wrestle with this every single waking moment. I had to make a thread about it, to see how others cope and maybe what the heck I am doing wrong. I do have children, one DD who is 21, one DSwho is 20, and a SS from my DHs prior marriage. who is 16. We have a beautifully blended family and with our kids blood means nothing. It's a sweet loving caring family that We have made. I don't come from a close family at all, so for me this was it in many ways. My little oasis. I try to talk myself out offthe ledge everyday and I can totally relate to the estate issues. I want to make sure my kids are well taken care of and I don't want some other woman reaping the joys of my family. I never even thought about that until you just brought it up. As you can see I am newly into this line of thinking. It sends me into a dark panic room and no one has the key. I don't want to be selfish and say I want him alone because that would be mean. But I also don't want to think of a time where he would just be ok without me by his side. Like I was never there. I am also afraid I would never Rest In Peace without loving him. Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I looked all around for a thread to express these emotions. Wether they are emotional or relationship anger, confusion, sexual frustrations or anxieties about trying again after treatments. I needed a place to talk about these things with people who understand. So thank you all. 💐💐gn ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 7, 2017 03:13AM Freya wrote:

Micmel, I too struggle with the thought of my husband being alone and sad when I die. I love and adore him, he is my lover, my husband, my best friend. We are together 24/7, and never run out of things to talk or laugh about. We live in a remote area, we have no neighbours, his children (adults) live in a different state. It breaks my heart to think of him being so alone, no one to talk to, no one to hold him.

This is where our paths diverge. I want him to get married again or at least find a partner. He will probably live another 25 years or so, way too long to be alone. He says he doesn't want some one else, and will be fine by himself. I think humans are social creatures, we need companionship and physical contact. I want someone to love him and care for him.

This whole subject is the only thing that DH and I disagree on. I tell him, if you find someone new and she moves in, let her redecorate if she wants to, let her make it her home too, promise me you won't turn the place into some sort of shrine. If you meet someone a week after I die, go for it. All he says is that there will never be anyone else, that depresses me.

Anyhow, I hope you don't mind me joining your thread. It is something that is causing us both angst, even coming at it from opposing views.


Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jul 7, 2017 04:21AM - edited Jul 7, 2017 04:46AM by Micmel

Freya~ I need any view and every view for me to able to live through this awful sense of loss that I have already. He tells me the same things. That for him, I am it , and he doesn't even mind being alone. I guess either way I look at, it shatters me into splinters that cannot be put back together. I have always wanted nothing but happiness for him. I wanted nothing More that to Be that one forever, and My heart cannot be told another ending or it will just cease to exsist. You're a wonderfully uplifting and strong woman. I appreciate your feelings and thoughts and would want any opinion, any thought and shared suggestion. I just believed that this was one topic i noticed wasn't a part of the stage four forums, this topic scares me more than any procedure, and I have always known I could never be on this earth without him. With this happening, and changing what we thought was our future together sends me into a dark place alone. Because at the end of our lives, we all go alone,And all I have ever wanted was to be with him. Always. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. They help tremendously. ~ M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 7, 2017 06:00AM Shutterbug73 wrote:

Micmel - your post could have been written by me when I was first diagnosed almost 3 years ago at 41. I've never been a jealous person, but I couldn't stop thinking about someone else taking my place and living my life. It made me more sad than having cancer! I even had a dream once about my husband bringing another woman to a party. I woke up so mad at him!

These feelings are natural. We have so much to digest, and leaving our loved ones prematurely is a difficult one. I can say that over time I started thinking about it less and less. I can't say I'm thrilled by the idea of him meeting someone else, but I wouldn't want him to be alone. Now I try to concentrate on enjoying today, making memories, and basking in his love for as long as possible. What happens after is up to him.

I still get jealous of old couples though. I want that so much.

“‎Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” ― Voltaire Treatment summary: 9/15/14: Also began with Xgeva every 6 weeks. 12/29/14: Last Taxotere. 1/1/15 Changed Xgeva to every 3 months Dx 8/18/2014, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 8/28/2014 Bone Targeted Therapy 9/15/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 9/15/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 9/15/2014 Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/20/2015
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Jul 7, 2017 06:31AM - edited Jul 7, 2017 06:32AM by Freya

"I still get jealous of old couples though. I want that so much."

OH me too. I want to be 80 or more and strolling down the street holding hands. Mind you at this stage, getting to 60 would be wonderful (7 years away).

Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jul 7, 2017 06:56AM Micmel wrote:

I can't even handle watching the damn commercials that always are couples themed. The sandals commercials where the water is so blue you gasp, or the hikes in the mountains, where you stop to take in the sights and look over at your person. And smile, lost in that moment. Like WTF???? I found him, and we fell in love. I don't want that to change. I want to love him forever and I want to run on the beach with him and feel that happiness and laughter as we get along wonderfully like we always have and do. Nothing gets to us. Nothing. We are strong and I mean strong. We have had both families coming at us during our divorces at the same time. We were both going through an awful divorce and found each other. Here we are going on year 15. And we never looked back. He is everything I could imagine as that young girl wondering about her prince coming to save her. Well that really happened with me. He did save me. Literally. I come from a crappie family and they are basically non existent, so I made my own family. Now look? Idiot x husband who lives in mommys basement, and still pays me child support for a 21 and 20 year old 🤢🤢. I know it's that bad. Then I find an actual man who for the first time does what he says he will do, and loves me unconditionally? I am Forced with loosing? We all hope we are that one or one hundred that ibrance stretches over the projected medium. But I just can't imagine this has happened. Thank you all for sharing. Sometimes putting it out there for my eyes to see helps me process. Everyone loves , everyone matters, I want everyone to share here their fears or triumphs in relationships and families. Because sometimes it's damn hard. Hugs ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 7, 2017 07:25AM DivineMrsM wrote:

For me, I choose not to dwell on the possibilities that may occur after I am gone. I have told dh it is okay to find someone new, but don't go around bragging about having lots of sex. Because several older men in our small town have done that after their wives passed and they got a girlfriend, and a bunch of us women were like, "Eww...." And I even suspect dh will go looking for sympathy sex, you know, "poor me, my wife died." Its not above him. I told him I don't want some woman taking his money, and said if that happens, I will come back to haunt him. I want my son to inherit what was ours. Dh doesnt understand that a woman might see he has a good pension and a house and latch on to him. Men can be clueless at times.

Rather than picture someone else in my place, tho, I get busy doing things with dh and we have had many, many, many good times and done all kinds of wonderful things since mbc, not because of mbc but in spite of it. I am not going to give mbc the satisfaction of robbing me of my life before it is time to go. I stay as present minded as I can, something I have gotten better at these past few years.


found lump 12/22/10~er+/pr+/her2- stage iv bone mets~chemo~lumpectomy~ radiation~arimidex~
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Jul 7, 2017 07:37AM exbrnxgrl wrote:

mcmel,

Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. I haven't had the luck to find that kind of love and it's doubtful that I ever will, but I do have lots of love and happiness in my life. Your feelings are completely normal and recognizing that is a good thing. Have you had any counseling? One thing that seems important, to me, is dealing with those feelings but then learning how to enjoy life despite bc. I just hit the 6 year mark and am as happy and fulfilled as anyone with stage IV can be. I did not know I would live 6 years beyond my dx and have no idea how much longer I've got but am so glad I let go of what I couldn't control and chose to seek happiness (even if it was not what I imagined my life would be like). Antidepressants and the occasional Ativan help too!

Bilateral mx 9/7/11 with one step ns reconstruction. As of 11/21/11, 2cm met to upper left femur Dx 7/8/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/7/2011 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 11/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 11/21/2011 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 11/21/2011 Bone Hormonal Therapy 6/19/2014 Femara (letrozole)
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Jul 7, 2017 07:52AM Freya wrote:

Micmel, I know it's easier said than done, but I would concentrate on doing all those things you want to do together, make as many memories as possible. Enjoy the moment. There is plenty of time to worry about stuff when/if it happens.

So go run on the beach, dance by moonlight, and give an extra hug and kiss every day for no reason.


Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jul 7, 2017 08:02AM Micmel wrote:

Thank you ladies from the bottom of my heart. I thought this thread may help not only myself, but anyone else who has those fears and worries or just want to let it all out when someone who is in your life pisses you off, upsets you or even thrills you to no end. I wanted to share the sweet things as well, and hearing each and everyone of your thoughts matter to me because, you all understand. I think the only way to find unconditional understanding is a place where each and everyday we are faced with maybe a new thought or emotion. That's how it has been for me. Without this place in life, I would feel as if I was waiting for a ride to begin, and it doesn't ever begin because, I am the only One holding a ticket to this specific ride. But you ladies understand. I have been to counseling. I truly believe something this deep and heartbreaking has to be gone through in real time, I can't sit in front of someone and just feel better. I need to learn from people who are walking along with me. Make sense? ~M~

Thank you again ladies.

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 7, 2017 08:32AM Freya wrote:

Micmel, It is truly amazing in some ways how our minds work. It takes us to dark places so we get a glimpse, and then we can work through that and hopefully find some peace or come to terms with it. You are right, we do need to work though these things. The time to be concerned for our mental health is if we get stuck in these dark places and can't find a way out.

It is hard watching someone go through so much pain, your posts were so raw and heartfelt. The first instinct is to want to take away the pain and make someone feel better. That can come across as cheap platitudes, not what was intended at all. Emotions, they are such a minefield. I never know what to say, other people on here are so much better at it. In life, I hug a lot and don't say too much :)

Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jul 7, 2017 08:41AM Micmel wrote:

Freya~ I thank you for the kind words. I enjoy reading people's thoughts. It helps me with my thought process. I don't think I'll ever be ok with not being with my DH, and I don't even know if I would everrest in peace without him. Part of the torture is the unknowns. But if I am honest everyone lives with unknowns.....sick or not! I think you're pretty good at conveying your thoughts!! ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 7, 2017 09:03AM keetmom wrote:

I go through the same thing, I dwell on it. But our youngest two are special needs and at least one of them will be in the house forever, so inorder for anyone to step in they would have to want to take on that. I also worry about if that person will be good to them, I hear so many evil step mother stories. Our household is tough to run and I really worry how he will do it on his own, I don't work and just taking care of stuff is a full time job. SO it would need to be someone really special to step in here...not sure how he would find time to date anyway with these two,,,
Yes I don't need it to be a shrine to me here, but I don't want to be forgotten. It is tough to think I will not be growing old with him and someone else being there..
It is good to know we aren't alone in these fears.

Dx 10/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/8/2012 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Dx 11/16/2012, IDC, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 11/16/2012, IDC, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/25/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 4/25/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 4/25/2013 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 5/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 9/2015, Stage IV Chemotherapy 6/14/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Jul 7, 2017 09:26AM - edited Jul 7, 2017 10:46AM by Micmel

Keet~ I can understand the kids dynamic, mine are older but they look at him as their father. I get worried that whoever he ends up with would isolate my children. I don't want them alone in this shitty world because somehow it was decided I would die way earlier than one would ever expect? Grrrrr. And you're precious children same thing. Makes me so mad. Thank you for sharing that with us, that is a very deep issue! Hugs ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 7, 2017 10:28AM keetmom wrote:

The issue is real deep Micmel, Our middle dd is non verbal and has a cognitive disability, our youngest has a genetic disorder (same one that caused my breast cancer,) she is Emma. Emma has 9 brain tumors and has had 23 brain surgeries in last 10 years, she also is legally blind, has lots of issues from the TBI, she also is legally blind. we never thought we would see 15 with her, so not sure what the future will bring..The issue is REALLY big...like not sure how he would keep working when something happens to me not alone dating.. 

Dx 10/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/8/2012 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Dx 11/16/2012, IDC, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 11/16/2012, IDC, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/25/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 4/25/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 4/25/2013 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 5/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 9/2015, Stage IV Chemotherapy 6/14/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Jul 7, 2017 10:45AM - edited Jul 14, 2017 11:56AM by Micmel

Keet~I want to say god bless you and your family for facing these odds, no less having had something like this hit your entire family so hard. It's times like this that question my faith and make me wonder why on earth any being or god would anyone allow such pain and trials in one persons life, or one family. I mean enough Is enough. I would also like to say that god doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I Am sick of hearing that myself, so I just can't even even bring myself to say it to you because, that would be hypocritical. I will say you're an amazing woman, and whatever my prayers can do, I will and am certainly offering them. Thank you for sharing with me. I know sometimes talking about things can be easy for some, but for others. Like me, facing this harsh reality is where I would like my other best friend denial to take over. I don't know which one is worse. I am sending gentle hugs. ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 7, 2017 11:21AM exbrnxgrl wrote:

Life is full of trials and it seems that some of us get more than our share. You're right in saying that sitting in front of someone and talking won't, in and of itself , make it better but it can give you tools to cope with your feelings and get the most out of life even with stage IV bc. Finding the right person or group is key. My point is that although your feelings are valid, finding a way to enjoy life in spite of stage IV is very good for your health, your family and all of that love you have.

Bilateral mx 9/7/11 with one step ns reconstruction. As of 11/21/11, 2cm met to upper left femur Dx 7/8/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/7/2011 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 11/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 11/21/2011 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 11/21/2011 Bone Hormonal Therapy 6/19/2014 Femara (letrozole)
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Jul 7, 2017 11:27AM Kandy wrote:

I join in with y'all having a special needs child. My youngest has Down syndrome and will live with us until both are gone. This is even a worse topic for me. She will be devastated when something happens to me. It does bring up a lot of other issues as far as someone else taking care of her. And how could he date. But everyone loves her so any decent person wouldn't have an issue with her. I think the whole situation is heart breaking. Take care ladies. Enjoy the

Dx 1/20/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/26/2009 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 3/9/2009 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Gemzar (gemcitabine), Navelbine (vinorelbine) Radiation Therapy 10/7/2009 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 1/4/2010 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 10/31/2013, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 11/18/2013 3DCRT: Bone Hormonal Therapy 12/3/2013 Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Jul 7, 2017 02:45PM Micmel wrote:

It is amazing how so many lives are touched by this evil disease. I always have a broken heart when I think about children that have a parent that is thee one that has been there since birth. The one who does everything for the family day in and day out. My kids are older. 21,20,16. I always thought in my mind at least they didn't have chubby fists and sitting in their high chairs. I realize for some ladies and men that is exactly what has happened. I don't for one second forget that. It makes my heart bleed. As if my heart hadn't been kicked and torn apart, bruised, ripped in two and left beating on the floor throughout all I have been through and witnessed here,and here we are still fighting like women with everything we have. Through whatever cloud is over our heads, you are all amazing creatures and I appreciate all the insights and any single thought you may have throughout this hard walk we walk. That is such an issue, one that there once again are truly no words. Just feelings of sadness and despair for you all. I would never want worrying to be apart of everyone's day more than it has to be. The bottom line is cancer sucks and I hate it. Hugs to you strong women. ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 8, 2017 08:27AM illimae wrote:

I met my husband almost 20 yrs ago through a mutual friend and we've been married 17 yrs this x-mas eve. He is 8.5 yrs older than I and is the outgoing, adventurous one, while I am shy and practical. I got so lucky with him as he thinks I'm the greatest thing ever and should be worshipped. We have dogs instead of human children, so thankfully that isn't a concern but I fear that my passing will cause him to stop taking care of himself completely (I have to nag him more than I like about diet, sleep, etc) and he will descend into depression, isolation, illness and early death. My friends will be ok, my family sucks so whatever but I worry for my DH and at 42 and 50, we still have lots of living to do.

Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/1/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jul 8, 2017 01:16PM Micmel wrote:

I feel the same Mae, I love my DH. Sounds like you have a keeper also. I think you should be treated as a goddess we all should. That's a long time to be together and I pray we are all here to love our family. I was just laying here with DH making sure to remember every line of his face. I hope time helps me with my constant sadness. I need to find a way to enjoy my days. However many I am given. Thanks for sharing your story! ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 8, 2017 08:03PM Micmel wrote:

today my DH, the angel he is sat with me and talked to me about how I am his person also. Tears flowed like they had no way to be turned off. The love that I felt for this man is of nothing I have ever known. His gentle ways, his sweet kisses. My best friend in the world. I don't know honestly how one woman could be so cursed and so blessed in life at the same time. I have a beautiful family that I adore. I had met my DH online. We met on MSN chat. And we would talk for hours and laugh. But we waited over a year to ever meet, things back then were new with the internet and such. He came to fix my computer, because it was on the fritz... I wasn't happy and was in the midst of a divorce and much to my future , so was he. It was as they say love at first sight. He treated me like a queen, really showed me what a man should be like and how a man who has his shit together should actually behave. I was blown away and still everyday I find new things to be in love with him all over Again and again. He made me want to be a better woman. He still does. I wish there was a way he would know how deeply in love I am with him and how much loving him and him choosing me has meant to me without just words. He has never been about just words. He's been about actions. Which is how real men are. He has shown me happiness and security I never knew I was missing until him. Not as a child, not even my first marriage. But I found everything in this one beautiful man. I will spend every waking breath loving him and feeling so honored, that I have been loved like this during my life. I have told him this "if I die in your arms, I will have died in heaven already". He means more to me than anything I've have ever known and he is the best person I have ever known in my 47 years of being on this earth. I pray all of you have felt this kind of love. I just am on a journey separate from cancer to find a way to let it go and not lose my mind or give up actually living while I am still able. I am paralyzed with fear of leaving this precious man. Of mine.... rest well ~M~ Bless all of you and your beautiful families.

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jul 8, 2017 09:17PM - edited Jul 8, 2017 09:18PM by GLim

Micmel,

You wanted to hear about stories behind the person. I am married to my best friend, soulmate and super-mom. I'm a Canadian and she is from Taiwan, we met in Canada, then I moved to Taiwan to teach English. We started dating, fell in love, got married and had kids, though not necessarily in that particular order haha. After 4 years of marriage she still makes me laugh, we still hold hands and we recently had a second baby. We pretty much live in one bedroom and a living room but we were happy.

My wife was recently diagnosed stage 4 cancer. (de novo, which means she had it before her check up)... Just came out of nowhere, no history, no symptoms, generally healthy, 29 years old. Her prognosis is luminal B cancer, a quite aggressive one. It sucks and we spent the first three weeks straight crying and desperately searching for spirituality, thinking about the worst case scenarios. It gets better though. After the emotions flood forth, it leaves you stronger than you were before.

Excuse me if you've heard this before, but I think this anecdote is apt in this case. One day my daughter came to me telling me of how hard her school life was. She desperately wanted to give up, so I took 3 pots, filled them with water and put them on the stove. In one pot I put an egg. In another I put a potato and in the last, some coffee beans. When they had cooked, I took them out and asked her to look at each one. Some people are like the egg. They starts soft inside but when things get difficult, it becomes hard inside. Some people are like the potato. They start hard inside but after things get difficult they get soft and weak. The coffee beans however come out just the way they were put in, but they were able to change the situation around them. This is what we should strive to do.

Soon, you'll accept what life has dealt you, as we did. It could take some time; there will be good days and bad days. But after a while, I really believe this experience can summon your inner fortitude to enjoy each day, never hold back, and make amazing new memories with your family. You'll cherish the small things even more and when you get enough good days, you'll realize how actually you were strong enough all along to fight that ****ing cancer. It creates a positive feedback loop because your mental health and positivity increase your ability to fight cancer, which creates better results which makes for more positivity. Just keep fighting abd don't stop until science has an ACTUAL cure, not just a treatment. Maybe even carve out some time to read the articles. These are not "fake news" These are taken from scientific journals which have been cited. Bear in mind that in none of these articles do they say they are "close" to finding a cure. However the words "promising, ground-breaking, within reach" are thrown around. *I'm apparently not allowed to link the articles, but you can just google them.

-Salinomycin as a Drug for Targeting Human Cancer Stem Cells

Promising results from preclinical trials in human xenograft mice and a few clinical pilote studies reveal that salinomycin is able to effectively eliminate CSCs and to induce partial clinical regression of heavily pretreated and therapy-resistant cancers. The ability of salinomycin to kill both CSCs and therapy-resistant cancer cells may define the compound as a novel and an effective anticancer drug.

-Advances on immunotherapy in breast cancer

.... Several large clinical trials have tested the use of various forms of immunotherapy in breast cancer such as checkpoint inhibitors, adoptive T cell therapy, vaccines and adjunctive immunotherapy, all of which have shown promising results. This review article highlights the advances of immunotherapy in breast cancer and discusses the future research needed to be conducted to unveil the full potential of these drugs.

-New possible target for cancer treatment

....The scientists turned the gene switches off by removing this region from the mouse genome, and found that its loss has no effect on normal mouse development and growth. Although removing the gene switch region brought down the levels of the nearby cancer gene Myc, the mice remained normal and healthy. However, the mice were strongly resistant to the formation of breast tumours and tumours in the intestine. According to the scientists, these results show that normal cells can function and divide without the genetic elements that are needed for the growth of cancer cells. The study therefore highlights the possibility of developing highly specific cancer drugs.

-Checkpoint Inhibitors in Breast Cancer: Hype or Promise?

....I think that checkpoint inhibitors are extremely promising in breast cancer. First, these agents have relatively few significant side effects compared with cytotoxic chemotherapy, which is important from a quality-of-life perspective. Second, for patients with breast cancer who do respond, the responses seem to be durable. This is completely unlike conventional chemotherapy, whereby drug resistance occurs in a relatively predictable way over time. To see durable responses in patients with chemotherapy-resistant triple-negative breast cancer, for example, is a tremendous innovation. Women with chemotherapy-refractory triple-negative breast cancer typically have a poor prognosis, and so the observation of responses in this setting that are durable—potentially beyond the 1-year mark—is remarkable.

We are still learning how to apply and refine immunotherapy strategies for the treatment of breast cancer, and the successful identification of biomarkers of response is needed. However, the data reported to date are certainly encouraging. The possibility of durable, tumor-specific response—and thus, cure—now appears to be within reach.

-Two years on for our pioneering TRACERx lung cancer study

.....The second trial, DARWIN II, will offer people a range of drugs targeted to faults in other genes, such as BRAF or Her2, to see if they can help. And patients whose tumours don't carry any of these faults, will be offered treatment with one of a new class of immunotherapy drug called 'checkpoint inhibitors'.

And it's this area – immunotherapy – that Swanton thinks holds immense promise.

"In the last couple of years, we've really seen how drugs that target the immune system can produce dramatic responses in some patients and they're becoming standard treatments in lung cancer. So the work we're doing with Sergio Quezada's lab at UCL is something I'm really excited about," says Swanton.

"If we can work out how to harness the knowledge we're generating in TRACERx to find immunotherapies that benefit more patients, then I think we're really going to be onto something big."

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Jul 9, 2017 09:17AM - edited Jul 9, 2017 12:08PM by Micmel

GLim~ I adore the fact that you found your person. It makes me smile to hear how love finds one another. It's the only thing keeping me going if I am honest. The love of my precious family. Sounds like your family is preciously special as well, every story is beautiful, every story gives me hope that truly there is goodness in a sea of worry and pain for some of us as we battle this disease. I too, was basically stage four at diagnosis, they just didn't know all the scan results at the time. It all came crashing down and we were left sitting in a pile of rubble, which was the life we always knew. Blown up within two weeks. Thank you for taking the time to share with me, I enjoy hearing love stories. I am a hopeless romantic! I also enjoyed all the information on what could quite possibly save our lives in the future. Bless you all ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy

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