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Topic: Are you frank with strangers about your cancer?

Forum: Stage IV and Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY —

A place for those managing the ups & downs of a Stage IV/metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. Please respect that this forum is for Stage IV members only. There is a separate forum For Family and Caregivers of People with a STAGE IV Diagnosis.

Posted on: Aug 3, 2017 09:28PM

illimae wrote:

I dropped my car off the other day for repairs and I'm still bald any obviously in treatment. The very well meaning receptionist began telling how great, healthy and happy I look. She then said " I know you're going to beat this and live a long and happy life".

Do you get many comments like that and do you politely thank them or do you tell them that you are stage IV and that while you're treatable, you are not curable?

It's weird and sort of uncomfortable but my instinct is to be honest and correct the misconception. But it's quicker and easier to just say thanks

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 3, 2017 10:32PM Kandy wrote:

I feel your pain. I have it happen all the time. Even if they know it's stage 4 doesn't seem to matter how long the conversation is. I hate to continuously talk about it. So I answer whatever as short as I can and immediately start talking to who I'm with or intently start looking interested in something at a store. I know it would be educational but I don't think everyone needs to know my business. Best of luck to

Dx 1/20/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/26/2009 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 3/9/2009 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Gemzar (gemcitabine), Navelbine (vinorelbine) Radiation Therapy 10/7/2009 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 1/4/2010 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 10/31/2013, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 11/18/2013 3DCRT: Bone Hormonal Therapy 12/3/2013 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 10/7/2016 Afinitor (everolimus) Hormonal Therapy 10/31/2016 Aromasin (exemestane) Chemotherapy 2/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 5/8/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 8/15/2017 Halaven (eribulin) Targeted Therapy
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Aug 3, 2017 10:48PM exbrnxgrl wrote:

I am very open with those I know, even at work, but not with those I casually encounter. I look as I always did, so trying to explain that I have MBC is too complicated.

Bilateral mx 9/7/11 with one step ns reconstruction. As of 11/21/11, 2cm met to upper left femur Dx 7/8/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/7/2011 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 11/2011, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 1, 1/15 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 11/21/2011 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 11/21/2011 Bone Hormonal Therapy 6/19/2014 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 3, 2017 10:56PM Freya wrote:

I go both ways, mostly I just say thank you and let it go. Sometimes I explain about stage IV, but not very often.

Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 4, 2017 01:00AM JFL wrote:

Although I would be tempted to set them straight, I don't bother. I have the same issues closer to home. My immediate family still thinks that I am going to beat this and live a long happy life. My parents recently asked me if I would be the backup executor of their will. I wanted to laugh but just said yes. My parents and siblings (all six of them) don't seem to get that I am going to die. They tell me they can't wait until I don't have to take treatment any more, ask why am I not having more kids right now, etc. I have very directly told them why - "I will be lucky to be on treatment because that means I will be alive" and "I am not having kids because of my short life expectancy" and give them the 5-year survival percentage stats, noting that eventually, everyone with this dies. Nothing seems to sink in. If there is no hope for my family (all very bright, down to earth, practical people), what hope is there for the random person off the street?!

Dx at 30. Dx with mets at 38 while pregnant. Extensive liver and bone involvement. Currently on Abraxane and XGeva. Dx 9/2006, IDC, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/22/2006 Mastectomy: Left, Right Chemotherapy 11/6/2006 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 3/15/2007 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 12/2014, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 12/17/2014 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/26/2014 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 12/26/2014 Aromasin (exemestane), Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 6/18/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy 3/10/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy 5/14/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 5/14/2017 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 8/18/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel)
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Aug 4, 2017 09:04AM illimae wrote:

Thank you for the responses. When the lady at the repair shop said I'd be ok, I told her no, I probaby won't, that I appreciate the kind words but people in my situation usually only have a few years left Obviously, she didn't know what to say and was a bit stunned I think (she and I seemed close in age). I guess what I say will depend on my mood that day, it's not really worth the effort but I also want people to understand the seriousness of cancer, even for those of us lucky enough to have the "good cancer", which I hate to hear.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 4, 2017 09:28AM vancouverdeb wrote:

Illimae, you've hit a nerve..... My close friends are good - have adopted my 'live with passion and in the moment' attitude. JFL, I can relate - my mom keeps talking about five, ten, twenty years from now. Mom! - I don't know if I'll ever meet my grandkids! (I don't have any and won't for years). Stop with this talk!! I don't say any of that because I know this is super tough on her. What irks me is being The Tragedy - which happens when running into acquaintances or when hanging out with groups of people. (I'm 49 BTW)

If explaining I say 'I have terminal cancer' - which everyone gets and I don't have to explain about stages. I don't want to be a downer though. It's as though I've accepted it - but the rest of the world is really struggling with the idea.

But to answer your question - yeah, in that kind of situation I just go with "thanks".....

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Aug 4, 2017 09:45AM Freya wrote:

"But you look so well!!" I think that and being stage IV since my mid 40's is part of the problem.

I used to try and explain to people that stage IV means terminal, and that it didn't matter how positive I was, it was eventually going to kill me. I came to the conclusion that most just didn't want to know, and I was wasting my time.

Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 4, 2017 10:40AM Bigbhome wrote:

I get the " you look so healthy", all the time! A few weeks ago, a friend told me I looked like s#%&t and I thanked her because that was how I felt at the time. People just don't want to know. It makes them uncomfortable.

Now I just say thanks and go on.

Hugs and prayers

Claudia

Dx 5/2012, IBC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/16/2017 External: Bone Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Aug 4, 2017 10:57AM illimae wrote:

Freya, I agree about age. I'm 42 and no one expects I'd have a terminal illness, I think it's assumed I'd have another 40 years.

People assume a lot with the things they say to those they don't know.

A cashier at KFC in the drive through felt compelled to tell me about her brother who had cancer and died a few days after getting out of the hospital and that her mom never got over it, she ended the story by telling me he was only 2 years old. I pulled into a parking spot and cried. WTF?! Thanks, that was helpful.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 4, 2017 11:16AM Freya wrote:

It must be some ancient weird bonding ritual. You have cancer?..........Oh let me tell you about everyone I have ever heard of who died a horrible painful death from cancer. Pregnant women get the same type of thing..........Oh yes, the baby was 25 pounds and they made her have a natural birth, blah blah blah

Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 4, 2017 11:37AM 50sgirl wrote:

Illimae, What a horrible story for that cashier to tell you! It is hard to imagine what she was thinking.

I usually don't tell strangers about my disease. I don't look sick and haven't experienced hair loss, so the subject seldom comes up. I have told only a handful of people outside of my family, medical. The friends who know often tell me how good I look, and I just say thank you. I think it makes them feel better. This whole stage IV think just scares some people. I have to say that the exceptions to sharing with strangers are people in my cancer center. I have found that patients in the chemo/infusion rooms often ask questions of each other, and I have not hesitated to talk to them about my disease. Some of there stories and histories are amazing, btw.

Lynne


Dx 6/5/2015, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Hormonal Therapy 6/25/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 8/9/2016, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 8/11/2016 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 8/31/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Aug 4, 2017 01:47PM - edited Aug 4, 2017 01:49PM by RosesToeses

I don't always succeed but I try to look at intentions and odds of repetition and take it from there. Granted right now it's mostly based on Lymphedema sleeves since Xeloda kept my hair but looks like I'll probably need to deal with this a lot more starting in the next few weeks (done with Xeloda, moving to Gemzar and Taxol).

For someone I won't likely see again or at least not often who tells me I'll beat this or tells me how they (or anyone they've ever heard of) beat "this" I try to take is as sort of generalized warm wishes and say thank you or I hope so.  Inwardly I may laugh at how someone should explain it to them but not me cause I'm stage iv and don't have the time, but I know they mean well.

For some of the crackpot things my mom says (what is it with our moms?) I'll be more blunt about the facts because my real life is going to happen around her whether she wants it to or not.

I've never had to deal with someone like the KFC guy, so I don't know how I'd handle that--I hope I'd respond with compassion and focus on how much that person seems to be hurting that they're looking for opening to let it out from *bald women in cars ordering chicken* (sheesh!)--but some days I know it would be an effort to remind myself to think that way and other days when I've just had enough I know that's even less likely to happen.

At least we have each other to "get it" with us, thank goodness!


(age 42 at dx, lived to see 47 and counting!) my blog: mepluscancer.blogspot.com, Xgeva 2/27/14, Lupron 4/10/14 Dx 4/2012, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 7/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/14/2012 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Chemotherapy 7/16/2012 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 11/25/2012 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 1/8/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 2/27/2014, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 3/23/2014 External: Bone Hormonal Therapy 3/24/2014 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Hormonal Therapy 3/31/2015 Femara (letrozole) Dx 4/1/2015, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy 4/26/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Targeted Therapy 10/15/2015 Afinitor (everolimus) Hormonal Therapy 10/26/2015 Aromasin (exemestane) Chemotherapy 12/4/2015 Xeloda (capecitabine) Dx 8/3/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs Chemotherapy 8/6/2017 Gemzar (gemcitabine), Taxol (paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 11/12/2017 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 11/13/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs/other, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 4, 2017 06:13PM finallyoverit wrote:

Aside from about 4 immediate family members no one knows I'm stage IV. I never told anyone, including co-workers, the first time I went through this crap.

Dx 10/2011, IDC, Stage IIA, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 5/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone
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Aug 4, 2017 08:58PM artistatheart wrote:

I mostly keep it to myself unless someone close to me really has some genuine questions. Then I will be frank to a point. When I start feeling intruded upon I try to think of an easy exit line. Or when someone feels they have to tell me a "gloom and doom" story" I just put up the hand with a fake smile and says thank you for that. If I am not going to see strangers again I just say Thank you. Most people do not want to talk about the gritty details....Things will get more challenging soon as I will be losing my hair although I will probably "wig Out" for awhile until I get used to the new normal..

Dx 7/22/2015, ILC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 8/10/2015 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 8/25/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Aug 5, 2017 12:57AM - edited Aug 5, 2017 01:05AM by Lumpie

I think RosesToses was spot-on. This falls into the the general category of well-wishes. Hard to fault people for that ... even thought we may lack the patience for it on any given day. Many people have never known anyone with stage IV cancer. "Bless their hearts"... they are clueless. Ignorance is bliss. Let them stay that way. Others of us know stage IV'ers who have managed to hang in there for over a decade and still seem to be doing pretty well/have a decent quality of life most of the time. At a certain level of abstraction, we're all dying. Some of us just get advanced notice.

I'd like to be able to be frank with people if I choose but I worry about issues like employment. So I think I am going to mostly keep my mouth shut.

"Buy the ticket, take the ride." Dx 2015, DCIS/IDC, Right, 3cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Targeted Therapy 1/14/2016 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 1/14/2016 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Dx 2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Radiation Therapy Whole-breast: Breast Surgery Lumpectomy: Right Surgery Lumpectomy: Right
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Aug 5, 2017 01:29AM Sadiesservant wrote:

In my case, it depends. I have been very open with friends, neighbors and colleagues but then it's hard to hide. I lost my hair with my first treatment after diagnosis and hate wigs so it's pretty obvious. With strangers I often nod politely unless they really annoy me.

I had a situation with the new manager at Weight Watchers (that's another question, why I continue to weigh in religiously as a lifetime member when I've already lost more than ten pounds in the last six months). She clearly had also gone through treatment for early stage BC and kept going on and on comparing our situations, how she didn't like wigs, what she wore when it was hot, etc. She was relentless and when she finally started in with the whole bit about the fact that I just need to take care of myself and get better I kind of snapped. I stopped as I was going out the door and said "You do know that getting better is not an option for me?" She looked like I had kicked her and I know I should have had more empathy but I also felt that as a manager of a business with a largely female clientele she needed some sense knocked into her. Not my finest moment but I'm not sure I totally regret it

Dx 4/2001, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 1/10 nodes, ER+ Surgery 5/11/2001 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 6/7/2001 CEF Radiation Therapy 12/17/2001 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/20/2001 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 1/2/2007 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 10/22/2007 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 1/3/2017, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/lungs, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 1/27/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 3/29/2017 Arimidex (anastrozole) Targeted Therapy 4/20/2017 Ibrance (palbociclib) Dx 10/12/2017, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to other Chemotherapy 10/21/2017 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Aug 5, 2017 08:44AM illimae wrote:

I love the replies, everyone's take on this is so genuine but different too. I was torn but I guess it'll just depend on the situation. I've always been a good, glass half full girl but at the same time, I'm the one that told other kids that there was no Santa Claus. I'm lucky that I have a gov job and wonderful supervisors and I just didn't like wearing a wig, so I never did, in a building with 500 people, everyone knew. I guess I wanted people to see the effects of treatment and that it's doable but part of me wants to remind themthat not everyone is "done" and comes out the other side cured.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 5, 2017 10:22AM - edited Aug 5, 2017 01:07PM by DivineMrsM

It all depends on how you want to spend your energy. If you feel led to explain mbc, then do it. Other times, it is not worth the effort to go into details.

I feel I have outlived statistics, so I am not going to go on to others about being terminal. Many people look at terminal as less than three years or a year to live.

For the random people who say things like, you will beat this, I would give a half smile and simply say "Thank you for your kind words." Then I would change the subject: "What is the amount of the bill for repairs?" "Do you do oil changes?" "What does a tune up cost?" It lets people know you don't want the cancer conversation to go further.

It is not easy for other people to comprehend the fear and anxiety that began at diagnosis in 2011 not knowing how I would respond to treatment. They are just seeing it from the six years looking back. Few or no people grasp how a stage iv diagnosis changes your perception of life, your approach to life, how it puts you on a completely different trajectory than people around you, a different trajectory than what you envisioned for your life just the day before diagnosis. I had no way to know I would have this many years with mbc. It is one of those things you cannot understand unless you have lived it.

At this point, I take the cancer stories others tell me in stride. However, the first year I was dx, when working with a young woman who'd been diagnosed with bc a year before me, a co-worker started telling us two about a relative's hard luck cancer story. The young woman said, "Look, she (meaning me) and I, we don't want to hear these stories. They do not help us." The co-worker meant well, but the young woman didn't let her off the hook, and I admired her for it.

found lump 12/22/10~er+/pr+/her2- stage iv bone mets~chemo~lumpectomy~ radiation~arimidex~
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Aug 12, 2017 05:26PM - edited Aug 12, 2017 05:28PM by Tigwin

Hi

I very openly with kindness, tell anyone and everyone. I have always been very open about having cancer. This is the third time for me. I find so many do not understand that there is not a cure. I just explain I will be on treatment for the rest of my life. Treatment will change as one fails me, I will have to try another it hopes it will work better and longer. We all have an expiration date, yet none of us truly know that date. I am hopeful I will have many years. Every day I wake up is a gift so I try to find some beauty in that day. On the tough days, I have my joy givers in my life that no matter how down I might get, one minute with them and I am up and forget I have cancer. These joy givers are the nieces and nephews in my life. They young ones do not even know I have cancer as there is no need for them to worry. I just fill my heart up wit her thire joy and keep moving. Findyour joy givers! They really help

Dx 2/28/2008, IDC, Stage II, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 11/12/2015, Both breasts, Stage IV, metastasized to bone
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Aug 13, 2017 09:24AM stagefree wrote:

depends on my mood really.. only ones with MBC can understand no matter how much detail we tell people, thanks to the wrong ads.

The ill one does not die, the one, whose time is die

This is a popular saying here and after saying I'm stage4, I complete the sentence with it.. a slap on many's faces.

2 of my friends expected me to die died already, before me.

My main issue these days is that My pregnant looking belly confuses people's minds. They ask when the baby is due.. ugh!

I say a month generally, not to explain the MBC crap each time, weirdly most believe it! And yes, it's a boy.

Hugs

Ebr

Dx 4/9/2012, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 1, mets, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 4/11/2012 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy 8/24/2012 Hormonal Therapy 6/8/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole), Zoladex (goserelin) Chemotherapy 6/8/2016 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Aug 13, 2017 04:50PM Micmel wrote:

Hi Mae~I am frank with people. I have realized that I break out in massive obvious heat flashes, I always have a towel in my hand, if I don't it drips down my forehead. If I explain why, usually it ends up in an extra discount , or a free rental car Day, or a community fund raiser at the local Dairy Queen. Sometimes it does work to our benefit! Love your thread! ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Oct 7, 2017 09:47AM Micmel wrote:

bump!!!! Let's support Mae and tell her, are we frank or not ?? God knows I am. After what happened to me in Boston market!!! People are so stupid sometimes. They called me my DH's mother!!!! I am five years younger than him. I am 47 and he is 51 almost 52! I am just. Growing my hair back in. Jerks!! My DH went back and gave them a talking too!!! People can be so mean. My self esteem took an even harder hit from that. So annoying,so yesssssss we all should be frank So other won't feel the way I felt this weekend!

Hugs to you Mae~ my sweet friend ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Oct 7, 2017 12:44PM DorothyFromKansas wrote:

For family and friends, I've told only my youngest adult DS. He visits from out of town regularly and I couldn't hide all the initial doctor/lab/scan appointments as I was one who never went to the doctor unless I thought I was dying. I swore him to secrecy and he has kept his word.

I had to tell dental office since I was going there against MO advice. Got hit with the "think positive" crap there and was unprepared. After reading here, I am now prepared. "Peaceful acceptance not pointless positivity." Thanks to all the writers here for the lifeline. I will have no problem being frank.

Age 64 at dx, de novo. Mets to chest nodes. Dx 6/29/2017, IBC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Hormonal Therapy 6/29/2017 Arimidex (anastrozole) Targeted Therapy 9/15/2017 Kisqali
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Oct 7, 2017 06:02PM Micmel wrote:

i agree frank is best. That woman from now on will think twice about opening her big ole mouth. Sometimes you never understand anything unless you have walked the walk!! ~M~

Waving hi to Mae

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Oct 7, 2017 06:07PM Nkb wrote:

I've mostly kept it a secret- but, took out the garbage one night and just had a hat on (no wig) and my next door neighbor said "are you on chemo?" I didn't want to tell her, although I like her a lot- I said yes and she proceeded to tell me a horrendous story about her friend with ovarian cancer! I did not need that.

Another time when I went in for one of my daily radiation treatments the receptionist said" here's a pink bracelet for promoting early detection" I blew up briefly- Look I've had an annual mammogram longer than you have been alive-early detection did nothing for me! Then, I regrouped and said-sorry, no thank you to the pink bracelet.

And to the few people who know I'm almost always fine. (which is true in that moment in time) We all do what we hope works for us. People on this forum are who I discuss breast cancer with.

Dx 1/2012, ILC, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/4/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right Chemotherapy 2/28/2012 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 9/11/2012 Hormonal Therapy 10/21/2012 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 5/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, ER+/PR-, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant)

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