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Aug 17, 2017 05:02PM
Thanks, everyone, for your words of encouragement. These are things that have built up inside me for months. I can't say them to my husband, because it would break him. I can't say them to my friends, because they wouldn't understand.
Most days are pretty good, but it's hard because I like to know what to expect, and all my onc talks about is the now. I even asked him about a prognosis, and I got a mumble mumble dunno. So I don't know if I'll die before my 17-year-old daughter graduates next June, or if I'll live to see my 14-year-old daughter graduate from college.
My doc put me on Effexor for depression and anxiety, and it does help, most of the time.
As for the bone mets, the largest mass was on my sacrum, but there were smaller tumors on 2 or 3 of the lumbar vertebrae, along with a spot on one lung (which was gone at my last PET), and an enlarged pelvic lymph node (which was normal size at my last PET). As for radiation, that was the first thing they did, because the tumor was so large in my sacrum that it was making it impossible for me to walk because of the nerve pain in my legs. My last PET showed that the sacral tumor has been shrinking, and that the bones are starting to scar over and heal. So... that's good news. But I don't know how fast this thing can just explode out of control. I feel so completely uninformed and unprepared for the future.
I'm trying to just live today and not worry about tomorrow, but I worry about my family, you know? My youngest is a Mama's Girl, especially, and I can't bear to think of what the future might be for her.
Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear NO EVIL, for You are with me. (Psalm 23) *(Formerly AmethystButterfly)*
8/3/2012, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 2/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
9/17/2012 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel
11/5/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
2/27/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR+, HER2-
3/7/2017 External: Bone
4/16/2017 Femara (letrozole), Zoladex (goserelin)
2/22/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant), Zoladex (goserelin)
2/23/2018, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, ER+/PR+, HER2-