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Topic: Life insurance beneficiary

Forum: Stage IV and Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY —

A place for those managing the ups & downs of a Stage IV/metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. Please respect that this forum is for Stage IV members only. There is a separate forum For Family and Caregivers of People with a STAGE IV Diagnosis.

Posted on: Sep 12, 2017 08:11PM

PattyPeppermint wrote:

Not sure I spelled that correctly , beneficiary?

Anyway now that I am divorced I am trying to make some decisions but am confused. Exdh has always been the beneficiary. We have discussed what I expect to happen to the money. Some money for ex to use to support the boys but the majority would be saved until dss's are 21. I have been confident that I can trust ex to do the right thing but he has done so many things lately that I never tough would happen. I understand my minor children can not be beneficiary. And really think they need to be an adult before receiving that much money. I've read that ex cannot be beneficiary. If I list any of them it will go to probate Court to decide wat to do of course all of those expenses would be taken from that money. Also even if I decide ex is trustworthy in that instance what if he remarried and dies then that money would go to new wife who may or may not do the right thing. I have read I can put it in a trust and pay a trustee but again. That's taking money away from boys. Any idea what that would cost ? All my family is pretty much gone except a brother - no trust at all - and a sister who is a big spender and I am a penny pincher.

Any suggestions ?

To God be the glory! Live, laugh, love... Life is way too short. Dx 6/2013, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/28/2013 Femara (letrozole) Radiation Therapy 7/4/2013 Bone Hormonal Therapy 7/31/2015 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 7/31/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy 6/30/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Sep 12, 2017 09:19PM NancyHB wrote:

Patty, it's so wonderful of you to plan for your sons' futures. Every state is different and I encourage you to consider speaking with an attorney to ensure your kids' best interests are being served. Anyone can be a life insurance beneficiary, even your kids. You should be able to legally designate their portion. Be kept in a trust until XX age, then distributed. It shouldn't be expensive to set up or administer. But - if you leave it all to your ex, even with instructions and a promise, he can pretty much do whatever he wants, and yes, if he were to remarry that money could go to his new spouse.

It's better to spend a little now to protect your kids, than to have them lose it all or get tied up in probate later. Good luck.

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life." - Omar Khayyam Dx 11/22/2011, IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 12/4/2011 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Chemotherapy 1/18/2012 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 6/11/2012 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 1/27/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 2/14/2016 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Left Chemotherapy 2/29/2016 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 7/20/2016 Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap Dx 1/31/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone
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Sep 12, 2017 10:37PM Lula73 wrote:

We consulted our attorney when it came time to do our wills. He said kids can be beneficiary of life insurance and are able to inherit assets. You should set up in your will how those funds will be handled-set up in a trust with a set or an open ended amount available for the kids as they grow up that is managed by a trustee you appoint is the path we chose. We chose my mom and dad as trustees. We also included a clause that everything goes into the trust for our minor son until he is 25 or he finishes secondary education (college/masters/doctoral) whichever comes first. After that anything that's left he splits 50/50 with his older brother. And if older brother is no longer living for whatever reason, his 50% goes into a trust for his daughter. So basically, you can allocate the funds any way you like, put stipulations and timeframes in place and plan for possible events down the line. But you need to have all that outlined in the will so your trustee can utilize the funds accordingly. You can have the attorney oversee/audit the trustee's use of funds as well for extra protection of those funds and to ensure the trustee is not abusing their power

-Lula Dx 1/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/14/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy 3/3/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/1/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 1/3/2018 Femara (letrozole)
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Sep 13, 2017 12:13AM Tina2 wrote:

Talk with your attorney about a trust . Tell him/her your concerns and situation. You can make this work without involving your ex or siblings.


Stage I, 1985, modified radical mastectomy; Stage I, 1995, modified radical mastectomy;Stage IV, lung mets, ER+/PR+; treated with Faslodex since July, 2011 Dx Stage IV, mets, ER+/PR+
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Sep 13, 2017 01:13AM JFL wrote:

Patty, I agree you should get this set up through a trust. Inquire about the cost as it shouldn't be as much as you think. If you do not want your DH to have the money 100% for himself, do not list him as beneficiary. Even if he doesn't have bad intentions, life happens. What if he loses his job or has a large, unexpected medical expense or remarries someone who insists the money be used by the two of them or worse yet, for their wedding/honeymoon. It would be the exception and not the rule that the ex-spouse carries out your wishes and doesn't take at least some of the money for himself. It is too tempting with a windfall of thousands of dollars just sitting in a person's bank account. I am a corporate attorney and spend my time negotiating contracts to avoid things going wrong down the road. Never sign up to something in writing you know now is not what you want.

Also, each state is different but if you select (or re-confirm) your ex as the beneficiary after you are divorced, it typically will hold up.
Chart your own course. Dx at 30. Dx with mets at 38 while pregnant. Extensive liver and bone involvement. Currently on Doxil and XGeva. ER+/PR+, HER2 equivocal (IHC)/negative (FISH) as of 8/2017 liver biopsy. Dx 9/2006, IDC, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 9/22/2006 Mastectomy: Left, Right Chemotherapy 11/5/2006 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 3/15/2007 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 12/2014, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/26/2014 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 12/26/2014 Aromasin (exemestane), Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 6/18/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy 3/10/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy 5/13/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 5/13/2017 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 8/17/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 3/22/2018 Doxil (doxorubicin)
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Sep 13, 2017 01:30AM PattyPeppermint wrote:

Thanks for the advice ladies.

Jfl. Oh my. I nearly as stopped breathing when you mentioned about the money being used for ex new marriage or honeymoon .

To God be the glory! Live, laugh, love... Life is way too short. Dx 6/2013, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/28/2013 Femara (letrozole) Radiation Therapy 7/4/2013 Bone Hormonal Therapy 7/31/2015 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 7/31/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy 6/30/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Sep 13, 2017 02:14AM - edited Sep 13, 2017 10:47PM by lalady1

Hi Patty - not sure about AK law, but in CA life insurance (which is tax free to beneficiaries!) can be set up in a trust for your minor children. I second the wise ladies here to do that. Please don't hope your ex will do the right thing. lol Too many lawsuits are in court because of exes changing their minds and you can't control him when you are here/not here. But you can control your money for your children. Same for social security, please make sure they are your beneficiaries, not him. Suggest you appoint a relative or your attorney to be trustee to protect your kid's money. Stagger it out so they don't inherit all at once. :)

(()) Claire

Surgery 1/29/2013 Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 9/8/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 1/6/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole), Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Targeted Therapy 5/16/2017 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 8/14/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Dx IDC, Left, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Sep 13, 2017 01:27PM Freya wrote:

Patty, I am in Australia, so things may be different. I have 3 sets of paperwork organised.

My Will

Enduring power of attorney - this is for financial decisions to be made on my behalf once I become impaired.

Advanced health directive - instructions about my future healthcare and gives my husband (or whoever you choose) legal control over my treatment, once I have become impaired.

www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/d... - American information

Dx 2009, ILC/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 14/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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