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Nov 7, 2017 03:04AM
Nov 7, 2017 03:05AM
Iwillwin, your post spoke to me because Daughter and I have had such struggles! When she did move out, even though it was time, even though she had to go or we were going to kill each other, I have never felt more miserable. My whole body hurt and I resented every beat of my heart. I felt that my stupid heart had done its job long enough and if spending all those years raising a kid was rewarded with pain so bad I prayed for death... well to hell with that! It was a black, bleak, agonizing time. Our parting was not on good terms. It was a ripping and tearing, hurt and anger and ugly, ugly words. I know your pain. Many of us do. When our kids close that door because what's on the other side is better and they want more and we are just chains around their necks. Yup. That hurts.
But it's also kind of true. In that time I reflected and learned some things. I needed to shut up more (still working on that one!). That if I solve all my daughter's problems for her, what I'm really doing is stealing her chance to get smarter and wiser. If I swoop in and divert every bad outcome, I am harming her. I am keeping her from consequences that might teach her something. It is SO HARD to step back and let the chips fall where they may. But the truth is, that is really all you can do. You can always be a listening ear. A loving heart. You can offer advice if you are asked. But if not... stand back and let the learning begin. Oh, you will have to bite your tongue until it bleeds and you will lay awake at night with stomach pain and anxiety. It is so hard to release our kids into this fickle and random universe, isn't it?
I hope that she will hear your voice. Not through the phone, but in her own head and heart. That the lessons and values you gave her will rise to the surface, probably when she least wants to hear them! Ugh, she will try to escape The Mother In Her Head! I hope that in time she realizes that everything you tried to teach her was because you love her and want a good life for her. Our kids can make some pretty big mistakes, but that doesn't mean they can't be good people. Decent citizens. But oh..this is the HARD part of parenting!
I am wrapping you in a big mom hug. Good energy for you and for the kid too!
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