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Dec 24, 2011 02:01PM
When I was younger and single, I felt "feminine" because I looked like society told me to. I felt cute and sassy and had rather fetching boobs and cleavage that I worked to my advantage.But eventually, that got very tiring, and very unsatisfying.
I didn't marry until six years ago, at the age of 55. By then, "looking good" had more to do with feeling good in elastic waistbands and flat shoes than it did with a hoochie mama top. And soon "the girls" were swelling out of their 38DD confinement and pointing due south, ending up just north of my waist.
Somewhere around that time, I had a monumental change in how I perceived "feminine" and "womanly". After hitting menopause, I realized that among my friends, body image was fleeting, and finally we were putting more emphasis on things like character, personality, intelligence, caring, and humor.
It also helped that I'd had a mom who'd undergone a radical mastectomy (with no recon) when I was just a young woman. It never changed who my mom was, except that I would always see her as a warrior.
After my cancer diagnosis, my DH and I discussed my options. I asked him how much he liked my breasts. He said "They're really nice, but I'd rather have you." And now this same husband has stood beside me every step of the way since my surgery. He loves my body for what it is, scars and all. I do too.
I wanted to have the BMX because I thought it was the best course of action for me. I wanted to have the TEs and implants, not because I thought it would make me more feminine, but because I wanted to be reminded that I still have a healthy body that needs more attention than I've been giving it. If for any reason this doesn't work, then I have no problems at all going au naturel.
I am who I am.
9/15/2011, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
12/5/2011 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement
8/22/2012 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
9/5/2012 Arimidex (anastrozole)
10/22/2013 Femara (letrozole)