Topic: I look for other flat chested women. A rant.

Forum: Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy — Discuss prostheses, swimsuits, bras, and other options for women not having reconstruction or waiting for reconstruction.

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 05:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 09:56PM by mt1

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 05:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 09:56PM by mt1

mt1 wrote:

I know many of you wear prosthesis, so I probably wouldn't be able to see or 'know', but. I look for you. I want to see you. I want to form a union, lol. I wish it were even more accepted, acceptable to be flat. To not wear prosthesis, not feel the need to, to opt out of reconstruction-if that is your choice. I do hope that women who see me, flat as can be, see there are options, that reconstruction isn't par for the course. I want to make flat beautiful, sexy, stylish. Normal. And it is normal for me, is becoming normal, but I am talking about society, norms and expectations. Breast cancer is not about 'boob jobs'. Yes, many of us opt for them, want and need them. But it is also about choosing to be flat. 

Geez, would I like to meet up with other flat chested women. I would love to take over a hotel, make noise, laugh, cry, be flat together-to see you. I want to meet other women who, like me, have decided not to reconstruct. I want to be able to see you and high five! I want to experience our society of normal.

I was picking up my vegetables from the CSA and a man could not stop looking at my chest, I wanted to yell, 'Breast Cancer did this!! Get it together, man!' I wish all of us would!

Rant complete.

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Nov 16, 2012 01:48PM Kimmysu wrote:

Hi all!  Just browsing this forum because I have been in the process of ordering some new Silicone forms.  My first set was too big, so i went down. (A 6 to a 5) which I later decided were also too big.  So I started wearing just the cups that fit inside genie bras and bathing suits and sport dresses, etc.  Occasionally I switch to wear a Nearly Me sport inset, size 3 (a B cup) but the squatty triangle shape makes me feel like I have saggy boobs. (sigh) anyway, going to try an oval from trulife, size 4.  this is supposed to be a B cup.  I'll let you know how it works if anyone is wondering, ie trying to find the right fit for them.

But I am mainly writing today to say that I found some pretty, pocketed camis from Classique, which I ordered through liberator medical and which will be billed to my insurance through liberator as bras. 

While I'm here, does anyone have a set of silicone forms they just love?  how about leisure foams they can run in in work out rooms that do not pop out of their sports bras?  how about favorite mastectomy sports bras?  I am going back to work in January and will need (for my own self-confidence) to look the same at work as i do in the hotel gym.  (I travel alot, and my collegues and i often find ourselves in the gym at the same time.  I just want to look consistent, so i'll need gym boobs.)



the joys of cancer never fade!



Thanks all, and God bless!

Kimberly

Dx 8/23/2010, IBC, Stage IIIB, 5/14 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Nov 16, 2012 02:33PM Dawn7 wrote:

So i got my try me forms- my husband thought they looked nice. Unfortunately, I thought they looked STOOOOPID!! Like I was a kid playing dress up. Oh well....we shall see.

Surgery 10/25/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Nov 16, 2012 04:28PM FernMF wrote:

After a week of UNCOMFORTABLE at work, so much so that it was to a "pain" level by the time I got home, TODAY, I WENT INTO THE RESTROOM AT WORK AND REMOVED MY FOOBS, and CAMISOLE. . . . NO ONE HAS NOTICED - of course, there are not many people on this floor on a friday afternoon (I work at a law firm, ha ha) and the ones that are here are male and wouldn't say anything (I work in a labor & employment law litigation defense department, ha ha ha ha) . . . FLAT might work with some outfits . . . AHHHHHHH if feels better, that is for sure.  I think I'm going to try and find micro beads and soft fabric and make my old softy foobs - the ones on line that I have found cost $50 each . . . come on, it can't be THAT expensive to make!!!!

Dx 4/2012, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 5/7/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/31/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Nov 16, 2012 04:48PM alexandria58 wrote:

FernFM - Stay flat.  I'm a lawyer, and lawyers are incredibly unobservant.  We're too busy formulating arguments and strategies to actually notice people and how they look.  A defense labor and employment litigation department, come on, quite apart from the fact that they wouldn't say anything because they don't want to be sued, they probably don't even know what season it is.  My DH, also a litigator, shaved off a mustache.  No one noticed.  He dyed his completely white head to a youthful blond.  Nothing.

Be comfortable. 

Dx 2/22/2011, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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Nov 16, 2012 05:56PM - edited Nov 16, 2012 05:59PM by erica

Barbara (Starak),

There are several online sites which carry the Still You camisole: the Still You website (http://stillyou.com -- they call the cami the Still You Post-Surgery Top); Make Me Heal (http://www.makemeheal.com/mmh/product.do?id=13672 --they call the cami the Hope Tank Top); and the Women's Personal Health Resource (http://www.womanspersonalhealth.com/still-you-mastectomy-camisoletank-top -- they call it the Still You Mastectomy Camisole Tank Top). So, the same top known by a variety of names. I first saw it at the Dana Farber Friends Boutique, so it is carried in some stores, too.

As you can see, it is expensive (around $68), but I truly have my original Still You camis, purchased in 2006. I machine wash them but always dry them flat. Once I accidentally left one in the drier and it came out okay, just a tad smaller and with a little bit of pilling. If you don't make that mistake, they can last in excellent condition for a really long time.

BreastFree.org (breastfree.org); BreastFree Blog (breastfree.blogspot.com); Twitter @BreastFree
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Nov 16, 2012 06:13PM crystalphm wrote:

Linda, Could you please tell me what size your silicons are, the ones you wear with the Amoena Cami?

I love the Still You cami, but I can see it doesn't like the weight of my size 5 silicons, but it feels very good when I put them in that. It moves well, feels ok...but the fabric is straining...

Well, lately I am back to wearing nothing because quite simply, they all bother me by 3 PM or so.

Back to the title of this discussion...I still wait to see another flat woman....for real, in person, not in a photo.

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Nov 16, 2012 06:14PM - edited Nov 16, 2012 06:18PM by erica

Barbara (Starak),

Regarding the nipples, I tried out silicone nipples and I have to say they just looked weird and wrong on my flat chest. And they definitely didn't do anything for my DH, though he thought it was an interesting experiment. But what does work for him is when I wear breast forms with fairly prominent nipples. As he puts it, male brains are programmed to be aroused by the shape of a woman's breast, doesn't matter if it's a silicone foob or the real thing. And he definitely gets turned on by touching the nipples of the foobs. Sorry if this is TMI, but I think it's good to share this stuff. While I'm sharing, I must admit that I get turned on when he touches my foob nipple, even though I can't feel it--just knowing he's doing it triggers those old nerve pathways in the brain, which was a very pleasant surprise to me after my mastectomy, as my breasts had always been such an important part of my sex life. To be honest, if I touch my foob nipple myself, that arouses me, too,

I should add that my wonderful DH doesn't need me to wear breast forms in order to get aroused. He does just fine with my body as it currently is and, in fact, likes touching my flat chest. That's the one thing I feel a bit shy about, even though I have no shyness about him seeing my flat chest. So, sometimes, for my sake as much as for his, I wear breast forms in a nice bra when I want to be intimate. 

Barbara

BreastFree.org (breastfree.org); BreastFree Blog (breastfree.blogspot.com); Twitter @BreastFree
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Nov 16, 2012 06:24PM alexandria58 wrote:

Maybe we should reconsider a flat fest, maybe aiming for next June. 

Dx 2/22/2011, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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Nov 16, 2012 11:14PM Outfield wrote:

I would have loved a flat-fest, but I'm just so far away from most of you.  Well, not as far as greenfrog and Momine.  

Starak, I experimented with temporary nipple tattoos.  

The ones that are available are I think more meant to be used on reconstructed breasts because they're big - areola and nipple about the same diameter as my real ones were.  Male areolas just aren't that size.  The location is also different.  A very flat woman who just happened to be very flat would have nipples higher than a man's are in relation to the crease at the bottom of the breast.   This I know because in frustration, not wanting to get nothing out of my visit, I asked bad PS #1 where my nipples should go if I were to do something to create pseudo-nipples.  She measured upward from the crease, marked a location, and told me she thought it would look strange.  I wasn't actually considering nipples then, I was considering piercings (still think about that, but would feel very stupid having put a hole in my body if I developed an infection, because my neutrophil count never recovered after chemo).  Anyway, male nipples are much closer to the crease, further down on the breast.

Maybe I'll find the tattoos, play with them again, and take a picture.  They were not too terribly expensive and they were applied exactly the same as all the animals, race cars, ghosts, etc that I have put on my kids.

Have to add this, because of what Alexandria said.  I'm in healthcare.  Not only do I have patient after patient tell me about some loved one's breast cancer without any apparent hint of awareness that they are speaking to a woman with no boobs, I have had medical professionals with whom I work fail to notice.  I believe them, because it generally comes up when they say something that prompts me to mention that I had cancer, which I don't hide, and they are genuinely surprised.  I really think very few people are very observant.   

I also think I look just fine, but that's kind of a different issue.  



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Nov 17, 2012 08:29AM Starak wrote:

FernM - I am a legal assistant in a law firm and have been flat much of the nearly 30 months since my BMX. Okay, during the time I was still out on leave, I went into the office and my boss, a senior partner, and "announced" that there would be no reconstruction and no prosthetics, I imagined it might be a little shocking in the beginning but I expected they would get over it, turned and walked out.  Obviously as much I was upfront, confident and proactive, I was expecting something of a big deal, the stares...  Never happened.  I work in a corporate high rise.  I go up and down the elevators every week day, walk and shop downtown nearly every day, not to mention the summer interns, and I would guess to this very day, most of the people I see all the time still have not caught on.  For those who do know, it is just normal to them.  It is simply Barbara.  Once I started wearing the breast forms the first of the year, I only found one person in the office who actually noticed I suddenly had foobs without being told.  After I told several women in the office, there was a bit of notice by them for a day or two, then everyone was off in their own little world again.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have ripped off the bra and forms halfway through the day because I could not take another minute.  No notice.  People are focused on their work and in their own little world.

Really you all, why do we think this is important anyway?  For the same reasons that we each look in the mirror and see imperfections that only we would ever notice, I get the hypervigilance we direct at ourselves.  I understand how you may not be ready to make the step to go flat yourself.  I get that and would not want any of you to feel pressure to do so.  But, can we step back and look at this as a spectator for a moment.  You all have seen photos of Koo Stark, Linda Ellerbee, me and others fully clothed and flat.  Do you look at us and feel repulsed?  If you saw me in the grocery store or mall, dressed as I am in the avatar, and you were with your children or grandchildren, would you feel the need to grab their hand and whisk them out of the store before they saw me?  If you said Yes, Really??

What I have come to realize for myself is that I really want to see someone else who is flat and so the truth is I am out in the world looking.  I soon came to realize that if a woman is not overly endowed, I might have to scrutinize to know that she is just small and not truly flat.  If I have to look that hard to know and I have a reason, why would someone with no reason to look ever notice much of anything?  Why do we think this is any more important than anything else like blue eyes, grey hair, nice blouse...   I am still looking for a real live standing in front of me person who is flat.

Barbara

Freed 'em when they tried to kill me. BMX, no recon, center dog ears removed, currently living flat but still tending an extensive foob and mx bra experimental farm in the back of the closet.

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