Topic: I look for other flat chested women. A rant.

Forum: Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy — Discuss prostheses, swimsuits, bras, and other options for women not having reconstruction or waiting for reconstruction.

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 02:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 06:56PM by MT1

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 02:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 06:56PM by MT1

MT1 wrote:

I know many of you wear prosthesis, so I probably wouldn't be able to see or 'know', but. I look for you. I want to see you. I want to form a union, lol. I wish it were even more accepted, acceptable to be flat. To not wear prosthesis, not feel the need to, to opt out of reconstruction-if that is your choice. I do hope that women who see me, flat as can be, see there are options, that reconstruction isn't par for the course. I want to make flat beautiful, sexy, stylish. Normal. And it is normal for me, is becoming normal, but I am talking about society, norms and expectations. Breast cancer is not about 'boob jobs'. Yes, many of us opt for them, want and need them. But it is also about choosing to be flat. 

Geez, would I like to meet up with other flat chested women. I would love to take over a hotel, make noise, laugh, cry, be flat together-to see you. I want to meet other women who, like me, have decided not to reconstruct. I want to be able to see you and high five! I want to experience our society of normal.

I was picking up my vegetables from the CSA and a man could not stop looking at my chest, I wanted to yell, 'Breast Cancer did this!! Get it together, man!' I wish all of us would!

Rant complete.

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Jun 14, 2012 12:18PM Linda-n3 wrote:

MT1, thanks for starting this thread! And wrongchick, I would LOVE to read the essay you referred to.

I purchased silicone boobs after BMX, was informed they were out of pocket because I had not met my out-of-provider network minimum - they didn't tell me that before I picked them up and used them - told me later - and of course, being me, didn't put up much of a fuss - found they were soft, comfortable, provided a "buffer zone" from all the huggers in my life. But at home I went without, and have been going out more and more without them and last week at work one of the secretaries asked if I had lost weight - LOL! I was thin initially, so not major change in appearance, and I never liked wearing a bra, so wearing one to just hold some silicone in place is NOT my idea of fun. But I AM having a little difficulty with the bathing suit issue - flat is one thing, concave is another.... *sigh*

So, when and where is the Flat Fest? Will be there if at all possible!!!

BTW, there is another thread here called Flat and Fabulous that may be of interest. And there is another one with suggestions for wardrobe - can't remember the name of the thread, but there were some pics and ideas there.

Linda - "Loving to learn; learning to love." "Gratitude leads to joy. Joy leads to prayer. Prayer leads to gratitude." "Oh, what fresh new hell is this???" - Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory Dx 7/14/2010, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, 19/23 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Dx 8/2011, IDC, Stage IIIC Dx 9/2012, IDC, Stage IIIC Dx 12/2012, IDC, Stage IV
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Jun 14, 2012 12:56PM River_Rat wrote:

Greenfrog, wonderful picture at the link you posted.  Koo Stark is still beautiful.

Fear is the highest fence. ~Dudley Nichols
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Jun 14, 2012 01:33PM MT1 wrote:

resolutely breastless- I love this statement. I did not know Koo Stark, thanks for the link Green Frog.

If I hadn't found Sentenced2Live's photos the night I returned from the plastic surgeons office, I don't know what I would have done.

Then I found this blog:

and this one:

and I knew everything would be OK. I knew I did not have to go the traditional route and get reconstruction. So, I know that we are out there. I just want to see other women like me. Like, with all this breast cancer awareness crap, why doesn't anyone mention that many women who go through treatment don't have nipples? Choose not to get then, want them, whatever. Don't get me started on the pinkypinkness. But the pictures you see are of women with breasts, I can't tell if lumpectomy, reconstruction, if they are just advertisements, I don't know the details.

But I am real. This choice is real. The choice not to reconstruct is a choice, reconstruction is a choice. This is part of breast cancer too. 

I wonder if we could have a skype or video chat? Hell, in person would be even better, but we should figure something out! 

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Jun 14, 2012 02:45PM alexandria58 wrote:

The summer is such a hard time to plan.  I think a Saturday in September in New York or Philly would be great.  Hey, maybe even Atlantic City - home of the former Miss America contest.  We could do a flat swimsuit competition.

Dx 2/22/2011, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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Jun 14, 2012 03:04PM Tina337 wrote:

MT1, I wish I had had your strength and insight. I was on the fence - didn't like the unnatural aspect of implants - but I thought recon might help maintain my pride of body and sexuality. Boy, was I wrong about that one! They were like a stupid white elephant in the room. My husband has told me he thinks I look more like my old self without the implants. Oh, well, here I am. Better late than never.

I am game for meeting in Phila. I have been trying on bathing suits recently, which has temporarily taken me into the sad zone. Lymphedema, concavity, extra flesh around the arm pits, saggy butt, bleck. At 55, my contest will be to just wear a bathing suit after four years! :-)

"Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself." ~ George Bernard Shaw Dx 11/13/2007, DCIS, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jun 14, 2012 04:19PM coraleliz wrote:

I also find myself looking at other's chests hoping to find someone else who is truley flat. My friends who I considered flat before BC, now look much bigger. I also have to look away from any one displaying cleavage. I still not to wear any kind of forms. I figure it would be for others to look at??Undecided So, I guess that makes me selfish??Undecided Seriously, I 'm good being flat. Couldn't look flatter when I go to the gym. I swim laps & go flat there as well. As for the other times I'd need a swimsuit, they are so few & far between, I just throw a rash guard over a running top & put on some bikini bottoms. These times are usually beach or lake related & i'm in & out of the water so much. It works. But, yeah, where are all the flat women??

"flattering" I'm a little slow today, so a belated haha

Dx 2/28/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/15/2011, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 2/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/15/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jun 15, 2012 08:08AM havingfaith wrote:

High Five to everyone, I'm so glad this thread has started.  I'm 7 weeks past my surgery and yesterday was the first time I went without a sports bra or a cami and let me tell you it felt so good in the 100 degree weather. I'm out there too looking for other flat chested women.  I have to be honest and tell you before when I would notice women and their cleavage I would think "cover yourself up", but now I feel sorry for them because they may not know the danger of breast cancer.

I'm going through chemo right now so I'm also looking for other picc lines or ports.

Kelli - Phillippians ch.4 vs.13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Dx 4/20/2012, IDC, 3cm, Stage II, Grade 2, 4/25 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/27/2012 Lymph node removal: Right; Mastectomy: Left, Right Chemotherapy 6/6/2012 AC Chemotherapy 8/8/2012 Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/1/2012 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 11/19/2012
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Jun 15, 2012 10:04AM cooka wrote:

I am totally down for the FlatFest 2012! A Saturday in September or October in NY sounds perfect:)   

Dx 7/15/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 8/11/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 9/16/2011 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Jun 15, 2012 02:13PM greenfrog wrote:

If you managed to meet up for FlatFest we foreigners could Skype in to someone's laptop for a virtual cup of coffee maybe?

That's a great pic you linked to MT1 - nothing overly heroic or posturing - just a woman with kids on the beach living her life.

Dx 5/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/19 nodes, ER+, HER2-
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Jun 15, 2012 02:39PM wallycat wrote:

I never gave wearing bras/prosthetics a second thought.  If I had to lose my breasts, I would enjoy the FREEDOM and expense from all of that.  I was large breasted and bras were never comfortable for me, so I considered the side-effect of the horror of cancer as the benefit of no more undergarments.

I have not had anyone make any comments and if they look or notice, they are very discrete.

I am with the gals that posted they don't care what others think.  I guess I cannot imagine someone coming up to a naturally born smaller chested woman and asking her or telling her it is unacceptable.  If you and your significant other are dealing well with it, power to you!!

If the stem cell/fat injection stuff becomes well accepted, I may consider it, simply because the hollow areas are not the best looking in tighter t-shirts, but otherwise, I will just leave well enough alone.

Dx 4/07 1 month before turning 50; ILC 1.8cm, ER+/PR+, HER2 neg., Stage 1, Grade 2, 0/5 nodes. Onco score 20, Bilateral Mast., tamoxifen 3-1/2 years, arimidex-completed 4/20/2012

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