Topic: I look for other flat chested women. A rant.

Forum: Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy — Discuss prostheses, swimsuits, bras, and other options for women not having reconstruction or waiting for reconstruction.

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 04:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 08:56PM by MT1

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 04:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 08:56PM by MT1

MT1 wrote:

I know many of you wear prosthesis, so I probably wouldn't be able to see or 'know', but. I look for you. I want to see you. I want to form a union, lol. I wish it were even more accepted, acceptable to be flat. To not wear prosthesis, not feel the need to, to opt out of reconstruction-if that is your choice. I do hope that women who see me, flat as can be, see there are options, that reconstruction isn't par for the course. I want to make flat beautiful, sexy, stylish. Normal. And it is normal for me, is becoming normal, but I am talking about society, norms and expectations. Breast cancer is not about 'boob jobs'. Yes, many of us opt for them, want and need them. But it is also about choosing to be flat. 

Geez, would I like to meet up with other flat chested women. I would love to take over a hotel, make noise, laugh, cry, be flat together-to see you. I want to meet other women who, like me, have decided not to reconstruct. I want to be able to see you and high five! I want to experience our society of normal.

I was picking up my vegetables from the CSA and a man could not stop looking at my chest, I wanted to yell, 'Breast Cancer did this!! Get it together, man!' I wish all of us would!

Rant complete.

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Jun 15, 2012 09:43PM seekthejoy wrote:

Home from the hospital, Day 2 post surgery, BMX, delighted to see this thread!  You have made my day.  Count me in for the Flat Fest! 

Dx 12/30/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Surgery 1/9/2012 Lumpectomy: Left Targeted Therapy 1/31/2012 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 1/31/2012 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel), Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Surgery 6/12/2012 Mastectomy: Left, Right Hormonal Therapy 7/12/2012 Femara (letrozole)
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Jun 16, 2012 12:13AM Outfield wrote:

I've been trying to stay away from the boards and get back to my life more, but it's threads like these that keep me coming back, darn it.  

I would love to see other flat women.  How people treat me is kind of a non-issue.  Nobody has ever commented and I don't see anybody staring.  I think I look fairly proportional because I'm narrow-hipped.  But it's an issue for me!  I feel so different. Sometimes I feel streamlined and comfortable, but sometimes I feel like shouting "Can't you see how maimed I am!"  Such a mixture.  

I have found that I love to take off my shirt at home in the summer.  Before cancer, I might have stripped to a sports bra, but I never would have gone totally bare.  It's so comfortable.  Wish I wouldn't be making a major statement if I did yardwork that way.

I am so far in the middle of desert nowhere I probably won't make it to any Flat-Fest, but  I hope you all do have one somewhere.

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Jun 16, 2012 07:53AM Jo5 wrote:

Mt1
Love this thread thanks for the rant. I also don't care what others think just stop greeting my chest first instead of my eyes. I love my choice because it was my choice. I'm all for the union
The Flat Fest.. There is nothing abnormal about us. Thanks for putting it out there......lol

Dx 12/7/2011, DCIS, 5cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/7 nodes Surgery 1/9/2012 Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right
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Jun 16, 2012 05:14PM Flat_for_Life wrote:

Staples/Drains out yesterday.....feels so incredibly wonderful!  Went to buy some button up shirts and sports bras (ugh)....very depressing.  My friend took me shopping after my dr appt., and I had my first annoying experience.  We took some clothes into the handicapped changing area (because I certainly could not dress and undress myself) to give us more room to maneuver around.  When my friend opened the door to try and find me yet ANOTHER size to try....2 store employees said,"We like to keep that stall for people with wheelchairs...is that your mother you are with?"   WHAT???????  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????? I BECAME SO ENRAGED....... I WALKED RIGHT TO THE DOOR....WEARING STORE SPORTS BRA (WHICH DID NOT FIT) OVER DRAIN DRESSINGS AND RAISED MY VOICE AND SAID....."I AM HANDICAPPED!!!!!!!!!"  I could not stop myself....I had been looking at myself in the mirrors...trying to find shirts that would button up...not look ridiculous...yet go over my hips.  Trying on sports bras that use to fit correctly....yet now seemed awkward...unflattering (no pun intended). 

Was I ever that ignorant before my BMX???  I hope not.....I wanted to scream....CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I AM NOT WHOLE????  I AM MISSING PART OF MYSELF....

I suppose there will be many of those experiences to come.....I guess I should have started a different rant....DIFFERENT THREAD....DON'T JUDGE MY USE OF THE HANDICAPPED STALL!!!!

I have to say as I sit here now thinking about it...I am really proud that I went to that door...stood there for those women to see...and never gave my flat chest a thought....it was if I was standing up for all flat chested women in that moment!!!!

Dx 4/9/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/5/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jun 16, 2012 06:03PM CLC wrote:

I am flat on one side and a D cup on the other.  I would think it would be noticeable.  And, part of me wants to be approached and asked about my experience.  I keep thinking someone might come up to me that has had breast cancer, or that is going through it now and say something to me about what I think is my obvious flatness.  I would be very willing to talk to people about my experience with mastectomy and I think of myself as showing strength in my willingness to go out lopsided. 

I think that this odd wish of mine to be noticed as flat and approached about it is related to this thread.  I think I just don't want to feel isolated.  I want it to be NORMAL.  I want to be seen for my strength and appreciated for my self-ness.  I want to know it is comfortable to one and all.

So...I think I understand your rant.  I, too, want to see other women who are flat and I want to be seen.  I, too, want to connect and feel connected.

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~Maori Proverb Surgery 10/28/2010 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 9/15/2011, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+ Surgery 10/6/2011 Mastectomy: Left
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Jun 16, 2012 07:04PM coraleliz wrote:

Flat for life- I often use the handicap shower at the gym because it has a door. It's used by other non-handicap women at busy times. I've yet to see a person in a wheelchair at my gym. I use it because I don't want to startle others. Don't like to educate others. Found that this gets me lectures in nutrition/supplements & stories about someone they know who knows someone..........As well as stupid questions"didn't you get your mamogram" & how they just had their 1st mamo..... The reason I think it will startle others goes back to an experience when I first became a nurse & went to check a patient's pulse. I didn't know the patient didn't have a hand & when I placed my hand on his wrist & discovered this, I jumped(very high,I'm afraid). I felt awful. I don't want to make others feel awkward.

CLC- I understand what you are saying. It is patients I've taken care of over the years(mostly UMXr's) that led me to my decision to have a BMX for bilateral cancer. There acceptance  of it, their wisdom, humor. My attempts at enlightening others have failed. So I stay in the "closet" when it comes to talking about it. Although I couldn't be flatter in my appearance.  Nobody notices.

Dx 2/28/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/15/2011, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 2/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/15/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jun 16, 2012 07:21PM bangotti40 wrote:

Thank you!  I love this.

I was just wondering the other day why I have absolutely no desire to have recontruction...it just doesn't bother me to be flat chested!

Dx 7/26/2011, IDC, 4cm, Stage II, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/4/2011 Mastectomy: Left, Right Hormonal Therapy 8/28/2011 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jun 16, 2012 10:21PM Flat_for_Life wrote:

Coraleliz-Thank you for your insight.  I guess the answer to my question is....yes...there will be other ignorant comments to come.  I can not believe that someone actually asked you if you had had a mamo!!!!  Nutrition/Supplements???  Unbelievable!!!

Dx 4/9/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/5/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jun 17, 2012 01:34PM Rowan47 wrote:

Thank you for starting this thread. I feel honoured to join you all Kiss What a great sense of comraderie! I had BMX last August and am now used to being, and feeling, flat. My oldest daughter tells me how proud she is that I didn't feel the need to re-construct. She is right. I still feel attractive, strong and hopeful. My husband has no issue with it. He said, "I am more interested in other parts of you". Having said that, I do sometimes feel sad when I see other women in low tops etc and remember how I once was....Power to us all!!
Dx 2/16/2011, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 3/21/2011 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Surgery 4/4/2011 Lumpectomy: Right Chemotherapy 4/25/2011 AT Surgery 8/17/2011 Mastectomy: Left, Right
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Jun 17, 2012 03:12PM sus_ wrote:

I'm hoping to join you ladies soon.  I had a mastectomy with an implant.  I just hate being lopsided.  I really would prefer being flat chested.  I'm thinking that if I have an outfit or something that would look better, I'll just wear the falsies that day.

Seeing the PS July 3rd to start the process.  I'm kind of scared because I let the PS and breast surgeon talk me out of a bilateral mastectomy the first time.  I had already had chemo so didn't have it in me to fight for exactly what I wanted.  I'm ready now though.

1/4/2008, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIb, Grade 2, ER-/PR-, HER2+, Mastectomy with implant

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