Topic: I look for other flat chested women. A rant.

Jun 28, 2012 03:08PM alexandria58 wrote:

Hi all, I'm repeating what I just put on Facebook.  My thoughts for Flat Fest 2012 would be a lunch on Saturday followed by an activity then an evening out - theater etc.  and then breakfast on Sunday.   Just got off the phone with the head of the personal services at Bloomingdales.  Explained that we were looking for styles that would look good flat.  She's checking into seeing if we can go to Bloomingdale's, get some style ideas and fashions, and then those who want to shop can be assisted by personal shoppers.

Depending on how many of us there are, I was thinking of a private room in a restaurant.  If there winds up only being about 10 people - we can just get a table somewhere.

Jun 28, 2012 03:22PM - edited Jun 28, 2012 03:25PM by FernMF

I'm new to the site and to posting.  I chose bi-lateral mastectomy, in part, because I was already flat chested.  Surgery was early May - I'm 7 1/2 weeks out and doing great.  (I thought I'd lose at least a couple pounds after surgery - HA - 1.6 pounds TOTAL.  I always said I was CONCAVE - now, I truly am.  Sign me up as "ONCE FLAT CHESTED - ALWAYS FLAT CHESTED".)

I am very discouraged about the post-mastectomy apparel options.  No bras feel good; I don't like the feeling of the prostethics against my chest (yet).  The AMOENA tank top "fits" me and my desired feel the best, so far.  But they are EXPENSIVE!! and not covered by insurance!!!

I am looking at potential chemotherapy treatment options post-mastectomy to decrease my chance of recurrence.  I am truly looking for accurate statistics of potential recurrence as I embark on evaluating treatment plans.  I haven't talked to an oncologist I trust, yet.  (Only saw one, thus far - the appointment did NOT go well.)  Any words of wisdom from fellow-flat-chest-gals are welcome.  THANKS.

Jun 28, 2012 03:41PM Sian65 wrote:

Hi Fern welcome (I guess ) - glad you are feeling good!!! Effectiveness of chemo is really variable - depends on your tumor and what type/dose etc of chemo.  I have failed at 4 types because of my tumor type.  You really need to trust your onc on this one.

Radiation though is critical and I would insist on it - it has a really high percentage for reducing the chance of recurrance (as in improves chance of NED by 20-30%).  I know of noone who has not had rads.  At 7.5 weeks post MBX you are ready for rads.  Here in Sweden, they generally wait for 4 weeks post-surgery to begin with a standard treatment of 25 doses (Mon-Fri for 5 weeks).

Lauri ..... 65... you spring chicken you!  Brave chook too!

Jun 28, 2012 03:50PM puddingirl84 wrote:

Hi MT1,

I had a double mastectomy w/o reconstruction on January 25, 2010. I have no regrets about my decision. I remember going to physical therapy shortly afterwards and got looks of disapproval from other women there. I get grimaces and evil eyes from other women, and that is so sad. That so much importance is put on having breasts and not fighting this dreadful, horrible disease that is trying to destroy the entire female population. I look at the old photos of myself and I say I had really pretty breasts (C cup), but then with sadness I also say those pretty breasts were going to kill me. I have a different reaction now when I see the breasts of other women. I am afraid for them.

I had enough breast biopsies to last a lifetime. I didn't want anymore surgery. Somtimes I stuff a bra, most times I go flat.

I love NYC. I am really interested in a Flat Fest! 

Jun 28, 2012 05:49PM Linda-n3 wrote:

Sian, you may be having a problem with cording.  I had pain the first few days after surgery that was not what I considered "normal post-op" pain, persuaded the BS to refer me to PT despite the NP thinking it was "nothing" and it turned out to be cording.  Mine wasn't too bad, responded to a couple months of PT.  It is NOT LE, but the way it was explained to me is that it is some scarring of the lymph vessels.  It still doesn't make sense to me, and I have a background in physiolgy and pathophysiology, but I will just accept the explanation for now, and am quite glad that problem is resolved.  Now if I could get the rest of it to settle down.....

FernMF, I am 9 months post BMX, and still have very sensitive skin and also don't like the feel of any bras, etc.  It took about 3 months before anything felt OK, and I used some very soft cotton sleeveless undershirts (like men's, from Jockey") and some very soft man-made fiber t-shirts - I think made of some type of polyester, from EMS - these gave a soft layer beneath regular shirts or sweaters - but that was in the winter, LOL.  I still use the t-shirts, they are loose, soft, comfortable.  Get multiple opinions if you need to in order to feel comfortable with your MO.  I had such bad SEs that my MO ignored, now have permanent (probably) neuropathy, she tried mutliple meds, all of which gave me more SEs, and I no longer trust her.  Sad to say that because I believe she is a genuinely nice person and truly cares about her patients, but she screwed up big time with me, and I am probably going to have to find a new MO.... woulda coulda shoulda gotten second opinion before I let her give me chemo that I was opposed to deep in my heart.... will listen to MY heart next time, NOT the MO or my beloved family members and friends.  Bottom line: find someone you can trust, and trust your instincts.  Do what is right for YOU, not for others!

DH said he would take me to NYC for FlatFest if it would make me feel good.... so I am seriously considering it!  Personal shopper??? Hooray!

Jun 28, 2012 07:06PM MT1 wrote:

Alexandria, is the facebook page private?

Jun 28, 2012 08:11PM Tina337 wrote:

I can't see whole URL with my iPad, so I can't copy and paste to browser. I will try using laptop tomorrow. Also, when I searched from within Facebook, I could not find. I will figure it out.

Jun 28, 2012 10:44PM _Ann_ wrote:

Just wanted to toss a silly thought into this thread for the uniboobers.  I'm a big fan of unicorns.  If one horn is enough for a unicorn, then one boob is enough for me! 

Jun 29, 2012 06:52AM Linda-n3 wrote:

Momine, so glad to hear your scans were clear! Always nice to get a bit of good news for a change! 

Jun 29, 2012 12:16PM BonoboGirrl wrote:

Ann, cute comment regarding unicorns. :) 

Jun 29, 2012 01:15PM FernMF wrote:

Radiation to the nodes?  There is no breast tissue left.

Jun 29, 2012 01:59PM Sian65 wrote:

LOL for the unicorn Ann..

Great photos AnneMarie - I agree scarves serve a purpose but why or who are we wearing them for?

Fern - there is always a little breast tissue left after an MX and just one remaining cancer cell can trigger a recurrance. For MX the radiation is often to the whole breast/chest (bottom of the ribs) (affected side/s) plus to the armpit, clavical and neck nodes (affected side/s).

Momine - YEAH!!!!!! for your scans  (I wish they had better emoticons on this website 'cause I wanted to give you a dancing man ;)...         

Momine - now you have me worried (not really) but it makes sense that this is lymphodema shit shit shit.  Can it happen so fast - I've only had 3 rad sessions??? Just measured my upper arm and my left is 2cm bigger than my right, it kinda feels heavy but that may be my imagination.  The buldge is big but very firm - I thought lymphodema would be soft and squishy? No?

I asked the rad techs and they offered to get a doctor to look but I sais I can wait until Monday when I have a whole day to waste at the hospital between contrast and scanning.

I'm mainly bra free but will now stop completely (like that most of the time, most of my life anyway.)  I ride my bike everywhere (average 5-10km a day) or else walk.  I'm vegetarian so I will have to look up vege anti-inflammatory foods.  I must admit I have not been doing any of the lymph massaging that I was taught - kind of thought that been active would replace the need.... plus it is 4.5 months since my MX so kind of deluded myself that I would be lucky.

I'm in Stockholm so a bit of a hike from Goteberg but you never know... please keep in touch re that and maybe I will take the chance to travel south for a little break. FYI I hope to be back at work 80% from August 7ish.

Jun 29, 2012 02:24PM BonoboGirrl wrote:

Sian, During my chemo days, the scarves were great for obscuring my port, which was quite pronounced. Working for hearing-impaired students, moving from classroom to classroom, I wanted students to focus on their coursework, not my chest or this object protruding out of it. I openly discuss breast cancer in public, but in my work life, when in a classroom performing my job, I do not invite conversation. I am there for my students and, professionally, I am *not* to draw attention to myself. I like my privacy at times in my public life, too. There are many times when I don't wish to speak with uninvited guests (it's one of the reasons I opt for glasses instead of contacts; they're a good filter). So the scarves can be great for blending in, thus giving me a little privacy. I most frequently wear scarves to work; I love the aesthetic, which has become a signature look of mine, and they help keep me warm, in the cold winter and air-conditioned summer. So, as with most things, the reasons are varied. Mostly, though, I just like 'em. The artist in me has always used clothing as a form of creative expression. Scarves add structural form, linearity and are a great way of bringing in a dash of bold color, much the way a necklace does, and since I almost never wear necklaces, I have scarves, which for me are more comfortable and pragmatic.

Jun 29, 2012 03:05PM crystalphm wrote:

AnneMarie, Thank you for the wonderful photos! It never ceases to amaze me that I "see" breasts even when I know you are flat in many of the photos, like my brain writes that part in. So I wonder if the same is true for other people looking at us?

I love scarves too and I make many of mine as a hobby. Actually I loved them before breast cancer, so I am wearing them because I love them, not to "hide". That said, hiding is ok too...I travel to sell my art and I want the focus on "selling" and communicating, not on my lack of breasts, so scarves have their purpose.

Jun 29, 2012 04:17PM - edited Jun 29, 2012 04:22PM by Sian65

Agreed - I love scarves - kind of essential in Sweden; but I'm not wearing them now in summer.  I work with schools and preschools and the kids were much more interested in my lack of hair than lack of (1/2) chest.  I have not had a port but I did have a PICC-Line for 8 months and always kept that covered - some things are just too "medical" to be on public display..

Sorry if you thought I was criticising wearing scarves; I was just thinking out aloud..... choosing flat confronts a whole binch of stereotypes/conventions.... how far do we go??  I for one could not go without a top in a public pool with a BMX.  To me that feels like I would be kind of saying I am no longer a woman - treat me like a little girl/boy/man who has no breasts. I dont have problem with topless bathing and it is certainly not about shame; it is just I want to be part of the femal world and women with boobs don't swim in public pools without a topso why would I.  Maybe I would feel completely different about this if I had a BMXand not just an MX which makes life a bit more difficult.  What do you think???