Topic: Anyone regret going flat?

Aug 23, 2019 02:38PM StAuggie wrote:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Dharmamum. I have looked at the pictures online, and it doesn't help me come to a conclusion either way. I am horrified, I think, at what I know is going to happen to my body regardless of which path I choose. I have been in mourning, knowing that i am losing something that fed and nurtured my children. My husband is supportive of me, and whatever happens.

I was originally going to get implants, but I wasn't totally at peace with it. I decided against it when I did research and found out about breast implant illness. I don't want to have anything to do with them.

Aug 23, 2019 03:07PM buttonsmachine wrote:

As an aside, I am not trying to be a bummer or to influence you, but this was just my experience: I personally find prosthetics to be very uncomfortable and unwieldy, but I make the best of it. However, I also found an implant to be uncomfortable. But being flat can also be uncomfortable - I've had phantom nipple pain, nerve regrowth pain, shoulder instability, and other troubles. Not to mention the emotional impact of losing a breast - I'm still really sad about it.

I am only speaking for myself, but I found that the lumpectomy was less painful physically and emotionally. However, that's not always a viable option, and sometimes this disease forces us to make tough choices. I hope you find a solution that you feel good about.

Aug 24, 2019 09:53AM Wildplaces wrote:

I am flat and 52. I initially had a one sided mastectomy by choice - well apart from the diagnosis of BC - and the other side done 2 years later. Reconstruction was offered and I work in the area so could have had pretty much what I wanted, but it was not for me. I am not thrilled with loosing my breasts - they were lovely to be honest, but in the scheme of treatment this was the easy bit for me. In the last two months ( so three years down) I am comfortable enough to skip the padded sports bras I used to wear - I wear stripes, vests etc and use a change room at the pool.

Although scars from mastectomies are significant - for me the whole focus was about getting as healthy as I could - the breasts if you wish became irrelevant. There are many many times/days where I forget I dont have them.

Wishing you well whatever you decide.

Aug 24, 2019 05:14PM Erica wrote:

I'll offer yet another perspective. I chose not to have reconstruction when I needed a bilateral mastectomy (cancer in each breast). I asked my surgeon to make the result as cosmetically-pleasing as possible -- NO extra skin, no lumps, or dog ears, just a smooth flat chest. She did a beautiful job. I have two symmetrical incisions that are now virtually invisible. I never felt mutilated for one minute.

While extra skin can be helpful if you know you want reconstruction later on, it's almost never necessary. I've seen pictures of many flap surgeries (like DIEP) performed on women who had no skin left behind after their mastectomy. I made a point of asking my surgeon not to leave extra skin because I felt that would make my chest look unsightly and I knew I would feel unhappy about that.

We're all so individual, so the best advice I can give is to think about what matters to you. I felt that I would be happier with a smooth but flat chest, rather than have implants that weren't symmetrical. And I didn't want the extra scarring and invasiveness that a tissue flap surgery would entail. But other women, like Trishyla, feel very differently. I also wanted the shortest, easiest surgery possible, with the least time under anesthesia. For others, having reconstructed breasts makes longer or multiple surgeries worthwhile.

If you decide to try going flat, you can almost always have delayed reconstruction if you change your mind. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Aug 24, 2019 06:39PM Maggie3923 wrote:

The conclusion to this story is, no, I have never regretted being flat. I felt like I had escaped prison when I had my second set of implants removed.

Over thirty years ago, I was a post doctoral fellow doing molecular research. My mother, two sisters, and a brother all got cancer within one year. I was the one trying to help everyone, long-distance, with their care. I had one baby at the time. My primary care doc set me up with a surgeon and an oncologist and every time I had a mammogram, I was in for a biopsy. They recommended a BMX. I waited until I had my second child. The plastic surgeons were so sure they had everything figured out, so I went along with reconstruction - expanders, surgery, encapsulation, surgery, one breast much larger than the other, surgery and flat. I became expert in the type of anesthesia I needed. I had my surgeries every Thanksgiving and Christmas because I was teaching and running a lab.

In retrospect, I think the implants didn't work, in part, because they put the prosthetics under the muscle and I had little kids, was swimming and biking, and the just kept inflaming my chest muscles.

Now, three decades later, I have a closet full of prosthetics. I'd love to donate most of them somewhere. Several years ago, I found the ones that are microfiber on the surface that touches you and feel like they have very tiny particles, like sand, inside. They are light, cool, comfortable, and have never leaked or broken. You might want to keep a silicone set for swimming, but my suits were fine without solid prosthetics in them.

With the older prosthetics, they would often leak or get bubbles in them. That further convinced me I had made a great decision. If companies can't make breast prosthetics that survive outside the body, how can they possible make ones that we can trust to survive inside us?

When you are flat - if you want to be a B this year and a D in two years, do it. I only miss having cleavage (which I really never had) when I see the Oscars. I feel that if your significant other is bothered by your not having breasts, maybe he or she doesn't see the real you. After all this time, I almost don't give a thought to the prosthetics. I am really happy with these microfiber/silicone ones and now have 3 good pairs, lots of nice underwire bras, and I think I'm pretty cute for an old dame!

After all this time, I finally figured out the gene that was in our family. I tried to talk to my 2 nieces about not having reconstruction, but neither took it seriously. "I don't have cancer anymore." "Please, you have to be a warrior in dealing with this, I said." I don't want to scare anyone here, but one is gone and the other is in remission for 6 months. When I identified the gene last summer (I don't have it), I had to call all my family and relatives I didn't even know. I don't know too many that decided to be tested, sadly.

It's not the end of the world to have one of these mutations - we have many survivors in my family - but you have to eat well, stay away from things that cause double strand breaks (DuPont factories, radioactive waste sites, smoking, etc), and you have to de-stress as much as possible. This seems like good advice for us all. One sister who didn't have the gene got cancer - but she is so vigilant it was stage 1.

When my second niece was diagnosed, I got in touch with my former oncologist. He said that, if he sees someone who is a survivor and, after some years has a relapse, it is typically after some major stress - including surgery (like reconstruction), car accidents, loss, etc. These things induce inflammation and cell division, so that may be part of the issue. The people in my family who have been long-term survivors are extremely calm most of the time!

Be healthy and happy and don't stress over things. I am thrilled to be flat. I've lived to help many people through cancer and I am optimistic that each of you can beat this. Much love to you all.

Aug 25, 2019 12:40AM Moderators wrote:

Welcome, MightlyBird01, Maggie3923, and LindaWhit! We're glad you've joined here, and hope this community provides support!

The Mods

Aug 25, 2019 01:43AM carmstr835 wrote:

I also had cancer in both breasts and opted to go flat. I did want immediate reconstruction with DIEP but it wasn't possible, I needed radiation the cancer was in my lymph nodes as well.My breast surgeon also made my mastectomies as pleasing and flat and smooth as he could and he did a wonderful job.. I did not look deformed, but I did cry when I first saw them. I was a DD-DDD cup. I stayed flat for about 1 1/2 years, then opted for a delayed diep. I didn't like the prosthetics, they were heavy and hurt my chest. Also they didn't look real to me even in a bra. It was a rather traumatic experience for me to be fitted for them and several times I walked out before completing the order. I opted for delayed DIEP after I was called "sir" a few times, I had never been mistaken for a man before and that bothered me a lot. I have had 2 surgeries so far and will need 1 more to complete the DIEP. So, I had a bilateral mastectomy, DIEP, 2 revisions, and then the tattoo procedure. I am still not symmetrical yet, hopefully my next surgery will accomplish that, next month.

Aug 25, 2019 08:05AM Sal462 wrote:

Joined a few days ago to try to figure out Tamoxifen decision but happened on your post. The whole stress relation makes me nervous because I live very stressed life and it got even more stressed in next months after lumpectomy and radiation ( had been saying to people if THAT part was all breast cancer was, no one would worry about it. Knew it couldn’t be that easy and of course it’s not, now I have to decide between five years of worrying about blood clots and stroke or a life of worrying about recurrence being my fault). Really have to find a way to destress

Aug 25, 2019 11:56AM StAuggie wrote:

Maggie, where did you get the prosthetics that you like so much, with the microfiber and fine particle filler? Brand name? I'd like to research those and see if I'd like them.

Aug 25, 2019 12:23PM Karma_76 wrote:

I am 42 and just had a double mastectomy without reconstruction done in May. I decided against reconstruction as I personally feel that I would have a better chance of discovering a possible recurrence with a flat chest, plus I honestly did not think it would matter much to me personally. I also don't have much body fat to take from and did not want anything artificial. The surgery itself was a breeze; it got done on a Thursday, I stayed over night, the drains came out on a Tuesday and I went for my first 5 mile run two days after. Drains were the worst part. I am not regretting anything but am wearing prosthetics most of the time as I find that a lot of my cloths don't fit right without. At home and when working out I often go flat. I am getting my prosthetics from a lady that basically makes them custom from home, for about $40 per pair. They are filled with beads and I can squeeze them into most of my sports bras that I already had. If anyone is interested, here is the link. She also shares how to make them yourself which I might try in future......I wash them by just leaving them in one of the bras. If you google 'mastectomysolutions' you should be able to find her page.

Aug 25, 2019 12:52PM - edited Aug 25, 2019 12:52PM by mustlovepoodles

So, I went flat after my BMX. I had a one-step reconstruction called Goldilock reconstruction which uses your own skin and fat to form little mounds. In my case, VERY little mounds, which got necrotic and left me with gaping wounds that required 16 weeks recovery, 8 of those weeks with a wound vac! Needless to say, I was thoroughly SICK of the whole business by the time I finally got healed. I wasn't able to wear prosthetics for about 7 months, so I wore large flowy blouses and lots of scarves. Honestly, I think people were more distracted by my bald head than my flat chest.

I thought I was okay being flat. I really did. I knew I would never have implants, especially after all the healing fiasco. I didn't want any foreign body left in me. But about 18 months after the BMX I began to realize that I was very unhappy being flat. I was always large breasted, since the age of 12. I just could not adjust to having no breasts and a horribly mutilated chest. At the 2 year mark, I decided to have delayed DIEP reconstruction.

DIEP surgery is not for the faint of heart. DIEP is done in at least 2 or more phases. Phase 1 is moving the tissue and blood vessels to the chest and getting them to "take". Phase 2 is tweaking the size and shape, liposuction and fat grafting. Some need more than one phase 2. There are lifting and activity restrictions, drains to deal with, 24/7 girdles, sleeping on your back. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

My new "breasts" are soft and warm. They look and feel natural. I'll never have to replace them or suffer implant complications. They are mine forever. Do they look like my old breasts? No, but then my old breasts were ticking time bombs due to 2 gene mutations, so anything is better than those puppies. Am I totally happy with them? I would say I'm reasonably happy with them. I'm 62 and my breasts look good in clothes. They actually look pretty decent out of clothes, too. I would love to have a little more fat grafting to fluff things up a bit, but I think I'm done with all the surgery.

Aug 25, 2019 03:51PM ksusan wrote:

I'm happy flat and since what I'd want instead is my actual breasts, flat is the most satisfactory solution for me.

Aug 26, 2019 10:08AM - edited Aug 26, 2019 10:20AM by alto

I went unilateral mx at age 42. I had been married for a year, so it was a tough decision. My husband thought I'd feel more like me if I had the reconstruction.

But I'd already had 2 surgeries, and I just couldn't take much more of that in my future. I was too tired to consider it. That made me feel a bit like a wimp, that I wasn't willing to fight for the girl, but that was where I was. I wanted to get back to my life and not be dealing with this stuff all the time.

I did not consider surgery involving anywhere else on my body - it felt like too much of a risk for me/my situation. I also didn't love the idea of implants - not the silicone, not the donor tissue they'd have to use to keep them in place, not the ripples I'd have, and the thin skin that might be an issue with direct-to-implant. (All of this was very individual to my situation, but played a role in my decision.) I didn't like all the unknowns I was facing - both in terms of how I would wake up (would they be able to do the implants, or would I wake up with TEs) and how my skin would cooperate. Plus, they kept finding things at my surgeries - so I really didn't feel like I had a clear diagnosis either, and was wary of getting all this work done, and not knowing whether it would have to be undone. . . It just hadn't been going very well for me. And I needed a break.

I've had a C/D, and they've always been a bit of a pain, to be honest. It probably helped me let go - that I had a sort of resentful relationship with them - although I felt bad about that, too. :P Anyway, I had a lumpectomy on the non-mastectomy side, and I knew what a pain it could be to deal with the residual aches (these have gotten better over time). I'm the type to be distracted by that kind of thing. I also just knew I'd be the kind of person to lean over a sharp corner or do something stupid with my numb chest. It felt safer to keep the numb spot closer to my chest and protected. Plus, I'm picky about results and symmetry (waiting for the implant to settle? ugh), and I gain and lose weight pretty regularly.

So I did the unilateral mastectomy without recon. It felt scary to make the decision, but I knew it was the right one, given my options and my feelings.

It took about 6 weeks to regain 80-90% of my mobility and energy, and feel pretty functional on a daily basis. I was taking short walks later that week, could drive week 2 or 3, and by week 4 I could do short shopping trips (if someone else carried the heavy stuff), but it's better to take it easy while you heal. My doc said absolutely no weights until I saw her around week 7, and after that she said, start light and take it very, very easy - start slow. I wore a prosthetic made from pillow stuffing the first couple of months (by week three, I had it stuffed in a pocketed camisole that I tucked into my pants). I eased into a mastectomy bra and lightweight prosthetic around 2 months after surgery (before that at week 7 or so, I could wear it, but I'd get a little sore). Finding the right gear is key - I have an Amoena 1S (shallow top) and 2S (fuller top) that are lighter silicone, and have a very soft silicone liquid back to them, and I forget they are there. I started with a light one by ABC (size 5 / B-ish), and stuffed some pillow stuffing around it as I got better and gained weight - it was a win/win - and probably gave me time to get used to the prosthetic. I've gained some weight post-surgery, so that's why I have two - got a saggy S1 to start (size 6), a fuller S2 once I gained weight back (size 7). I prefer the Amoena to ABC because of the soft/jelly back. I bought them on Amazon for 1/2 what my breast center would have charged for ABC forms.

I used to lift weights before, and I still haven't gotten back into that - but I can do laundry and carry groceries. I do get some twinges when I lift very heavy things or do stuff like turning tight screws to build furniture. In my surgery, they removed my pec fascia, which might make a difference in strength. Now that I'm 7 months out or so, and settled after moving homes, I'm looking at getting back in shape.

Seeing comedian Tig Notaro (BMX/NR) made me feel very differently about going flat - somehow, just that it's someone else's normal made it feel better to me.

Aug 26, 2019 07:51PM wallycat wrote:

If reconstruction were safe and easy, I would happily have breasts again (maybe not quite as big as I was naturally). But everything I read made me think it isn't easy and it's not always safe. I'm going on 13 years and don't regret my decision.

Sep 3, 2019 01:31AM Momine wrote:

WC3, I am not sure that recon vs. none makes that big a difference in the man department. As far as hips, I have large hips too, not boyish at all. You can see pictures of me flat in the thread I started on this forum.