Topic: Anxious hubby looking for some advice/reassurance

Forum: Not Diagnosed But Worried — For those who are experiencing symptoms or received concerning test results, but haven't been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Posted on: Jan 13, 2022 03:10AM

Posted on: Jan 13, 2022 03:10AM

Anxioushubby123 wrote:

hello all, hope you are doing well.


so about 2 weeks back, my wife who is 28 and has no family history of cancer began to show changes in her right breast only. Her breast were tender and a long dent started to form. From the top of the breast towards her nipple. We immediately made an appt for her GP, and after visiting, the doctor told her she had some lumps under her breast. He gave her an appt to do an ultrasound.

Fast forward to today, we did the ultrasound, and the doctor was perplexed. He could feel the lumps and see the dent but nothing showed up on the ultrasound. No cysts, no masses, nothing.

Afterwards, we went to go see the breast specialist, he reviewed the ultrasound and said he was a bit concerned about the “fat placement” in the breast. After visibly inspecting and feeling the area, he decided that we should do an MRI. He did rule out, in his medical opinion, IBC which is a relief. Moreover he mentioned there was no swelling in the lymph nodes. He did also say that breast cancer is rare for someone in their late 20s, but without the MRI, if there was cancer, he couldn’t tell if it could be stage 1-3.

honestly, my wife is so strong and positive. But I’m such a negative anxious pessimistic person and I’m weighing her down, I’m panicking and I’m trying my best to not talk about it, google it, or show any negative emotions around her. So I found this forum! Thankfully. I’m just here to vent and see if I can get some opinions or just positive words on our situation.


thank you for taking the time to read this! Our MRI is in a week, so I’ll update when the time comes

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Jan 13, 2022 07:29PM mountainmia wrote:

Okay, I want to say how much I appreciate the spouses, family members, dear friends, and paid workers who care for us. Some of them go above and beyond, and literally make the difference in our lives, helping to the other side of treatment where that is true, or helping us to move toward death when that is the case. My husband was (always has been) my rock. I can't tell you how much he did to support me through diagnosis, treatment, and aftermath.

BUT. I am the one who was diagnosed with cancer. I am the one who had tests and surgery and chemo and rads. I am the one who has the scars, who lost my hair, who couldn't walk to the mail box to bring in the mail. I am the one who still doesn't have hair the length it was when I was diagnosed. I am the one who has follow-up appointments. While WE went through the process together, WE did not have cancer and surgery and chemo and rads. And frankly, I am offended by that notion.

And since some of us obviously get offended by the WE pronoun in terms our OUR cancer, OUR MRI, and some of us do not, maybe we should let the patient be the one to decide. Not the caregiver.

If these caregivers are working with and/or loving on a patient who agrees with the WE pronoun, have at it!! I sure don't care. But when they award it to themselves, I think that's offensive. Let the patient decide.

The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.
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Jan 13, 2022 07:32PM mountainmia wrote:

And anxioushubby, I am sorry for hijacking your thread. I truly do wish the best for your partner and for you.

The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.
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Jan 13, 2022 07:52PM tb90 wrote:

Anxioushubby, thank you so much for coming here for support. That is exactly what we are supposed to be here for. You are trying to receive support and a place to express your fears and address your anxiety and therefore be stronger for your partner. Wish everyone had this level of insight and motivation. At this stage in your wife’s diagnosis, whether benign or other, you should not need to worry about political correctness and your wording. I am embarrassed and mortified over some of the reactions here. You reached out for support and this needs to be about you. “We” is an indication that you too feel that you are going through this. And you are. “We” better support you or rethink why we are here. I cannot express my sadness for the reaction you received. Perhaps start another thread and let us do much better. Hugs to you and your partner. There are so many explanations yet for what is going on. There is so much reason to hope for benign. Hang on. Distract yourself. Do whatever you can to not show your anxiety in front of her. But also, do not minimize her fears. It’s a delicate balance that no one should be expected to master at this point. If you have not lost all faith here, let us guide and support you. Hugs to you both

Dx 11/28/2013, DCIS, Grade 2 Surgery 12/17/2013 Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 2/19/2014 Breast
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Jan 13, 2022 07:58PM serendipity09 wrote:

Anxioushubby - I hope everything comes out in your wife's favor. Be strong!

Dres123 - Your wife is lucky to have you!

Chemotherapy 3/31/2020 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 9/16/2020 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): Tissue Expander; Reconstruction (Right): Tissue Expander Chemotherapy 11/2/2020 Xeloda (capecitabine) Surgery 7/9/2021 Reconstruction (Left); Reconstruction (Right) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Jan 14, 2022 01:40AM - edited Jan 14, 2022 01:40AM by Anxioushubby123

TB90, thank you those kind words. It really does mean a lot. My caring wife actually bought me an anxiety book/journal, so I've been reading that, and staying off google. When I'm online I just come back to this forum and read some reassuring things. Looks like there's an amazing amount of support here. Wether is for the patient or their supporting cast, it means alot and is appreciated. I know I can ask a million questions and bombard myself with a thousand “what if" scenarios, but at the end of the day, I'm just glad she's here next to me TODAY. She's been getting random breast pains here and there, and it may itch now and again. The indentation hasn't changed, and at least the doctor did mention it wasn't IBC.

I've visited the thereforher website, and went out and bought her some flowers and made dinner.

My fingers are crossed. 5 more days. The doctor did mention that if the MRI shows nothing, he still wouldn't be fully satisfied as his visual inspection hinted to him that there indeed something going on. He said if that was the case, than a MRI/Ultrasound should be done every few months to monitor.

Now if there IS something there, Is a biopsy recommended or necessary? Or can they tell what it is just through the MRI results?


thank you to everyone who repliedagain!

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Jan 14, 2022 01:56AM alicebastable wrote:

I'm all for supportive spouses! My husband was there every step of the way, at every appointment, test, surgery, and procedure, and at all 33 radiation sessions. He was as supportive as it is humanly possible to be. But he did NOT have my cancers or any of the tests and surgeries I had. Just like I do not say "WE have pins in our leg" because my husband is the one who had the bad break and repair surgery, he does not say OUR mammogram or OUR ultrasound or OUR CT or OUR lumpectomy (and certainly not OUR hysterectomy!). I'm sorry if that distinction offends some of you. As MountainMia said, if a patient wants to use the plural term, that's up to them. But I don't think it's for the spouse/caregiver/support person to do it.

BCO is not trustworthy. Do not share personal information on this site. Surgery 7/10/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Surgery 8/7/2018 Radiation Therapy 10/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jan 14, 2022 07:34AM parakeetsrule wrote:

The MRI can tell them a lot but the biopsy it what really confirms it. And if it is cancerous, the biopsy gives them a lot more useful details about it, like what type of cancer and its characteristics.

Stage 2 at 37, Stage 4 at 41. Cancer is dumb. Cookies are good. Dx 3/21/2017, IDC, Left, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 5/14/2017 AC + T (Taxol) Hormonal Therapy 12/8/2021 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 12/13/2021 Piqray (alpelisib) Dx IDC, Other, Stage IV, ER+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery Lymph node removal (Left); Mastectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Jan 14, 2022 07:55AM - edited Jan 14, 2022 08:39AM by kbl

Dres123, I'm so glad you decided to come back. What a great support you are.

I understand where others are coming from, and I know we all think differently. That's what being human is about. I, for one, and only one, will be commenting on your questions from now on and not the I/we discussion. I am here for support. Hugs to you and your wife, and I hope you feel that you are supported, as well as Dres123.

De Novo ILC - No primary found. Mets to full spine, femurs, skull, and stomach. Dx 5/1/2019, ILC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/23/2019 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 6/23/2019 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy 9/27/2021 Other
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Jan 14, 2022 09:12AM threetree wrote:

I'd just like to underscore KBL's comments about how nice it is that Dres123 came back. I don't know that many would do the same. I have often thought that the "we" thing scared a lot of husbands away (maybe others too), so good for Dres123 for coming back. Yes, Anxioushubby and Dres123's issues are with their wives cancer and their need to deal with it as couples, not pronouns, etc, so I think we should all support them as much as possible in that regard.

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Jan 14, 2022 09:32AM serendipity09 wrote:

Completely agree with both ThreeTree and KBL. I'm more than willing to help uplift, support and share my experiences and knowledge with anyone needing it. I stopped visiting the site during my first diagnosis as I felt unwelcome. It was difficult as I really needed the support. I decided to come back when I was diagnosed with a recurrence and just do not interact with certain members. I have found it so helpful emotionally, the second time around having others to discuss and share not only the bad, but the good as well.

Chemotherapy 3/31/2020 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 9/16/2020 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): Tissue Expander; Reconstruction (Right): Tissue Expander Chemotherapy 11/2/2020 Xeloda (capecitabine) Surgery 7/9/2021 Reconstruction (Left); Reconstruction (Right) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall

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