Jul 26, 2015 10:09AM Jackbirdie wrote:
Sue- you made me laugh and cry too. Now I have a few body parts thatI hadn't thought of before that have mets. Haha. Thanks for making me laugh this morning. ,
For those who have met on Breastcancer.org and want to continue growing their cybersibling friendships beyond cancer.
Posted on: Jul 18, 2015 05:14PM - edited Feb 20, 2016 09:31PM by SlowDeepBreaths
I'm hoping there isn't another thread like this. I did a search and saw one for stage 4, but nothing for everyone else. My very special friend on BCO (Tomboy), and I have talked about a Crazy Town thread for awhile now. I know she will be happy I finally took the bull by the horns!!
I wrote a little story about visiting Crazy Town last year on my blog, and I received some lovely emails from women all over the world talking about how terrifying those feelings can become. I thought I would share that story with my BCO sisters. I know many of you can relate to the craziness of worrying about recurrence or progression. I think my experience epitomizes the crazy place our minds can go. I've found when I can laugh at myself, I always feel better.
"My master bath has its own little room for the toilet. The sink, shower and tub are all in the same room. At night when I have to use the bathroom, I always turn on the closet light which is right next to my sink. This way I don't have to turn on all the lights above the sink. They are very bright and there are a lot of them. I do this so the brightness doesn't wake up my DH. Being the OCD person I am, I always wash my hands after using the restroom – even in the middle of the night.
One night last week, I was doing my usual ritual and I caught a glimpse of a big blackish/brown mark on the upper left side of my chest.This thing was huge. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest when I caught a glimpse of it. I'm sure many of you will know what I'm talking about - that feeling of dread.I ran my fingers over it and it felt raised. I couldn't imagine what it could be – it was SO big. I thought, "Oh great, here we go again, now I've got skin cancer." Then I decided to risk waking DH up by turning on the millions of lights above the sink. Then I got a closer look. UNBELIEVABLE!!……it was a piece of chocolate from a cookie I had eaten earlier!!!!! Apparently it had melted into my chest and I went to bed that way. Can you imagine?? Now if that doesn't give you a good laugh, I don't know what will. CRAZY TOWN!!!"
I have many stories since diagnosis. I call it going to Crazy Town. Some of them are funny, others not so much. I usually go there in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping, and my mind wanders. There are no trains, planes or busses out of Crazy Town in the middle of the night. I also go there at times when I'm waiting on test results. I hope we can all share our Crazy Town stories. Talking about it has helped me to stay on the outskirts of the town. I've been really good about not visiting lately, but this week it's been a real challenge.
If you have tests coming up, or you just have a day where you're worried more than usual, or if you just want to hang out and chat, please stop in to visit. It is my hope we can have some fun here and get each other through on difficult days with humor, kindness and hugs!!
Much love to all,
Beppy ツP.S. If you've just been diagnosed, I strongly suggest starting a blog. Whether it be just for yourself, or you'd like to share it with others. It's been a good outlet to get my feelings out as well as a wonderful timeline to refer back to when needed.
Great info about breast cancer and PTSD:
Posts 91 - 120 (15,886 total)
Jul 26, 2015 10:09AM Jackbirdie wrote:
Sue- you made me laugh and cry too. Now I have a few body parts thatI hadn't thought of before that have mets. Haha. Thanks for making me laugh this morning. ,
Jul 26, 2015 11:12AM JAN69 wrote:
SusanHG We must be hanging out in the same school (of thought) in Crazy Town. Today my cancer is in my right ribs, but tonight it will be in my left leg and foot. Of course those brain mets increase during the day most days. Never mind this has been going on since way before my DX. Perhaps we could meet in the cafeteria and see what else we can come up with.
I meet with ortho on Wednesday. Maybe he'll refer me to the Crazy Town Crazy Hospital. Wouldn't be surprised.
Jul 26, 2015 12:09PM SlowDeepBreaths wrote:
queen, if it were up to me, EVERYONE would fit in!
Poppy, Good grief....you must have been so terrified. What a dumbass doctor getting you and your DH so upset. Hope you're feeling better today.
2TA, Welcome to the thread!! I think anything when it comes to this disease can send us to Crazy Town. Having to go through it twice, kind of bumps you up to lunatic status in my opinion. I think when there is progression, you get stark raving mad status.
Suladog, you should get different T-shirts with your status so people will stop asking. One day it can be - feel like crap, go away....... another day can read - in Crazy Town today, don't mess with me.....etc. I'm not too clever, but I'm sure you can come up with some good ones!!
hahahaha....staying alive so they lose interest.....good one!!
Susan, you practically made me pee my pants. Pretty easy to do these days considering I may have bladder cancer. If Lucy is your twin, than I'm the triplet. Man, that was funny!!!
Ducky!! So good to see you! Missed seeing you around these parts!!! Welcome to this thread!!
Jan, very glad you found us!! We will be in your pocket on Wed. I think Crazy Hospital may be booked up with this group. hahahaThanks for the laughs ladies. I really needed them this morning!!
Jul 26, 2015 12:22PM queenmomcat wrote:
Now contemplating the practical methods of indicating to others how you're doing; t-shirts would work, but you're limited to whichever one you're wearing at the time. Something a bit more suited to one's changing mood? Too bad those illuminated message boards out on the freeways are so big, though it sounds like some people would need a warning that big.
Jul 26, 2015 12:51PM AmyQ wrote:
Here's me visiting Crazy Town earlier this month. At my last Onc appointment I point out two sets of almost identical bruises on the back of my calves. They're grouped with one large roundish bruise at the bottom and four smaller bruises in a semi-circle at the top of the larger bruise. They resemble a dog's paw print. She's looking closely and has a little worry or concern in her voice. Mind you I already googled unusual bruising and leukemia popped up so was worried when she seemed worried. Suddenly I remembered lying on the floor on my belly watching television when my 55 lb golden doodle walked up my legs to get my attention and stood there. Fortunately my stay in Crazy Town didn't last long.
Jul 26, 2015 01:23PM Tomboy wrote:
Hiya, Ducky! You found us! Isn't it great Slo invented this thread for us? And everybody is showing up! I am so happy.
But I think I have a new job. If you want me to harass your docs, just call me. Scary story doctors, or creepy-headed doctors, they won't know who i am!
Jul 26, 2015 03:10PM SlowDeepBreaths wrote:
queen, Big illuminated message boards...I like it!! May get kind of hard to hold up with our decaying bodies though!! How about mood shirts??....Remember the mood ring?? haha
Amy, Welcome!! Please pull up a chair and hang with the crazies for awhile. Dog paws??? I have two dogs....Thanks for the tip. If I see paw bruises I'll think of your story. You may have saved me one less trip to Crazy Town.
Tomboy, kicking bootie and taking names??? Sounds like a full-time job with overtime to me.
Jul 26, 2015 03:13PM - edited Jul 26, 2015 03:15PM by Jackbirdie
Queenmom- did you ever see those flip card kind of things (to "flip people off in a variety of ways") you kept in your car for road rage situations?
I got a visual of Suladod just holding up various messages in a "talk to the hand" kind of way...
Almost peed MY pants, also not unusual here due to my bladder mets.
Jul 26, 2015 03:15PM - edited Jul 26, 2015 03:15PM by Jackbirdie
Tomboy, I'd like you to visit my surgeon, please. I take it you are well-versed in the junk punch and bitch slap when the need arises?
Jul 26, 2015 03:37PM - edited Jul 26, 2015 04:18PM by queenmomcat
Slow Deep: "mood rings, except in a shirt" was my first thought, but thought Nah, I'm just going to date myself (came in at the tail end of the craze--thought it was the coolest thing EVAR when I was a kid) Let me consider this further. And how to market it? Bioresponsive fabric? (We had a thousand gallons of the liquid in mood rings gathering dust in the warehouse.) Appearance-enhancing design for the post-oncology lady of mature years? (one size fits all prosthesis pockets)
JackBirdie: a flip-card device might work well--it's sounding more and more like people face the same inquiries! Though possibly with a sweetly ladylike and a trenchant version.
Jul 26, 2015 04:11PM IamNancy wrote:
Ladies - I feel like I am more in Crazy Town now then I was when I was going through diagnosis and treatment.... must be me waiting for the other shoe to drop..
Jul 26, 2015 05:00PM Jackbirdie wrote:
Iv'e noticed that I get much more feedback, attention, whatever, when I act more positive than I really feel. From Facebook to private conversations. Everybody just wants me to smile and be strong. I am most of the time. I've learned to come here when I'm not. I wish I seriously could just get really angry and flip someone off.
Jul 26, 2015 05:31PM SlowDeepBreaths wrote:
hahahahaha queen, bioresponsive fabric??? That's WAY over my head. Can't we dumb it down with cotton or polyester and glitter paint?? Clearly you're the brains in this collaboration. I'll help throw out the farfetched ideas, and you can make them happen. I sense a Shark Tank appearance in our future!! haha
Come sit with us IamNancy. Welcome! I'm hoping talking about these feelings HERE, and laughing about it will help us all. One of the awesome ladies on BCO (SpecialK) recommended a book that's been helpful for me. It talks about training your brain to live in the moment. I can typically do it most days, but every so often that conductor in my brain loses control of the train, and the train heads right into Crazy Town.JB, I've been on BCO for two years, and I rarely posted about tests coming up, or the crazy thoughts that go through my mind. I find it comforting to know there are others going through the same as me. I can definitely relate to wanting to flip some people off.
Remember the blowup bozo the clowns that would stand on their own? That would be a great thing to punch. I wonder if they even make those anymore? Maybe we can make them in the form of people we want to flip off. Queen, there is another farfetched idea for you!!
Jul 26, 2015 06:09PM Jackbirdie wrote:
SpecialK....indeed avery, very special lady. Been of great help to me and our entire March chemo group. I don't think I'd run into her at the soda fountain in CTown.
Jul 26, 2015 07:31PM queenmomcat wrote:
Slow Deep: (snorts/splutters of laughter) No, the bioresponsive fabric was part of the (wholly imaginary) marketing campaign updated for The Modern Consumer Woman. Basically just sopping cheesy polyblend tshirts in the leftover mood ring fluid. though still trying to figure out how to combine that with Jackbirdie's flipcard idea. Writing that only shows up when the tshirts a specific color? Let me consider how to repurpose those weighted clown punching dolls.
Jackbirdie: thankfully, I've missed out on/haven't yet encountered much of that expectation of positivity. But I can't help but wonder if that discrepancy between how we feel and how we present to the outside is why people newly diagnosed/starting treatment get so blindsided by the reality for them? But enough of that: I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who panics and then laughs, even if just a little bit, at my reaction. Back to Crazy Town.
Jul 26, 2015 10:34PM Suladog wrote:
oh you guys!!!! This is my favorite room on this site!!! I can identify with each and every one of you. I think I was wondering one time if I had hair cancer.
Today I was told I was a real little trooper for going through all this... I suppose I should have said, and the alternative???
Jul 27, 2015 04:31AM Lucy55 wrote:
Suladog.. HaHa.. A real little trooper ! That's a good one.! What do the people who make those comments imagine they would do if they were diagnosed ??!
Is anyone else having trouble signing in to this site.??
Jul 27, 2015 07:35AM Jackbirdie wrote:
No problems signing in.
Suladog- "A real little trooper". Why do "they" ("they" know who they are) have to diminish us? Totally ruined what could have been a very nice, encouraging comment. I suspect it was a man who said that to you. It reminded me of a story, unrelated to cancer, but related to diminishment and fighting back.
My mother, Alyce, was a beautiful, 5'6" woman, fit, educated, and with a very quick wit. Not diminutive, but not a big woman at all. There was this big loud obnoxious guy (Richard) at her tennis club, who, every time he saw her, would yell across several courts, with games in session, "HEY BIG AL! HOW'S IT GOING!" She would be mortified, but butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She waited until one day he approached her off the courts, with a group of his buddies. He said it again. She calmly quipped, "Just fine, LITTLE DICK. HOW ABOUT YOU."
He never bothered her again. The said thing was, I think he really liked and admired her, but he was pre-programmed to be an a-hole. Sorry if this was too far off topic
Jul 27, 2015 09:38AM Tomboy wrote:
Thanks, kathy7. I know that it is a real risk getting to know some of the women on here, even if you don't talk with them personally, just posts in public, but it still slays me when I begin to see the rapid downward spiral. THAT is crazy-making, to me. But I cannot stay away, it just makes the whole thing very real.
But, Bep created this for laughing. At ourselves, and each other, so I will try not to be so heavy, here. This is supposed to lighten us up! So I do apologize, and will try to deal with those kinds of feelings in another space. Really, I don't like to think of any of us that sad or angry.
Ok, then I just wanted to say, sludge, I am glad this is your new favorite place! And I so admire that you have entertained the idea of follicular carcinoma.
And also JAN69, who has amazingly mobile mets!
And Slo? I think the personalized bozo punching clowns is a moneymaker of an idea!
Signed, Junk-punchin tom
Jul 27, 2015 09:40AM Tomboy wrote:
HHHAAAHHAA SulaDog!!! Spellcheck turned your name into sludge! Sorry bout that!
Jul 27, 2015 12:16PM Suladog wrote:
No it was a woman who said it. She's older than me but it's very infantilizing. I guess I'm very sensitive to that " babyish" stuff it goes along w/ the pink ribbons, and save 2nd base stuff. Yuck.
In Hollywood they always refer to us writers as "kids" no matter how old we are or how young our boss isanother case of infantilizing
Jul 27, 2015 12:17PM Suladog wrote:
Well I'll answer to sludge!!!! I love the tee follicular carcinoma, it goes with my suspected toenail cancer
Jul 27, 2015 02:17PM - edited Jul 27, 2015 02:27PM by Lucy55
Jackbirdie... HaHaHa.. I love that your Mum called the man "Little Dick " :-)
Tomboy .. I know exactly how you feel.. seeing beautiful ladies progressing is horrible.. But isn't this group about sharing, and helping to support each when we are feeling down? Isn't that what friends do? I think of you all as friends..We all understand, we are all in this mess together.. But.. We are ALL going to be just like Suladog 's original support group.. 25 years later they are all still alive.!! 😃
Jul 27, 2015 02:20PM - edited Jul 27, 2015 02:21PM by SlowDeepBreaths
Good morning fellow crazies!! Oh wait....I guess it's afternoon. Time sure does fly when you're sleeping.
JB, Yes, SpecialK is great - very helpful to all!!
Your mother sounds like my kind of gal. You just got to love a mom with a great sense of humor!
queen, Oh!! I get it now. Why didn't you say so? I totally understand sopping stuff up. haha I hope you're working on the punching clowns, because I think we really have something there.
sludge, Did they mean starship trooper? Sounds like that wouldn't be so bad. Anything with the word star and ship can't be a bad thing, can it?
Tomboy, I think you should just let it all out. That's why we are here right? This way we don't go all Crazy Town and psycho on our mates and family. I think a good cry does us all good every once in awhile!! So cry all you want, and we will cry right along with you, and supply the aloe vera tissues!! Don't expect us to wipe your nose though. Hmmmmmm.....on second thought, I guess I would wipe your nose if you needed me to.
According to my calculations, we have a few tests coming up this week. dsgirl has her checkup on 7/27 and on 7/29 we get to celebrate her 6 yr. beast free anniversary!!
Also, rleepac has that MRI head scan coming up on the 29th. and JAN has her ortho appointment on 7/29 too.
Seems like Wednesday is a busy day for the ladies here. If I forgot anyone that has something coming up this week, please let me know. We will pool all our good collective thoughts for you all. See?? I keep track of this stuff....I'm not just another pretty face around here. hahaha
Oh....and Tang!! Did you get the results of you AIC test???
Lucy, I didn't have any problems logging on. Do you have the tech glitch moderator thread in your favorites? If you need the link, let me know.
Poppy, I hope you're doing better today.
Ducky, Thinking about you my friend. Miss you tons.
2TA, My thoughts are with you today as always!! Tomboy and I were talking about a get-together in September. She wants to have a slumber party!! hahaha.....Are we too old for that????
Now for those I didn't mention....Mommy, kathy, AmyQ, Italychick, Susan, sewingnut, beatmon, and IamNancy....I hope you all have a wonderful pain free day today!!
And a special hi to all those that are lurking!!! Hope you join us soon.
Ok, I guess I better get something done around this house. Queen, got any good ideas about a self cleaning house??? I think we should work on that one too.Love to all!!
Jul 27, 2015 02:21PM pennsygal wrote:
My flight to Crazy Town has been circling the airport for a while, and I think I'm ready to land! I'm thrilled to have found this thread. Thank you SlowDeep.
Suladog - "real little trooper"? What??? That kind of thing makes me nuts - infantilizing is right. I had a friend - diagnosed with DCIS, post-lumpectomy - tell me that needing chemo was her greatest fear. This, while I was on my third AC treatment, bald, etc. I know she probably didn't mean anything by it, but my impulse was to respond - Really? My greatest fear is that I will have mets beyond my lymph nodes and then I will die.
Jul 27, 2015 02:26PM Jackbirdie wrote:
getting deported next Wednesday. I thought I was getting twilight sleep. Nope. I'm sure while they are fishing the thing out they'll find a new tumor. Or damage my heart on the way. I don't want anyone to hurt me any more
Jul 27, 2015 02:40PM Lucy55 wrote:
Pennysgal.. Some people just don't "think" do they? When I was in the middle of diagnosis waiting for my mascetomy date I ran into someone I used to work with and she showed me this itsy bitsy spot on her nose that she had to have cut out.. And said she was petrified about the results.!!
Slow.. Your thread is thriving!! I see 3 of us just posted within 4 minutes of each other.!! We were all in Crazy Town together :-) yes please.. I'd like the link.. I'm useless at finding my way around.! :-)
Jul 27, 2015 02:44PM SlowDeepBreaths wrote:
Wow....I must have been typing away when you posted pennsygal. I really must check my eyes though, because I read your name much different than what it says. Must be the cornea mets - haha.
In any case.....WELCOME to this thread!!
So glad you joined us crazy gals. If I'm reading correctly, looks like you're doing chemo now, and have surgery coming up in Sept? Well you just pull up a chair and hang out....we will help get you through with all of that nasty stuff! You'll have some really dumb things said to you along the way. We know they mean well, but sometimes duct tape is the only thing that does the trick.
JB, when you said you were getting deported, I got really worried about you! hahaha.....I didn't have a port, so it took me a minute to GET IT. Let us know which day.....we will tell you funny port jokes and celebrate when you're done.
Jul 27, 2015 02:48PM SlowDeepBreaths wrote:
Here you go miss Lucy!! I have it in my favorites. They get so many complaints on that thread, that I try to be nice to them every once in awhile. hahaha......Mods are people too!!