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All TopicsForum: Growing Our Friendships After Treatment → Topic: CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.

Topic: CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.

Forum: Growing Our Friendships After Treatment —

For those who have met on Breastcancer.org and want to continue growing their cybersibling friendships beyond cancer.

Posted on: Jul 18, 2015 08:14PM - edited Feb 21, 2016 12:31AM by SlowDeepBreaths

SlowDeepBreaths wrote:

I'm hoping there isn't another thread like this. I did a search and saw one for stage 4, but nothing for everyone else. My very special friend on BCO (Tomboy), and I have talked about a Crazy Town thread for awhile now. I know she will be happy I finally took the bull by the horns!!

I wrote a little story about visiting Crazy Town last year on my blog, and I received some lovely emails from women all over the world talking about how terrifying those feelings can become. I thought I would share that story with my BCO sisters. I know many of you can relate to the craziness of worrying about recurrence or progression. I think my experience epitomizes the crazy place our minds can go. I've found when I can laugh at myself, I always feel better.

"My master bath has its own little room for the toilet. The sink, shower and tub are all in the same room. At night when I have to use the bathroom, I always turn on the closet light which is right next to my sink. This way I don't have to turn on all the lights above the sink. They are very bright and there are a lot of them. I do this so the brightness doesn't wake up my DH. Being the OCD person I am, I always wash my hands after using the restroom – even in the middle of the night.

One night last week, I was doing my usual ritual and I caught a glimpse of a big blackish/brown mark on the upper left side of my chest.This thing was huge. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest when I caught a glimpse of it. I'm sure many of you will know what I'm talking about - that feeling of dread.I ran my fingers over it and it felt raised. I couldn't imagine what it could be – it was SO big. I thought, "Oh great, here we go again, now I've got skin cancer." Then I decided to risk waking DH up by turning on the millions of lights above the sink. Then I got a closer look. UNBELIEVABLE!!……it was a piece of chocolate from a cookie I had eaten earlier!!!!! Apparently it had melted into my chest and I went to bed that way. Can you imagine?? Now if that doesn't give you a good laugh, I don't know what will. CRAZY TOWN!!!"

I have many stories since diagnosis. I call it going to Crazy Town. Some of them are funny, others not so much. I usually go there in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping, and my mind wanders. There are no trains, planes or busses out of Crazy Town in the middle of the night. I also go there at times when I'm waiting on test results. I hope we can all share our Crazy Town stories. Talking about it has helped me to stay on the outskirts of the town. I've been really good about not visiting lately, but this week it's been a real challenge.

If you have tests coming up, or you just have a day where you're worried more than usual, or if you just want to hang out and chat, please stop in to visit. It is my hope we can have some fun here and get each other through on difficult days with humor, kindness and hugs!!

Much love to all,

Beppy ツ

P.S. If you've just been diagnosed, I strongly suggest starting a blog. Whether it be just for yourself, or you'd like to share it with others. It's been a good outlet to get my feelings out as well as a wonderful timeline to refer back to when needed.



Great info about breast cancer and PTSD:

http://www.healthline.com/health-news/cancer-treatment-leaves-survivors-with-ptsd-scars-031215#3


Dx 4/2016, TN mets to lung. VATS left upper lobe wedge resection. "Fall seven times, stand up eight" Japanese Proverb Dx 7/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 2, 0/0 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (FISH) Dx 7/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Grade 2, 0/0 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH)
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Aug 7, 2018 12:32AM ChiSandy wrote:

You don't have to go all the way to CO (though it is lovely, albeit hot as Hades this time of year), Renee--recreational weed is legal in DC! (but you can't take it across the river to MD or VA...who's gonna know, though?).

I had my annual "Medicare Wellness" visit today (redundant, since I had a pre-op checkup a month ago for my wrist surgery). Saw the P.A. (my primary is out west, visiting his elderly parents near Santa Rosa). She says the hospital system that owns their practice is Catholic and won't allow its doctors to sign MMJ card applications. But she's fine with my going to see Dr. Bark (she calls her "the Pot Lady") tomorrow to get the ball rolling. I went to Dr. Bark's website, and she's definitely more than a little woo-woo (though an MF, she also practices homeopathy, aromatherapy, esthetic procedures, teaches Pilates, and advocates a mostly-vegan keto diet). As long as I don't have to do any of that stuff and she'll just sign my application after we've established a "treatment relationship," I'm okay with it. (My primary's P.A. says that the docs who work with the dispensaries tend to be on the 'alternative' side). But if I have to agree to go full-woo, I'll just wait till IL legalizes recreational weed (the referendum passed overwhelmingly and our next--hopefully--Gov. is in favor). Or we'll just have to visit our Vegas timeshare a bit oftener.

Meanwhile, the P.A. suggests I visit my neighborhood vape shop or health food store to see if they have CBD cream for when my arthritis acts up.

Diagnosed at 64 on routine annual mammo, no lump. OncotypeDX 16. I cried because I had no shoes...but then again, I won’t get blisters.... Dx 9/9/2015, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 9/23/2015 Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 11/2/2015 3DCRT: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/31/2015 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 7, 2018 02:16AM Adelozier wrote:

Hi guys.... so I had an ultrasound today and its definately a lymph node. The radiologist said it has one characteristic that could be concerning out of several they look for. Hes recommending more imaging in 2 months or a biopsy now. I'm so beside myself and cant stop crying. I'm so worn out. He then said that hed be suprised if it was cancer and that it would be the :earliest cancer hes ever seen in 25 years" Considering my hx it makes him slightly more concerned. He said it could possibly be an reactive lymph node from my masectomy bra being too tight and causing friction... Has ANYONE had a b9 lymph node after biopsy??? I'm way at 2am holding my toddler and crying

Dx 5/2/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 7, 2018 07:59AM Lucy55 wrote:

(( Adel )) ..sorry you are going through this ...try and remember your radiologist's words..he doesn't think it's cancer ....If it were me I would have the biopsy as soon as possible ...rather than wait the 2 months for more imaging...that way you can put you mind at ease about it ..


Dx 8/27/2014, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 9/15/2014
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Aug 7, 2018 09:11AM duckyb1 wrote:

Adel....get the biopsy....your mind can kill you way before the cancer can...at least “ME”...the stress is not good for you...get it done, and find out once and for all...you are torturing yourself waiting...Adel, I am 83, and have been around the block more then I admit to, but I think I am giving you good advice...if it is nothing.....you will get peace of mind.....if it is something, you will start a plan...will be praying for you.....big hugs.

Ducky Dx 2/15/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 1, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/25/2011 Whole-breast: Breast
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Aug 7, 2018 09:41AM proudtospin wrote:

Adel, i am with ducky on her suggestion, best wishes and the crazies will be here for you

iris Dx 6/2008, DCIS, Stage 0, ER+ Dx 2/2017, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER+, HER2+
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Aug 7, 2018 12:37PM octogirl wrote:

Yep, Adel, get the biopsy done now as the others have said...we've been there, we know how you feel, and always best to know and to have a plan than to continue to have to worry so much, when it is probably nothing.

While you wait for results, please pull up a rocking chair on the Crazytown porch. We've got hot chocolate with Ativan sprinkles, or tea, or a glass of wine, whatever works for you. You can see the ocean from here, the waves will calm you... and one of us will bake something, and we will rock and sit with you quietly. Sending gentle hugs!!

Dx 6/18/2015, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 7/16/2015 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Chemotherapy 9/8/2015 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 12/15/2015 Hormonal Therapy 1/14/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 4/7/2016 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 8, 2018 06:51PM duckyb1 wrote:

Ducky Dx 2/15/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 1, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/25/2011 Whole-breast: Breast
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Aug 8, 2018 06:54PM duckyb1 wrote:

We’re all here for you......this is family....we lift each other up....hang with us...you will see how miracles happen.....we laugh, we cry, we hug, we are family.....and we have our Beppy up there praying for you and lookng down saying “your gonna do fine”...she was our special lady, and the Mayor of Crazytown......Hug

Ducky Dx 2/15/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 1, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/25/2011 Whole-breast: Breast
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Aug 9, 2018 06:56AM Lucy55 wrote:

Ducky .. beautifully said 💕

Dx 8/27/2014, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 9/15/2014
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Aug 9, 2018 02:48PM queenmomcat wrote:

Adel: (a little late but hopefully comforting) I'll be waiting on the CrazyTown porch for you, with a cold drink for myself and whatever suits your fancy for you. The waiting is the worst part of this process--we all know, we've all been through that ourselves.

Dx 5/27/2015, DCIS, Left, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 7/6/2015 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 8/31/2015 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 11/1/2015 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 12/9/2015 Reconstruction (left)
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Aug 9, 2018 04:26PM duckyb1 wrote:

Always room for one more.....

Ducky Dx 2/15/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 1, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/25/2011 Whole-breast: Breast
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Aug 9, 2018 04:37PM Adelozier wrote:

I had the biopsy today ... I'm TERRIFIED ... I cant sleep or eat and everything I read is BAD...

Dx 5/2/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 9, 2018 04:46PM ChiSandy wrote:

ducky, dibs on the chair swing....

Diagnosed at 64 on routine annual mammo, no lump. OncotypeDX 16. I cried because I had no shoes...but then again, I won’t get blisters.... Dx 9/9/2015, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 9/23/2015 Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 11/2/2015 3DCRT: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/31/2015 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 9, 2018 04:48PM ChiSandy wrote:

Adel, hang in there. Still most likely benign. Want a cannabis gummy bear or piece of chocolate? I don't have any Ativan, and I'd offer you a Xanax but I'm almost out...

Diagnosed at 64 on routine annual mammo, no lump. OncotypeDX 16. I cried because I had no shoes...but then again, I won’t get blisters.... Dx 9/9/2015, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 9/23/2015 Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 11/2/2015 3DCRT: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/31/2015 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 9, 2018 05:35PM queenmomcat wrote:

We're still with you, Adel.

Dx 5/27/2015, DCIS, Left, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 7/6/2015 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 8/31/2015 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 11/1/2015 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 12/9/2015 Reconstruction (left)
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Aug 9, 2018 05:37PM Lucy55 wrote:

(( Adel )) ...yes hang in there ....did they say how long until you get your results ???

Dx 8/27/2014, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 9/15/2014
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Aug 10, 2018 04:29AM Adelozier wrote:

I am trying so hard to be strong ..I have a 4 year old son. The dr today was very nice but, I felt deep down the way he talked to me like for example.. "this warrants a biopsy" that this isny good. He said that everything on the lymph node looks normal EXCEPT the focal thickening of the cortex... everything I read about that points to bas bad things. I'm frankly worn out. The last 6 years have been a living hell for me. Has ANYONE had to do a lymph node biopsy well after diagnosis? I'm literally ill with panic.

Dx 5/2/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 10, 2018 10:23AM - edited Aug 10, 2018 10:24AM by proudtospin

yeah, i needed a biopsy about 3 or so years after all my surgery, my surgeon thought it was nothing but rad doc wanted it......turned out to be nothing, they said it was something like fat necrosis? Think it was scar tissue

Hang in lady, we are all here

Restless night, dealing with a uti, first in 3 years, i get them lots! Pills should clear it up by tomorrow as i visited the urgent care place the other day, such fun

My contractor and new windows are all complete, drapes hung windows look good, last home improvement project for me, i hope!

iris Dx 6/2008, DCIS, Stage 0, ER+ Dx 2/2017, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER+, HER2+
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Aug 10, 2018 09:05PM - edited Aug 13, 2018 02:24AM by ChiSandy

My housekeeper has taken my spot in CrazyTown tonight. Her DH has diabetes, heart disease, and is a prostate cancer survivor. Recently, he has had pain and weakness in one leg (not the rest of that side) and has been nearly unable to walk. They did an ultrasound and found several DVTs in the leg. They put him on powerful blood thinners, and will do a filter mesh implant in a couple of weeks to keep the clots, if still there, from embolizing. But if it doesn't work, he's facing amputation. His PSA, thank heaven, is 0.

My back is a bit better, so we're going out to dinner tonight. Alas, my fridge is officially dead. New one coming in the a.m.

Diagnosed at 64 on routine annual mammo, no lump. OncotypeDX 16. I cried because I had no shoes...but then again, I won’t get blisters.... Dx 9/9/2015, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 9/23/2015 Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 11/2/2015 3DCRT: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/31/2015 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 11, 2018 10:42AM duckyb1 wrote:

Hang in there Adel.......stop reading...get off google.....wait till you get your result, then start researching......I know, easy for me to say, but it will have you “crazy”.....tought having stuff done on a Friday.....the weekend will send you into Crazytown....which is where you are....we’re all holding your hand, praying for you.....:We got this......hugs.....been there, had that....went through that.....best advice is......stay as calm as possible.....and that aint’ easy.......but try!

Ducky Dx 2/15/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 1, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/25/2011 Whole-breast: Breast
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Aug 11, 2018 03:12PM Adelozier wrote:

Thanks everyone.. saw surgeon yesterday and he said he thinks thos is a reactive node but there is still a 10 percent chance its cancer. He said my right side has been through a ton of trauma ect. I still dont feel easy about this as everything points to cancer. You guys make it a little easier. I promised my husband I'm moving forward and enjoying life of this is b9. No more terror over a reoccurance any longer.


Dx 5/2/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 12, 2018 01:03PM duckyb1 wrote:

Adel..after 4 years on Letrozole and dealing with the. SE’s I finally had enough and decided to tak myself off the med.....My Oncl was not thrilled but we discussed it even though my mind had been made up...What good was I to myself or anyone else when my quality of life was gone....Each and every day I thought...”did I make a mistake, should I have just dealt with the aches, pains, etc of Letrozole...Every new thing that showed up to me was a sure sign I had made a mistake going off the med, and was now going to pay the price....So far I am ok, still have aches and pains, but agining does that to you....but nothing like I had with Letrozole.....so here I am 2 1/2 years later still wondering if I did the right thing....Cancer has a way of doing this to you.......you will always question, always wonder if that wart on your big toe is cancer, what about that pain you have in your back...ok did it hit my bones now.....damn I should have never stopped Letrozole....my point is....you can drive yourself out of your mind...damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.....I decided I would just be grateful for each day that I was here, knowing I am not “cancer free”, because “that is a myth”....but also knowing that whatever path I choose to take it is going to be for my own good...even if it means still wondering...”DID I DO THE RIGHT THING GOING OFF LETROZOLE”....but still sticking to my motto from the day I was diagnosed.......I made up my mind that “I HAVE CANCER, BUT CANCER WILL NEVER HAVE ME”...HUGS GIRLFRIEND
Ducky Dx 2/15/2011, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 1, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 4/25/2011 Whole-breast: Breast
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Aug 12, 2018 04:59PM queenmomcat wrote:

Adel: that means it's 90% likely NOT cancer.

Dx 5/27/2015, DCIS, Left, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 7/6/2015 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 8/31/2015 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 11/1/2015 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 12/9/2015 Reconstruction (left)

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