Topic: In Favor of Feminism: Share Your Views

Forum: Bonded by Breast Cancer — For those who have met on Breastcancer.org and want to continue growing their cybersibling friendships beyond cancer.

Posted on: Jul 13, 2021 01:13PM - edited Jul 14, 2021 07:48AM by divinemrsm

Posted on: Jul 13, 2021 01:13PM - edited Jul 14, 2021 07:48AM by divinemrsm

divinemrsm wrote:

I'm starting this thread for those of us who support feminism and its beliefs, so we can exchange thoughts, ideas, inspiration, frustrations, personal stories, news stories, famous people stories, memes, book & video recommendations and other matters pertaining to women's equality.

Here's a general definition of feminism: the belief in full social, economic, and political equality and opportunities for all genders. It's about respecting diverse women's experiences, identities, knowledge and strengths, and striving to empower all women to realise their full rights.

[[****Edited to add: The above description is taken from several websites and aligns with my personal view of what feminism means to me. You may have other thoughts. What does feminism mean to you? Please feel free to discuss.]]

Only in the last ten years or so have my eyes been open to the patriarchal world we live in. Since then, I'm continually aware of the many women (including from this forum and also myself) who've been conditioned (by society, religion, family tradition, etc.) to prioritize others before themselves; to take on a "less than" persona, to minimize themselves and their contributions. As women, we need to recognize our value individually and collectively, advocate for ourselves and treat ourselves with the same care and loving-kindness with which we treat others.

Please honor the spirit of the thread. It's not for opposing views. The intention is for those of us with similar views on feminism to have a space to gather, share insights and find support. I feel I will have a lot to contribute. Will you join me?


found lump 12-22-10—ilc—er+/pr+/her2—stage iv bone mets—chemo~lumpectomy~radiation~arimidex—March 2019-ibrance/aromasin* —Sept 2019-verzenio* —March 2020-xeloda*
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Jul 14, 2021 04:19PM wrenn wrote:

As a 74 year old I am still a bit bitter about how patriarchy made it impossible for me to have a decent relationship. I tried and both exes pretended to be feminist until married but it was just impossible in the end and I decided I could only be true to myself on my own.

I feel like the generation before me (based on sisters only) had it easier since they accepted their identities and just got on with it. I was not going to do it. I envy lesbians.

I wish I could be around when gender is irrelevant.

Just a ramble here. :-)

Very interesting posts. Impressed with your intellectual stamina Moss. I used to be able to think that clearly.

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Jul 14, 2021 05:03PM trishyla wrote:

I'm kind of confused here. Many of you are deriding Kamala Harris for being chosen strictly because she is a woman, then also chiding her for squandering the "opportunity she's been given".

First off, let me remind everyone that Kamala Harris is doing the job she was elected to do. Which is to do whatever her boss, the President of the United States, wants her to do. That has been the basic job description for the Vice Presidency for as long as the position has existed, regardless of the gender of the officeholder. Why is she singled out for not meeting expectations? Because she's the first she's held to a higher standard? Talk about sexist.

Secondly I'd like to point out that we're in the middle of the largest global health crisis in over a century. That has understandably kinda taken up a lot of the oxygen of the first six months of the Biden presidency.

That's right, it's been SIX MONTHS since they took over a country in deep crisis and they're being pounded for not fixing the mess that Trump and his minions took four years to create. It really ticks me off.

Talk to me in three years about how they're doing. And no double standards. As John Garner Nance famously said: "The vice presidency isn't worth a warm bucket of piss ". If Kamala manages to accomplish even one positive thing in four years that will be more than many of her male predecessors.

Rant off.

Trish

Dx 8/30/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 8/30/2016, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Dx 9/6/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 9/28/2016 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 4/4/2017 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (Right): DIEP flap Chemotherapy 8/5/2017 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Jul 14, 2021 05:18PM exbrnxgrl wrote:

trishyla,

Not only have you taken the words right out of my mouth, but you’ve improved upon them! I am not sure what others have expected Ms. Harris to do as VP in the first 6 months but she seems to be fulfilling her role. I live in the part of CA where she served both the city of San Francisco and Oakland before going on to state offices. Like anyone in public office she had bother her supporters and detractors but on balance she was well regarded by CA voters.

Dx IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jul 14, 2021 06:23PM typhoon wrote:

Thank you, Trishyla - I was trying to write the same thing, but with much less clarity than your post. Kamala Harris was picked because she brought the most value (i.e. votes and voters) to the ticket. We are six months in, and in the past couple of months she's been given a whole host of enormous challenges to tackle. I'm glad she's now got the opportunity to accomplish some really important things, but let's give her a chance to get going before we decide that she's failed.

Dx 10/23/2020, IDC, Both breasts, <1, Stage IA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-, IHC Surgery 12/1/2020 Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel; Mastectomy (Left): Nipple Sparing; Mastectomy (Right): Nipple Sparing Surgery 12/9/2020 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (Right): Silicone implant Hormonal Therapy 1/1/2021 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 1/14/2021 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jul 14, 2021 07:02PM - edited Jul 14, 2021 07:13PM by divinemrsm

SummerAngel, your daughter's perception that feminists think they're better than men is one shared by many, unfortunately. Hopefully as you continue to be an example to her through lifestyle and action, she may come to a clearer understanding. I agree with you about younger men seemingly being better (in general) with equality. My son is in his 20s and it seems he and his friends are more open-minded than say, my husband. I will add that dh has come a long way, having been subtly but consistently influenced by my son and I over the years.

flashlight, I love that you saw Gloria Steinem back in the day!

Betrayal, I, too, don't shop Hobby Lobby for the same reason as you. It's very impressive that you threw your dd's bf out when he harassed her about getting a college education. I'm glad things worked out for her in the relationship department! Hey, sometimes Mom knows best!

trinigirl50, you raise a good point about many rivers to cross before women gain true equality in just the developed countries alone. I read Melinda Gates' book "The Moment of Lift: How Empowering Women Changes the World" (highly recommend it) and while quite inspiring, some of the stories about women in other countries were heartbreaking.

illimae, Trishyla, exbrnxgrl and others who are discussing Kamala Harris: I have no problem with her. Frankly, I wanted whoever the hell was going to help put Biden in office. Our country needed saved! Once he said he would select a woman of color, I felt sure Kamala would be the one but will share my reasons for thinking that another time. One thing I'll say is if to those clicking on computer links to stories about how bad a job Harris is doing, you're just going to be fed more stories like that. Isn't that how algorithms work? I don't really follow Harris much but I am very appreciative we have a woman VP.

typhoon, thanks for the history lesson on VPs and what they brought to the table in terms of votes.

found lump 12-22-10—ilc—er+/pr+/her2—stage iv bone mets—chemo~lumpectomy~radiation~arimidex—March 2019-ibrance/aromasin* —Sept 2019-verzenio* —March 2020-xeloda*
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Jul 14, 2021 07:03PM - edited Jul 14, 2021 07:08PM by divinemrsm

MaineJen, I loved your post and the story about the high school teacher's class on women's studies! I hope you do choose to participate in this thread as you have very interesting things to say!

Years before social media, I belonged to an online forum centered around the small city I live in (population 5,000). It was a great way to cut my teeth on dealing with interaction on the internet and was very insightful seeing the way people act online vs in person. People had screen names but you could figure out who they were and draw comparisons. Great way to keep up on town gossip, too, lol! I got myself into an intense debate more than once, but the site had a terrific moderator, and I tell you, the debates brought about positive changes to the city which makes me proud that I contributed to making people think and take action and not simply accept the status quo which they like to do in this sleepy town.

ErenTo, you put it very beautifully: "I prefer gradual change and lasting changes over radicalism, the latter never ends well." I agree! As the saying goes, "Change is incremental." We must keep chipping away at the patriarchy and hope for watershed moments to turn the tide in the direction of equality for all.

MinusTwo and Chicagoan, great to see you here and look forward to reading your views.

Moth and MaineJen, the books you mention are on my library's website and I cannot wait to read them! MaineJen, I've literally read over two hundred biographies/autobiographies, many of them best sellers, but somehow "The Undying" flew under my radar. I can't believe I missed it, so thanks for the recommendation. I am currently reading Brandi Carlile's memoir, "Broken Horses" and it's just so. damn. good.

Olma, tho I was young at the time, I remember everything you mentioned about the "good old days of women's liberation". You're right, it truly wasn't long ago. I think it was 1975 when my sister co-signed for a car I was buying and at the time, she told me to get a credit card, so I did, no problem. Only in recent years did I learn that prior to about 1974, women had to have a father or husband's signature to get one. I mean, women were often just shit out of luck back then. Horrible.

wrenn, ramble on! I feel you have more to say, and we're listening!

found lump 12-22-10—ilc—er+/pr+/her2—stage iv bone mets—chemo~lumpectomy~radiation~arimidex—March 2019-ibrance/aromasin* —Sept 2019-verzenio* —March 2020-xeloda*
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Jul 14, 2021 07:06PM betrayal wrote:

Thanks, Trishyla for defending both Biden and Kamala's efforts in the 6 months they have been in office and for voicing my sentiments. They have a massive job ahead of them and I applaud their efforts in spite of the adversity they encounter each day. They seem to be doing the 10 steps forward, 12 backwards dance that equality has had to deal with over the years.

Can anyone here name one valuable contribution Pence made in his 4 years other than to be a toady for the former president? I'm straining my brain, and nope, can't find a thing.

Surgery 2/1/2016 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Surgery 2/1/2016 Lymph node removal Surgery 3/4/2016 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 3/31/2016 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 6/25/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 5/19/2017 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 6/16/2020 Aromasin (exemestane)
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Jul 14, 2021 07:38PM trishyla wrote:

Actually Betrayal, there are three things Mike Pence managed to do in his four years in office.

First, he single handedly made millions of Americans learn how to spell the word obsequious, without ever having to consult spell check.

Second he perfected the white hair/brown nose look in a way no one has ever managed to do in the past. (Hope it's a fashion trend that doesn't last.)

Finally, and most importantly, he realized that not certifying the results of a free and fair election was a bridge too far, even for him. He found his spine for a brief and shining moment. Misplaced it again in the aftermath of January 6th, but I will give credit where credit is due.

But other than that, he was (and is) an example of what a Vice President should not be.

Trish


Dx 8/30/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 8/30/2016, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Dx 9/6/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 9/28/2016 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 4/4/2017 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (Right): DIEP flap Chemotherapy 8/5/2017 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Jul 14, 2021 07:54PM divinemrsm wrote:




found lump 12-22-10—ilc—er+/pr+/her2—stage iv bone mets—chemo~lumpectomy~radiation~arimidex—March 2019-ibrance/aromasin* —Sept 2019-verzenio* —March 2020-xeloda*
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Jul 14, 2021 08:32PM illimae wrote:

On he Kamala topic, my issue is the inequality of the VP selection process and it not being quite the victory many imagined. In terms of how she is doing, I honestly feel like it’s too soon to tell and the world is so much more complicated at the moment, the whole government is struggling, at all levels.

Before cancer, I had applied for and got my former bosses job (which I had been doing a lot of for a couple years) and the rumors that I got it because I was white or friends with one of those who interviewed me pissed me off as much as the one who said it was time for a man to get that job. Qualifications are first and foremost to me.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External Local Metastases 10/20/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/17/2020 External Local Metastases 2/17/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)

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