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Mar 10, 2019 01:49PM
RimRoc I'm with you--I share some your same feelings of disorientation. I'm really doing okay mentally, but if I let myself, I can spiral into anger about everything I've been through. My Oncotype was 59 and my tumor was also Grade 3, which is another source of my anxiety, of course. I kept my hair through chemo because of Cold Capping. However, I have a completely new torso, with discomforts and weird sensations. The right side didn't want to stretch much because of previous radiation, so my new Foobs are rather small. It's disorienting to have a new shape, and weird to have the fake things in me.
In my brain is a little war between 1. Gratefulness for evidence-based medicine and a good chance of being cured, and 2. Fury that I've had so much trauma and that my Self is so different now, inside and out. Oh, plus the ongoing terror of a recurrence, of course.
I concur with DebAL that exercise can help in all ways; mental and physical well-being. And, do ask your primary doc about an antidepressant. You deserve to live with some joy. We've all been through a ton of trauma. It seems pretty obvious that it will take its toll on us in many ways.
I share your annoyance about the alcohol restriction. My husband and I barely ever drank a drop for 20 years when we had children at home. In these later years (I'm 61), we started enjoying 1-2 drinks maybe 3 times a week. Now I feel horribly worried about this. Ha ha, not quite enough to stop enjoying the drinks, lol.... My MO said three drinks a week is okay, and more is not. It feels like a huge sacrifice to give this little pleasure up. So, if I go ahead and have 2 drinks about three times a week, which I usually do, I'm doubling the amount that my MO said was safe. Terrible of me. This means that if I have a recurrence, I'll blame the martini + glass of wine that I've enjoyed so much. Or, if I comply with the recommendation, and hardly ever have a drink, and get a recurrence anyway, I'll resent the absence of those Fun Units. GRRRRR
3/2003, IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IA, 0/2 nodes, ER+, HER2-
6/10/2003 3DCRT: Breast
8/8/2003 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
4/25/2018, IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
5/22/2018 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement
6/25/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
11/7/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole)
1/2/2019 Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant