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Topic: Lobular Carcinoma In Situ / Worried Husband

Forum: LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ) — Just diagnosed, in treatment, or finished treatment for LCIS.

Posted on: Jan 31, 2017 07:59AM

hubbyhelp wrote:

Hello ladies,

Please forgive me for joining a women's support group for some guidance. My wife is 41 and recently was diagnosed with Lobular Carcinoma In Situ. We have been to two different Dr's. My wife has a family history of breast cancer (2 great aunt's, 1 of whom had passed away, great grandmother passed away, grandmother mastectomy, mother lumpectomy). So, she has always been concerned and gets her yearly mammograms. She had a biopsy in Sept and had a marker put in. In December, she developed pain in that breast and went to a breast specialist. Further imaging and 3 more biopsies brought her to the diagnosis of LCIS.

A lumpectomy is not an option due to the larger area of the breast that is affected. Dr's put her at 60-70% chance of developing breast cancer. She is leaning towards the double mastectomy. She is concerned about having implants and thinks she wants to opt for using her own tissue from other parts of her body. However, that is a much longer surgery, much longer hospital stay and much longer recovery. That really worries me. I told her that it is her body and ultimately her decision but I'm very concerned about the dangers of longer surgery and recovery. I told her that I love her no matter what and even if she opted not to get reconstruction, I wouldn't care. She seems to be going through an emotional roller coaster and that is normal from what I've read.

What should I do? I want to be by her side and support her but I don't want to be overwhelming and appear like I'm trying to make decisions for her. It's her body. She already told me she doesn't want me to look at her after the surgery but who is going to help her with the drain and showering? I told her that I would respect her wishes either way. I have no problem helping her in any way that I can.

Again, I'm sorry and hope I don't offend any of you brave women. I'm just looking for a little guidance from different women in a similar situation or who have dealt with this in the past.

Thank you and be well,

A worried husband

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Jan 31, 2017 01:53PM Moderators wrote:

Dear hubbyhelp,

While you are waiting for some responses from our members here you also may want to check out our Caregivers' Forum for support for yourself and your wife. Keep us posted. The Mods

To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...
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Jan 31, 2017 07:19PM Luckynumber47 wrote:

Dear hubby,

It's so great that you are looking for ways to support your wife on this crazy roller coaster. With the extensive family history of cancer has your wife had genetic testing? If it's positive the Drs might recommend follow ups or surgeries for other possible problems.

Like you, my husband doesn't care if I have breasts or not. I still "flash" him and he says woo hoo, pretending I still have great looking boobs. (I'm flat, no reconstruction) We look for ways to inject humor in the middle of all this cancer stress. Just keep reminding your wife how beautiful she is, no matter what. Buy her chocolate and flowers

There are threads on flap reconstruction that you and your wife can read. Yes, additional surgery can cause problems but if you are well informed you can make the best decisions.

Warmest wishes to you both.

My avatar is a Blue Footed Boobie. Cracked me up. Dx 2/15/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/16/2016, DCIS, Right, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR- Surgery 4/6/2016 Mastectomy: Left, Right Hormonal Therapy 5/16/2016 Femara (letrozole)
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Jan 31, 2017 08:37PM hubbyhelp wrote:

Thank you, mods. I will check out that support group.

Luckynumber, thank you for your reply. Yes, she had genetic testing. We're waiting for those results still. Glad you made it through your troubles. I think it's awesome that you and your husband can use humor to help cope. That's important.

I will be hy her side any way that I can. I will keep you guys posted of her progress.

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Jul 24, 2017 09:36PM MichelleSav wrote:

Hi, sorry for the late reply, don't know if this will even be read but here goes. In May I was diagnosed with LCIS after a biopsy. I too have a family history, quite a large one and I myself have had many issues starting when I found my first tumor at the age of 19. So you know, I'm almost 50 now. After the biopsy and diagnosis, I struggled with it for a week and talked to my husband and family, although they all agreed that ultimately the decision was mine. I did finally decide to have a mastectomy. I had no idea though that the breast surgeon was going to throw me for another loop a few days later with the likely hood that it would show up in the other breast. After generic testing, I decided that yes, I would do the bilateral mastectomy. I then met with the plastic surgeon who fortunately was patient with me and all my questions. I had spent the days between appointments doing what any of us would and that was trying to educate myself on the internet. So when I went in, I told the plastic surgeon that I wanted to do the tram flap, that I just thought it would be better to use my own skin. He explained that not only would there be longer down time, as far as from work and activities, but the pain time would be doubled. Also, don't forget the additional scaring. He then mentioned something that I had not seen in all my internet searches. My plastic surgeon said that you also ran the risk of the tissue failing and dieing. Then you are back to square one and you still have to suffer from the added incisions. So..my surgery is scheduled for August 16th for the bilateral mastectomy and I'll ultimately have implants when it's time. As for the surgery, they are planning on removing three lymph nodes under my left arm prior to the surgery and is they look okay, they'll go on as planned and remove the breasts. Sparring the skin, then the plastic surgeon will come in and put in the tissue expanders but it does there for about a month. The drains have to come out and healing has to start before the expanders start being expanded. Another thing my plastic surgeon said that I didn't expect was that he could make me new nipples. He puckers the skin at the area where the nipple should be and, I don't know but I saw 8 x 10 color glossies and they looked great. Then he tattoos the aeola on around it. Couldn't tell the difference. I won't say I'm not scared because I would be lying. I have my moments when I can't hold it in any longer and I start to cry. But I also now that attitude is everything, so I am trying to do what I can to stay positive and smile. Now, August 17th, I might find it hard but for now I'm smiling at you all and hope tomorrow is brighter for us all.

Thanks,

MichelleSav



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Jul 24, 2017 09:57PM - edited Jul 24, 2017 10:00PM by Gold

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Jul 24, 2017 10:01PM Gold wrote:

Hello. Michelle just described what I have been through since my diagnosis in January. It has been a whirlwind as I had my bilateral mastectomy in February and the implants replaced the expanders in April. I am almost finished with my 3 months of chemotherapy and can hardly believe it. I dealt with my terror using tunnelvision. My family urged me to remove both breasts, they love me and it is easy to say that. I did have sadness, losing my nipples, realizing the impact of this amputation, it is emotional. My breasts "look" great, but they don't 'feel" great. However, I am alive, I can wear clothes with a little curve, I will get them tattooed eventually, and I am staying positive. I "really" tried to avoid chemo, I went through 3 oncologists, but because I am HER2+ which is an aggressive gene, I opted to go for the insurance against recurrance. I hope your wife decides to go safe for her sake and yours. I vividly remember battling in my mind, the pros and cons, people who don't do anything and survive...but I am happy to say I have no regrets for my decision. Nobody wants to get cancer, but there are wonderful options out there for us in this day and age and we can not only survive but be strong and beautiful. She is lucky to have your support. My husband has been a Godsend since the day I met him. Keep doing what you are doing. I am happy to talk directly to her if she likes.

Juliana

Dx: Stage 1, Grade 1, ER+, PR+, HER2+

Surgery: Bilateral mastectomy, .5cm in right breast, tissue expanders

Surgery: Breast reconstruction: expander replaced with anatomical implants

Therapy: Chemotherapy of Taxol/Herceptin, 12 weekly sessions to be followed by 13 monthly Herceptin

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    Jul 25, 2017 09:40AM - edited Jul 25, 2017 09:42AM by wallycat

    What a sweet, kind, gentle and understanding man you are! It gives many single gals hope Happy

    My husband also did not care if I had breasts or not; his biggest issue was how much pain and stress I would endure--both physically and emotionally.

    You are doing everything you can...you need to take her lead but not be afraid to voice your issues. We who are going through the throes of this cancer crap are sometimes blinded by the obvious. You can be her rock and her sounding board. Showering and dealing with drains isn't a huge deal and she can handle this on her own. Offer to help and tell her nothing will gross you out and you love her, but only she can decide how she will feel once it actually happens. My husband helped me with my drains because I was grossed out what my body was producing/doing...but after the initial shock, I was able to do it all myself. It was a mental angst thing and he was there.

    We both went to the plastic surgeon to discuss recon and he walked out green-faced. I asked him his thoughts so he shared them ("why would someone DO THAT to their body just for bumps that have no feeling...") and it helped guide me in my decision making. It was ultimately my choice but it was nice to hear we were leaning towards the same outcome. If we had different views on things, it was still great to hear his perspective---from a distance, he was able to be more objective.

    That's all anyone can do. And after the surgery, make sure to keep telling her you love her and she is the "same" to you in your eyes. Kind words can move mountains!


    Dx 4/07 1 month before turning 50; ILC 1.8cm, ER+/PR+, HER2 neg., Stage 1, Grade 2, 0/5 nodes. Onco score 20, Bilateral Mast., tamoxifen 3-1/2 years, arimidex-completed 4/20/2012
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    Jul 26, 2017 04:18AM NicolaSue wrote:

    Hi I can't answer your specific questions I'm afraid but I had LCIS diagnosed this year and would be very pleased indeed if my other half had your approach! Your care and concern for your wife is so evidence. She is lucky to have you.

    LCIS diagnosed Spring 2017. Vacuum excision biopsy. First follow up mammo 2018 - clear

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