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Sep 8, 2020 10:49PM
StartNew.....I know so well that fear and worry of recurrence and death. But, after facing a recurrence 4 years out from my first diagnosis, I can tell you that worrying and living in fear is NOT going to stop the cancer from recurring, if that is what it's going to do.
One thing that I have learned during all of this mess and believe 100% is that all of this is a total crap shoot. It makes no difference what the percentage is. It makes no difference if you do everything right or everything wrong. Many, many women go on to never have a recurrence even with the odds saying that they should. And others have a recurrence out of nowhere, when the odds were against that happening.
Numbers and percentage can be a great tool, but that's it. Just a tool. Please don't let them paralyze you with fear and dread. You will only be hurting yourself.
I was told, after I finished treatment back in 2016, that my recurrence rate was low and that I should remain NED (No Evidence of Disease) for years, possibly for life. Then, bam! 4 years later, it's back as a new primary in the other breast.
Those 4 years were spent worrying about exactly what ended up happening. Worrying didn't keep it away, it only kept me from enjoying life fully. This time around, I am determined to do what needs to be done, treatment wise, and simply move forward, knowing that I have absolutely NO control over this thing and if it comes back yet again, so be it. And if not, wonderful! In the meantime, my focus will be on what brings me joy and just living. As we know....life is just too short and honestly, I don't want to spend anymore of it in fear.
(((((Hugs)))) All of this can be so overwhelming and all encompassing. One day, one moment, at a time is all you can do. Try to rise above the fear, you will be so much better off for it.
Diagnosed at 41. Diagnosed 2nd time at 45.
11/5/2015, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
12/9/2015 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel
1/12/2016 Whole-breast: Breast
2/17/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
2/13/2020, IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (IHC)
2/23/2020 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel
3/18/2020 Taxol (paclitaxel)
3/18/2020 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
8/20/2020 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap