Topic: Frustrated and disappointed

Forum: IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma) — Just diagnosed, in treatment, or finished treatment for IDC.

Posted on: Dec 4, 2021 09:19AM - edited Dec 4, 2021 01:59PM by hippmark

Posted on: Dec 4, 2021 09:19AM - edited Dec 4, 2021 01:59PM by hippmark

hippmark wrote:

This Post was deleted by hippmark.
DX 10/29/21, DCIS/IDC, R 1.8 CM, Grade 2, ER+, PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/23/21 Lumpectomy DX 1/10/22 DCIS/IDC Grade 2, 2.2 cm, Stage 2B ,1/1 node Chemo: Taxotere/Cytoxen x4
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Dec 4, 2021 10:39AM tntnsd wrote:

So sorry that you had not got your questions answered by your oncologist. You should not be left crying when leaving appointments because of such. Trust your feelings as if you don’t feel you are listened now, it is unlikely that your concern would be looked at properly in the future.

I recalled that my PCP doctor recommended me my team of doctors to treat my BC, she told me I need to talk to them and choose them for myself especially oncologist since oncologist would be the one I needed to see the most for the next several years to monitor BC.

Is there a website where you can search for oncologist on your networks? Ask around - family or friends if they know anyone. Go for another hospital for second opinion, team of doctors if your insurance allows it. It’s your right to find the doctor who you would with your care, and able to voice your concerns.

Best wishes


Dx 12/29/2020, DCIS, Left, Stage 0, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes Surgery 2/2/2021 Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left)
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Dec 4, 2021 10:51AM threetree wrote:

I used to find office staff, technicians, and nurses, especially, very helpful in making recommendations for doctors. Some are reluctant to make referrals these days, but if you can get them to say anything, they might be your best bet. Who would they go to if they were in your situation? I did find one front desk person recently who made me a list of providers that many patients at that particular breast center said they liked, and that was helpful. I've also been in the ER and mentioned the names of certain doctors and sometimes you will get a nurse or technician who will offer that that's who they go to, sent their family member to, etc. Sometimes they will add things like how "humane" this or that one might be or how all the staff really like them. See if you can "work" some of the "lower level" people if you can. They all know these doctors and have opinions, but just won't always say without some prodding and questioning. Good luck. Your ordeal with that oncologist sounds awful.

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Dec 4, 2021 11:55AM minustwo wrote:

I don't think you need to limit yourself to one group. Why can't it be mix & match? My surgeon knew I was talking to two different oncologists. I ended up with a surgeon at one hospital group, an medical oncologist at another hospital group and a radiation oncologist at MD Anderson. My MO was the key & gave me several recommendations. For example - he encouraged me to meet with several RO's before making the decision and told me to consider the the commute every day for rads. He also kept up the communication between oncology, surgery, plastic surgery & radiation. When I was uncomfortable with the expanders - the MO even gave me another plastics name to get a second opinion.

I agree with Three Tree. Talk to nurses or other docs. But by all means find an oncologist who listens & takes the time to answer questions.

2/15/11 BMX-DCIS 2SNB clear-TEs; 9/15/11-410gummies; 3/20/13 recurrance-5.5cm,mets to lymphs, Stage IIIB IDC ER/PRneg,HER2+; TCH/Perjeta/Neulasta x6; ALND 9/24/13 1/18 nodes 4.5cm; AC chemo 10/30/13 x3; herceptin again; Rads Feb2014
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Dec 4, 2021 12:24PM - edited Dec 4, 2021 02:00PM by hippmark

This Post was deleted by hippmark.
DX 10/29/21, DCIS/IDC, R 1.8 CM, Grade 2, ER+, PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/23/21 Lumpectomy DX 1/10/22 DCIS/IDC Grade 2, 2.2 cm, Stage 2B ,1/1 node Chemo: Taxotere/Cytoxen x4
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Dec 4, 2021 12:40PM - edited Dec 4, 2021 12:41PM by salamandra

Hey Hippmark,

Doctors can have bad days too. My RO was highly recommended by the surgical team I really liked, but my first meeting with him was terrible. They happened to send me a survey after that appointment and I filled it out honestly. He actually called me to apologize and totally acknowledged the issues and was much better going forward. I feel like it also took me a while to build the relationship with my MO, although there was at least good rapport from the start.

Depending on how you're feeling and your other options, it may be worth it to try again with that highly recommended MO. If so, I would wait until you had the results she wanted (which is reasonable actually, I think, to wait to have a full conversation until you have full information) but also communicate to the office that the first visit felt very rushed, you didn't feel comfortable asking your questions and could you be scheduled for a less busy time of day or a longer appointment. (I also wouldn't assume she gave you that brochure because that's what she already decided, she may have just had it on hand). It's also true that some really good doctors are not necessarily the best in their interpersonal skills, and some doctors who are really fantastic at making patients feel comfortable and heard are also ignorant and/or quacky.

(I say that not to gaslight or pressure you, but just because it sounds like you're not optimistic about other local options. It's possible it's still a workable medical relationship)


Dx at 39. 1.8cm. Oncotype 9. Dx 9/19/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 10/18/2018 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal Hormonal Therapy 11/1/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 12/3/2018 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/19/2019 Fareston (toremifene)
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Dec 4, 2021 12:58PM - edited Dec 4, 2021 02:00PM by hippmark

This Post was deleted by hippmark.
DX 10/29/21, DCIS/IDC, R 1.8 CM, Grade 2, ER+, PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/23/21 Lumpectomy DX 1/10/22 DCIS/IDC Grade 2, 2.2 cm, Stage 2B ,1/1 node Chemo: Taxotere/Cytoxen x4
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Dec 4, 2021 01:38PM alicebastable wrote:

I'm sorry that appointment felt so rushed and cold. But to your comment "But my goodness, I have cancer!" Well, she's an oncologist. ALL her patients have cancer. And right now, there isn't anything she can do for you until the surgery and pathology are done. But she has many patients that are at that point, and beyond, and she may have needed to get back to one who needed her expertise more that day.

I've had two surgeries in my life that were scheduled for one hour each. Both wound up being four hours due to complications. It taught me to never assume anything if a doctor is behind schedule, or seems rushed or frazzled or off in some way. Even non-surgical doctors can have issues. I knew one oncologist who would go sit with his worst-case patients and just hold their hand while they slept. So, maybe give this doctor a second chance?

Ignore treatment info (below) which is a BCO glitch. Do not enter personal information on this site since they grossly mishandled a data breach.
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Dec 4, 2021 02:51PM threetree wrote:

Salamandra - Did the medical group you use share your survey answers with the doctor? Was is it with your permission, or is that their standard policy? I'm curious because I get survey requests after some of my appointments and I'm not sure that I would always want my comments shared with the provider in question. I have always assumed that survey results and comments always go into some broader collective feedback system, even for a designated provider. I assumed they would get a "summary" of results and comments that people have made, not ones from individual patients.

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Dec 4, 2021 03:48PM minustwo wrote:

Sorry to see that Hipmark has deleted all of her posts here. I think she got some helpful responses. Oh well... Good luck Hipmark if you check back.

2/15/11 BMX-DCIS 2SNB clear-TEs; 9/15/11-410gummies; 3/20/13 recurrance-5.5cm,mets to lymphs, Stage IIIB IDC ER/PRneg,HER2+; TCH/Perjeta/Neulasta x6; ALND 9/24/13 1/18 nodes 4.5cm; AC chemo 10/30/13 x3; herceptin again; Rads Feb2014

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