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Topic: MOJO Without Matrimony!

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer —

Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Jan 22, 2008 11:57AM

FitChik wrote:

Alright, chicas, how about we start our own thread for we single survivors in order to specifically discuss and share about our experiences and challenges with the physical aspects of intimacy and sex. We certainly have issues that are unique and different from those in married relationships, though we also share issues such as body image, loss of libido during and after treatment, vaginal dryness and atrophy, etc. Our own situations make concerns for issues such as safe sex, maintaining and enhancing attractiveness and feeling sexy, solo sex, and that ever-looming question "When to tell?" so very unique and important. So let's do it, post what we're thinking and wondering about and discovering regarding our sexual selves as survivors!

Starting off with something fun is always ideal, right? Here's just the ticket - an online store with a lovely collection of men's stuff. Check out the Rooster, Bull and Dragon pouches:

Whaddaya think, y'all? Cool


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 22, 2008 12:02PM FitChik wrote:

And speaking of lingerie, you are hereby commanded to purchase, create or be inspired by these selections for Valentine's day from "Hips and Curves"....

Yesssssssssssssssss! Laughing


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 22, 2008 01:09PM - edited Mar 11, 2008 01:25PM by BethNY

okay- if you read in my other post, about us going to FL, and the "thing" matthew ordered for me to wear.

are you ready for this???

in red...

I did find a different one in white, that actually has fabric in the back, and more coverage in the ve-jay jay area, and not just floss in the *ss part of it.

someone shoot me now.  The lights will be out for this people.  We have a hot tub in the room...

Be your own hero
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Jan 22, 2008 02:15PM - edited Jan 22, 2008 02:16PM by FitChik

OOOOOOOOOOOEMMMMMMMMMMMMMGEEEEEEEEEEEEE, BETH! Too sweet. I can't imagine how you could get more coverage in the's just a few slashes of ribbon! Gotta tell ya, girl, I'm not shy, but I DO have stuff I'd rather not focus attention on. That leaves no options for coverage whatsoever! Here's what I'd do with it....get a long boa in a coordinating color and wrap it around all of the "offending" body parts. No, on second thought, I'd just put a full coverage robe over the whole thing and have only a 3-inch wide slit opening in the front.

If I were you, I'd plan the multi-candle effect for hot tubbing. And lotsa towels!

You are SO gonna have fun, Beth!


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 22, 2008 02:40PM Traci-----TripNeg wrote:


I would have worn that 10 years ago but no f*ing way I would now.

No Way. Not even close. Nope. Aint gonna happen.

Holy s*#! You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trip Neg BRCA + If I never look behind me, my troubles will be few. Supertramp. Dx 2/12/2007, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, 0/14 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 22, 2008 02:49PM - edited Mar 11, 2008 01:25PM by BethNY

I have to say it took a lot of convincing.  It all started b/c he said he had a dream with me wearing something similiar.  At first, when I saw it I said NO SHOT...

He kept saying that my breasts and stomach would look so good in it, and I was like, um, what about all the rest?  But, he just assured me, that it was for him, and he thinks I'm so hot, so how could I say no?

After a few days I agreed.  The white one we found, has two straps in the back with more of a thong in the back part too.

I figure a few candles, and the lighting should be okay.  I chose to fo with the white one cause I figured that would be sexier in the water.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I have to keep thinking how much he loves me, and he thinks I'm hot, so I have to just put it on, and own it.

Be your own hero
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Jan 22, 2008 03:09PM Sige wrote:

ROFL...Mojo Without Matrimony!!!  I saw Beth and Marin's names and I knew it had to be a good thread!!

Good luck to you both...any guy would be lucky to have you. 

"Religion is about creation, and for that reason religion should be about the earth." - Laurie Cabot Surgery 3/25/2006 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Dx 4/3/2006, DCIS, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 8/1/2006 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 9/22/2006
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Jan 22, 2008 03:16PM Rocktobermom wrote:

You are a brave one Beth!!  And you're right, he loves you, he thinks you're hot, so own it!

When life hands you a lemon, ask for some tequila and salt to go with it!
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Jan 23, 2008 09:26AM - edited Jan 23, 2008 09:28AM by FitChik

This article has a few suggestions for improving your bedroom body image. I'll bet that we can come up with a few others as well. In the meantime, it looks as though we, once again, need to start with a little self-love, huh?

Boost Your Body Image in the Bedroom

By:  Jessica Weiner

We all know that a woman's self-image is impacted greatly by her weight, but what about her sex life? Often, when a woman has gained weight she feels inhibited in bed and turned off to intimacy. But there's also a flip side: When a woman is extremely focused on losing weight, she can lose her sex drive due to a preoccupation with food, calorie counting and exercise. And some women who lose weight in areas like the breasts, hips and abdomen may even feel less sexy.

But what about the men? Are they the big losers in this battle of the bulge? Many men say they can't tell the difference between 5 and 15 pounds, and they also confess to loving their woman's body most when she herself loves her body. So what can you do to boost your body image in the bedroom? Here are 10 foolproof tips - for more, please check out my new paperback Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds from Now.

Body-Image Boosters

1. Remember that when you love yourself you'll attract more love into your life. Sound simple? That's because it is.

2. You have to make peace with your body. If you don't love it, no one else will.

3. Monitor the use of the "Language of Fat," or any form of body bashing, in your relationships. Make sure it isn't impeding your intimacy and connection.

4. Don't blame your love troubles on your curves - if there are problems in your relationship, it most likely isn't because of your size.

5. Replenish and renew! By treating yourself with more loving kindness, you'll foster a connection that helps you get closer to sensuality and intimacy.

6. Get massages, and give each other massages. Don't underestimate the power of touch.

7. Stay focused on the moment and not what you think you look like. Be present with your lover - it'll enhance the entire experience.

8. Your partner has body insecurities too. Use your love and affection to heal and accept each other's body as is.

9. Build intimacy by focusing on hugging, whispering and sharing intimate thoughts. You are more than your body!

10. Enjoy the pleasure of being loved. There's no bigger turn-on than embracing your sexuality.


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 23, 2008 09:57AM - edited Jan 23, 2008 10:00AM by chemo072

Great thread idea Marin!

I was at my gyn onc the other day, and she's offered to take out my ovaries, which I've declined, and then she says, "so you're not having sex- why is that??"  

Ahem, let's see, I'm single and I've been in cancer treatment since March??!!!  

Now, I know that's not reason enough, as I do know an extraordinary woman (from here actually) who found a fabulous boy friend WHILE going through chemo, but my response to my doc was just - hey, you're married, and you have no idea what it is to be me and to be single, having sex is just not super easy....I'd have to meet someone who a) I actually LIKE, b) who is s-i-n-g-l-e (not so easy actually), and c) that there's some chemistry with, and d) I'd have to have known them for a while.  So s-e-x is not going to be on the agenda in the next day or so, KWIM?

I know what she was getting at, she was thinking, you have ovaries, you're premenopausal, it's easier to have good sex now, get while the getting's good....  

but still, all in all, the whole experience just made me sigh a bit.....

and the online dating thing, it's a whole project.  I'm just picking up the pieces from going through chemo/rads - getting my feet back under me. 

Also, I decided to put dating on hold a while back in any case because it took SO much time away from MY career/life/friends/family and what I wanted to do...I know it doesn't have to be that way, right?  Clearly I wasn't getting what I needed out of being with my exs...

And now I feel like there's this ticking clock warning of "bad sex ahead, get while the getting's good" pressure.  Is it true?  Did I misunderstand her? I'd always assumed I'd have "good sex" my entire life, but from when I hear the women in my cancer support-group here in town talk about post-menopausal sex-challenges, it makes me concerned.... 

So I guess, no I know, that I need to get out there and start dating again, but I guess the question at this point is how?  I keep thinking I'll meet someone interesting and fun with cute wrinkles around his eyes, but it just doesn't seem to be the reality at the moment....  ideas?

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Jan 23, 2008 10:11AM jpann39 wrote:


I with you!!!!. I cant seem to find a guy that Im attracted to requirements are very similar to yours and they just dont seem to be out there....

I am attempting the online dating thing but not sure that is the way to go either.....the other day I was online and received an email from a guy that had a really cool profile with alot of my requirements so I return emailed him.....we started chatting and guess what he wants???? he is only in town for a few months and is living in a hotel, I think he is probably married and he is looking for basically a piece of butt while he is in the area......I do give him credit though...he is definately up front with it...he never once has tried to lead me in any other is actually kind of refreshing to have him be so open about his intentions......

Dont get me wrong....I thought seriously about it as Im not sure Im ready for anything permanent either but I dont think this type of relationship is in my making either...

What do you girls think??? I told him that I dont sleep around and thought he would be gone but he keeps coming back....Not really sure what to do with him now.

'Gain strength by the positive and don't be sapped by the negative" Dx 11/4/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 23, 2008 10:33AM FitChik wrote:

I actually feel the need to address the doctor's prescription for regular sex first because I believe that it is a different issue from the search for a good man. Over on the Mother MOJO board on "Moving Beyond..." we talked about this too and I recall having read an article in O magazine that quoted a renowned GYN doc as saying that regular stimulation and orgasms are very importnat for maintaining vaginal health and, in fact, will help to ward off the vaginal drynes and atrophy that comes with decreased estrogen levels. It was the old "use it or lose it" prescription. And her recommendation? The use of a vibrator, with ot without a dildo, though the latter helps to keep the tissue supple and stretched sufficiently. So, #1 tip....go here: and order a vibrator that appeals to you. Most of us have found that the Hitachi Magic Wand, with the Gee Whiz attachment is outta this world effective!

Now, as for finding a man and having the freakin' time to grow a relationship, I'll be the first to admit that it's extremely tough. In fact, before I decided to give it one more try and just not give up until I started to meet some decent guys and, then, found THE decent one (at least for now Wink), I was almost completely ready to throw in the towel and go about my interesting, but celibate, life. After all, I figured, Mr. Hitachi was very effective where it counted, physically. But I still had that little flicker of hope and that definite flicker of desire for a real, live, warm, hunky body and decided to go for it. As most of you know, the effort has finally begun to yield results, but I'll ya, I really kissed way too many toads on the way! So really, I think it's about going into it with some hope, putting yourself out there, and then leaving it up to the Fates or the Universe to either meet your needs or to provide some other lesson. Most importantly, what works for me is to take it all as lightly as possible by not investing alot of my emotional self in it, letting the BS of it roll off my back and laughing at the jerks and a$$holes. Eventually, if you just keep at it lightly and with humor, SOMEONE decent is likely to show up and you just might find a gem. And if not, you'll probably have met some fun, interesting people....if you let yourself.

And Jule, as for your possibly married guy in the hotel, I think that you should keep up the correspondence and interaction, but NOT sleep with him, at least not until significant time passes and he needs to leave the area. If he continues the relationship after going back home, maybe you can start thinking that he really is available and interested. Also, in the meantime, definitely check out all of the other fish in the vast sea....don't limit your options.


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 23, 2008 10:40AM jpann39 wrote:

Thank Marin,

Your insight is always so helpful....I dont plan to get attatched to this guy at all, but dont want to feel like Im sleezy many ways what he is suggesting does hold some draw for me as I dont think Im ready for anything serious with anyone, but the physical side of things could be nice for awhile......

Im contemplating why a guy can say "I just want to sleep with you" and its ok...but if woman say that, they are sleezy!!!!

'Gain strength by the positive and don't be sapped by the negative" Dx 11/4/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 23, 2008 10:46AM - edited Jan 23, 2008 10:50AM by Beesie

"Post-menopausal sex-challenges"   Uh, yeah, it's real.  The mind is willing but the body refuses to cooperate.  Never had that problem before!

I'd never had guessed this, but as you get to menopause, it's a 'use it or lose it' situation.  For real.  So if you are pre-menopause when you finish your BC treatment, my advice is to get out there and date!  Start using it again.  I unfortunately hit menopause and BC at the same time, so by the time I was ready to date again and then finally met somebody... well, let's just say that I immediately noticed that parts of my body just weren't cooperating they way they used to.  Now it's much more of a challenge to get things ready to go. (Fortunately he's willing to work with me on this!)

As for dating, I've always found that when you are receptive to the idea of meeting someone, you tend to met someone.  There must be a vibe that you give off.  So while I tried internet dating a few years back, I never had much success with that - there was no chance to assess the chemistry so even though I met some nice men, there was just nothing there between us.  I've had more success simply bumping into people over the course of my daily business and starting up conversations.  When the chemisty is there, the conversation flows and then that might lead to something more. 

Just adding an edit here:  I was writing this up when Marin posted her last post.  I definitely agree that there are other ways to 'use it' and I'd highly recommend that if the real thing isn't available! 

Flirty Wink

Dx 9/15/2005 Right, 7cm+, DCIS-Mi, Stage IA, Gr 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR- ** Dx 01/16/2019 Left, 8mm, IDC, Stage IA, Gr 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH) ** Surgery 11/30/2005 MX Right, 03/06/2019 MX Left ** Hormonal Therapy 05/2019 Letrozole
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Jan 23, 2008 01:53PM Jaybird627 wrote:

Yes, 'dating' is a project, perhaps more like a job, and it's hard to find decent, nice, available (read not married) men!

I've decided to date casually and I don't have the time, nor the energy, for a relationship. Sure, casual sex isn't great but to me it's better than no sex so I continue to look on-line for my pleasers.

I'm still not the horn dog that I was pre-chemo but I swear by the supplements I've been taking and do find that while masturbating isn't my first choice it does keep things moving. I was in chemopause and then out, then pre-menopausal again and now I'm not sure where I'm at. My periods are very infrequent but I'm not all dried up so I'm not complaining. The response is there when I get going but the desire isn't really there so it's easy to just not think about sex but I try to as I 'lost' it once, during BC tx, and I don't want to 'lose' it again or not right now anyway!

Again, multiple bed partners is not my ideal but for me it's better than being celibate for months on end.

Jaybird. My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope - Ovid. Surgery 3/4/2005 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Latissimus dorsi flap, Silicone implant Dx 3/5/2005, IDC, Right, Stage IIB, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 23, 2008 03:30PM - edited Mar 11, 2008 01:25PM by BethNY

jpann- I like the idea of hotel guy, as long as he's not married.  A-he's upfront. B- you'd know off the bat, that you're not gonna fall in love with this guy. 

This is a perfect example of my TEST RUN theory, that if you scroll back to the boyfriend thread in this forum, I have explained in detail.

I say you continue talking to hotel guy.  Go have dinner with him.  NOT IN THE HOTEL.  If you're into him, then see him a few times, feel him out.  Have a little bit of fun.  UNATTACHED regular, no strings, maybe a little dirty FUN.  You just need a starting point.

Getting back into dating is no easy task.  And you'll have to go through a lot of wrong ones, to find the right one, and even then, who knows what's forever and what's not?

If he's still talking to you, obviously, HE'S INTO YOU.  see it thru, and keep us up to date.  This forum is better then any dirty book or stupid talk show.

And no, you're not sleezy b/c some guy is on business living in a hotel for a few months.  It's pretty hot actually.

As for the use it or lose it theory, I am totally on board.  Some of you know that I was having a lot of sexual issues over the last few months.  While it did turn out that the pain was coming from a cyst on my ovary, I found that by not having sex, and not using my vibrator (I like the pocket rocket.easy, fast, efficient, and easy to conceal, although mine was sitting on my dresser in bright pink, when my mother and matts mother were here the other day) I digress--

anyway, I found that by not doing anything, I was becoming less and less interested in sex.  No sexual dreams, no interest in love scenes in movies, I was getting turned off, and almost afraid of it all.

Freaky shit, I know. I really thought I was gonna wind up at a shrinks office to figure out why someone who was having porn star sex after cancer with this new guy, was suddenly scared, and completely uninterested in any sex at all.

But Matt and I have been working through it.  And what I've found, is that since we started to have sex more regularly, and since I've been using the pocket rocket more, I don't need to use lube really.  My parts are actually working correctly.  I blamed a lot of it on how much weight I gained, but that's just silly.  He's totally into me, so I just needed to get over myself.

So my advice, is that while you are figuring out the world of POSSIBLY dating, I think you should jump on board with the toy thing, and get your mojo going on your own.

Plus, if it's true that women reach their sexual peak at 40, well, I can't wait till I get there~

Be your own hero
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Jan 23, 2008 09:24PM carolsd wrote:

Marin, thanks for starting this thread. I had been in a "sexual slumber" for a few years prior to BC due to bad marriage, separation, divorce... but now I'm with my boyfriend who is really tuned into my desires and what turns me on (for the first time ever) and so I feel like an awakening beast, so to speak. Now, the problem is, I want sex more than he does! I feel like I need/want to make up for lost time. I love sex with him. Unfortunately his desire is a little less than mine so I end up feeling like "Mrs. Roper" on 3's Company, always wanting more nookie from a partner who isn't as driven. I could have it every night, no problem. I love him though so I will settle for 2X a week (it was every day 2 years ago when we started dating, I guess every relationship slows down so what's wrong with me??). Anyway, great subject!

Dx 9/22/2004, IDC, <1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 23, 2008 09:32PM chemo072 wrote:

beesie - loved the smilie face BTW!  lol :)

y'all are right, time to get out there and give off the "available" vibes.  i guess I got so used to not being available (was always with someone until I was single) that I have to relearn how to "be" available...hope that makes sense.

in the mean time, off to research marin's picks for TOYS :) :)

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Jan 25, 2008 12:15PM FitChik wrote:

Hey y'all...I posted urls for websites that sell toys, videos, etc. over on the mama MOJO board in "Moving Beyond..." in case you'd like to peruse the variety.

This isn't exactly "mojo"-specific, but it sure made my juices start running.....Got an email from J this morning in which he said "...only one more sleep until we breathe together again" and that he's "been smoldering for a week until we are combined again." How hot is that? What a mighty good man, indeed!


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 27, 2008 11:15AM jpann39 wrote:

Ok, ladies I have decided to use Beth's TEST RUN theory with this motel guy....

He had to go to Seattle Thursday and will not be back in town until this coming Tuesday......I have received little notes from him at least once a day with him expressing how much he would like us to meet for drinks....Ive agreed to meet him Wensday evening....

Any suggestions are NOW WELCOME!!!!!!!!!

'Gain strength by the positive and don't be sapped by the negative" Dx 11/4/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 27, 2008 11:16AM jpann39 wrote:

Oh and Marin,

I checked out a couple of those sites you posted....

Heck, just the idea of what some of those things might do is almost enough to get the mojo running again!!!!!!!

'Gain strength by the positive and don't be sapped by the negative" Dx 11/4/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 28, 2008 09:38AM - edited Jan 28, 2008 09:38AM by FitChik

Well, Jule, what type of suggestions do you think you need? Since this is the MOJO thread, I'd suggest that you determine NOT to sleep with him on the first date unless, of course, you just can't help yourself,Surprised in which case you had better be wearing your hottest lingerie and be carrying at least 2 condoms. But if you decide to hang on until the crucial third date, make sure you're wearing your hottests outergarments and have gone solo with a toy or whatever gets you off before you go out or the night before (just as insurance that you won't do anything you don't want to do Wink). Otherwise, my only advice is to relax and have a blast! It always helps to realize that you have absolutely nothing to lose on these adventures. If he's a creep, you won't have invested much at all!

Oh...and be sure to come back here and tell us all about it!


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 28, 2008 07:01PM - edited Mar 11, 2008 01:25PM by BethNY

I'm back from FL, and ugh... I have soooo much going on, so its gonna be a while before I get all caught up on the boards..

Jule-- I want full details on my test run theory in action. 

Be your own hero
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Jan 28, 2008 10:35PM Traci-----TripNeg wrote:

Hey girls.

My mojo was absent again this weekend.

I had some friends over for cards and Eric came over and had too much grass (I don't smoke it, but I'm a live and let live kinda girl) anyway he was too under the influence to drive so I asked him to stay and of course, he wanted to make love and I just didn't want to.

I just didn't. I didn't feel sexy at all.

I hope I start feeling like you girls do.

Hugs, Traci

ps Beth, hope you had fun here!! Sorry if you got the first rain we've had in two months!!!

Trip Neg BRCA + If I never look behind me, my troubles will be few. Supertramp. Dx 2/12/2007, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, 0/14 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 29, 2008 12:06AM Jaybird627 wrote:


Desire can be a very elusive thing I've found.

My being a full-time single mom (still fairly new at 1 year!) with two dogs, a house, a full-time job and currently changing jobs, I really don't think about sex very often but if put in the mood (sometimes that extra attention of a back, or whatever, rub will finally do it for me) I'm ready to go! :)

I'm mostly about relaxing and not putting forth much effort but the guy I've been dating just takes over and he's more than happy to give ME pleasure so I do, finally, give in an enjoy myself but it's a struggle for me to separate my hectic daily life from my R & R sex life. Maybe because I have sex so infrequently but the child, house, dogs and job(s) are daily???

So, no real advice from me but I do understand not being in the mood! :(

Jaybird. My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope - Ovid. Surgery 3/4/2005 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Latissimus dorsi flap, Silicone implant Dx 3/5/2005, IDC, Right, Stage IIB, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 29, 2008 11:10AM - edited Jan 29, 2008 11:11AM by FitChik

I agree completely on the sexy mood thing, despite the fact that everyone thinks I'm always horny. It just ain't so. But I do have more leisure and "me time" than those who have families or other big obligations. The key, I think, is being generous to yourself when you actually do get a little time and, especially, being able to turn off the "I need to do everything and please everyone else" tape that runs 24/7 in most women's heads. Just give yourself permission to explore your own pleasure and what most puts you in touch with your own sexual self. These times certainly don't require a man and, in fact, probably shouldn't always. If you can appreciate texture and are willing to allow yourself some big time pampering, find ways to do that, whether it's a spa visit or a long, warm & oil-infused bath at home with sultry music playing and a lovely glass of wine tubside. Or laying between crisp, luxurious sheets, wearing a slinky, satin robe, dressing in lace and silk, lightly flitting feathers or fur over your own skin or wearing the hottest, slinkiest lingerie under your ratty jeans and sweatshirt, it all contributes to the effort to explore and enjoy your own sensuality. And then, of course, there's activities involved in solo sex, from using a vibrator to watching an erotic movie or reading erotica. Then, when you have the time and opportunity to be with a sexual partner, you're probably going to find that the desire to share your sexuality is actually right there below the surface and readily stimulated.

Ya know what,'s certainly worth a try and definitely can't hurt. Don't let your days go by with your channel on boring but, instead, add a few spicy programs to the lineup. There are times when it IS all about YOU, ya know?



"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 29, 2008 04:57PM spar2 wrote:

Marin, I am curious, are you still communicating with the CB and widower?  Or just your one special guy?  Your post are always so interesting.

Sherry Lets help make each other's life better
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Jan 30, 2008 09:53AM FitChik wrote:

Ah, Sherry, funny you should ask:

 I'm having the final "date" with CB tomorrow night. He had bought tickets for us to go to a concert (I had agreed to go before falling so hard for J/architect guy). CB is aware of J, and J is aware of CB. J has asked me to be exclusive, but says he knows I need to do it my own way. So after tomorrow's concert, I'm telling CB goodbye. I would have been fine being friends because I honestly enjoy his company, but he doesn't want to be friends, so oh well....

I'm still corresponding with the Widower. He's smart & funny & very gentle & compassionate. I could definitely go for him if I wasn't with J. He says that he finds me attractive and would like for us to pursue a relationship (even if he's "a fling on the side" Surprised), but gets that I'm otherwise involved.

So that's the 411. I am way hot for J. right now, but if that changes, I definitely have options. How sweet is that...?

I'm still trying to figure out what J. likes, sexually. After our first time together, he encouraged me to be more verbal, saying that he thought the idea of "each person's being responsible for her/his own orgasm" was smart. Since I agree with that, I was alot more verbal and informative the second time. But, in being so, I noticed that he wasn't. He just seems to enjoy giving me pleasure for hours on end. Now don't get me wrong...I sure don't object to being pleasured for long periods of time, BUT my own pleasure often comes from seeing my man happy. Anyway, I plan to encourage him to reveal some preferences and will hope that they, kwim?

BTW, he emailed last night and asked what I'd like to do for Valentine's Day. What are you all doing?


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron
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Jan 30, 2008 10:39AM - edited Mar 11, 2008 01:26PM by BethNY

I am ANTI valentines day. I always have been.  I hate the thought theat there's supposed to be ONE day out of the year that you say I love you, go out to a nice dinner, buy a present, and wear lingerie and have sex.

I just don't get it. Another commercial holiday, if you ask me.

While I'm into a romantic evening at home, I feel like everyone and their mother is at every restaurant, and they are usually overpriced, and the meals are rushed to fit in the whole crowd. JMO...


First, the outfit didn't arrive before we left (so maybe that will be worn on V-day-- who knows?)

We check into the hotel, and they say, a pipe burst, and there's no running water.  We end up getting the room for the same price as the other rooms, b/c obviously we wouldn't be able to go into the jacuzzi.

An hour later, the water was fixed, and we got the room at a huge discount.  There was a seperate tiled room across from the bed that had a big jacuzzi tub in it.  I went out and bought candles, and faoming bubble bath, etc.

We were so busy doing family stuff, and having major car drama (went thru three rental cars in two days, but finally ended up with the 08 sebring convertible for the price of the cheaper car, and we were pretty stoked).  So the first few days were rough, but things were looking up.

We had a few drinks, and I went to fill the tub.  I accidentally dumped WAY TOO much bubble bath in it, and when we got in and turned the jets on, it was like being in a room of bubbles.  Normally I would freak out and start cleaning, but Matt reminded me that its just soap and there's a tile floor so I needed to relax.

There were bubbles everywhere!  You couldn't tell where the bathtub ended and the floor began... I wish I took a pictue.

We had a great time in the tub, then spilled out onto the floor, and the bed.  All in all things were pretty good, but I was definitely looking fwd to round two the next night.

The next day, was our first day without his family.  We drove along the coast of anna maria island, and had such a romantic love filled day.  We were smiling like two little kids in a candy store.  I have never felt more relaxed or in love in my entire life.

We found a cozy italian place to eat that overlooked Armand Circle, and we found a little jeweler and I got a really great bracelet.

We headed back, stopping for icecream along the way, and we found a great rental house on the beach, and we called the realitor, and we can't wait to go back there in late April or May.

So the next part of the story, should include my great sex, in the tub part deux... only, life got in the way.  At dinner, my BF, and his lil sis got into a tiff with their mom, and I actually took his mom's side, cause she was right...which lead to a huge argument when we got back to the hotel.  Then I get the call from my little brother about the identity theft stuff, and it was complete stress from then on.

I was so bummed that this was how our vacation would end.

So we get home, and unpack, and I'm on the phone with every family member, and bank, and all that jazz, and I'm so stressed out I decide I'm going to relax, and have a drink.  Matt goes to bed, and I was in the living room chatting on the computer with friends, and suddenly I get the bright idea, that I am not going to settle for one night of hot steamy sex.  This, would be so much better, cause he's sleeping, and it's the last thing he'd expect.

Mind you-- it's like 4 am at this point.

I got to the bathroom, get naked, and put lotion all over my body, and then I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed next to him.  Before he could figure out if he was dreaming or if this was really happening, I climbed on top of him, and I swear, I channeled my inner porn star, and had the hottest, most passionate sex EVER.

He held on so tight (we have a black iron bed with scrolls in the head and foot board) that he actually bent part of the frame of the iron head board.

The next morning, he said it was the best sex he'd ever had.  He said he thought he was dreaming, and when he realized it was real, he still said it felt like it was a dream.

I definitely patted myself on the back ladies.  I know I kicked some serious ass in bed, and I felt GGGGGGREAT.

Yesterday, he called me from work to tell me he couldn't stop thinking about it.

So all things considered, everything worked out pretty well. We got the room, and the car for discounted rates.  I learned the appropriate amount of bath bubbles when using a tub with jets in it, I got a lovely bracelet, and little by little my bedroom mojo is really starting to come back.

Marin, I think reading your steamy posts, actually helped-- I swear.  Mena would be so proud of you!

Be your own hero
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Jan 30, 2008 11:50AM Jaybird627 wrote:

Well, since I'm not getting any (it's been weeks!) I am thoroughly enjoying reading about everyone else's 'fun'!

Jaybird. My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope - Ovid. Surgery 3/4/2005 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Latissimus dorsi flap, Silicone implant Dx 3/5/2005, IDC, Right, Stage IIB, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 30, 2008 12:35PM - edited Jan 30, 2008 12:35PM by FitChik

OMG, OMG, OMG BETH....THAT WAS SOOOOOOO HOT!!!! I'm gonna need to see J. right away...well asap anyway...he lives an hour away. Sigh. NEWAYZ, I'm so glad I could help trigger your inner porn star. That's part of our mission here on the MOJO boards, right? As I was reading your account of the vacation, I thought about how life's little bits of crap always get in the way and, so, it's all about enjoying what you can glean out of those moments and hanging on for the more joyful times which are usually unplanned and spontaneous. Your story, Beth, is a perfect example of that! The bubble scene sounds hilarious and I can imagine myself running around trying to contain it too. Good for Matt for making you take a moment and surrender to it all.

And about V Day....I think that red slash of an outfit would be perfect for your non-celebration! And ya wanna know why I am SO looking forward to V Day? Because every effing year of my heretofore life, I've wanted a starry, romantic, sweet Valentine's Day, replete with chocolates and flowers and NEVER....NOT ONCE in my life has this wish come true! So, this year I'm sending myself goodies, if necessary! No, not really....but i would really love to be in love on V Day for once...or at least "in infatuation" Wink

Jaybird....What happened to your once-a-week guy who cooks? Did you kick him to the curb or what?


"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." ~Nora Ephron

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