I thought I would start a new topic, since I know there MUST be others like me out there?! I was diagnosed last December (2008), and 2009 was spent in treatment thus far: bilateral MX w/ TE's, chemo, and then exchange to Allergan 410's (Gummies). Facing cancer did one great thing for me: it taught me that I do, really want to experience love again in my life.
I'm a very young 47, single (divorced with 2 beautiful daughters), and faced with the prospect of dating as a completely different, less confident person than I was before I last dated, before BC. It's funny - I managed to stay pretty positive and hopeful through treatment. But ironically, now that it's mostly over (except for tamoxifen for 5 yrs) I feel a kind of sadness - even depression setting in. The fear about my future, the loss of my breasts, the uncertainty about how a man might react to my new breasts - all of this makes me doubt myself and my chance of finding love, even though I've always been a pretty confident woman in that department. I feel as though I shouldn't even put myself out there (with the short hair, reconstuction, etc.), that it would be a miracle to find someone who could feel about me the way men have felt about me in the past.
I know, intellectually, that good men are out there, that love happens to people in the thick of treatment, that I am more than my "looks". But on a gut level, it feels like the wind has been taken out of my sails.
Can anyone relate to this? Where did you begin to search, for those of you that are taking care of children, and don't get out there much?
12/9/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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