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Apr 4, 2019 08:15AM
I am joining with you. I have had BC at 32, underwent a single mastectomy, having a tissue expander and taking Tamoxifen and will have reconstruction surgery scheduled in June.
In summer of 2016, I met an American guy and dated with him when I did my internship in Washington D.C. He is 36, got divorced, no kids, a federal employee, very nice. We went out for the third times and suddenly he kissed me immediately after I finished ice cream, then he asked for a date and both of us agreed an exclusive dating. 4 months later, I came back Canada where I am living now and we had continued our dating for almost a year and ended up by a break-up. The reason could be long distance, no trust. He told me that he needs a physical relationship and long distance relationship doesn't work for him. He knew I am from Canada and he said it's not a matter after I told him that it would be a long distance relationship. We broke up-got back together, then broke up again-got back together again for several times. Eventually, I determined to give up this relationship and I stopped talking or contacting him in a year although he still texted me sometimes as a friend. I reconnected to talk to him after I was diagnosed with BC. I was shock, got angry and depressed after being told that I have cancer at 32. I told him everything about my cancer and he is really supportive me during my hard time fighting to BC. I live alone, so he offered a help by coming to Canada to give me his great caregiver when I underwent a mastectomy surgery in January. Although it's insane and weird to ask my ex to help me in this situation but I had no choice. He told me that he just came to help as a friend and asked me to take it easy, not to overthink. I appreciated what he did for me during my surgery and recovery. He took a week off to take care of me, cook for me, bath me, wash and dry my hair, do laundry, wake up every morning to help me take medicines and be with me all the times. He kept in touch when he went back to D.C and we still have been in touch since there. I am very grateful for his help, so I think I am owning him although he said that I don't own him anything. It's because he got me during his tough time after divorce, made him feel happy again, so his coming to help me looks like to pay back.
To be honest, I have still fallen in love with him but don't want to chase him as he makes me feel unsecured. He told me that he is enjoying his single life that he can do whatever he wants, he doesn't want to get in any committed relationship at this moment, so he doesn't want to get back together and just wants to be friend with me. Because he hurt and disappointed me many times, my interest in him is no longer, my love for him is also being faded out, I agreed to have this friendship. However, I don't think we are just friends because we do care about each other's lives and we have had sex when we meet. He sometimes calls me (it's not everyday like before but at least once a week now), tells me what's going on in his job and his life look like when we were still dating. He tells our common friends that we are just friends, not a couple.
I don't have many experience to deal with the men because he is just the second man who I have dated so far but I truly love him. I want to move on to start my new life with new boobs, so I am thinking about dating again. I also used to have OK cupid but I was not interested in with anyone yet because I'm very picky. I do very much care about my appearance and look. I am good in shape, except my boobs, so I'm not confident to date and tell guys about my story. I'm sick, so I'm feeling lonely and really want to have someone to be with me but I guess it's not easy for me to have a true love.
10/24/2018, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
1/11/2019 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left
4/1/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)