Topic: Single life after a mastectomy

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer — Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 11:32PM

Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 11:32PM

txkari wrote:

Hello --

I'm a 47 year old single, who was diagnosed with DCIS grade 3 in early March. The affected area is quite large ... 15 cm in one direction. I have had two partial mastectomies and they still don't have clear margins, so I will be getting a full mastectomy on the left side in a few weeks.

I guess I took the Dr's assurances that I would be OK, a little too much to heart. I was ready for a little surgery and radiation. I wasn't ready to be told I needed a full mastectomy. The reality of it hit me a couple of nights ago.

I haven't met with the plastic surgeon yet, so I'm not sure what my reconstruction plan is yet. My questions are ... how did you prepare yourself to see your body after the surgery? I'm rather large breasted (DD) so the difference is going to be pretty dramatic. Have you found that men can look past the changes in your body? Do they understand? I just want to know if I need to resign myself to being alone. Is there love after a mastectomy/reconstruction?

Thanks

Dx 3/4/2011, DCIS, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes
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May 1, 2011 12:14PM Fearless_One wrote:

Hello,

I am single and just had my MX/TE's, but haven't started dating yet.   I will start when my recon is over.   I think the reality of it is that some men will leave, some won't.   It would be unrealistic to say it won't matter to them, because for some - it will.    It's much different than having the surgery AFTER you are already married or in a relationship that to enter the dating pool afterwards.   But I can tell you from this board, that yes - the right guy won't care and will still find you beautiful.

If you go to "Finding Love after your diagnosis" thread, you can see some of the ladies there have met some great guys after their diagnosis and reconstruction.

I DO believe there can be love after MX/recon.   But you need to be thick-skinned, as there are a lot of shallow guys out there who will leave.

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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May 1, 2011 04:49PM Fearless_One wrote:

bump....maybe not a lot of singles here, I don't know.....txkari, let us know what you decide about recon.   Maybe you can get DIEP or SGAP?  

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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May 8, 2011 10:33PM lauri wrote:

...and there are even some, like me, who have found love after mastectomy but WITHOUT reconstruction.  As fearless noted, it depends on the guy.

From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success Dx 3/8/2006, ILC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 11/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 11/15/2021, ILC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Hormonal Therapy 11/28/2021 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 12/2/2021 Ibrance (palbociclib) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast Surgery Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 9, 2011 08:10AM Fearless_One wrote:

Lauri, I am very happy to read that!     Smile May I ask how you met?    How long have you been together?  

I love hearing about post-BC love......

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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May 9, 2011 01:34PM sam52 wrote:

Yes, same for me.....uni - mast (no recon), and it happened for me too! It's been 6 years for us now...

dx Oct 2001 IDC 1.6cm, stage II, grade 3, 3/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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May 9, 2011 06:12PM Fearless_One wrote:

Sam and Lauri, how did you meet these guys?    I am so glad you posted.   Haven't heard from OP.....

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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May 12, 2011 08:26PM lauri wrote:

OK -- we met on eHarmony and corresponded (daily,then several times a day) for about six months before we were able to arrange our schedules for a face-to-face meeting ...and then we moved in together two months later.  It has been four months since then. 

And I brought up the BC in one of our first emails, so there were no surprises.  But by the time you hit 60, almost everybody has SOMETHING that doesn't work completely.

Good luck to everyone !!

From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success Dx 3/8/2006, ILC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 11/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 11/15/2021, ILC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Hormonal Therapy 11/28/2021 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 12/2/2021 Ibrance (palbociclib) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast Surgery Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 13, 2011 07:39PM sam52 wrote:

Mine was a friend in the first instance........funny how things can change!

dx Oct 2001 IDC 1.6cm, stage II, grade 3, 3/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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May 14, 2011 06:25PM Faith316 wrote:

If a man can not look past a mastectomy, then he is NOT a man you would want anyways!

DX 4/08 IDC, ER-, PR-, HER2+, IIB, Grade 3,lumpectomy,2/8 nodes,4 AC,12 wks.Taxol,Herceptin,30 rads. DX IBC 6/09 while still in treatment. Now Stage III. 6 mo. of Xeloda done, still on Tykerb. Uni-mx & another node dissection 2/4/10.
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May 15, 2011 03:01PM Fearless_One wrote:

Sam, that's true.   Some of the best romantic relationships begin is friends.   What cannot happen, is to go from romantic relationship and THEN to friends and then back to relationsip.   That just doesn't happen (when your lover tells you "let's be friends", it's over).   But the reverse can make for the best relationships (friends first).

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants

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