Topic: Single life after a mastectomy

Feb 23, 2018 11:10PM Bridget14 wrote:

I am single and have the same concerns now in 2018. I am scared to go on the dating scene because I realize most men might not accept a woman who had two mastectomies. Did you ever find love? I wish I could meet someone who would accept me for me.

Feb 24, 2018 08:33AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Bridget, I did some dating a couple years ago. At the time I just wanted to get out and have some fun but in hindsight I am quite sure I was looking for acceptance and reassurance that I was still loveable, worthy and attractive. I only disclosed to two men my BC and they both were very accepting and when I finally shared, their only concern was about my health and well being. Both these men had wanted an exclusive relationship with me but unfortunately I knew they were not for me and I was not ready for a number of reasons unrelated to BC. Ironically the one man I did become interested in I never told about my illness and I wonder how he would have taken it, but I was already in the mindset that I was not ready for a relationship and we never got to the intimacy stage but in short two outta two weren't phased and so that ain't bad. I also agree with Jazz in that in middle age one finds many who have had operations or have some measure of health issues. One of the men that I dated had a huge surgery scar on his chest. For whatever reason I never asked about it. It was really a non issue in my mind.

Feb 27, 2018 12:09PM Bridget14 wrote:

thank you for responding. I am 43. I would like to date and get into a serious relationship one day. I think I am more ready since I got my implants. It is encouraging that some men are not shallow and are willing to overlook scars. Breast cancer has made me a better person and the maturity I have gained from both my physical and financial struggles from this disease would make me a better partner.

Feb 28, 2018 07:29AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

E, the sweater is lovely. I am an autumn gal and my closet is full of the browns, rusts and dark greens plus a huge amount of black. I was never into pink and even more so now. I am glad you are enjoying your hobbies and talents.

Bridget, you sound very ready to step out. Will you go the internet dating route? When I was first separated a friend would drag me out to clubs. I did go out a few times with men I met there but it was a very bad experience. As to internet dating, I had much fun and success there. Jazz had a different experience though.

Feb 28, 2018 10:40AM juneping wrote:

E - wow, good job on the sweater.

have you thought about an Etsy shop? really think you could make some extra cash doing this what you love. you could be turning this hobby into some money making activty

Mar 1, 2018 08:04AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Oh wow E, the sweater is so cute!

Mar 2, 2018 02:49PM juneping wrote:

E - that pattern looks complicated....you really rock!!

HI notbroken....the weather just can't get any worse today...ugh...

Mar 3, 2018 08:05AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Hi Anna. I am so sorry to hear you have gone through this surgery at such a young age. It is difficult at any age but especially cruel for the young. Have you had reconstruction? I had immediate recon and it was very helpful in restoring my self image and confidence but I know many do not go that route. I still struggle with the body image thing but again, for me reconstruction was the right choice. Share as much or as little as you like here. Also know that there are forums exclusively for the young women or you may choose to start your own new topic. Single women have different issues than the married and I suspect the very young singles have even more specific challenges but regardless, we can all relate to the trauma of losing a breast and well understand how it affects our self esteem and sense of self. Anna, feel free to PM me if you feel more comfortable in a more private arena.

Mar 5, 2018 02:24PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Hi ANNA, good to see you back. I personally went the diep route because I wanted natural tissue. It caused far more scarring and way more risky and a longer recovery, but I was weirded out by having a foreign thing inside me. Many women prefer this option over my choice, there is no right or wrong, and we make the best decisions we can based on our information and personal preferences.

Do you work? Do you have a social network? I only ask because you thought you might be interested in dating and I wondered what your exposure to people was?

Mar 6, 2018 08:44AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Jeez June, more snow? WTH?

Mar 6, 2018 11:34AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

June, I absolutely LOVE the snow but I gotta say I am more than ready for spring. Enough is enough already! Well the good news is it won't be here long and will quickly melt.

ANNA, how are you? Any thoughts on how you plan to get out and meet new people? June is right, people are drawn to happy people. My sister recently said that I look like a very unapproachable person these days which made me laugh and that is how I mostly like it, but I do find that when I am happy and smile, I find many that are open to random conversation and perhaps more. My kids are your age and they find their relationships thru work, bars and clubs, friends of friends, and the gym. Neither have ever done a dating site but because I don't get out much I have gone that route on two occasions. I have had both good and bad experiences but my experience is that dating sites are either meat markets or men looking for serious and immediate relationships but nothing in between. I would hope you could find a better and slower route til you get your groove back and feel more comfortable with the whole scenario.

E, are you around? How are things? Don't you have a scan coming up?

June, hunker down. I am heading out for a few quick errands so I can stay in tomorrow.

Mar 7, 2018 07:49AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

When I was a dog owner I never picked up in the snow though I was very conscientious normally. I am not sure what that is about. I guess I would just kick the snow over it and out of sight out of mind?

8-10" expected here. So far it is just mush and certainly not very pretty out. I could do without this storm but I gotta admit that last storm last week was wild here. The wind was howling, snow was coming down in a fiery, and there were these crazy vortexes or small cyclones whipping the snow around. That was actually great fun to but this one is just messy. We will see how this plays out.

I am hoping to do my taxes today. Ugh...I don't want to do. :(

Mar 9, 2018 07:46AM juneping wrote:

E - it's so adorable....you are talented.

Mar 9, 2018 08:37PM Enerva wrote:

hi friends.

Notbroken so I went today and got the cd but I have no way to view at least today. My laptop broke and I have to go to a ciber cafe in order to use a pc. Another reason I am not much present here cuz my cellphone is not that useful to log in here. Tomorrow I ll try to look at the cd but I never know what I am looking at but at least there will be some idea as per zise?

Also wanted to tell you I still have no idea if I pass the accounting class lol I try logging in to the university site but my password does no work and I haven call to get the results on the phone.

The condo will sell closing on April 30th but the tenants have been very silent and still did not give a deposit so I am not sure what is going on.I am hopping all ok

Yes I am crochetting again it keeps min mind from going mad. I am now making a Yorkie dog for myself and I love it so far. Here she is lol

Oh my gardening class starts on March 29th I can't wait I will enjoy every minute of that

Mar 10, 2018 10:10AM Jazzygirl wrote:

Hi friends- just a quick check in. Ten days off the hormone blockers and adjusting. Did a little 5 year ceremony with a good friend last night at her house in the mountains. So many people don't get the importance of getting through treatment milestones. My five years really marks coming off the meds. We had a great evening of vintage wine, appetizers, and conversation.

E- I am glad you had your CT scan and hope the news is good at the doctors apt and that the medications are working in your favor. I love the crocheting too, I was a big knitter when I was a kid. Very therapeutic. I love the sweater and the other animals you have been making. I hope the closing in April goes without a hitch. Having the money will really help you.

June- I expect like others back east, you are in between storms. Do you live in a high rise apt?

Broken- I am so with you on the importance of breathing and meditation. Yoga breathing and meditation have done much to calm my soul in troubled times (which seems constant these days...)

Hello to all the others here and wishing everyone a good Daylight Savings change tonight (for those in the US...)