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Topic: Single life after a mastectomy

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer —

Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 10:32PM

txkari wrote:

Hello --

I'm a 47 year old single, who was diagnosed with DCIS grade 3 in early March. The affected area is quite large ... 15 cm in one direction. I have had two partial mastectomies and they still don't have clear margins, so I will be getting a full mastectomy on the left side in a few weeks.

I guess I took the Dr's assurances that I would be OK, a little too much to heart. I was ready for a little surgery and radiation. I wasn't ready to be told I needed a full mastectomy. The reality of it hit me a couple of nights ago.

I haven't met with the plastic surgeon yet, so I'm not sure what my reconstruction plan is yet. My questions are ... how did you prepare yourself to see your body after the surgery? I'm rather large breasted (DD) so the difference is going to be pretty dramatic. Have you found that men can look past the changes in your body? Do they understand? I just want to know if I need to resign myself to being alone. Is there love after a mastectomy/reconstruction?

Thanks

Dx 3/4/2011, DCIS, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes
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Mar 10, 2018 02:45PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Just when I think I have absolutely no sex drive left I saw this and thought "Oh Sweet Baby, what I would like to do to you"!!!


See the source image

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Mar 10, 2018 04:53PM - edited Mar 10, 2018 04:54PM by Jazzygirl

Broken- funny, I have a female friend whose daughters are trying to fix her up with someone here. She is reluctant to go (still trying to sort some things out with someone else), but she showed me his pic and he looks like Keanu Reeves. I thought later after the conversation, I should have suggested they send him my way if she is not interested. One woman's trash is another woman's treasure.

That fellow is cute!

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Mar 10, 2018 11:11PM Enerva wrote:

ahhh you girls are funny

Jazz glad you are doing well

No broken yea I do the meditation at nigjt before bed .it works

Aw I must find out about the class .hope I did pass I still have no clue lol

Love you girls

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Mar 11, 2018 07:46PM juneping wrote:

Bent - lol @ what you want to do to him....hahaha...

Jazzy - i live in a mid rise...and i think my UGG were ruined in the storm last wednesday. i hope that's the last snow this winter.

oh keanu R...i've read an article about him who is a very generous man with a big heart. he's been through a lot. it's always that kind of story i heard makes me have faith in humanity again.

E - that's very cute doggie...and keeping my fingers crossed on your scan.

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 11, 2018 08:42PM Jazzygirl wrote:

I went to see this NM native American artist today (Robert Mirabal) do a performance today with a local ballet company. I hope you enjoy this wonderful video and the filming in Monument Valley. One of my favorite places.



Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Mar 29, 2018 10:58AM Enerva wrote:

hi ladies

Hope all ok here

I will start my gardening class tonight which I am looking forward to.

I finally got the results and I passed the accounting course not with a high mark only 65 lol but I am glad I passed at least all that work and $ were not garbage? Well maybe in a way it was cuz I can't continue now

Anyway also I little stress cuz I haven't hear from the lawyers regarding the sale contract

Hopping all goes ok

Tenants never gave any deposit yet I sent the status certificate to the lawyer but did not hear from him yet. I will call him up. I still did not finish the will papers so many stupid questions that do not apply to me and I keep ignoring the forms :(

Anyway I will get on it

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Mar 29, 2018 06:59PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

E, we sold a lot of properties and most by owner. As I recall you gave it away and accepted a low ball bid so not to inconvenience them and for a quick sale. Get on it or put it on the market. Sounds like you are getting the run around. F that! In my experience they are not serious.

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Mar 29, 2018 07:06PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Oh, and congrats on the exam. It is an accomplishment and you did well. It is amazing that you were even able to focus given all going on.

E, again, get tough with these buyers. Sounds like they are playing games. Bought a lot of homes in my time and seems like you need to get the condo on the market. Without a deposit they are not serious.

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Apr 3, 2018 02:54PM Enerva wrote:

ha ha ha notbroken

I met the tenants this morning to sign a paper for their taxes and I asked them if all is ok?

They said yes and that the deposit will be delivered as soon as the lawyer contact their lawyers or as soon as the contract is signed so that is a good news.

Tomorrow I have my appointment with the lawyer and he will have the contract ready hopefully all will fall into place now. I will also give the chq for my will and get that done too. Just need to finish filling in the forms now which I have been putting off for the longest time .no sure why I have the fear of when j sing the will I will be signing my life away ? I am so silly but is how I feel lol

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 3, 2018 10:05PM - edited Apr 4, 2018 05:33AM by Jazzygirl

E- good luck with everything on the apartment. It will be good to have this done and some more money available friend.

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Apr 4, 2018 06:30PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

E, the will is a tough thing. I do not have one, no need as I have very little and what I do have can be transferred just by noting a beneficiary. I am thinking I need a Power of Attorney though. When I went in for my surgery we had an understanding that my sister would be responsible for decisions regarding my care but I will need to get that done at some point. Verbal wishes may not be legal. Ugh...I hate lawyers but probably there are forms online.

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Apr 23, 2018 01:31PM ToughCookie101 wrote:

I am just catching up on the boards! I had chemo #1 of 4 on April 4th and I ended up with febrile neutropenia and very sick in hospital for almost a week! I celebrated the night before my first chemo with a date, haha.

Diagnosed at 33 after finding my lump myself. Had to stop chemo after round 3 due to repeatedly ending up febrile neutropenic and developing neuropathy. Now on to ABCSG12 treatment (hormone therapy and Zometa). Dx 11/15/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/31/2018 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 4/3/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 8/31/2018 Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone), Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 23, 2018 02:07PM Jazzygirl wrote:

Hi ToughCookie- I think I remember you from a few years back. You must have had a reoccurrence? Sorry to hear that.

How did the date go? Heck, you gotta keep trying sister.

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Apr 23, 2018 02:59PM ToughCookie101 wrote:

Hi Jazzygirl, no recurrence, thankfully. I was diagnosed at 33 last November, but I haven’t been on the boards as much lately with the whirlwind that became my life. :)

The date went well thanks! I have seen him since. Who knows

Diagnosed at 33 after finding my lump myself. Had to stop chemo after round 3 due to repeatedly ending up febrile neutropenic and developing neuropathy. Now on to ABCSG12 treatment (hormone therapy and Zometa). Dx 11/15/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/31/2018 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 4/3/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 8/31/2018 Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone), Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 23, 2018 03:29PM Jazzygirl wrote:

Toughcookie- oh yes, I remember now. Out of curiosity, did you tell him about the dx or just go out and get to know him? We are all different about what we share and when. Stay open and more than anything, take care of you!

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Apr 23, 2018 10:48PM - edited Apr 23, 2018 10:50PM by ToughCookie101

Jazzygirl, I told him about my dx. I wanted him to know up front, and he really only seemed concerned about if I would be ok. I have casually dated a couple of other guys after the time of my dx as well and I was open with them. None of them seemed too phased by it, beyond it I would be ok. I like to tell them about my dx but not let it define me. It is part of me and I will always be changed because of it however, but it isn’t me.

The bf I had at diagnosis however didn’t cope well


Diagnosed at 33 after finding my lump myself. Had to stop chemo after round 3 due to repeatedly ending up febrile neutropenic and developing neuropathy. Now on to ABCSG12 treatment (hormone therapy and Zometa). Dx 11/15/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/31/2018 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 4/3/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 8/31/2018 Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone), Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 24, 2018 10:54AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

ToughCookie, I never disclosed that right from the start but when I finally did share the three guys were only concerned about my welfare and also were not phased.

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Apr 24, 2018 09:50PM Jazzygirl wrote:

Tough Cookie- that is good that you have been able to be open about it. I was not seeing anyone during my dx and treatment, and just started trying to date again last year. I told one man I had started seeing and he handled it fine. We did not end up in a relationship for other reasons, but are friends now (we knew each other from 30 years ago and had dated then). It was a big deal for me to get through telling someone of the opposite sex, he was the right person to share it with. The next time won't be as daunting I think?

There have been a few sisters here who were in relationships during dx and then men could not deal with it, so you are not alone sister. But I have found from the time of dx to today, no matter who you share it with, you just have to remember that not everyone "does cancer." People's initial reaction told me a lot, but some people just could not be present with any of it through time. I had to learn quickly that it is not our job to make everyone okay with what is happening, it is our job to take care of ourselves and get through treatment to be well and continue on. I am thankful always for the friendships with those who can listen and show up.

I also like what you said about not letting cancer "define you." I have been through a lot of other difficult things way before cancer paid a visit. Cancer is part of our story but it is not our story. You have a great attitude about all this friend.

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Apr 25, 2018 09:18AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

I was in a very committed relationship when DX'ed and got dumped while in the hospital just out of surgery. It was a cruel blow. Ironically he has recently undergone a serious illness and finds himself in a sad and lonely place now and ironically I know of others who have had similar experiences....a man who could not handle their BC DX only to end up with a serious health condition thereafter. Karma? Perhaps.

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Apr 25, 2018 11:05AM Jazzygirl wrote:

For sure karma

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Apr 25, 2018 05:21PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Jazz, I have lived my whole life thinking "What comes around goes around" and thus why I always tried to live my life right. I lost my religion for a time but lately I am seeing this playing out and I am starting to believe again. I wish no one harm but even as a very young child I remember the Golden Rule: "Do as to others as you would have them do unto you". There is much wisdom in that.

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Apr 25, 2018 05:36PM Enerva wrote:

ladies finally good news

I just got back from my lawyer office

We extended the closing for May 04 th due to tenants having some issues with their mortgage but all is ok now we received the deposit and hopefully no more delays. It gives me a piece of mind?

I will contact the condo to drop off the chq for condo fees coming up may 01 but all should be settled on may 04.

I also found a tread here of someone trying alternative treatments which I think I can relate to and is such nice place when you are no the only one trying different options.

I will have a hit shower now and work on my homework for tomorrow

At least 1 good news today?

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 25, 2018 06:29PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

E, that is all good news. When talking about Karma you certainly are due some positive energy from all the love and generosity you have shown others. I am sure you will find the support of others on these forums that are also choosing the path that you are determined to follow. Love you.

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Apr 25, 2018 06:32PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:

Ha!!! Scrolling down I saw that sweet, young hotty above. He still does it for me. Am I a letch? Before my BC I would have thought I was more a Cougar. :(

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Apr 25, 2018 07:03PM Enerva wrote:

ha ha h notbroken I still dream with seen chanin one day at the Vegas show ha ha ha


Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 25, 2018 08:15PM - edited Apr 25, 2018 08:16PM by Jazzygirl

E- good news on the condo sale being finalized by next week. Only a few days after you had originally planned, that is great.

Your relative from France will be with you by then yes? Will be nice to have company visiting for a bit!

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Apr 25, 2018 08:23PM Enerva wrote:

yes jazz my niece arrive may 1st Shocked

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 25, 2018 08:29PM Jazzygirl wrote:

E- wow, that is next week already! I am sure it will be great to spend time with her. Remember, Netflix and chill like June said for some of the time?

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/15/2012 Lumpectomy: Left, Right Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Surgery 11/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/7/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/25/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Apr 25, 2018 08:36PM Enerva wrote:

I am actually exited to have her with me for a few weeks last time we only had 3 days .When I was in marseille. So now at least we can hang out more.

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Apr 25, 2018 08:38PM Enerva wrote:

not broken I watch a show called matchmaker

Some experiment they are going to marry 3 couples who had never met before lol

Kind of cool to watch

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)

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