Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.
Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 11:32PM
txkari wrote:
Hello --
I'm a 47 year old single, who was diagnosed with DCIS grade 3 in early March. The affected area is quite large ... 15 cm in one direction. I have had two partial mastectomies and they still don't have clear margins, so I will be getting a full mastectomy on the left side in a few weeks.
I guess I took the Dr's assurances that I would be OK, a little too much to heart. I was ready for a little surgery and radiation. I wasn't ready to be told I needed a full mastectomy. The reality of it hit me a couple of nights ago.
I haven't met with the plastic surgeon yet, so I'm not sure what my reconstruction plan is yet. My questions are ... how did you prepare yourself to see your body after the surgery? I'm rather large breasted (DD) so the difference is going to be pretty dramatic. Have you found that men can look past the changes in your body? Do they understand? I just want to know if I need to resign myself to being alone. Is there love after a mastectomy/reconstruction?
Thanks
Posts 7441 - 7470 (7,539 total)
Apr 26, 2018 08:51AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
E, I am embarrassed to admit this but I got involved with these goofy Bachelor and Bachelorette shows a few seasons back. They are so silly and I honestly have no idea why I have watched them. In the finality they get a marriage proposal and the viewers like to believe they go off and live happily ever after but I see they rarely make it in the real world.
Apr 26, 2018 09:27AM Enerva wrote:
ha ha ha no broken I know lol I only watch the first and last episode there are 6. But I wanted to see what would happen to them since they did not know each other before the wedding day. Ha ha ha it was sad cuz one lady had no attractions what so ever for the guy they match her with and she just cry and cry. What a fool to go and participate in such experiment.
Is like you said the public is still looking for the happy ending history and now a days this is not something available to many.
I never watch the reality shows but I must admit this one catch my atention yesterday ha ha ha
In 4 days my niece will arrive and the weather is still on the cold side. Hopefully this weekend I will take all plants out to the balcony so I will finish packing the kitchen. I have a few more boxes to do.
How is the weather at your end?
Apr 26, 2018 09:48AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
The weather here is still chilly. For the most part I still wear a coat or heavy sweat shirt. We had two days awhile back when I opened my windows one late afternoon but that was fleeting.
Today I have a dental appointment and then will meet up with my son for a late lunch and a matinee movie. We want to see A Quiet Place. It has excellent reviews and we like scary movies.
Enjoy your niece. There is nothing like family.
Apr 26, 2018 12:01PM Jazzygirl wrote:
That show sounds like it is based on the arranged marriage concept, which is still common in many countries. I have met people who have had arranged marriages and barely knew each other, and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. Assume both are consenting adults (there is still too much child marriage in the world), their connection can grow with time and love can develop. Other times it is just simply a business transaction in life and people stay together for that reason. In Western cultures, we marry for love but love sometimes goes away. So it is hard to say what is the right way to approach the whole idea.
Anyways, probably why I skipped the whole thing anyways!
Apr 26, 2018 11:08PM Enerva wrote:
lol
Nobroken I want to watch that movie
Jazz ha ha ha ya that show was funny from 3 couples I think only one had a great chemistry
I could never marry someone I never even saw hell nooooo o ha ha ha
Hard enough as it is
Oh ya my ex has been inviting me to visit up north. I never responded
I just don't know if he is just lonely or feeling sorry for me. Who know what is in his brain.
I told him about my condition last month cuz he contacted me. I thought ok let's get rid of him for good by telling him. Well is wierd he is still contacting me now ?
Too bad I won't have any part of his game. Is kind of too late lol
Apr 27, 2018 09:02AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
E, I use to think I had men all figured out but now I realize that I understand nothing about them. That is why I am sticking with women and family these days.
The movie was very good. Personally I like supernatural and scary movies but this was about an alien type creature that was stalking this family. It was still very good and before the movie we ate lunch at a restaurant with an outdoor area. It was a beautiful sunny day, finally, and so it made our lunch date especially nice.
Apr 27, 2018 09:16AM Enerva wrote:
ah nobroken
I am happy you got some time out and enjoyed with your son.
I ll watch that movie I also love scarry movies even though these days anything g makes me jump lol
I still want you to watch penny dredful holy I know you can enjoy that show if I ever find it in cd I ll send to you
Apr 27, 2018 09:31AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
It is beyond my comprehension how British courts can deny that baby's healthcare and not allow those parents to take him to Rome for care. Frightening.
Apr 27, 2018 09:34AM Enerva wrote:
notbroKen ???
Apr 27, 2018 09:36AM Peregrinelady wrote:
From what I have read, it is not health care that he would get in Rome, it is keeping him in a vegetative state indefinitely.Apr 27, 2018 09:52AM Jazzygirl wrote:
Well, I am with all of you that I certainly cannot relate to the way men think or act. I am also done trying to figure it out too and don't take anything too seriously any of them say to me these days. Sincerity has a way of proving itself to you.
E- I would say that your ex may have both going on. He is probably lonely and realizes from time to time he misses you because you were very good to him. Having him touch base from time to time may be okay, now that he knows where things are for you right now may be okay, but since he cannot provide any practical help to you with rides, errands, etc., that is about all that can happen at this point. I had people who were far away that would call, send cards, etc. during my times of need and found it to help.
As we all know, we are not the people to be meeting anyone's needs during cancer treatment so if he comes at you with his problems, frustrations, etc., you need to nip that in the bud friend. He can find another friend!
Apr 27, 2018 10:15AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
Peregrinelady, perhaps, but if it is not costing the government anything what gives them the right to take away the parental rights and choice to have their son cared for in another country? I have to wonder what would happen if it was the royal baby. This news story just got to me on a multitude of levels.
Apr 27, 2018 11:33AM Enerva wrote:
notbroKen ???
Apr 27, 2018 04:54PM Enerva wrote:
ha ha ha never mind I didn't know about the news of the parents been denied to take a child to another country for treatment
I have no cable so I always miss the important news.
Apr 27, 2018 08:46PM ToughCookie101 wrote:
NotBroken, I was toying with the idea of not disclosing it from the start but I had to plan date #2 before chemo, haha. Sounds like karma to me! I'm sorry that happened to you, he didn't deserve your strength and greatness in his life clearly. Someone else's problem now (or no one's problem)!
JazzyGirl - yeah, I guess it's the "cancer kiss off" when your relationship crumbles at diagnosis. Quite frankly, I figure it would have at one point or another. The stories I could tell about this guy after my diagnosis are interesting, haha. People who can't handle us in the hard times don't deserve us in the great times!
Enerva - that does sound like great news!
Apr 28, 2018 04:08AM Enerva wrote:
tough cooky yes finally got some good news lol
Nobroken I search but could not find the movie
I ll try again later today.
Hope you all have a great weekend
Apr 28, 2018 09:12AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
ToughCookie, yeah, that was a tough one getting over. After my husband suddenly left me during a family crisis and then that BF bailed during my DX, well needless to say I am jaded, perhaps a bit cynical and have abandonment issues. I need a time out from men and their BS but I am also older and have been in committed relationships for most of my life. There are no doubt good ones out there but I am working hard on self reliance and independence and so being single is where I need to be.
E, the movie has only been out a couple weeks. Maybe it is not out in Canada yet? It is called A Quiet Place and definitely worth the price of a cheap matinee. Maybe go with your niece.
Today I need to do some cleaning. I have horrific fatigue and so have only done superficial cleaning for a months. One can only pull that off for a time and now I need to tear into things. I hate cleaning and despite nickel and diming everything, the first thing I will do when/if I have any extra money is get a cleaning person. In my mind cleaning other people's houses would be the worst possible job but I have known people that actually love it. Go figure.
Apr 28, 2018 01:08PM Jazzygirl wrote:
Broken- I had to get a cleaning service when I had all the surgeries in 2012 and was told no pushing, pulling, lifting with everything I went through for some time. My sister got me started with it (and paid for it too), then when I went back to work, I kept the service and went from weekly to biweekly. The past 3 years I have been doing it once a month, and it just gives a good pass over for everything and I can keep up with the rest.
An individual may be cheaper than a service, but I like the service because if someone can't come, they send a different team. And they are insured and bonded too in case of breakage (yes it has happened too). I use Molly Maids and have been with them 5 1/2 years and like them.
I am cleaning today too and working on finishing spring maintenance here at the house. Lots to do in spring!
Apr 28, 2018 01:09PM Jazzygirl wrote:
I saw a movie on HBO last night called Nocturnal Animals and it was riveting, but I fell asleep. Now I will have to find it and do on demand to finish it. It is a highly suspenseful movie and a very interesting plot.
Apr 28, 2018 02:02PM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
I have HBO and On Demand Jazz. I will have to look for that one. It sounds very familiar and likely I have already seen it. I canceled my Netflix with my move because I rarely used it and never watched my HBO or actually much TV in general, but lately I am watching a lot and enjoying the distraction. My current fav is The Terror on AMC. I am loving that and look forward to Monday nights. Check it out.
I got slammed with pages of Social Service paperwork with today's mail and it just set me off. I am so sick of all this BS. The moron who interviewed me had all the wrong info and even my address was wrong. No wonder I haven't been getting their correspondence despite documentation as to my address change and I am surprised this packet even found me. The system is so screwy and tries my patience with their incompetency. I started doing the corrections all sloppy and disgusted with a lot of explanation marks and when I went to photocopy my financials the damn printer jammed. Ugh...I have little patience for this crap today, and actually any day.
I am having a bad back day from doing a bit of vacuuming and so overall just in a bad mood, feeling vulnerable and loss of control with my circumstances. It is time to switch gears and stop sweating small stuff. I will sit on my patio, soak up some vitamin D and watch the wildlife and people as they walk by with their dogs. That will ground me and hopefully put me in a better place.
I had hoped to fix the patio up nice and expected I would mostly live out there in the warmer weather but it is disappointing in that the wind comes from that direction, whips through and it is always very dusty. It is a covered patio so I envisioned some hanging plants, a fountain and some cushy comfortable chairs and accents but I have a glass top table out there that is always filthy and I am always sweeping to no avail. In the few months that I have been here there is already a dirty traffic lane from being out there and walking in on these perishable carpets. Sadly the patio will never being an extension of living quarters and that disappoints me. On a happier note, it is a good hair day.
Apr 28, 2018 07:17PM Enerva wrote:
holy nobroken what a day you had. Hope you ll have a better one tomow
I got an eye cream the dr said use 4 times a day I have a small infeccion on my left eye. Never had one before anyway
I came home and decided to take all plants out to the balcony and now I fear. I fear the squirrels and I fear the temperature lol so let's hope
I am so tired but manage to do that and clean my living room and kitchen tomorrow I will focus on the bathroom and do laundry . Now in my bed trying to work on my project wich I hope to present this Thursday and get it out of the way.
Wish you all a great Saturday I will try to watch the west world tonight . I heard it is back and soo good
Apr 28, 2018 08:16PM Jazzygirl wrote:
E- I like Westword too. Does the new season start tonight? Been watching the reruns of Season 1. I am huge fan of Evan Rachel Wood. Plus the rest of the cast is pretty stellar.
Apr 28, 2018 10:38PM Enerva wrote:
jazz it started last week episode 2 is this Sunday I still need to watch episode 1 whice was last Sunday.
Apr 29, 2018 12:30AM - edited Apr 29, 2018 12:30AM by Jazzygirl
E- oh maybe it is the first episode I keep seeing of season 2. I will have to watch the next one. I loose track of the mini-series on HBO and when they start sometimes. Thanks for the heads up!
Apr 29, 2018 09:04AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
Everyone loves Westworld. I watched the first season just because of the hype but somehow I just couldn't get into it, nor Stranger Things. I have to admit I never watched Game of Thrones.
E, you sound like a busy girl. Thank goodness for company. They will be working on your kitchen while your niece is there? Any idea how long the work will take?
Apr 29, 2018 09:26AM Enerva wrote:
nobroken I spoke to the supper and he told me they will give me the heads up 3 days before they come to my unit so I unpack more things I ll need to cook lol they don't know exactly what day they will do it but he said it will take only 2 or 3 days basically 1 day to take away all including the floor tiles. Next day they will do the floor then next finished the floor grout then day 4 they install néw kitchen cabinets. So maybe a total of 4 days I think. The only scarry thing is that this may happen right when I have surgery 
I don't know I hope no but yes it is possible
If anything I ll stay at friends for a few days but I will hate that.
Apr 29, 2018 10:22AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
E, tell the super your situation. I would think they could accommodate you by moving things up or back. Speak up and see but maybe being at a friend's place is not such a bad idea. You may find you need the help and emotional support. I stayed at my mom's place for my recoup after surgery and I was glad for that. I really only wanted to stay with her because my apartment was small, dirty and I had animals and so I was concerned about infection. As it turned out I was glad to be here and waited on, and my mom was in her glory being able to care for me. Win Win all round. Also had I been home alone I would never have cooked and proper nutrition was very important to my healing. Think about it E.
Apr 29, 2018 11:04AM Enerva wrote:
Oh girl if mom was alive I would love to stay with her . But staying at stranger house is a hole different situation which i don't enjoy.
I will speak to my super after my niece is gone she lives on may 15th I don't want him talking to me about it in front of her. Plus don't want to tell him much ether. I will figure out a way.
Remember when Arista stayed at her friend ?
That could be my situation and nah thanks I rather be alone and order take out if I must. Lol
Apr 29, 2018 11:30AM NotBrokenJustBent wrote:
I understand how you may be more comfortable in your own surroundings. Any chance someone can stay with you there? Well at least have someone come and help out and available for anything you may need. Just tell your apartment that you will be having an operation or a procedure. No need to say anything more than that.
E, why do you not want niece to know about the operation? I did not like to tell my mother when bad things were happening in my world and she would tell me that when I did not tell her things she ends up worrying all the time instead of just when stuff was happening. My kids have tried to shelter me from things and now I feel the same way. I want to know these things and if I feel like they are keeping me I the dark I just worry more than need be and all the time. This operation is a good thing. Why do you feel the need to be so secretive? She does know about your DX, no?