Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.
Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 10:32PM
I'm a 47 year old single, who was diagnosed with DCIS grade 3 in early March. The affected area is quite large ... 15 cm in one direction. I have had two partial mastectomies and they still don't have clear margins, so I will be getting a full mastectomy on the left side in a few weeks.
I guess I took the Dr's assurances that I would be OK, a little too much to heart. I was ready for a little surgery and radiation. I wasn't ready to be told I needed a full mastectomy. The reality of it hit me a couple of nights ago.
I haven't met with the plastic surgeon yet, so I'm not sure what my reconstruction plan is yet. My questions are ... how did you prepare yourself to see your body after the surgery? I'm rather large breasted (DD) so the difference is going to be pretty dramatic. Have you found that men can look past the changes in your body? Do they understand? I just want to know if I need to resign myself to being alone. Is there love after a mastectomy/reconstruction?
Posts 9241 - 9270 (9,279 total)
Oct 13, 2017 12:20PM Jazzygirl wrote:
From this morning's rooftop yoga experience. The sunrise, balloons, fresh air and sunlight on our faces during our practices was just an amazing experience!
Oct 13, 2017 09:49PM Enerva wrote:
hi ladies so I saw the dr today a new one this one is a man. And let's say I trust this guy can help me. He says yes to me today so I ll have the tumor removed. I am so sick I felt very sick yesterday and today my stomach was as if I was 3 months pregnant and lower back pain. He gave me a copy of the mRI report he said there is a chance one ovari maybe compromise due to the fact this tumor is close to it and images did no show a clear view as per how it can be separated so he said if no possible he may have to remove my right ovari too. So anyway I ll hope for the best and ll hope all will be ok and I ll gain my life back at least my lower body. There that is my update he says he does no think it is cancer but he ll send the tumor or what ever he takes out to be biopsi and make sure .
I am supper tired and I work tomorrow :(
Sister is the same Monday she ll get the rest of the blood test so we ll know what it is but today we heard her inmune system is the one causing the infection not sure how to explain but I ll update you all on this as soon as they tell me .
Oct 14, 2017 06:48AM Enerva wrote:
There is page 1
Oct 14, 2017 07:57AM BosumBlues wrote:
E, I did not realize you were still in pain and the fibroid is much larger than I thought. Know wonder you want the dang thing gone. So sorry,..... always something. :( Hope you know more about sis soon. Is she at least improving? How is family holding up?
Oct 14, 2017 08:12AM Jazzygirl wrote:
E- you've got this. I had laproscopic surgery to dx my fibroids. I hope they can remove everything that way, much easier for recovery. Hopefully you can go home but need to ensure you have someone checking on you after and if you need help.
We have something here in the US called home health and not sure what Canada has, but good to find out if you can get that sort of help. I had it for my abdominal surgery and my outpatient bc surgery too. Sometimes certain things qualify you for things like this, living alone and not having someone at home to help is one of them here.
Oct 14, 2017 10:24AM Enerva wrote:
I will find out more about the home help since I am alone.
I just wish I knew when like how long to this date . Most times when they say my secretary will.call you with a date humm take days for that phone call and I must arange the time off work if it is done laproscopy then he said 3 weeks off work. Sould be enough.
Sister exams results so far point to luqhemia ; (
But we all just conspiracy we don't know yet. :(
Oct 14, 2017 12:50PM Jazzygirl wrote:
E- three weeks off will be good, but remember you may be tired for awhile after. When does your class finish?
Home health will help you with some things like your incision, etc. but you may need to get someone to help drop off food, etc. More places doing on line order and delivery here in the US, maybe for you too? You may be limited with lifting for some time too so be ready for that. You don't want to end up with any abdominal hernias friend.
Your sister may have leukemia?
Oct 14, 2017 01:07PM BosumBlues wrote:
As singles we face difficult challenges. With my back issues I have had several procedures and I hate to impose on my kids who live paycheck to paycheck but the facilities will not let me leave by taxi and don't call with a time until the day before so the kids can't even arrange to work a half day. It is a lot to expect from a friend never mind a family member to take time off from work. I have a colonoscopy next month and again I hate to yet again have to ask the kids. My worries include getting ill and unable to care for myself.
E, laparoscopic is pretty non invasive, no? I thought most come home in 24 hours and recovery is fairly quick. As to Elizabeth, did you mean leukemia? Oh sweet girl, as always you have much on your shoulders. :(
Oct 14, 2017 03:33PM Jazzygirl wrote:
BB- I have friends here who don't work or usually work 4 days a week, so I am usually able to get someone to drop me off and another to pick me up for the routine stuff like the colonoscopy. That is what I did for the last one at least around a year ago. Can you try that with your boys? May not be as simple if they are not right near you though. Just keeps people from hanging around and waiting.
I have to be judicious with asking for favors around this stuff.
Oct 14, 2017 03:58PM BosumBlues wrote:
Jazz, maybe as I get older I can rally around some early retirees that are single and we can get a support going. I would be happy to reciprocate and I well know the older we get the more the need. Us single gals have to stick together and those without DH's can't understand.
Oct 14, 2017 04:14PM Jazzygirl wrote:
BB- I have heard friends in our age group talk about all buying a property and combining assets to have a shared home where help can be hired to take care of collective needs, while still allowing independence where possible. Collective sharing of caregivers, people to take you to the doctor, etc. I know many women who are divorced and have kids who live far away (some men too.....) Although I like the model, yet have yet to see anyone do this that I know here in the US?
We baby boomers are getting older every day and will need more care the next few decades (myself including). I don't feel many of the things now available to us as we age will be around much longer, so we will need to figure it out for ourselves.......
Oct 14, 2017 05:04PM BosumBlues wrote:
I would think that could be a nice little business for me, buy a van, have background checks done, and transport people back and forth from their medical procedures. I am pretty limited on what I can physically do as far as employment but I could do that! There is a huge unmet need here and medical transport vans are expensive and so unnecessary for simple procedures. For my last back injection I called a taxi guy, and asked him if I tipped him well would he pick me up under the guise that he was a friend. He said yes but it never came to that and my kid took me. It wouldn't have worked anyway as the hospital insisted your ride stay there for the duration.
Oct 14, 2017 07:38PM Enerva wrote:
woe yes I agree with you girls we singles face challenges when having this type of issues.
Me too I have been thinking of those retirement places like there are retirement comunity where siniors can give each other a hand ? I thought about it even before when I was 35 I was already thinking about it lol I guess is due to the fact that I get alone with elder people more than with younger generation is has been always that way.
Bb I have a friend margarita she is also single and alone she offered to get me home that day. She doesn't drive but she can call a taxi from downstairs the hospital and then make sure I am in my bed. I don't think she ll stay over night but she lives close so she can check on me if need.
I just wish I knew when this will happen . Things are not great at work and I could also use the time off even if it is been sick. But not exited about the $ it can get hard too. I ll need to get well fast. Anyway yes sorey I meant leukemia but we don't know for sure we need too wait and see but her blood shows levels which are scarry
Oct 14, 2017 09:11PM Jazzygirl wrote:
BB- that is not a bad business idea. Sort of like what Uber does, but something more secure and safe for anyone who is under anesthesia. There are no medical transport services here for people who need rides from procedures. It is always "find someone to help you".
E- glad you have someone to go with you in the taxi and be sure you get home safely. One thing figured out. My guess is now that the surgery has been recommended, they are looking at the surgeon's block of time to get you in. Work can figure out how to keep things going while you take care of this. That is what work benefits are for?
Oct 15, 2017 08:58AM Enerva wrote:
hi friends .
I wanted to tell you here in Canada we have an organization for cancer patients it is form by retired people and it is volunteer. How it works is when I was diagnosed I was told since I had no family who could drive me to my chemo treatment that I have to sign up for this group organization and they have a sistema in place so you must call them with 2 days in advance to let them know the date and time of your treatment it is available only at that hospital. I bet there is information on line at price Margaret hospital Toronto. So they pick you up from home and they drive you to the hospital and when you are done you sit in an area and they pick up and take you home. This amazing people save my life I was so week and so sick i could have no make it on my own. But sad is only at one hospital I always wonder about others ?
Oct 15, 2017 09:07AM BosumBlues wrote:
E, yes, the American Cancer Society also has that program. I called about it and it works much the same way. When first dx'ed I swore I would volunteer to help others but we know how that goes. I had enough running to doctors just with my own appointments and those of my mom but maybe when my life settles. It is a wonderful program. They also have a mentoring program. I spoke on the phone with a sweet woman a couple times very early on. She gave me much hope when I was so scared.
Oct 15, 2017 09:38AM Enerva wrote:
bb, me too I thought if I make it to retirement I may also volunteer with them but I wish there were in place for other hospitals and other sickness cuz I think the % of alone folks is increasing and it could be nice if we had access to that when we have no one to help with the going and coming back from surgeries or treatment. How is your weekend? I feel a bit better but boy am I down with something. No sure what but must be a cold. I was very very ill yesterday and was on bed all day then watched tv till late and got up almost at 10am feeling better yet not 100% well .but made my coffee and hope it helps me cuz yesterday I had no coffee only tea and water and soup
But now had my toas and some penubutter and coffee and oh I missed that coffee yesterday .I just didn't want to vomit coffee yesterday lol
Now seems my stomach is settled and I can enjoy coffee .I will work on homework now and maybe ll go out if it does rain to breath some air oh I need to show you someone who was intrusive at my place yesterday now you can believe why I was no able to have a nice setup in my balcony all summer
I spoke to her and she just looked at me as if saying "why do you keep your screening on? I need to come in your house and have access to the plants you now have indoor " lol
No the first time I see her in action but this time I remember to take a picture to show you ladies this little shit lol
Balconyis now empty and dirty cuz a few pots I left outside with only soil she mess up and I haven't had the energy to go clean up : (
Oct 15, 2017 12:23PM - edited Oct 15, 2017 12:24PM by Jazzygirl
Good morning friends- been out to the farmers market this morning and then to an apple/pumpkin festival. Eating some delicious pumpkin bread. I have some good eats for the week ahead.
A sister I met her on BCO has been doing some give back for awhile to a local group in the Boston area, whom help cancer patients. It has turned out to be way more than she expected because this woman has had both bc and ovarian cancer and required a lot of treatment, and now it has metastisized. On chemo for life now as it stands. My friend now has to step away to take care of some of her own greater healthcare needs, and the nice thing about a cancer support group like this is that if one person cannot do something, usually another can. They are a great resource to have. But of course, if you have "non-cancer" issues that require rides, you are back in the same place.
E- glad you are feeling better today. That squirrel is a little devil.
Oct 15, 2017 02:03PM BosumBlues wrote:
E, if you can't beat him join 'em. What if you put some peanuts out there next season, would he leave your plants alone or invite his friends? Just wondering.....
Oh Jazz, yet another fall I am missing with all the insanity. I love the autumn so enjoy it for me. Maybe next year will be better here.
Oct 15, 2017 03:15PM Jazzygirl wrote:
BB- fall is my favorite time of the year. The weather got crisp today and it has been a beautiful week of weather. Next weekend, I am heading to a yoga retreat in the mountains where I expect to see lots of golden cottonwoods. Late Oct to early Nov is one of the best times of the year here.
I do hope at this time next year that things will be better for you friend
Oct 15, 2017 05:37PM Enerva wrote:
lol bb I try that too. It did not work cuz the food I gave her she then took and put it inside my plants soil :( making the same mess aparently they don't eat the food you give them right away they save it in the plants soil for rainy days lol I gave up.
I just finish doing homework for this week and I am so tired
I just need to shower dry my afroo and have a tea I am feeling really wierd exhausted and just down. Hopefully the week will bring better health for me too.
Oct 15, 2017 06:03PM Jazzygirl wrote:
E- let us know what you hear this week about your pending surgery date.
Artista- how are you doing? Coming along with your healing?
Oct 15, 2017 06:11PM Enerva wrote:
me too I was wondering about Arista also simplicity? Girls you ok?
June how was your weekend? I hope we all have a better week last week was so hard for me. And weeknd no better I missed my workout now and that will screw up my rutine ; (
Yes I ll keep u all posted I wonder when will it be?? I bet a long wait ; (
But at least there is a solution at the end of the tunnel?
I wanted to also tell you that my oldest niece had the same surgery on Friday. And today I asked how is she and they told me that her fibroid was attached to her colon too and that dr took all out including her uterus but in vzla you all know how bad things are so I just hope she recovers soon. She is in a hospital till tmw ; (
Oct 15, 2017 06:19PM - edited Oct 15, 2017 06:21PM by Jazzygirl
E- I hope your neice recovers. My mother, sister and I all had fibroids and surgery as a result. They are far more common than most realize and also often don't require any intervention, but sometimes they do....
I have not seen Simplicity here for awhile. I checked her profile and posts and she has not been here since her last post here on July 21st. Hopefully she focusing on her recovery and doing okay......
Oct 15, 2017 08:45PM Enerva wrote:
hummm I eliminated face book so I don't know if she has any update there. She will come here when she has some time. She does a lot with work and her recon plus kids and pets. Hope all ok.
Arista keep us posted on your recon . I think you said it was turning out really nice.
I took a sleeping pill now. Cuz I slept too much yesterday and fear it won't be easy tonight.
Sending u all hugs