Topic: Boyfriend broke up with me a month after mastectomy

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer — Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Aug 6, 2011 07:07PM

Posted on: Aug 6, 2011 07:07PM

voicewriter wrote:

I was just wondering what others think about this.  I was in a three-and-a-half-year relationship.  We had issues, things weren't great.  We broke up probably six or seven times.  We were engaged at the time of my diagnosis of DCIS.  We actually broke up the morning of my mammogram, and then after that, he professed his undying love to me, wants to be with me mind, body, and soul, blah, blah, blah.  So he was with me through all the crap -- lumpectomy, MRI, mastectomy -- but very emotionally difficult.  One day, supportive, the next, a jerk.  He was washing dishes the night before my mastectomy, and Mr. Cheapo goes, I wonder what it's going to cost me if I have to stay at the hospital all day tomorrow.  Imagine???  He also said to me during the week that I was home recuperating, he didn't get to have any alone time with me, because my teenage daughter was on the couch between us the whole time, and I didn't say anything, and he didn't want to be number two anymore.  This is a 50-year-old man we're talking about. 

Anyway, I could go on and on.  Bottom line, broke up a month after my mastectomy.  I brought it up, but he took the ball and ran with it.  I was pretty devastated, and said to him, I can't believe you're doing this a month after my mastectomy, and he said, " You got a clean bill of health.  You're out of the woods." 

It's been four months since we've been broken up, and I'm still hurting from the whole thing.  Do you think this is something you could ever forgive someone for?  I feel like he abandoned me in the middle of the hell of going through what I went through, and he thinks I'm out of the woods!

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Aug 7, 2011 01:47AM voicewriter wrote:

Thanks to all who have posted here so far.  It has helped me immensely.  You are all wonderful women, and wish we didn't have to all be on here, but I guess we're all a big family.  It's going to be a long haul for me to heal from this.  I feel like I never really got to deal with losing my breasts, because I've been too emotionally messed up dealing with the breakup.  Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, in the long run?

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Aug 7, 2011 11:06AM Fearless_One wrote:

I agree with Nancy.   NO ONE can understand what we go through unless they have been there.   They can try, but they don't truly get it.   Eh, your guy wasn't even willing to try.   He sounds like he completely lacks empathy.   I think had you married him, you would have been miserable.

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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Aug 7, 2011 05:53PM - edited Aug 7, 2011 09:09PM by carol1949

Dixiebell,  You just imagine all of our cyber hugs.  I know it is not the same as physical touch, but you will not be alone in surgery.

I have a husband of 33 years and even though he was present, he was not capable of being as supportive as one would think.  It is OK!  Remember, everyone is on their own journey and I believe on different levels of spiritual awareness,.

Breast cancer is thought by many practitioners to be a "dis" ease of the body, mind and spirit and allowed to grow due to weakened immune systems.  Our bodies want to be healthy, but when we allow ourselves to be stressed and over burdened it can manifest in "dis" ease. 

Hugs to all of you and remember to put yourselves first for a change! 

edited for spelling!

Dx 4/4/2008, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, ER+, HER2-
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Aug 7, 2011 06:26PM Fearless_One wrote:

I totally agree with Carol!   Stress will weaken the immune system as fast as any poison, IMO.   And a man like that - he would have made you miserable!  

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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Aug 7, 2011 06:36PM voicewriter wrote:

Dixiebell, I, too, will be there with you with a "cyber hug".  Your ex BF sounds like a gem, just like mine.  Who needs it?  I know it hurts, but better to see one's true colors, as you say. 

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Aug 7, 2011 09:29PM dixiebell wrote:

Thanks voicewriter and carol 1949 - loving the cyber hugs!!!

BMX 8/10/2011 Left radical / right elective simple with 1 step alloderm reconstruction nipple and skin sparing Oncotype score 5. No chemo. Dx 7/20/2011, ILC, <1cm, Grade 2, 2/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/10/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 2/2/2014, ILC, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2016 Aromasin (exemestane) Radiation Therapy External: Bone
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Aug 7, 2011 10:01PM voicewriter wrote:

Dixiebell,

We all need hugs and to support each other here.  I will be thinking of you Wednesday.  Let us know how it goes...sending love :)

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Aug 7, 2011 10:37PM Hoolianama0508 wrote:

Whoa, that is awful. I am so sorry that happened to you. What stands out for me is when you mentioned that you haven't had time to deal with losing your breasts, let alone his behavior.  You come first in all things. I know this is hard for you but I want to encourage you to put him out of your mind. Let this guy go, because to me, he is toxic and you do not need anymore of that. He will only impede your healing with pettiness, and you deserve more than that. And by the way, your life is the blessing, don't let him disguise it with his crap.

Hugs to you.

I matter, I count, I am important. I am living strong Dx 3/27/2009, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/13 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Aug 8, 2011 06:23PM - edited Aug 8, 2011 06:26PM by Fearless_One

Dixiebell, how old was this guy that he wanted more kids (or so he says)?   Anyways, he sounds shallow like so many of them.   My LDB dumped me when he saw what my hair looked like after it grew in from chemo (I still had my breasts then).   Shallower than mud puddles, these guys...

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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Aug 8, 2011 07:35PM dixiebell wrote:

Hi Fearless: He is 39 I know I know 10 years younger than me. But age was never an issue because I don't think I look my age and we just fit or so I thought. . He has a 2 year old from a previous marriage. But for whatever reason its all for the best. Its so hard finding a decent guy no matter how old they are!!

BMX 8/10/2011 Left radical / right elective simple with 1 step alloderm reconstruction nipple and skin sparing Oncotype score 5. No chemo. Dx 7/20/2011, ILC, <1cm, Grade 2, 2/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/10/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 2/2/2014, ILC, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2016 Aromasin (exemestane) Radiation Therapy External: Bone

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