Topic: Boyfriend broke up with me a month after mastectomy

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer — Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Aug 6, 2011 07:07PM

Posted on: Aug 6, 2011 07:07PM

voicewriter wrote:

I was just wondering what others think about this.  I was in a three-and-a-half-year relationship.  We had issues, things weren't great.  We broke up probably six or seven times.  We were engaged at the time of my diagnosis of DCIS.  We actually broke up the morning of my mammogram, and then after that, he professed his undying love to me, wants to be with me mind, body, and soul, blah, blah, blah.  So he was with me through all the crap -- lumpectomy, MRI, mastectomy -- but very emotionally difficult.  One day, supportive, the next, a jerk.  He was washing dishes the night before my mastectomy, and Mr. Cheapo goes, I wonder what it's going to cost me if I have to stay at the hospital all day tomorrow.  Imagine???  He also said to me during the week that I was home recuperating, he didn't get to have any alone time with me, because my teenage daughter was on the couch between us the whole time, and I didn't say anything, and he didn't want to be number two anymore.  This is a 50-year-old man we're talking about. 

Anyway, I could go on and on.  Bottom line, broke up a month after my mastectomy.  I brought it up, but he took the ball and ran with it.  I was pretty devastated, and said to him, I can't believe you're doing this a month after my mastectomy, and he said, " You got a clean bill of health.  You're out of the woods." 

It's been four months since we've been broken up, and I'm still hurting from the whole thing.  Do you think this is something you could ever forgive someone for?  I feel like he abandoned me in the middle of the hell of going through what I went through, and he thinks I'm out of the woods!

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Aug 18, 2011 09:00PM voicewriter wrote:

FO, thank you for thinking of me.  Actually had a bad day today.  I'm struggling with this damn breakup.  I feel like I'm never going to be in another relationship, especially after the mastectomy.  I just wish I could move on...like he has.

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Aug 18, 2011 09:16PM Fearless_One wrote:

VW, you are going through an incredibly traumatic time.   A breakup on top of recent mastectomy???   Of course you are still struggling!   And it's harder when they are with someone new, that's for sure.   These *&^(&_* guys - they always have to have someone waiting in the wings...

4 months is not long at all, considering you were with him for a few years - allow yourself more time to heal and don't put a time limit on it.   How are you feeling physically?

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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Aug 19, 2011 05:57PM Fearless_One wrote:

VW, I hope you are doing okay today.....remember, 4 months is a relatively short time.   Don't push yourself.   You will heal when you heal.    Heck, I still miss some guy from 6 months ago.  

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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Aug 19, 2011 11:24PM voicewriter wrote:

I'm doing okay, thank you.  It's been very difficult.  I just have to maintain no contact with him, and hopefully in time I will heal.  I am fortunate that I have many good friends, which have been really there for me. 

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Aug 19, 2011 11:31PM dixiebell wrote:

Hi to All and thanks for inquiring: Ended up 6 days in the hospital after my bmx. Fever, nausea and diarrhea. Now day 10. Still have drains, and they are not so bad at all. My right breast I would never know I had any surgery it has never hurt. The left cancerous continures to be the issue. Had 18 nodes removed 2 came back positive. I have no feeling under my arm and numbness down the entire backside of my arm. I was not prepared for that. I have a lot of pain in that breast also. Still on pain meds and muscle relaxers. Today was the first day I felt "normal". I guess the surgery was just much more tramatic on the left, as the right was preventative only. The recon all in one alloderm with implants looks good. (well as good as can be expected).

BMX 8/10/2011 Left radical / right elective simple with 1 step alloderm reconstruction nipple and skin sparing Oncotype score 5. No chemo. Dx 7/20/2011, ILC, <1cm, Grade 2, 2/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/10/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 2/2/2014, ILC, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2016 Aromasin (exemestane) Radiation Therapy External: Bone
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Aug 19, 2011 11:50PM voicewriter wrote:

Dixiebell, so sorry you had such a hard time after your BMX.  My heart goes out to you.  And I am so glad you are feeling back to normal today -- or as normal as possible!   I want to tell you, your picture shows such a beautiful woman, full of self-confidence. You will feel better and stronger with each day, I can tell you that from experience.  Glad your implants look good!  Will you be getting any other treatment now?  I will be thinking of you and sending good energy your way, my dear :) 

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Aug 20, 2011 06:40AM sam52 wrote:

Dixie - just to reassure you that the numbness does resolve to a greater degree eventually.It does take time though.(like a few years.......)

You must be religious in doing your arm exercises.

Take care,

Sam

dx Oct 2001 IDC 1.6cm, stage II, grade 3, 3/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 20, 2011 10:17AM Fearless_One wrote:

VM, I didn't realize you were still keeping in touch with him.    You cannot heal if you continue to remain in contact with him.   You must cut ties...

lump/chemo/rads/hyster-ooph/mastectomy/implants
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Aug 20, 2011 12:40PM voicewriter wrote:

FO, I know.  I have cut contact with him, but it's only been a couple of weeks.  I am so hurt and angry that he's dating someone else, and thinking about them and what they're doing together.  That's the worst part. 

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Aug 20, 2011 05:14PM dixiebell wrote:

Voicewriter I am waiting to see the oncologist. my surgeon said chemo and maybe hormone therapy. As far as your ex that guy is wow can't use those words on this site but karma is a b____h.  

BMX 8/10/2011 Left radical / right elective simple with 1 step alloderm reconstruction nipple and skin sparing Oncotype score 5. No chemo. Dx 7/20/2011, ILC, <1cm, Grade 2, 2/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/10/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 2/2/2014, ILC, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2016 Aromasin (exemestane) Radiation Therapy External: Bone

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