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Topic: Anyone else feel insecure after everything was done??

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer —

Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Sep 24, 2018 07:31PM

KayS1084 wrote:

Since I completed my treatments a year ago I haven't felt like myself. I just built up the courage to tell people I had cancer. I wanted to avoid the pity. Now I am struggling to find me again. I spoke to a few people during the whole process but kept most fears to myself. I tried to keep it together for my family and close friends. Now I've lost my strength and courage. I feel like I am a shell. I'm afraid of getting close to people, letting people know what happened that my possibility to have kids has gone down significantly. I look at my scar and get angry, I get sad, I ask why. Will I ever be ok when I look at it. Am I being to sensitive or hard on myself.Sad


Thank you

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Sep 24, 2018 11:42PM Peacetoallcuzweneedit wrote:

KayS - Be kind to yourself....Kay this whole experience is life changing...I dont know yr age, but literally you were handed a diagnosis that in two seconds took your whole world and flipped it upside down or at best, sideways...have you gone to support groups or met other survivors in yr area?

5/2017 Left Breast DCIS 6cm Grade 3 6/2017 Right Breast IDC Stage 1A, Tmic 0.5mm, 100% ER+/100%PR+/ HER2- 6/2017 BMX, SNB left, TEs x 2 8/2017 TE deflated -Replaced Oct 2017 Hysterectomy + ooph 11/2017 Implant Exchange June 2018 Nipples.
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Sep 25, 2018 07:59AM KayS1084 wrote:

I am 33. I haven't been to a support group yet. I'd like to find one. I do feel like everything has been flipped upside down. I thought I was doing ok but have realized I'm not where I was before. I've lost friends and made new ones. I'm just trying to get back to me. How did you go about finding local support groups?

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Sep 25, 2018 08:45AM beach2beach wrote:

Hang in there. I think we have to accept a new normal, a new us. AT least that's how I looked at it for me. Unfortunately we find out who stands by us and who disappears. I have not told too many people about my having cancer and this has been a year for me also. I don't know how people will react though in some respects I don't care. I guess I don't feel the need to tell many people. When it comes to possible being in a relationship with someone..I would wait until I think how I feel about the person and if I would want it to go further then I'd bring it up. At some point they would notice it :) Think love me and accept me for how I look, for how I feel is what we need. I need to know it doesnt matter to them I'm not perfect. I wasn't before, now it's just a little more visible.

Local chapter of American Cancer Society may have support groups listed. Even hospital where you had surgery. Google breast cancer support group near me..even add young to the description.

Dx 7/28/2017, LCIS/DCIS/ILC, Right, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/8/2017 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Hormonal Therapy 9/12/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Sep 25, 2018 10:33AM KayS1084 wrote:

I didn't think I needed to share with everyone either. I felt a sense of relief from sharing. I am trying to accept the new me. Thank you I will look into the hospital and local group groups.

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Sep 25, 2018 09:56PM - edited Sep 25, 2018 09:56PM by Pipandor

KayS, it sounds like you have close friends and family, and love and time are great healers. The fear of recurrence is always there, but sometimes it's worse. I cried this morning because my spine hurts (I've never had back aches) and I'm getting results of bloodwork tomorrow. It wears you down, and if it weren't for my husband, I'd crash, but I keep hoping that everything will be OK and that the insecurity will lessen over time. I try to do stuff I love because it keeps my mind off cancer and it's a good idea anyways! Maybe there's something like that that would help your new self grow.

Dx 1/2016, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Surgery 2/5/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Chemotherapy 3/11/2016 Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 3/11/2016 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Radiation Therapy Whole-breast: Breast
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Sep 26, 2018 01:02PM KayS1084 wrote:

Pipandor,

Thank you for sharing. I hope and sending prayers your bloodwork comes back clear. I do have an amazing supportive family and group of friends. I'm happy you have your husband to help and support you. I feel like I've completely changed. I hope that my insecurities and fear go away as well.

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Sep 27, 2018 07:59AM edwards750 wrote:

Kay - I found a support group at church. The ladies are awesome. It’s comforting to be part of a group that identifies what you are feeling and dealing with. We follow each other’s progress and everyone has a story to tell. Recently one of the ladies shared with us about her daughters being tested positive for the BC gene. We are all supporting her and offering shoulders to cry on. I don’t think anyone understands better than ones who are DX with the same disease.,

Also, the cancer center where I had treatments has a support group as well. It’s so therapeutic. My DH is supportive but he doesn’t really understand totally.

Diane

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Jun 29, 2019 04:46PM Kareba wrote:

I didn’t initially want to share for many of the reasons you mentioned, but when I did not only was it freeing not to have this secret, but I was overwhelmed by love and support. I was given a list of support groups from the cancer center at a local hospital- I haven’t gone, but it’s nice to know the option is available. My current struggle is how and when to bring this up when dating someone new. I’ve finished treatments, but still feeling effects. I don’t want to be hiding anything, but it doesn’t feel like it needs to be shared immediately either

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Jun 29, 2019 05:19PM KayS1084 wrote:

Hi Kareba, I completely understand I to am struggling with this same struggle. I've gone to a few groups they were nice but at the same time I was the youngest person in the group so it was difficult for the ladies to relate. I wish I had better advice on when to share. I guess if you meet someone and it is going well then you will know when it is the right time to share. If they truly care about you then that person will see past that 6 letter word and love you for you. ❤

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Jun 29, 2019 07:09PM Spoonie77 wrote:

Kay have you heard of the Young Adults Facing Breast Cancer Together Coalition? Or the Firefly Sisterhood? Or Gilda's Club?

These were all places my SO and MO directed me to check out due to my "youngish" age of 42. I have found a lot of support there and people closer to my own age that I can relate to. Perhaps these might have locations or groups near you as well.

Anyway, you're not alone in the struggle. I haven't started dating again, not sure when I will. I went through a devastating break up about 6 months before my dx so have been single now for nearly 2 years. While part of me is thankful at times for not having to "drag" anyone through this, I do wish I had someone to hold me when I cry or to be there when I feel weak, physically and mentally.

Wishing you luck in finding someone who will love you for you. <3

"Spoonie" who entered BC World @ 41. DXd w/MS & Thyroid Cancer @42. Treatment: LX/SLNB/RADs. Plan A: 5mg Tamox = 0 QOL. Plan B: OS/AI = Rare allergy to OS meds. Plan C: Only option left,  Diet & Exercise. PS: Not a dr, just a Googler. Dx 7/20/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 8/29/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Dx 8/30/2018, DCIS, Left, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2 Radiation Therapy 9/30/2018 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 3/29/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 7/1/2019 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Jun 29, 2019 07:54PM jo6359 wrote:

I believe it's especially difficult for the younger people who have breast cancer. Some people share all aspects of their life with family members and Friends. I am not one of those people. I tend to be very private. I Share my cancer diagnosis and treatment with a few close people. There aren't many support groups for women in their thirties or early forties. Part of the reason, thank goodness there isn't a high percentage of women with breast cancer in their thirties and early forties. I find the Susan Komen Foundation to be an excellent resource. They will hook you up with a mentor in your age group with a similar diagnosis. American Cancer Society might be beneficial also.

Dx 1/29/2018, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/18 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (FISH) Dx 1/29/2018, DCIS, Right, Stage 0 Targeted Therapy 2/15/2018 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 2/16/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Targeted Therapy 2/16/2018 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
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Jun 30, 2019 07:37AM Salamandra wrote:

Hey Kays24,

One thing you could do is contact Sharsharet - https://sharsheret.org/who-we-are/contact-us/

Their social workers are *really* nice and helpful. They will connect you with one, and then you can speak to her about what resources she knows of and what would be helpful to you. If you tell her where you are located and that you're interested in speaking with young women in a similar situation, she will either know a group or find one for you, or find individuals to connect you with. They can also just listen and try to help figure out ideas, or just listen and support. It is a Jewish organization but they serve everybody.

I'm almost 40. I was single for 3 years before my diagnosis and single now. I want to date in theory but in practice I'm just so goddamned tired. I've gained weight, my tamoxifen exhausts me, and I'm past the optimal shelf life for online dating. I have extremely limited patience for the whole dating thing. At this point, if my Prince Charming doesn't fall from the sky into my lap, with a clear label, I think I'm going to be single for the indefinite future.

But one thing I know. I am capable of love and worthy of love. And so are you. All kinds of love. There are many things we can't control, and outcomes often don't turn out how we'd like. But none of that means you are not precious, desirable, and lovable.


Dx at 39. 1.8cm. Oncotype 9. Dx 9/19/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 10/17/2018 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Hormonal Therapy 11/1/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 12/2/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/18/2019 Fareston (toremifene)
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Jun 30, 2019 01:36PM Spoonie77 wrote:

Here Here! I'm with you Salamandra -- my Prince Charming needs a label and to fall out of the sky indeed! Happy

"Spoonie" who entered BC World @ 41. DXd w/MS & Thyroid Cancer @42. Treatment: LX/SLNB/RADs. Plan A: 5mg Tamox = 0 QOL. Plan B: OS/AI = Rare allergy to OS meds. Plan C: Only option left,  Diet & Exercise. PS: Not a dr, just a Googler. Dx 7/20/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 8/29/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Dx 8/30/2018, DCIS, Left, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2 Radiation Therapy 9/30/2018 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 3/29/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 7/1/2019 Zoladex (goserelin)

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