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Struggling with fear, grief and panic attacks
I am currently being treated with enhertu for stage 3 breast cancer. Over the past month or so the side effects have been more than physical. I have felt the depression creeping in, and then the panic attacks started. Now they are daily. I have so much help from my husband, oncologist, therapist, and psychiatrist. But every moment of every day still feels like a struggle. I am on day 3 of the second step of increasing my SSRI, and I feel even more crazy now. Everyone keeps telling me to stay the course; it will get better, meds take time, but I am hanging on by a thread.
My daily spirals include: what if it never gets better? What if I am this miserable and unable to control myself forever? This has to be driving my husband crazy dealing with me, right? When is it going to get to the better everyone has been talking about for months? I am just reaching out in hopes that I'm not the only one, and someone who has experienced similar firsthand can tell me to hold on it does get better.
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Welcome @nukacolaqutie. We are so very sorry for the reasons that bring you here, but we're so glad you've found us. You've found a community full of people who "get it" and you're not alone - we're all here for you!
These intense feelings you're experiencing are very normal and common - you're dealing with a lot! A breast cancer diagnosis and treatment is undoubtedly scary, overwhelming, unnerving, and anxiety-producing. You're sure to get some great support from others here who have faced similar challenges - and made it out on the other side to thrive. We hope you'll receive some helpful posts soon.
In the meantime, we wanted to share some content with you that might help you feel just a little bit better about mental health, breast cancer, and getting to a better place on the other side of treatment:
Podcast:
Webinar:
Webinar:
Webinar:
We hope these resources help you at least see that you're among a wonderful community of folks who understand exactly what you're going through. You've got this, just take it one step at a time.
Sending big hugs to you. Please keep coming back and let us know how you're doing. We're here for you.
—The Mods
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When were you diagnosed @nukacolaqutie? It took me 2-3 years to feel anything other than general terror, waves of daily horror at the reality of my situation and an overwhelming hopelessness. It was a very gradual improvement from a very dark place. But I did get there eventually.
For me trying to get back to normal in terms of working and usual activities helped a lot. I also walked miles and miles which was one of the few times I could switch off a bit.
Take all the help you can get and all the time you need. Most of all believe that you will get better and hold onto hope.
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@starbridge I was diagnosed October 2025. I was handling it all pretty well until after surgery there was a trace amount of cancer in 1 of my lymph nodes, which meant 14 rounds of Enhertu. And sadly the enhertu side effects are unpleasant still.
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Nuqacolaqutie: You may have to explain your name. I am certain it is meaningful, but I am missing something that is likely obvious to all but me.
I haven’t signed in for a very long time. I like to check in occasionally as there are women on here that I love to follow and great meal ideas too.
Your post touched my heart. What you are experiencing is totally normal and to be expected given all you have been through. I bet almost every breast cancer patient can relate to what you are experiencing. But I can guarantee you that you will not feel this badly forever! This is almost impossible to believe when you are in the midst of this.
Just when you had hope for your future and renegotiated your road ahead, another roadblock fell onto your lap with the trace amount of cancer in your lymph node. PTSD is the result of overwhelming factors with no predictability. You were hit twice and your emotional wellbeing was shattered. The positive news is that we are resilient and with time, professional support and the correct drugs, we do recover.
But the harsh truth is that it takes time. And time feels like forever. Trust your doctors, accept your partners support and allow yourself to need them. Allow yourself to feel awful for a bit. Try to get out of your head when you can. Distract those constant thoughts with a moment of pleasure. Might only last a moment, then a minute and then an hour and so on. And it’s totally normal to feel worse before you start to feel better.
Hang on. There is so much hope for your future. You are in the worst. Accept the help from your team and the love from your partner. You will be able to thank them sooner than you realize. And most importantly of all, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Saying all of this from personal and professional experience. Wish I could be there in person for you!
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If the depression is mainly a medication side effect @nukacolaqutie you are doing the right thing taking anti depressants - fight fire with fire.
My understanding is it takes up to 12 weeks after initiation of ADs or a dose increase to get the full effect so definitely a bit of a marathon.
How long do you have to take the Enhertu for?
There is a thread called Thin Slices of Joy which might help you to find a moment of happiness each day. I also find the Calm app very helpful. And spending time outside - everything feels a bit less heavy there.
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@nukacolaqutie , you’ve gotten so much wonderful support here already. ❤️ And @starbridge and @tb90 , thank you for sharing so openly from your own experiences. That feeling of getting through one thing and then having something else come along and knock you back down can be so hard.
We’re really glad you’ve reached out for help and started an antidepressant. They can take several weeks to really start helping, so give yourself some time and keep your doctor in the loop about how you’re feeling, especially while dealing with the side effects of Enhertu.
And if talking with others who really get it sounds helpful, we’d love to have you join one of our free Virtual Support Groups on Zoom.
Most of all, keep coming back here. You don’t have to be feeling better to show up. We’re here for the hard days too. ❤️
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@tb90 Thank you so much! Just having someone who understands is a big help!
@starbridge Thank you for the encouragement. It would be so nice if things wouldn't take so long to kick in. I have 9 more rounds for a total of 14. We do them every 3 weeks, so 6ish months left.
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