Illinois ladies facing bc
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Welcome orlandpark65. I didn't find this wonderful group of supportive women until I was in the middle of chemo. So glad you did find this forum though. Come back often.
My ONC told me that the bone pain from the Neulasta shot was a good indicator that it was working, doing its thing. I remember waking up in the middle of the night after my first Neulasta shot and WOW!!
Tastebuds... sorry for you dealing with that. That bad tasted always showed up about 3 days after chemo and lasted around a week. When it wore off... I ate everything in site and was especially craving beef which I hadn't eaten much of in years. I kept my DH busy grilling steaks and burgers.
Madmom and Robo... I found that J-E-L-L-O tasted wonderful when my mouth was bad. I hadn't eaten that in years either, but that cool, sweet, slippery stuff went down wonderful. Along with Edey's frozen fruit bars, ice cream, fresh oranges, watermelon, and Propel water. I had a strange diet going on while going through chemo!!
Looking forward to the weekend although it sounds like we are in for some rain. My DH has been gone all week working his new retirement job... flying a tractor back on the farm in SD. Now I need him to get started on his "To Do" list at home.
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Hi OrlandPK65. Welcome. I too had terrible heartburn on chemo. First Prilosuc that did nothing for me… never does. Then Protonix that helped a bit. Then added Carafate. Switched the Protonix to Nexium because the new insurance wouldn't cover Protonix. Weened off all of that after chemo. Had exchange surgery and the heartburn started up again (General anesthesia and I don't get along). Was on Carafate for 5 weeks. Everything is fine now so it does get better.0
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Lago!
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Hi ladies, just waving and hoping everyone is doing well.
Mad/Robo - It's very odd, but I can't honestly remember food tasting weird when I was in chemo. If it did, my chemo brain has erased the memory (which honestly wouldn't surprise me - much of those days are kind of a distant fog now). I DO remember the OMG!constipation, vague nausea and extreme lethargy. I also remember using the Biotene toothpaste.
The aches and pains of Letrozole (Femara), I totally empathize with you ladies just starting it. I'm on the brink of finishing it, and for me the pains did get better over time, although the stiffness after sitting (and feeling like I'm 90) - as well as the sore fingers and feet joints - are still there. It is either better, or I've just gotten so used to it to the point that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. For me, the Aromasin was at least double the pain - to the point of being intolerable. It seems to be very different for everyone though. All the best.
I feel so much for you ladies with LE. I continue to knock on wood because other than wearing my sleeve for airplane flights, I don't really think about it. My poor left arm has gone through the wringer with the frozen shoulder and all that chronic inflammation. I've had steroid shots and physical therapy just in that arm many times. I also use that arm to the point of serious pain on a regular basis when I have a busy day at work. I know they say LE can happen at any time, but I'm not sure my arm can get any more abuse! I'm hoping *knocks on wood* that my drainage system just dodged that particular bullet.
Looks like my DS and his 2 friends found an apartment in the city. Technically it's Lakeview, but it's the western edge of Wrigleyville. It's a really beautiful new-ish condo rental with a great view. I'm happy for him and it's absolutely time for him to do this, but omg, I'm going to miss him SO much.
My surgery is next week. At my dental cleaning today I was talking to the Dentist about it and out of the blue, I started crying. So embarrassing. She was very sweet about it and we sat and talked a bit. Fortunately that loss of control didn't last very long. I think I've just been trying hard not to think about this too much. I'm trying to stay busy and in head down and get it over with mode.
Have a great weekend everyone.
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Yeah, that chemo mouth was nasty. It wasn't metallic but chemical to me I just felt like the bug in the Raid commercials except I was saying CHEMO!
For me it was 2 weeks of blah and 1 week of yay. I called it my golden week. Hang in there girls it peaks and valleys and then ENDS. 0 -
I wore a bra today. Picked up a few yesterday. Hmmm I thought my PS said I was going to be a small C… I think he got carried away!
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PENNIES - During chemo...my mouth tasted like I was sucking on PENNIES! Awful!
robo - Unflavored seltzer was also my drink of choice. It's so much better for you than sugary pop or juice.
WELCOME ORLAND!
Onward - I missed it! WHAT WOODPECKERS? dh calls them Peckerheads! lol
Adey - TOO funny!
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Lago....I got bras last week. I thought I would be a full B or small C. I ended up with a D or DD. They don't look like Ds to me but that is what they are. I posted some recent vacation photos on my blog the other day. I don't think they look like D's....still shocked at my size. It is like they are wide....they don't project that much but that is usually how the implants are from what I have read.
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I just had a mini meltdown over my hair....seriously, someone may have to commit me??? I feel like I've given up SOOOO much of myself and my life and my body since April and now I'm facing this and quite frankly I'm pissed off about it. I had someone tell me today (for about the 1,000th time) "oh, it's JUST hair.....no biggie, it'll grow back eventually" and I snapped. "REALLY?? Why don't you go to shave yours completely bald and than you can come tell me its JUST hair."
I just told my husband I want to skip our 10th anniversary altogether because I hope to erase the next few months events from my mind and will forever associate our decade of marriage with cancer and being bald instead of happiness and dreams for our next decade.....and than I started sobbing......
Am I dealing with normal emotions here or am I seriously on the verge of craziness?? I keep trying to tell myself I'm not the type to dwell on the loss of my hair but apparently I don't even know myself anymore.....
I'm sorry I'm such a downer..... I really hate whining because I KNOW I could have it so much worse..... I think that's why I've been so quiet the last few days, because every thought I have seems so darn negative right now...... UGH..... I'm sorry ladies!!!!
HUGS to all of you..... You are all probably the only ones that can truly understand this emotional outburst without assuming I'm just being a brat. Thank you!!!0 -
Madmom you're normal. It is a big deal.The hair is the hardest part for about 98.5%. Yeah it does grow back but so what. You are dealing with now. As far as celebrating I would say do it if you feel good but if not don't. My 50th birthday was 2 weeks after my last chemo. My taste was almost back but I felt like crap. I didn't enjoy the meal. Thank goodness we didn't go too fancy. The goal here is to go through this and have many more anniversaries and birthdays. Who cares if they end in a 0.
mdg we sound like the same size. I have some D's and one DD. Granted I don't feel that big but I might be bigger than my mom now… that just can't be. I don't think I look like a D. That sounds ginormous for someone my size and frame.
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Madmom... wish I were there to give you a big hug. Your hair is not JUST hair. It is part of your identity, along with your bright smile which you still have. I know I went through a few meltdowns, not just mini meltdowns either when my hair was falling out. That made me feel so guilty as I had such a supportive DH and family and a load of greeting cards in the mailbox every day. I know many women go through this experience alone and that made me ashamed of my feelings. I was pretty sure my life was in ruins. My poor DH and kids were so worried about me there for awhile. They were seeing a side of me that even I didn't know existed. I soon gave in to asking for an anti-depressant from my ONC and that helped so much. It was our 40th anniversary last year and I was in no mood to celebrate either as I was pretty much crashed on the couch! We made a pledge to celebrate this year instead and WE ARE!
You are NORMAL. So give your DH and little Maddy a big hug and let them know that you are going to be back to your old self as soon as you can!
Lago... I was shocked too when I went for my first bra fitting at Nordstroms. The gal came back to the fitting room with some D's and DD's and I was sure she had me confused with someone else. Geesh! I went home and told my DH that Dr Kim had gotten carried away for sure. I just went through my old bra supply last week and tossed out all my old B's. I was told that the implants are just wider than the normal breast and that is why I am wearing D's but still looking like a B.
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Oh Jenn -- the one thing we really all get is the hair. Now I am pretty plain ( translates into definitely not a looker ) and I have thin, fine, hair ( translation -- absolutely no body what-so-ever ) but I got to tell you.....as bad as my hair was ---- having none was definitely worse. If it were just the hair, but its the hair and everything else too. This does consume your life for some time and it can be harsh and debilitating.
You are losing many things along with that hair and though in the main it all comes back, the sense of security you had, the plans, the vision of your life, are changed now. It seems un-fair to have a mountain that big to climb.
Just remember Wendy's fort because you can always go there and let out all your fear and frustration, anger, upset and anything else that pops up. As Lago says, you are very much so, normal. This is not an easy road, and the journey is not pleasant -- how could it be but we are here to support you as much as possible while you fight to regain your health and find your way again. You are going to be fighting for everything you care about in this world.....that really is a big mountain. I always think of that saying I heard long ago....." I never said it would be easy, I said it would be worth it ". You are worth so much to yourself and very much so to your family and to your friends and to all of us.
And my hair was ugly, but I still needed it, still felt like a real human being while it was there and all sense of pretense, and denial, was stripped away when my head was shaved, and even though my head felt better afterwards.....it was a very big deal. Jenn... we all love you and will continue to care about every bad taste you have, and every tear that falls, and every big or little upset you have --- you have a tough climb ahead, and it is all a big deal. We are here because it always was and always will be.
Warm hugs,
Jackie
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Thank goodness I'm not looking like a D or DD!
There are some good things that are going to happen. You will most likely be getting a free Brazilian. (Do not share with your partner is you're not in the mood. This will turn them on
). You will most likely not have to shave your legs or pits for a while. You will save $ on shampoo. I saved about 30+ minutes every day by not having to dry my hair… but lost 10 minutes trying to match my clothes to my scarf. OK so maybe not that good.BTW stay out of the wind unless you want all your hair to come out. Not sure I should tell the story about doing the power walk last fall on a very windy day and how I scared my doorman a little bit when I came back.
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Thank you all so much for all you've said....I knew you all would "get it". I'm doing a little better after a night of crying off and on.... My eyes and head hurt though. I seriously think I'd have already had a mental breakdown complete with a straight jacket if it weren't for being able to come here.
I honestly think the next person that tells me "it's only hair" is gonna get a "it's only one swollen eye, you have two" back at them.....that phrase makes me want to scream!!!
Lago....LOL, I pictured you after that walk and couldn't help but laugh out loud.... That's what I keep envisioning of myself waiting with my daughter for her bus. Like the guy with the really bad comb over. I pray I have the strength to find humor in some of this as it's happening. I do really like my scarves I have? My 2 wigs in my possession now (I get my 3rd one, my "nice" one Tuesday at Naturally Yours) I have named "Tina Turner" and "cousin It". They need some help.... My hair stylist is in Hawaii right now so he's going to come over and help me once he gets home..... Hopefully my hair holds out? And....WOWZA....D and DD??? My PS said I need to go try on bras and decide if I want anymore fills....I'm shooting for a solid C, I better go do that huh???
Robo....are you going to buzz your hair yourself??? My wig place offered.... But I kind of want my DH to do it.... I'm supposed to go this Tuesday for the wig final fitting/haircut. I'm not sure I can give up my hair in 3 days. I only hope this all gets easier for us!!!! Are you going to try to make the IL dinner get together? We can be hairless together!
Jackie....your words made me cry again, but in a good way. Thank you.
Joan....I'll take you up on that hug when we meet face to face one day....
and I asked my DH I'd we can celebrate 11 years instead and he said ABSOLUTELY! We were going to go to Vegas and cancelled after my dx 2012 is going to be my year....I can feel it.
Mdg....we still need to schedule a walk. I've been consumed in self pity but vowing to myself to snap out of it.
My daughter sent me a text message from the other room while I was crying to my DH....it said "you CAN do this Mom....I love u".0 -
Jenn...your daughter is so sweet...making me tear up! We will go for that walk and then out for something good....like ice cream! That is the only thing that tasted good to me durong chemo...oh and Oberweis has hormone free ice cream! We could also go boxing instead of walking and let you hit the bag and get some of that anger out :-)). You are normal and have every right to have meltdowns. We have all been there. It is OK to have a pity party. That is nkrmal. You are dealing with A LOT! I will be 9 months since diagnosis next week. So much has happened and I am feeling a little normal again. There is hope... I am sorry you are going through this. Hugs! If you are up for it I would love to meet up this coming week:-))
Lago...the doorman story is hilarious!
As far as boob size I dont look like a D and I like the size. I would not want them any smaller. I am 5' 3" and weigh about 120 if that gives you an idea. I was filled to 510 ccs and then got 450 cc implants at exchange. I wish they projected forward more instead of being wide but I will take them. They are not saggy and are BC free. There is something to be said for that!0 -
Madmom reading about you daughter's text brought tears to my eyes. How sweet. BTW I never did buzz my hair. I did have naturally your cut it short and try to thin it out. I always had really thick hair. I will be honest though I don't think my wig fit that great because I didn't buzz it. I wen't back to naturally yours to get it trimmed again (hair was falling in my face). I told her I felt the wig needs some adjustment but she said it was fine… then left right after being done with me so she might have just been in a rush to leave.
Anyway because I didn't buzz my hair I looked like darth vader. You will look less sickly with the buzz IMO. You & Robo might have more of the Gollum look if you don't shave off that comb over due to the longer darker hair… you know I'm kidding of course.
Finally about people who don't get it. I was lucky in the sense I only had to deal with one person who said the wrong things. Unfortunately it was my sister and we haven't spoken since I kicked her out 1 week after my bmx. Other than her no one ever said anything to me. Granted I think people in my building would get into the elevator and were afraid to even say hi when I was scarving. People are just stupid and just don't understand. Next time someone says it's only hair why not say "I know you can't possible understand what it's like to go through this." Lets face it if it was only hair we probably could handle this better. It's everything. The hair is just what puts a lot of us over the edge.
Have you gone to a looks good feels better session.You would be surprise how putting your make up properly will make a huge difference in how you look. Through all this chemo/surgery/shingles etc. you would think I'd look like crap compared to last year. My mom said I looked better than last year when she saw me in August. It has to be the make up. And if you can't go or forgot some stuff check out the site. the tips are all there under beauty guide: http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org/beauty-guide
and most important… get some awesome earrings! The bling really helps.
Oh and I'm sure I'm probably look like a C. There is no way I could jump from a small B to a D or DD and still wear my shirts. They all fit granted the T shirts are a bit tighter around the boobies. They are wider/fuller. I went with a mid profile instead of a high profile which tend to be proportionally wider. It made sense for me. I feel I do have the right shape although they are nothing like my old little ones.
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Omg Lago, LMBO at the Gollum pic. I think I better buzz it!
My old boobies were only a B (on a good day) so I'm enjoying my foobies filling out my t shirts, even if it's still only the football like TE's.
I did go to the look good feel better class back in August, it really was helpful. While I was there I signed my DH and I up for a support group that is for the cancer patient and a loved one, where we split up and go to our respective groups for an hour and than sometimes all meet together to talk, etc.....we'll see how it is, I don't need a group pity party every week, I'm hoping to get more of an inspiration feel.... My DH doesn't know he's signed up yet, LOL....I'll tell him he can golf afterwards. Ha ha....
Mdg...yes, let's try to find a day/time.... I'm working but can either go in later or sneak away....(I work for family, easy to disappear!!)0 -
Madmom even I had my bad down days. OMG I hit a low some time after my 4th TX. That's when I was diagnosed with LE, started to get stiff and fingers hurt like hell… but I got over it. I highly recommend the walking. I think I slowed my exercise after the 4th tx and it was a mistake.
To be honest mentally I feel better now than I did before all this treatment. Physically just stiff from Anastrozole but not terrible. OK I'm going out for my power-walk.
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Jenn, if you have a cancer wellness center near you and/or what Lago once spoke about....Gilda's Place (I think they are called) you may want to see if they have a drop in safe place for your daughter to play or express her thoughts with people who get it. She has gone through a lot what with her step brother off to school and her obvious love/concern for you. Just a thought. She sounds so precious.
Off to Racine to tour the Frank Lloyd Wright building
Hope all are well. WendyTY, if you participating in the walk or not.....nearly constant thoughts of you this weekend. Your courage is remarkable and I hope you are feeling well today.
All this September 11 worry and reflection has me feeling unsettled as I am sure for all of you.
Have a happy day.
Susan
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Susan, enjoy your tour!
I love frank Lloyd wright!!!
All the stories about 9/11 still make me cry, 10 years later....I'll always be haunted by the day.0 -
Morning! Wow...I don't read for half a day and I can't get caught up! Was 56 on my very wet deck this am but going up to mid 70's later with sunshine!
First off...Waving at you WendyTY and hoping that you got some sleep and are able to get to your walk...did you take your friend's offer of the purple wheelchair? Always on my mind, little one...
MaddJen...oh now c'mon...its only hair! Ducking now....lol! Excuse me but I seriously considered just doing radiation because I was so vain and didn't want my hair to fall out. And I'm Her2+! Talk about extreme reactions. I feel that right now you are at the low point...knowing its too late as it IS GOING TO FALL OUT and waiting for it to happen. I did not shave my head as everyone was telling me to do that to take control of the situation. Well...I did take control and just waited. At about day 14 I knew I had reached the day as my hair felt dead. Got in the shower and over 3 days just gently pulled it out...and no, it doesn't hurt. Once it was gone I had a HUGE cry, on the floor of the bathroom...for about an hour...and then I got up, slapped some makeup on my little red eyes, plopped on my wig...and that was that. Like Lago said...you will save so much time and money on not having to do your hair...and you get to have a different look every day. Why not get yourself today to a salon where you don't need an appointment and get yourself that really cute elfin short style you've always wanted to try...it may be your new look!
OP...welcome! Sorry you didn't find us sooner but sounds like you had tons of support!
Rene...sorry about your dental appoitment but I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing! When's your surgery next week? Hugs to you!
Joan...how's the cellulitis? Hopefully by this time you are much better! If your DH runs out of things to do I have a DH who does not know how to do any repairs/maintenance whatsoever so I too have a long list!
Robo...did you take the claritin (not claritinD) the day of and for 3 days after the neulasta? I did and had no bone pain...try it next time if claritin is OK for you to use. Docs feel that the bone pain is an allergic reaction so the claritin helps with that.
Susan.;..have a great weekend!
Off to do something constructive....but it will have to be inside for right now as it has become very dark and cloudy out....Happy Saturday!
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Wendyk.... Good reflexes, I swung but missed. :0) I really should chop my hair this weekend.... I've had super short hair before, back in my 20's. I liked it actually.... Maybe there is hope for me?
Robo....are you on the email list? The dinner is in early planning stages, for the end of the month.... Wendyk can hook you up with the email list if you aren't, PM her your info if you're interested!!!. Edit to add - Mistype....LAURAGTO can hook you up..... Chemo brain!!!!!
Rene....is your MX this coming week? Big hugs to you!!!!
I meant to welcome OrlandPark earlier but got sidetracked with my temper tantrums and whining....sorry. So, WELCOME!!!! Glad you found us..... I promise I'm not always "Debbie downer". LOL.
I'm going to celebrate the end of my hair at a local festival in Geneva..... Food, drink, craft show..... Hopefully no wind, right Lago?0 -
Hope is a waking dream.
Aristotle
Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them.
Vincent McNabb0 -
Good morning.....hmmm, I think I forgot to say hi to OP as well. Sometimes my head does not know where its at, and I don't either. Please forgive.
Jenn -- your little girl has it going on. What a sweetheart. Jenn, zap/Susan has talked about Gilda's place before and I always want to get dressed and go right there, but there isn't anything like that here. It sure may be worth a look-see to you.
Cloudy here too.....Hope no more rain today. It woudn't hurt anything....we did not get that much yesterday but it was a consistent all day affair. I'm spoiled and start to complain after one day that I need the sun.
Robo....do get on Laura's list.....then you stay updated totally and right away when any of the dinners/lunches get going and I think they still try for about once a month.
Hope you will all have a swell day with some sun if possible or at least not too much rain. I'll be checking in later.
Big hugs,
Jackie
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Robo I thought you were on the list. I'll send you the info. It will be from my yahoo account though.0
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Thanks, Wendy. It's this Friday. I keep thinking I need to do something, or buy something to prepare - special bras? More loose, button-front shirts? LOL, after 6 years, chemo and AI's my brain is totally not processing any of this! Oh, well, it'll all work out and I'd rather not stress about it.
Thanks for the hugs, Jenn. I didn't realize there was a fest in Geneva this weekend. Perhaps I'll check it out tomorrow. I loves me a good craft show.
I have realized that my DS's new apartment is not Wrigleyville as I first thought, but at the western edge of Southport Corridor, which is in Lakeview. Now to think about helping him find some used furniture...
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Rene....treat yourself to a comfy pair of Karen neuburger button front jammies....
oh my goodness, I lived in mine after my BMX, super comfy and I didn't feel awkward in them when people came to visit me.
The fest is the Festival of the Vine..... I'm heading there in about 10 minutes! YAY!!!0 -
Chit chat - this and that! Lots going on here...I need to go back a few pages! Worked all morning on a photo shoot...450 soccer players, all under the age of 10! They were so adorable...and so were their DADS! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I had lots of fun...Wilmette park district. My friend, her dh, and their 2 kids are on their way to stay overnight with us here in the forest. My dh cooked and cleaned the entire morning while I was working. He is amazing! Hasn't complained...he's quite a trooper.
MadMom - I'm sorry you had a meltdown...been there, DONE THAT! I am so glad you "found" us. We totally "get it"! Hugs!
Irene - Best wishes to you...please keep us posted.
I don't have time to write more. But you are all in my thoughts and prayers (not assuming you're the prayer "type"...but it's easier to just pray for everyone! lol).
Have a great weekend...regardless of where you are in the "journey"...!
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I hope everyone in treatment is doing well -- it sounds like you are all hanging in there! I totally sympathize, hated losing my hair, I felt like I could be almost normal throughout all of the other side effects, but that one just sets you apart and rips away your privacy. I tried really hard to keep the wig on for all of my children's events... I just wanted to be there as a mom, enjoying what was gonig on, not there as a cancer patient. The wig was high quality enough (thank you Naturally Yours) that most people couldn't tell (or so I'm told.....). So I really feel for you guys.... but it does come back.... here I sit, getting ready for haircut #2, I finished chemo in April, been "topless" since July 1st, and I really like my new pixie cut look, and will probably keep it.
I am being irresponsible about exercise, ladies, I need some motivation! I am ridiculously busy at work right now, and the kids starting school up, with all their activities, well, these last couple of weeks, well, the laundry isn't even getting done! Where or where will I find the time?
Next weekend we go to Iowa City for a dear college friend's wedding, first overnighter away for DH and I for quite some time, so that will be fun.
Finally re-filled the left breast to match the right one. I am no longer lopsided! Got my exchange date... Nov 11th. Had my BMX last year Nov 9th. A full year. Am looking forward to being able to sleep on my stomach again, and get a massage!
Hope everyone is out enjoying this beautiful weather!
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Lisamomof4 The only way I will exercise is if I put it into my schedule. If you don't have an hour everyday then do 30 minutes. Yes 30 minutes of brisk walking is much much better than doing nothing. I know easy for me to say when I don't kids and still looking for a job… but even if you can squeeze 15 minutes before work and 15 minutes after or 30 minutes at lunch it will help.0
