how about drinking?

Good morning, Loungettes! Princess Glitter Sizzle is back in the Lounge! Well, I'm back, not feeling all that princessy or glittery or sizzly. But definitely feeling better.

WARNING: SEMI-GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF POST-OP ADVENTURES FOLLOWS.

DO NOT DRINK LIQUIDS OR EAT RUNNY BROWN FOODS WHILE READING.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

(I WARNED YOU!!)

You would think that a reasonably intelligent woman (which apparently I was not, temporarily anyway) hears from her surgeon, the surgeon's office nurse, the receptionist, the Pre-Op nurse AND the anesthesiologist that the procedure you are scheduled for "is a painful procedure" with emphasis on "painful" that said reasonably intelligent woman would expect PAIN. Not a sore throat (that's what I was expecting, after all, I've been through lumpectomy, I&Ds, 2 mastectomies, reconstruction and heaven only knows how many IV's and blood draws, what's a sore throat to deal with?). Do what did I get? PAIN. As in IV morphine overnight. As in Tylenol with codeine every 3 hours plus some diluadid pills I had left over from recon. And gargling with lidocaine solution ever 2 hours. Taking children's Tylenol by the ounce to get a full adult dose. Know what else I found out? Even if the fart doesn't feel wet, if it stinks you better check it out. I was actually taking off a pair of, ahem, "soiled" panties when I had an explosion of runny chocolate pudding all over my butt, by legs, the panties I was trying to get out of, the floor and Sadie. Had to put both of us in the shower. THEN, and ONLY THEN do I read the ingredients of the children's Tylenol bottle. One of the main ingredients is sorbitol. For those of you lucky enough not to be familiar with sorbitol that is an artificial sweetener. Gives the pretty red Tylenol liquid it's yummy sweet taste. Used in sugar free candy, too, you the one with the warning label that say "excessive amounts may cause diarrhea in sensitive individuals"? And here I'd been taking stool softener twice a day for a week before hand so I wouldn't get constipated!!! Large sigh. Put laundry in the washing machine and start up the machine. Realize I am standing naked in the hallway covered with bodily fluids better left INSIDE the body, with same bodily fluids on Sadie who is giving me very, very digusted looks. Realize I cannot take a shower with the washing machine running because all I would get in the shower is hot water, set at 130 degrees, and I'm not supposed to drink anything warmer than 100 degrees. (No, I was not making sense. I had just taken a double dose of Tylenol with codeine with a Xanax chaser and wanted to go to bed and sleep.) Sadie somehow communicated to me to turn off the washing machine (brilliant dog!) and get us into the shower and smelling better. Let Sadie out of the shower and made me smell better. Got out of the shower and stood in the bathroom naked and dripping and realized that there are no dry towels in the bathroom. Sadie used both bath mats to roll around on and wipe her dainty little paws on. I retained enough wit to open the bathroom door and shut the bedroom door (Sadie LOVES to roll around on the bed while she's wet). Stood in front of bedroom door wondering ‘what was that pile of stuff on the bed?' Eventually thought about opening the bedroom door and looking in. Pile of towels on the bed. AHA moment! One can use a dry towel to make a wet woman into a dry woman! After magically transforming from a wet woman to a dry woman I looked around to see what I could do about transforming myself from a naked woman to a clothed woman. Rummaged around and found a pair scrub pants in the back of the closet, put them and comfy old falling apart t-shirt on, declared victory and went to bed. It was dark out so it must have been the middle of the night, like maybe 6 or 7 pm. Got up the next morning (ok, I'm assuming it was morning because it was light enough to see without turning on a light, I was recovering from a rough day and evening, gimme a break!) Every time I walked past the laundry room I smelled this terrible stinky smell. Sadie was avoiding the laundry room and she usually loves to go in there and find toys that aren't toys to play with. Every time I went into the bathroom I smelled wet doggy. Sadie's collar was in the bathroom sink. I finally realized that my feet were getting wet every time I stepped on the pile of bathmats and towels on the bathroom floor, and kinda, sorta remembered something about taking a shower. So I pick up wet doggy smelling towels and go into the laundry room where the washing machine is half full of water and completely full of clothing and towels that are covered in stinky, brown runny yuck. I chucked in the towels, some extra soap and turned the machine back on before I could upchuck into it. It took THREE WASHES to get the smell out of the clothes (and I know for a fact that I put soap in at least one cycle because I put in too much and now have a washed laundry room floor. That batch of clothes is still outside on the line. Right now they are getting fabric softener treatment (aka fog), yesterday they were getting disinfectant treatment (aka sun).

Did anyone notice I didn't mention what day any of this happened? That's cause (drum roll please) I HAVE NO IDEA!!! Once again I have lost several days to drug induced semi-oblivion. I came home from the hospital Tuesday Nov 29th. Not too long ago I texted a friend to ask what day it was, he answered Dec 3rd! This morning I keep thinking it's Wednesday (I have an appointment Wednesday with the new counselor I want to be sure to keep.) I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to be alright to work this coming weekend!

I'm not going to try to catch up with this thread b/c I know it will never happen and I'll just get myself even more confused (and entertaining, no doubt). I'll skim through some stuff, but can someone put together a quick overview of the important stuff? Don't worry about what happened what day, that doesn't seem to connect well with me anyway.

BTW--remember the scrub pants I found in the back of the closet?  Those pants have been there for over a year becuase I accidently bought a pair of Med instead of Large.  Guess what?  THEY FIT GREAT!!!!!!!

I treied to get back on a few days ago when I probably would have been a lot more entertaining but my internet connection was fritzy.  Found out that the "home watch" gizmo that monitors the oil level in the tank so I don't run out runs on battery and through the phone line.  No prob, except when the battery needs to be replaced.  Then it signals the home system every 5 minutes for 10 seconds, just long enough to keep the internet from connecting and staying connected.  Life is much better now. I was hoping that my ketchup post would bring a chuckle or twom now that it's in the undefinable past it really is kind of funny. 

For those interested in gory details (or just want to know what to  avoid having done in the future) I had 3 procedures.  

FESS:  Functional Endoscopic Sinus Surgery

the surgeon uses an endoscope (like the one for colonoscopies but smaller) to go up the nostril, find abnormalities like missing sinus drainage holes, holes to small to work well, holes not in the right place and makes the hole bigger, or better placed or just plain makes one so the sinuses can drain and and not get infected so often.  The other part of this procedure is called a turbinate reduction. Turbinates are the "bumps" inside the nose that are covered with mucus membranes that warm and clean the air we inhale.  Mine were too big so he made them smaller.  

The 3rd procedure is the painful one:  UPP or Uvulopalaltoplasty.  The uvula (little hangy thing in the back of your throat) is removed and the ridge of tissue that builds up along each side after tonsils are removed is trimmed away, often by laser.  

I am so sorry NM.  You really described "pain" vs "discomfort".  However, you will feel ever so much better even a couple of weeks from now, when your sinuses no longer bother you, and you can sleep normally.

I can say that getting my jaw hammered for an implant hurt a lot more than breast surgery ever did.  I can't imagine what you went through.

Isn't soap and water the most marvelous invention?  Works on dogs too.  I am sure that everything is in order now.

Feel tons better.  What an excuse to indulge for Christmas though.  I understand that eggnog is a wonderful restorative.

I need to get to work.  I was dragging yesterday, and I am the one putting all the ideas together for the article we are writing.  Plus a couple of other small assignments.  My former business partner met her new team yesterday, and really liked everyone.  The most wonderful thing that could have happened.

Talk to everyone later. I don't know how I managed it this year, but seem to have parties four days in a row this week, starting tomorrow night.  Then, the same the following week.  Never has happened to me before.

Will be making another bean soup to offset all that rich food.  Think I will need to do some serious skiing too.  Have the most wonderful day! - Claire

 Specially for NM.  Way to go girl

A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in a hangar at JFK New York.
It's fogged in and they have nothing to do.
One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?"
The other one says, "No, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and it will kinda give you a buzz."
So they do drink it, get smashed and have a great time, like only drinking buddies can.
The following morning, one of the men wakes up and he just knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn't. He gets up and feels good. In fact, he feels great! No hangover!
The phone rings. It's his buddy. The buddy says, "Hey, how do you feel?"
"Great", he said! "Just great"! The buddy says, "Yeah, I feel great too, and no hangover. That jet fuel stuff is great. We should do this more often!
"Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing"
"What's that?"
"Did you fart yet?"
"No "
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Phoenix"

Love your funny posts Bernie! And your "tradition"....good way to look at it...LOL. We don't have a row putting up decorations,as I am the only one who does it! Guess I could fight with myself though. Love your airplane mechanic joke...I once dated an airline mech, in Hawaii. Think I'll send that one to my dad, he loves good jokes, as does DorK's dad. You are a riot! Really!!!

Kymn, I am fine....just achy, headachy, and trying to head off a cold.Thanks for your concern. Love your checklist for Lori...funny!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow, that's a huge lighter...where did you get it?"
The guy replies "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish."
"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."
The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie.
The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"
"Done" says the genie and disappears.
A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

Hi all, meeting with onc today, have to have bone scan - pain in the leg

NM-Glad you're feeling better. And since it's s**t story day today i'll share mine. A friend of mine had just bought a roomba and had been programming it to vacuum while she was out shopping. Shortly thereafter she had adopted a large dog from a homeless man. One day she set the roomba to go and locked the new dog in the house and went to run errands. She'd been gone several hours and when she got home she opened her front door and was overwhelmed by a horrible smell. When she went in she saw that the dog had s**t in the house and the roomba had run over it dragging it all over the living room,carpet,hardwood floors etc. Well she has an incredibly weak stomach for that smell and she started wretching so badly that she peed her pants. And with that i'm off to do my xmas shopping.

Loungettes, hope all is well. NM, so glad to see you and so sorry to hear what an ordeal. Hope laughter is the best medicine. Bernie, you are killing me! Cheers to ya! Shannon, there are probably four rules for life to be derived from that story . . .



DorK, hope you are feeling better. Same to all the HTL who are ailing!



Hope all are enjoying the holiday hub bub. Not decorating here (upside - hope to see NM in Maine!), looks like Allison has enough for me too!



Cheers, Beers and Reindeers! Scuby

Scuby, bumped you. Yippee, tanks for pooping in fer a dwink. lol at Cheerz Beerz and reindeerz, you funny!!!

GOLDIE-I just noticed the cheese boobs,funny. And I watched your video,I have to see that place in person. I love the old west.******DORK-I just go with the flow on the nickname thing. But you are of course excused from calling me that,hahaha. And the boob thing-ever since they've been gone i've been obsessed with them. They weren't much but they were there and now I miss them. I'm now counting boobs instead of sheep at nite-(Goldie I defy you to find a picture of that!)  And I find myself staring at other girls racks! Staring and wondering if mine will look real like theirs. I've gotten some pretty unwanted looks in return. And they're not dirty looks,that's the disturbing part. I think if I stared longer I might have gotten some phone numbers  *****NM-if you liked that story I have more. If tomorrows topic is vomit then i've got one for that day too. And wig mishaps,got one for that.

Daz all weeeeze neeedz, Cheeeeze booooobz and DorKz painsuckerzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! Now meeeeez getz some zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs!

NITE ALL!!

Hope this gets us through till morning!!

And if you need sumpthin stronger

And don't forget - this always does the trick!!

Nite nite Dollinks ~ BeAnZ

tank ewe Beanie bean. meze need de tendres to fill dat glass of JD, me dwanks dem up. if dey would send me some ML's and JD's, meeze be hoppity hoppy happy. yeeeee hawwww. where's me twactor to haul all dis likker so dat I can hoard de ML's and dwink de JD lights too. Dey are light, right?  Junie steals dwinks from de lounge, dem for her fellow gal angels. Me declare it a-ok for her to take likker from de lounge to her bwest fwends in de heavens. YikeS, looking at de weather....snow??? it is 61 decrees outty dorrs and meza hot fwashing. bwing on de snow.

night night, BEaNiE. Johnboy. Maryellen and your ho sister twos. oh me, gotz to watch de time, time to shake Stella's pay-dom-metor. Stella is battling for anudder $100 IN her HSA, will be back, need to shake anudder 3k steps, meze taking a walk. anyone wanna walk dis wey wif meze????

it is not true that beer makes you fat..
it actually makes you lean..
lean on walls... lean on doors..
and lean on the person you like

WARNING !!! Very important, Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Its the ice

Reindeer Antlers Punch

1 cup POM Wonderful pomegranate juice
1 cup grenadine syrup or grenadine liqueur
3 cups orange juice
3 cups pineapple juice
1 cup vodka
1 cup rum
1 cup tequila

Stir all together. I added my ingredients to a gallon-sized jar, place the lid on it and just shook the jar to mix. Chill. Serve over ice and top with pomegranate seeds-also known as arils. Pouring the Reindeer Antlers over crushed ice and topping with arils provides a lovely presentation.

Forgot to mention, or forgot I told..............but leaving in the morning for Phx. Have appt. with onc and will be doing inventory at the warehouse. Mamo came back just fine, waiting on bloodwork results. Be home Sunday. Will check in if I can, but usually don't! Staying at our fave....Embassy Suites.