Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Yes, I am laughing but it is the good kind.  Most parents don't actually seemed thrilled with anyone their daughters marry.  Just seems to happen that way more often than not.  Also, ( may not be quite so bad now ) I did grow up in the era that it was pretty much expected that you would not marry outside of your religion.  Then, the opposite of the men is true.....their mothers never seem to think the girl is ever good enough and that means any religion...even  his.  Sigh !!!!

Well, my church story goes like this.  I'm living about 4 miles from the town I grew up in....was actually born here in Centralia as that is where the hospital is located.  Don't know just where services might have gone on before, but I do recall my Dad helping to build the one and only Church in our little tiny town of 200 four miles from here.  Mind you, my Dad and Mom did NOT go to Church.....however; they did insist that my sister and I go faithfully.   It was First Baptist Church of Glenridge.  I actually loved going and I loved the hymns at that time...Old Rugged Cross, Bringing in the Sheaves, How Great Thou Are, Sunshine In My Soul, and so many others. 

Down side -- there was the old scare tactics, fire and darnation and for the life of me I just couldn't figure why there seemed to be some kind of weird lie --- first God is portrayed as so loving and merciful and then before you know it, you're being consigned to the gates of hell because you sinned.  Well, I always had a bit of trouble after that.....but even though something was wrong....I always believed in a Creator --- I think if I would have lost that I wouldn't feel like I do today.

I got married to a Catholic man.  In the Church.  My MIL disliked me, but was convinced her son was not going to give me up for her.  My FIL was ok with me.  I did not actually become a Catholic though....just took classes so I could marry in the Church.  Here's an in-sight.  When my parents finally met my husband for the first time ( they had just relocated to California when I married my first husband in Detroit, Mi. )  my Dad talked my husband for about five minutes and later said to me when we were alone for a few minutes....you know this is never going to last, don't you!!!!!  To this day, I don't know why Dad had that impression but he was like that.  Very intuitive but I didn't even know what the word meant then.  He was right.....it lasted for 10 years and that was about 8 &1/2  too many but coming from just about the old school, I was always told if you make your bed your going to have to lay in it.  So, I just couldn't bring myself to quit trying.....even though I knew for a really long, long time that it was a mistake.  I dated my husband now for about a year but was only single a week when we got married.  We went to a minister's house ( Johnny Cash's best friend ) and were married there.  Tomorrow at 10 a.m. Denny and I will have been married for 39 years.    There have been a few rocks in the road, but for the most part, we just hang in there. 

My second MIL seemed okay with me.  She usually  would come and spend a couple of months with us most summers.  My first MIL never really warmed up to me much....only time she did was when I gave her grandkids, and it didn't extend too far.  Never had kids with Denny.  He had three and I had two and we both felt if anything happened to his ex five kids was plenty to raise so no more thanks. 

So religion....I don't really have one though I do study spirituality  and have for many years.  I consider myself a Gnostic Christian which only means that I am ok with almost any religious persuasion if you feel it suits you.  Of course not the Jim Jones type, but the others are fine.  All roads pretty much go the same place. 

The church my Dad help build when I was five or so.....still stands.  It has been added onto, but the original worship area with pews and altar are still fairly small. At one time I think there probably weren't more than 50 parishioners....so many young people left.  Don't know how they manage, but that Church is about 65 years old now.  It is comforting in a strange way when I drive through Glenridge and see it there -- looking so much the same as it did. 

Anyway, I hope you all had a fantastic Saturday.  I'll see you all tomorrow.

Blessings,

Jackie

p.s.  I hope Joey is ok too. 

Hugs to Blondie and I hope you are feeling ok to and the ankle is better.

oh Chevy. Conflict is something I avoid too. Trust your gut feelings. It's hard to love two people that are arguing. Sometimes I feel that way about my kids. Cami thanks for your words about growing up wise and kind. Carole I know that statue of Paul Bunyun, too. And jackie I too believe there are many things we know but can't explain why. 

On a lighter note.  I clowned at the county fair today. I thought I would just be milling among the crowd and was well prepared. But when I got there the kids and parents were in bleachers for a show. That's very different. So I had to punt. At one point I inflated giant 3 ft fat balloons and told kids they were fair pickles. They were each desperate to get one. How funny is that!  Sleep well all. 

You held your tongue.... literally!  I can just SEE that!  Ha, ha!  That made me snicker.

You guys, guess what.... oh wait!  I LOVED reading all the stories of your lives!  It's like we are all girl-friends sitting out somewhere, and just talking!    I feel so comfortable saying 'stuff' to you all.......

MY GRAND-SON CALLED LAST NIGHT!!! Just to talk!  My heart just dropped.... I mean I just melted.  I have been soooooooooo upset, thinking that this kid is heading in the wrong direction, and that his Mom is ignoring him!  

He calls anyway, about every 2 weeks....  But he apoligized, like he thought he needed to, about not calling for so long... But we just talked and talked, and had a most wonderful conversation!  About everything, except his troubles with his Mom.  He said he has really been going through a rough time, and didn't even want to get out of bed... (Which he DIDN'T when my other Daughter was there visiting.)  But he said, with him and his girl-friend splitting up, her moving out, getting his business going with his Brother, it was almost too much to take...  He was taking Adderal?  I have to look that up.... AND Prozac, trying to get through each day!

I said Honey, that just doesn't sound right!  What damn Doctor are you going to?  He said the Doc that he does surgery with prescribed it for him, to help him focus...  !!!

But anyway, he QUIT THEM BOTH ALL AT ONCE!    I said now THAT didn't sound good EITHER!  

He even apoligized for not being nice when Janie was there.... but he just couldn't help it...  We didn't even mention that his Mom had called me, and how upset I got!  

I asked him about coming out there, Fall or Spring, and he thinks the fall is better, because not so much humidity....  I told him we just want to hang out with him and his Brother, and maybe go to Celebration at night, and to old town Orlando, and a flea market, maybe in Datona, but not any long trips....  He says he would LOVE to do that!

So his new business is going along really well, and he loves working with his "little" brother, and even his girl-friend, and another Partner!  He says he ans his GF still work together, and get along, but they just don't live together now....  Like I care...  

Cammi, I tell you, if someone was talking about your Joey, when he grows up, you would just want to smack them down a little!  It's like what to Grandma's DO when their Grand-kids are at the wrong end of their Parent's wrath?  

Mommarch....  I just understand all that you have gone through...   Our hearts just hurt when we can't protect those kids!

So I'm soooooo happy again!  I just went to bed smiling....  And our SIL is here....  He called and we will get together Tuesday...  I told him I don't want to get in the middle of ANYthing, and that's because I can't help.   

Okay... yes Cam, I know I will miss her...  We went up yesterday and took her a couple more cinnamon rolls...  She'll probably have sugar-diabetes by the time she moves.

I brought home some little doilies that her GRANDMA had made... so CUTE!  

Today she goes to her Sons for her DIL's birthday...  you know she has brain cancer, is getting chemo, but still goes over to help her get her stuff ready.  Theresa doesn't think she will be here by Christmas, so I had to yell at her and tell her what WE all say.... that NO-ONE KNOWS WHEN OUR TIME IS UP!  WE ARE JUST SO BLESSED TO BE GIVEN ANOTHER DAY!  SHE MIGHT LIVE FOREVER!  I MEAN LOOK AT US!   I told her!  Well THAT made her laugh!  

I had just left HER house, when I went splat in that alley!   We just don't have any guarantees I told her.  We don't have no Due Date!  

Cammi, I could never have been a clown when I was little....  I had a hard enough time, just "living".... Ha!  I was not a happy little girl.... Not until I got married.   We can be "clowns" now.... Ha!  Minimimi can be our mentor...  

http://biggeekdad.com/2013/06/class-of-1959-memori...

Thanks SyrMom!  He quit taking those all at once!  No WONder he couldn't think straight!  Says he is not taking anything now... We had quite a conversation about stress and what it does to you...  

Chevyboy, oh, wow, stopping either cold turkey can be soooo dangerous.  Please tell him NEVER to do that again.  To obtain help from the prescriber to come off them slowly.  Sometimes it can throw one into a deeper depression and/or horrible anxiety attacks.

Gee, so much to digest.  Chevy -- your grandson.  No wonder he was in bed and couldn't bring himself to get up the day your daughter was there.  Hopefully he is climbing out of the hole since he found the energy and desire to call you.  I sure hope so.  That does sound so dangerous.  We are a nation of pill takers sadly --- though if used correctly  they can help us get out footing in life.  I think men ( just in general ) are often not as cautious  about how to use medications properly and there are so many now. 

Remember that song ( I'd have to look it up now ) about the White Rabbit and all the "stuff" you could take and that you could go see Alice in Wonderland when she is 10 feet tall. 

It is fun to just sit around and go through the catalog of events that we have lived.  All the things that shaped us, and the different influences we all felt.  So many of these things I seldom talk about to others because I think it is not what you discuss when you are actually with someone or a small group.  So, here we can let our hair down and recall the exact parameters of marrying outside of your religion , or having your kids drive you up the wall   ( and sometimes they still do ) or what you felt and how you experienced men doing shocking things in front of you.  Some of the complications of existence that actually help/cause you to grow as you are growing up.   

I do feel fortunate that I don't think anything scarred me for life though I sometimes regret that my sister and I could not have a relationship.  I've made up for it by the really great and lasting friendships I've formed with others, but do think of the efforts applied for so long that were so worthless to her.  Others though have appreciated them so all is not lost.   You learn and grow and in the end that is what it is REALLY about.  What we are here for and every day is just another opportunity to do our very best. 

Solid fantastic days to appreciate  a full and varied existence, meet challenges, solve some problems and let a little happiness bloom where it can.  I can't ask for much more. 

Blessings

Jackie

Thanks, teacher.

I have two PS's to my long story last night about my family's religious history. My DH and I were raised in the same church that my parents had been married in. As I got down the aisle, and my Dad kissed me, the minister asked Bob and I to wait a minute, and he stepped to the side to say how rare it was to marry 2 Episcopalians, and even more rare to marry two from the church. He even mentioned that he knew the entire male portion of the bridal party. He was so excited. Then when we resumed the ceremony, as we moved closer to the altar, he leaned down to me and said- "you know the back way out - sure you don't want to run?" I said yes I was sure, and Bob said "Can I go?" to which the answer was No! He knew us so well!

Then when my younger brother married in the mid 70's, he again married a Catholic girl, and the best part is he married in a Catholic Church, with an Episcopal minister co-serving. Finally- a solution both sides were happy with.

Anne

Yes, I told him that.... thanks you guys....  I wrote my DD about him calling us, and she called me in tears....  She feels so helpless with it all now!  He was just out of control sometimes, being around her!  It hurts, because it comes out of the blue!  She was crying to me this morning....  feels sooooooo bad, because he called me.... and not her.

She called him, but he won't answer....  And her DH is HERE in Denver, so the 2 trouble-makers are out of her house....  All I could say was how much I loved her, and did she want ME to say something....  She said, no, because then it would make both her Son and her Husband feel bad!      She is worried about THEM being hurt! 

I just wanted to go out there, and raise hell with all of them!  For hurting her, for him not sticking up for her.... for EVERYthing.....  I just want them to MIND!  

But I just listened to her cry....  I just don't know.....  I sent her a text, just telling her how much I love her.....   SHE is hurting, and I don't know how to help her..... except listen!  She can be a hot-head too, but NO-ONE has to talk to her like her Son did...  even on drugs!  

I just told her I would stay away from Both of them!  To not be around any more screaming....  from her Son!  He doesn't even LIVE there!  I love him, but I love her too!  

I was so happy this morning!  And then she called.... I talked to her and listened for about an hour....  She just wants him to talk to her, like he does me........  

What was that book one of you gals told me about?  Dancing with Anger?  

If HE won't get help, if HE is still taking drugs, I don't see any hope here at all.......  

Chevy, enjoy the fact that your grandson called you.  Enjoy your son-in-law while he is vvisiting. It's a shame that your DD is experiencing problems with both of them right now, but don't make her problems your problems.  You love all of them. Just do that. Things will turn out however they turn out, but just love 'em and let them love you. 

HIO!  Honey, that's why I post stuff here!  Because I want to hear what YOU gals think.... what you would do!    It IS you guys business.... we go through crap, and you help us out, just by listening, and saying what you would do!  

Jackie, you are right too....  It's just that I hate to hear my Daughter cry!  She feels like she is all alone in this....  I feel better knowing it made her feel a little better, with me listening, and not telling her it's none of my business....  It isn't.... but in a way, when it involves people I love, it is.  I just have to think about things before I talk!   

SIL will want us to agree with him....  he just tells Sheri it's between her and their Son, but MY DH always stood WITH me, when there was a problem....  It's nothing new with them though.... He has always been the boys "buddy"....  and doesn't stand WITH her when things go wrong!  

Shouldn't he tell their Son, that unless he can get along, and get help if he IS still taking drugs, that he is not welcome around there?  He just shouldn't call her names, and scream at her over nothing!    

I told her I would leave them all!  Either he leaves, or she does....  Things have to straighten out....  

I DO enjoy talking to him GG....  He must think I am separate from the rest of his family.... That I won't judge....  I thought things were better with all of them, when he called...... but guess not......  It just HAS to get better..... right?

Chevy - a good listener who loves you is a gift.  This is all so hard because you love them all.  We can only do what we are able to.  And you seem to be the one everybody loves.  Even your neighbor.  

Clowning is not necessarily for happy people.  It was a way for me to become happy by making others happy. You don't have to be funny.  The main object is to make whoever you deal with feel special.  Whenever I do a magic trick, it is the kids who do the magic and get the applause.  They are so proud you can't help but feel good.

And welcome syrmom.

Wren

You gals are all right!  Yes, he should stand by his Son!  But by doing this, he is standing against his wife!  That's the whole thing now.  She wants her DH to take her side, and not have anything to do with their Son until he behaves...

He is 28!  He sent me another sweet email this morning, just answering my last one, where I sent him a picture of my garden...I'm not even going to tell my Daughter this...

When I see SIL tomorrow, I'm just going to tell him that THEY have to work it out, that it really makes ME feel so bad, because I know how my Daughter is hurting, and I hate to hear her crying.

Yes Wren....  I think she has ALways been too involved in their Son's lives!   And she IS very opinionated to us all...  but with drugs being in the mix, it changes everything.  I told her yesterday, that I wish they could ALL get some sort of counseling.... but she said no.

He just sounds so "NORMAL" to me!  We always had this connection... with BOTH of those boys...  

She said "I feel like I'm living around a terrorist"...  Now that is scary.  I wish she would not have anything to do with him.. Stay clear away, quit trying to call, and just let things alone for awhile...  She has learned she can't "make" him do anything..... but she still thinks she can.

Mimi, you sound so happy!   I am too.... I'm just happy I live so far away from all of this..... Ha!  

We think of ourselves as humans searching for a spiritual awakening, when in fact, we are spiritual beings attempting to cope with a human awakening.  Seeing yourself from the perspective of the spirit within will help you to remember why you came here and what you came here to do.     The Group

Carole, 

No hole in ones for me. ( yet ? ) We can only fantasize. I play 9 hole league on Mon. & Tues. evening, different courses. 

My handicap has gone up this summer, I was out after the 4 of July last year due to surgery & treatment. 

There is a beautiful course, country club in my town. I am not a member, but will play there this week in there Ladies Invitational.  So, this week 5 days of golf, I am nervous that I will be able to have the energy for it all. The theme for the tournament is the Kentucky Derby...

Do you compete ? Play tournaments ?