Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Thanks GG.  I had some good guesses going on and you were one of them, but I do appreciate getting some names.  Also, even if we knew some of you gals....the Dh's could still be something of a mystery. 

Jackie

Oh that's great Anne!  Seems like the "divorce" didn't mean much to him, right?  But I know your Daughter is probably afraid of him also....  There should be some way for her to get the message across to him, that he is out of her life, but can continue to be a Father, if he minds.... and on her terms!    And transferring their Son at a "safe" place, instead of at each other's house.  

He IS a little bit wacky..... that's why you need those "protection" orders in place.  And I wouldn't trust a thing he says..... ever!  Actually you don't ever have any reason to even talk to him again..... same as Tim!  I'm glad he is taking responsibility for getting this guy out of your lives!

SpongeDugSquarePants just needs to get a life of his own.... without hanging on to everyone else's life.  He needs MORE time?  a million years would never be enough for him.

He doesn't WANT to let go.... of anything..... that's why it is up to your Daughter & Son to make sure he realizes they do not WANT anything more to do with him.

I would just be very worried about him taking his Son sometime, and not bringing him back....  I think if it were my Daughter, and she had this problem, I would talk to someone that knows about these circumstances, and the possible things that could happen, with this man, and his obsession with her....  And what he is capable of....

If it were me, I would try and figure out a way to move as far away from him as possible,  without him knowing where that is...... and until he gets help, he would not be able to have un-supervised visitation with his Son.  I think the courts would be in agreement on this.  

Courts can order supervised visits. One parent drops the kid off and leaves. The other parent comes and visits the kid. His psych record might be enough for a judge to order it. It's a hassle, but keeps the parents from having to deal with each other and quells worries about the kid not being returned. It's usually done at a social service agency of some kind.

hi- terrible insomnia here.  I am at Dd#2 in CT and just cannot get back to sleep.  Kids will be up soon.  I need rest.  Classes start Tuesday and i have to leave home at 7 am for the rest of the semester.  

My grandson missed first week of school and spent a night in the hospital for asthma.  He is on 60mg prednisone (10 yrs old) and DD continues to run around with him.  We came up to CT to let DD get out and we would sit quietly with Jake.  Ha!  Chaos here.  Not restful.  I hope he recovers for school.  We tried.  

The Seattle pix are so awesome!   GG i saw your name IDs-thanks!   What a beautiful group. And what was the likelihood for this meet-up opportunity?!  Have fun. 

Jackie as you pointed out, it is a special relationship among BCO ladies- there are common grounds and very few pretentious masks.  We have that understanding of the effects of BC and can speak up without judgment.  To meet in person is like meeting with old friends. 

Sally yes I am on here but often miss a few days due to travel & work.  Thanks for thinking of me. 

Friday & Saturday the beach was so beautiful I just dont want to work until the weather gets cold. But it has been a beautiful summer. And I am grateful for the weeks I had off and time with my kids and grandkids.  And for my job. 

Anne, what a time you have had.  With people like big Doug it is all about control. He is losing a lot of his control and it could be tough.  In NY there is very little the courts would do unless there were to be an incident that shows it would not be in the childs best interests to be alone with his dad. Fathers rights are strictly upheld here and the laws are tough about moving away from the non custodial parent.  Trust and pray that all will settle down. But your DD should document everything and get a pocket recorder (legal here). Sadly in NY even when one parent is clearly wrong, family court judges tell parents to work it out. Very frustrating.  (My two cents here)

I just got the new laptop with windows 8 and it is a pain.  I also lost my hard drive files and many photos-am trying to get it copied at best buy but the cost keeps going up.  Please back up all your photos.  This has been painful.  

Blondie (sandy) i hope you are feeling ok and enjoying this great weather and your grandkids 

Cammi hurry back and Chevy enjoy your daughter. 

Happy Labor Day week end. 

Hi Valsa, in addition to seeking support from this forum, you might also like to check out the No recurrence but worried forum where you will find others with similar concerns. 

Best wishes to you 

The mod team

Welcme Valsa

As I am sure you have already figured out, we talk about lots of things, like old friends who have known each other forever. Our BC is the event or experience that jumps us to the point of old friends within days of joining. Please join us in our meanderings. When did you have your mastectomy? I had a double mastectomy last Jan, and I am having a PET scan within the next 2weeks and yes, I am scared. Have you had chemo and/ or radiation. Beyond that, tell us who you are- are you married.? Children? grandchildren? ( a favorite topic here) do you like to garden? Golf? Bike ride? Watch old movies? Do you work? Travel? 

We would love to get to know you. To get you started, I am 64 years old, was married for almost 42 years when my husband passed 2years ago this weekend. I am the mother of 5, 3 biological, 2 adopted and the grandmother of 6. I divide my time right now between Ft Laud, where I have lived since 1973, and Atlanta, where my oldest daughter moved about 5 years ago, with as many side trips to So Carolina as possible, to see my newest grandaughter (14 mos old). I love to read. My middle daughter is going through a very nasty breakup with her ex- husband. They divorced 10 years ago, and he joined the military. During his time away, they stayed friendly and they share a son . When he was medically discharged 18 mos ago, he had nowhere to go and somehow they ended up living together again although they never really made a decision. Needless to say, she found out that he basically had not changed as much as she thought and now it is a disaster, involving police etc.

That's about it for now. Look forward to getting to know you as I know the other ladies are as well

Have a great Sun. everyone

Anne

Welcome Valsa, this is a great group of ladies that talk about everything.

I am 65 and was dx in 2010 and now on femara. I am the mother of 4 boys and now have 3 DIL and 8 grandchilren ranging in age from 2 months to 10 years.

Hi to all the ladies.

I took the job I  have now after being tired of being a director of a childcare center and dealing with corporation My hours were to be 8 - 5. I have worked later hours at times to help out but was always asked a head of time if it was ok.  All of a sudden my hours have been switched to 5:15 and 5:30 which means I will not get out on most days until between 5:30 and 6:00 so I will not get home until between 5:45 and 6:15pm.  I was never asked if this was ok. Next week is the same way and when I asked the asst. director she said to talk to the director that she made the schedule and that I know how childcare is with not getting out on time.

My DH said to talk with the director on tuesday but take a resignation letter with me and if these are my hours for now on to go ahead and give my notice. I hate to do that but one of the reasons I went back into a classroom was because of getting home at 6:30 to 7pm every night. Not sure what to do. HELP!

I took the kitchen apart yesterday and washed everything down. It took longer then it use to but it does look nice.\

Tody is laundrey and giving the dog a bath, and sorting recipes

Great picture of all the travelers. Enjoy it all

Hope everyone is enjoying their 3 day weekend.

Cammi, I'm SO glad you are getting a new battery!  I just KNEW those other batteries you took out of your..... um..... your electrical personal trove of appliances would not work in a computer..... I could have told you that.....  

Yes.... my dreams...... My dreams are amazing.... but I ain't tellin'!  

I just miss my girls..... Sheri went back to Orlando.... well, she is at the airport, so she isn't "gone" yet.... and we will see her in a few weeks, so won't be miserable without her for too long.....  

We went to Lakeside Amusement Park today!  MAN that park is old!  I mean even WE went there when WE were kids!  And all the rides are so cheap, and it wasn't too busy yet!  We all rode the train around the Lake, and it didn't tip over ONCE!  I was elated!

So we walked all around, the girls rode a few more rides, that I preferred NOT to get on, because I just really hate throwing up.   Then we stopped at Arby's for roast-beef sandwiches, and came home and ate them!   We have done MORE in these last 5 days than I ever dreamed possible!

Okay gals..... talk to you tomorrow!

Anne, may the memories be happy ones for you... I am 63 now in a 42 year marriage and send you a very sincere hug...

Welcome, Valsa!

Termite, the economy is slowly improving, in terms of seeking a job elsewhere... not easy at our age although the up side to that still is experience -- especially in situations where so many young-uns seem to believe that just showing up every day equates to working... If you are interested in staying employed, maybe putting out some feelers first might make you feel more secure and sure about leaving....

Joan, you are miles ahead of me. I have yet to switch to windows 8 under the excuse that inevitably 9 would be rearing its ugly head...

A.A.

You guys have been busy

Welcom val we r all crazy here..

Ann I have a feeling that u all have bern dougs family 4 a long time n he Iis having a hard time lrtting all of u go..

Chevy so happy u had a good time with dd, jealous, I would have been wheelchair bound

Jackie so right the level headed one of the group n probably the only 1 that isnt crazy

Ok forgot what everybody else wrote, sorry

Have a wonderful labor day

Yes, we had sooooo much fun.... She sent me this,
that she found....

http://autoracingmemories.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15

I clicked on the roller-coaster, and almost got
dizzy going for that ride! It was soooooooooooo much fun going
there!

Joan, you remember it TOO! How fun! We drive by
there almost every day, because we live just 2 blocks from where Elitch's was,
and about 10 blocks from Lakeside....

We would go to the Midget races about every week
when we were little! And then later, I went to high-school, with some of the
crazy drivers!

It IS kind of sad, seeing it all now, and how
run-down it all is, but the rides have been painted, and little kids think they
are in HEAVEN!

So you went up that "Oh My God" road above Idaho
Springs! Ha, ha! It is still the same! Drops right down into Central City!

Yes, St. Mary's Glacier was where we used to go
fish when the girls were little!

They are closing Mt. Evans road tomorrow.... Too
much snow up there. And yes, the Aspens WERE starting to turn last week, when
we drove up to the Lodge at Echo Lake.

When I worked for Pepsi, I would work at the
Fitzsimmons commissary, handing out samples of Pepsi on week-ends! And
sometimes go over to the officers club for lunch!

Same with Lowry, but for lunch we would go to the
"Loading Dock!" AND a few other close places.

Did you ever go to Lakeside shopping center? It
was all torn down, and a huge Super Walmart put in! They left the crumbling
race-track, and it is a sorrowful sight, for us old-timers that had so many
memories!

I don't think they will EVER sell the property,
but it all needs to be torn down, because you can see the stands collapsing....   

Celebrating a birthday reminds us of the goodness of life, and in this spirit we really need to celebrate people’s birthdays every day, by showing gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness, and affection.  These are ways of saying:  “It’s good that you are alive; it’s good that you are walking with me on this earth.  Let’s be glad and rejoice.  This is the day God has made for us to be and to be together.”
 
Henri J.M. Nouwen

Oh that lunch picture is wonderful.  And I've been to Lola's so I know the lunch was pretty good too. 

 Sally - Haha.  My son could never actually build the house himself.  I should have said have it built.  He's pretty good at looking at pictures and picking out what he likes.

Anne - stay strong!

Hello to everyone else.  I'm still here at the lake, but the kids and grands are gone for a week.  It's been a week packed with boats, water and fun.  I have a cancer survivor friend coming for several days this week and she and I will just be quiet and relax without all the frenzy little ones bring.  With part of our group in Alaska we will either hear a lot of detail about the trip, or nothing because they are having so much fun and times gets away.  Hope that's the case for them.  They deserve all the best.   

Morning gals.....  Anne, I'm sorry......  He and HIS family were all "part of the family" it sounds like....   

Did something happen besides the divorce, and I forget, was he drinking ?  So his whole world is completely different that it was  when you were all friends?  

It sounds like whatever it all was, just changed his whole way of thinking....  and you can't get "that guy" back again.... and nobody wants him, unless he gets help.

Just take care of yourselves.... something just HAS to work out....

Chevy- we knew there were problems when they got married. One of our (my) conditions on allowing them to marry was that he get his GED, which he got with no tutoring and not only did he get it, he passed the test with flying colors - no surprise that their son is highly gifted. About 6 weeks into the marriage he quit his job and lived off Tracy for about 7 months. There was a constant cycle of drinking, drugs, not coming home, getting jobs, losing jobs, etc. Then they decided they wanted to start a family, but she said no way until he proved he could be a responsible husband and father. After a year of proving just that, she got pregnant and the drinking etc, started again. She took it for about 18 mos- mainly because she didn't want to hear "I told you so". She thought she was hiding everything pretty well, so was quite surprised when she told all of us she was leaving him, our response was "what took you so long" instead of "why?"

Then he went into the Army and did very well there for 7 years. We all thought he had finally grown up. But a back injury, knee injury and hand problem got him medically discharged. 

 He was supposed to move in with his mom when he got home, but somehow ended up in our house, sort of re-united with Tracy, but not really. They never talked about their relationship, and all Tracy would say when asked was " we are together today, don't know about tomorrow". 

She says he did well for several months - then the old Doug was back, except with the added problem of PTSD, and instant anger outbursts, and a strange sense of entitlement to "our" stuff. Suddenly it was "his" house, "his" garage, "his" yard, etc. 

This did not sit well with any of us, as it has been the family home for 37+ years. He verbally attacked Tim constantly because he didn't feel Tim was contributing enough to the household (he wasn't, but it wasn't Doug's problem,and Doug's financial contributions were erratic at best) and also attacked Jamie for being in the house when he and Tracy weren't there. Again, this has been Jamie's home her entire life,and she only came by to save gas since one child got out of preschool at 12 and the other at 2:00

Our back porch and yard looked like something from Sanford and Son or Hoarders, and he spent 90% of his time sitting on the back porch watching TV or in the yard watching his vegetables grow.

So this has been a long time problem, and 6 or more weeks ago, when they had another fight ( this one being about Tracy not being appropriately grateful that he had bought her a tape measure), when he packed a bag and left, she was a little surprised at how much stress left with him. When he came back the next day for more stuff, she again was more relieved than anything, and when he snuck back in the middle of the night because he had no where to go, she told him it was done and he had to leave.

I think you pretty much know what has happened since then. She spoke to her lawyer today because Doug is threatening to get custody of Dougie based on the fact that Tim is"violent" and a "threat" to Dougie. Lawyer said she has nothing to worry about unless Tim has a record of violent episodes, which he of course doesn't, and the fact that Thurs nights incident was based on a push, not a punch, added to the fact that Doug has diagnosed PTSD and other mental issues for which he is receiving medication, and supposedly counseling, there is no way he would ever be awarded custody, and may end up hurting himself instead of Tracy, because his visitation might be limited to supervised visits only. 

Anne