Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Welcome Crone, this is a great group of ladies.
Teacher, Happy Birthday, hope you had a great day.
Carole, glad you are home
Mommarch, I like the broom. I have never seen that type before. How did your cake turn out?
Blondiex46, hope you are feeling better.
Hope everyone is doing good.
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Welcome, Crone!0 -
Thanks for the wonderful birthday wishes. My husband came home with a bag of candy that I don't eat. I did get to have my first workout in two months, so that was good.
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Crone, I'm so glad to meet you. I've been in this group for a year now and always say this is my "BCO dessert". I read my other threads first and save the delicious friendship I find here for last. Sometimes when I've had a bad day, I treat myself to dessert first.
I have an idea how you feel about people pulling away. In January last year I had a brain stem stroke. A month later I was diagnosed with a large aneurysm in the ascending aorta of my heart, and four months after that was diagnosed with breast cancer. By the third diagnosis, my friends had trickled down to just a few. One told me it we never saw each other anymore because I was always at the doctor. (In other words, it was my fault that they were not including me in their activities anymore.) I went into a depression that worried my doctors. Fortunately I was referred to a psychologist who helped me understand that people get "sympathy fatigue" after a while. While some will stick with you no matter what, others can't force themselves to see you. They are happy to send a card now and then, but can't really deal with personal contact. Some people cannot be around someone who is sick because they think they might get what you have. Even though they know it's not supposed to be catching, they can't help the fear. This is especially true with cancer.You are a reminder that "it" can happen to them.
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You are so right, my sisters told me at different times that they don't tell their friends what's wrong with me " because they don't want to scare them". An exercise group said I would be welcome to join but probably shouldn't share my story. Good news is welcome but progression is denied! Thankfully there is a site where you can be yourself and share your story without judgement.
Wishing everyone a restful night and a new day where your body can do what your mind thinks it can ( like clean the garage so we can empty the storage unit).
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Crone -- so glad you are back. I'll just put a little down here about me. I just turned 69 a couple weeks ago. I was diagnosed in 2007 and it was such a shock to me. No family history -- a couple of risk factors like being overwt. and not exercising much. But I was 62 and thinking seriously about retirement and all the projects I could get into -- some volunteering -- a lot more reading --- I just saw some great times in my future. Then oops -- major sized.
It is not what we think about when we think about slowing down. Well, I had just lost my Insurance and 'remembered' after a few weeks that I could go to the V.A. Had a bruise on a breast that would not heal and it had me worried. A few x-rays and 2 biopsies later....and I got the bad news.
I have an adult son and daughter and my son has 3 daughters, while my daughter has one daughter and two sons. We also ( compliments of my daughter's daughter ) have a great grand son and in August a great grand-daughter came along.
Dh and I still work part time. Dh is 75. We live out in the country in the woods by a lake. Can't imagine living in town -- ever, though I know one of these days ( it is sometimes iffy now ) we won't be able to keep up with the work load.
I usually come every day and leave a quote on this site as well as chat with some pretty special people. I also go out and feed feral cats at two "special areas" in town. Have been doing this for about 8 yrs. now. It isn't that I don't try and give to people, but it is harder for me to do that now. To make up for some of the things I can't do --- I always try to smile at people, say a pleasant good morning and try to let everyone know how special they are -- because there is no one quite like them -- and it is the way I think about all the ladies here. They add so much to my life and I try to pass along a lot of the comfort and good feeling I get here to others.....we are our brother's or sister's keepers.
So, we drove into the city ( St. Louis, Mo ) this afternoon to have dinner with my husband's son and his SIL and it is now about 10 p.m. here and I have appts. at the V.A. tomorrow --- another long drive. Got home about 9:20 p.m. They flew into St. Louis ( Lambert Airport ) to pick up a car that the military shipped there, but they live in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Grrr -- I am not real fond of trying to drive around St. Louis. Seems many of the cities that were built around big bodies of water can be challenging to get around in at times. We only stopped four times to ask for directions......sigh !!!!!
See you all in the morning.
Blessings
Jackie
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Forgot to say --- the brooms are so fantastic and Blondie -- I'm sending you some of my feel good because I usually have some extra --- its a little late but I'm going to send it by sandman.
Cammie -- what are you up too -- hope you are not under the weather.
I know you are still in Fla. Chevy -- hope you are having the best time ever.
Everyone else, know I'm thinking about you.
Jackie
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Welcome Crone. I may be late, but happy to meet you. There is no way I can give better advice than Anne's awesome letter. And Jackie gives us daily encouragement with her news. Chevy and Cammi seem to be away for a bit. Sandra has experience with any medical issues and is gentle with clear information. I agree with others who have suggested friends are afraid and need your help to stay in touch. It's hard when friends are sick and you don't quite know what to do or say. I'm guilty of exactly that In the past. Don't be afraid to just tell them you need to be busy now more than ever. And you will tell them if you are not feeling up to going out. I know in the past I disappointed friends because I was so poorly informed and feeling awkward. Of course now I know lots better. This is a great place to share. And the anonymity makes it possible to say whatever you please. Nobody will report back to your kids, grandkids or husband. We even permit complaints about small irritations. Sympathy is available no matter the trouble be it big or small.
I retired as school administrator and psychologist as a recent widow. I taught 5-6 grade before the psychologist stuff. In order to reinvent myself and begin a new cheerful life I went to clown school and am now quite busy. It's a job where people are always happy to see me. What a pleasure. But I am often exhausted after a party or performance. I do about 8 jobs a month, usually an hour or two each. But some are three hours. Face paint, balloons, magic, singing and dancing preschool style are my style. So welcome aboard.
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U r aan awesome clown
jackie is our sane person
Have agood night all
Mrjusthanging gdtting ready to read some more
Too ativiann perc 4 pain, nauseous also wth
Ona positive note it nice ncool out n the windows r open
Night
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Mimi, don't forget to let me know the dates of your trip to San Antonio.
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Blessed is the person who can enjoy the small things, the common beauties, the little day-by-day events; sunshine on the fields, birds on the bough, breakfast, dinner, supper, the daily paper on the porch, a friend passing by. So many people who go afield for enjoyment leave it behind them at home.
David Grayson0 -
Sandra -- I just so love your avatar, but you found it first so I'll stick with my roses and something different on occasion.
Beauty of a day here -- so many of the early Fall days are like this. Warm enough but not too much humidity now as it hasn't rained for some time. Maybe late tonight and tomorrow. We have to go to Marion today -- 75 miles south of us to the V.A. Hospital there. I need check-ups for my hearing aids and also will see the ENT Dr. as well with my ears. I think at the Audiologist's I will be checked to see if my hearing has gotten worse. It won't get better of course, but could deteriorate a bit.....so we will see. Many people are given a second hearing aid -- don't know if they will do that or not for me.
I have found being able to wear hearing aids a wonderful, wonderful thing. Now there is a bonus to having a few years on --- you lose so much of the vanity you might have had -- shoes, not quite so stylish, larger clothes that do not hug the body, and hearing aids. Well, I say bring them on. I'm definitely about personal comfort now and enjoying life.
Speaking of Sandra -- I'm guilty of not mentioning you by name so much as I have such trouble remembering names and I know we have two with names that start with S. I can remember that Sally is the other one --- but I'm usually stumbling around trying to "figure" the second S name and not wanting to seem neglectful of mentioning not only you, but others as well. I hope you all know that I know who you really are -- even if your name has escaped me for a time.
Ok -- off to see the wizard -- otherwise known as the Audiologist. See you all later.
Blessings
Jackie
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Good morning all. Jackie's quote really hits home with me today. The crisp mornings of fall start the day with a wonderful note. The late afternoon shadows close the day with visual pleasure. When I was in high school, tromping home through multi-colored leaves made fall my favorite season. Now as a high desert dweller, I have no particular favorite season, but the high school fall memories are treasures.
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Hi gals! I'm back! I'll just post this real quick, then be back later.... DD just sent me this..... It's our Orlando trip in a nut-shell...
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Love those crocs.
Jackie
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Mornin' I'm still waiting for my puter to be fixed, so my battery is minimal As soon as it gets fixed I'll be back--I miss u gals.
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Morning everyone
Just thinking about what Clone and Sandra have said about people pulling away from us because we're "sick". I remember when I went home (back to Fl) after I finished chemo, but before the surgery. While I was in the plane flying there, my youngest daughter told my oldest daughter that she was not going to see me or let her kids see me much while I was there. Her "reason" for that was that I was too sick, but more importantly, cancer patients give off very negative vibes. She came by with the kids the day after I got home, and I was not in great shape physically. I was only 2 weeks out of my last round of chemo. So I sat in the recliner, and explained to the kids(8 & 5) that if they needed drinks or anything mommy would have to help them. Other than that, we had a wonderful, normal visit. They cuddled and told me about school, friends, etc, and Jamie and I had a nice talk. She was back 3 more times in the 6 days I was home.
Jamie had watched one of her best friend's mom die of what started as BC when she was in middle school. It was a mom she had gotten pretty close to, and it was probably a 3 year time frame from beginning to end. She spent a lot of time there and watched the mom decline day to day. That was her experience with BC and she couldn't go thru that again, and didn't want her kids to experience that. I totally understood her, and couldn't convince her I was a different situation. I knew once she actually saw me, and realized that I was still me, everything would be fine, and it was.
I don't know how she would have been if I had not been doing so well, or had a grimmer prognosis, but I know her well enough to understand her fears, and, I hope, be able to accept as much or as little as she could give, knowing that her love would still be there, regardless of her actions.
Sometimes people have perceptions of certain situations, and cannot change that perception until they spend some time with someone that, in their mind, fits into that box but in reality is the same person they've always known and enjoyed being around. Yes, maybe we're thinner, or slower, or bald, or less active, but we are still who we were before BC. For the most part, we enjoy the same things, have the same general personality and are no different from who we were before. I just wish they would give us a chance to show them that.
Anne
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Welcome Crone,
I'm relatively new to this group. Was diagnosed with IDC stage 1 grade 2 in May, had a lumpectomy, oncotype score came back 27 so had 4 rounds of chemo, I'm 2 weeks after my last chemo, main issue now is regaining strength and endurance. So proud of myself, I reactivated my gym membership and went & walked the treadmill this morning, walked 1 mile at 2.5mph. Had to hold onto the siderails but I didn't get short of breath. Monday I have my radiation CT and sim, don't know yet how many rads I'll need.
I'll be turning 63 Oct 12. I retired after 40 years of nursing 1 1/2 yrs ago. Lew and I have been together 38 years, not married. He has 4 kids from his marriage, so I get to be grandma to 11 grandkids and gt grandma to one, with second gt arriving in Dec. We love to travel and watch birds, and have camped in our tent in Australia, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Alaska, and all over the lower 48 as well. I also enjoy genealogy - I'm a Mayflower descendant of John and Priscilla Alden. I am a very active volunteer for the cemetery website findagrave.com and have taken over 24,000 tombstone photos. Adding the photos to the website has been the one thing I was able to do in my recliner the last 3 months when I was too weak to do anything else.
This has been a fun board to hang out at, glad you joined us.
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Chevy, if those pictures tell the story of your visit, it must have been SOME visit!
It's so interesting to learn about the different backgrounds and experiences.
Today I played golf with the women's golf group at our club. It's a regular Wed. morning event. I felt like I was really back "home," doing things I enjoy doing. Afterwards some of us stayed for lunch. The bad thing about that is I won't be hungry for dinner tonight. But I'll fix an easy meal for dh, who is playing golf this afternoon.
The play last night at the high school was really cute. The kids did a great job speaking their lines in Elizabethan English. It must have been really difficult memorizing the parts. I was glad we went. We sat with our neighbors, parents of one of the actors.
Hugs to Blondie and Crone and everyone else needing a hug.
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Hi Crone,
Welcome to this group! I hope you will find solace here and in your "real" life. Expect the unexpected, as you never know what kind of a wonderful opportunity will present itself, in the way of a new friend, new activity, or whatever! You sound like a great person that anyone would be happy to know.
I was diagnosed in early January with aggressive triple negative bc (Joan Lunden, Robin Roberts--although Robin never mentions the TN part). So even though I was lucky enough to be only Stage 1 with no lympth node involvement, I got the heavy duty treatment as you can see in my sig. I just finished radiation on Sept 24 and am enjoying a little freedom not having to go to rads every day! Went to the Shenandoah mountains for a church retreat this past weekend, just arrived at our beach rental house in Corolla, NC today for a few days, and flying to Orlando over the Columbus Day weekend with hubby, DIL, and 5 & 3 yr old granddaughters where we will join our son as he finishes a business trip. Can't wait to see the princesses through their eyes!!
I don't post here often, but I enjoy the comraderie, humor and insight of many of these wonderful ladies. I turned 67 in March and have always had a very active lifestyle. Been married forever, celebrated 47 years in August (yup, we were only 20 when we married). He's has been SO supportive through everything. He's my rock. I also have 3 wonderful kids - all happily married - and have a total of 7 grandchildren, ranging in age from 2 yr old boy & girl twins, to a 13 yr old. They give me so much joy!! We live near each other, so I spend lots of time with them.
Maybe sometime I will post more about my story, but short version - career in government, after early retirement, studied acting, have been doing that off and on (off since the bc) for years. Acting got me in to a lot of medical role playing which has been very interesting & rewarding. Have worked at medical school in DC for 8 years, but took a hiatus when I started chemo.
Paula
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Chevyboy, that looks like a fun but a very very busy trip. Hope it was as enjoyable as the photo's indicated .
Puffin, I admire you for tent camping. I swore off camping after being in charge of a first time overnight camping for 40 Brownies. Not much sleep for me and the next day we found marijuana on one of the picnic tables ( not sure who left it there) and on a hike with a group of girls we came upon a man standing at the top of the trail exposing himself. I took this as a message - keep working with kids but do it inside.
Attached is a picture my bird watching friend took in her back yard. She has an amazing eye for photographing birds.
Trying to get our local newspaper that does a story on a breast cancer survivor each day in October to at least do one article on Metastatic Breast Cancer. I have emailed and called so often, I think they are ready to block my phone number. I can hear them saying " it's her again".
Thanks for all the warm welcomes. I think I left my pity party behind and returned to some state of normalcy and I appreciate your help in that.
Today I started refinishing the trunk my grandmother brought her belongings in, when at the age of 18 she travelled alone from Ireland. Talk about feeling lonely. She took a job as a maid in New York. The trunk has her name printed on the side which I will try to preserve.
Just got a call from my 11 year old grand daughter who lives in Idaho. Calls like that bring lots of joy and makes one forget about how you feel.
Battery on Ipad is about dead, must be time to sigh off.
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Puffin -- so good to see you here. Hmmmm, I was looking at you as an old timer now. How interesting that you are a Mayflower ( John and Priscilla Alden ) descendant. You do, do a lot of genealogy to have made that discovery.
Ah -- its good to be done with chemo. I think it is the difficult part for most -- sure was for me and rads was a walk in the park but really boring. The best part is to have it all done though I have to admit, once you are not actively doing much you almost get a little nervous. I mean there has been all this flurry of activity and you KNEW that all that you and your medical teams were working hard to put you into position to be NED -- and then suddenly your in charge of yourself and you don't have that big safety net of active treatments. It all settles out thank goodness. Some milestones are just wonderful.
I think I'd have liked seeing that play too Carole.
Paula -- you are a great addition to this group so hope you will keep coming and with more often would not hurt at all.
Crone -- what a neat avatar. I can sure see why your not much interested in doing outside activities with girls. My goodness....but I guess perverts have no shame at all.
I love your neighbor's bird picture. She must have intense patience if she takes pictures that look like that. It is a magnificent one.
I hope your newspaper cooperates. It would be quite worthwhile I think.
Hope you all have had a wonderful day.
Blessings,
Jackie
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Crone, that's a marvelous picture of the birds. Your neighbor is a fine photographer. I love birds. I have a new acrylic bird feeder that attaches to a window.
MomMom, I saw Joan Lunden on the news tonight. She was in tears telling about all the people who communicated with her and told her they were praying for her.
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Hey everybody, hope all are having a good day....saw JL wonder if it is another celebrity that starts talking...love the idea about doing an article everyday on metestatic bc...great idea, you want me to write or send an e-mail to them?
Of course the sleeping isn't better slept over an hour today....have no place to go tomorrow, yay....friday getting my chemo curl hair cut, can't stand them curls then dying it blonde again, hate the gray....
HAPPY FRIDAY!!! fOOTBALL GAMES, HOMECOMING.....SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY, LOVE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR....
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Hi friends. Rain rain here all day. So it was fun to see Crone's bird pictures and laugh at the story about being a Brownie leader. I love when we have funny stories. And Chevy I love the travelogue pictures. They sum up you whole trip in one fast and glorious page. I must admit I get distracted when friends want me to look at an entire 50 page album on photos of places they have visited with long narrations to go along. None of them are ever as much fun as your travelogue or Crone's friend's bird pictures. I traveled to Europe for six weeks when I was about 22. A girlfriend and I camped from as far north as Stockholm clear down to the French Riviera. But I decided not to bring a camera. Instead I bought a gorgeous postcard daily and wrote on the back what we did that day. I still have them and wouldn't do it any other way now.
Chevy I made it home safely, too, even though you weren't hiding in the bushes to protrect me when I met the old beau. He had the courage to admit he should have married me 45 years ago instead of that crazy woman who embezzled his money and ruined his home with six dogs that were not house broken. The question is how stupid was he to stay married for 30 years before calling it quits. But he does seem to be adored by his eight (yes 8) children. And I found a husband that was just right for me. Seriously all, it was nice to visit with a friend from years ago who remembered my grandparents, old teenage haunts, high school and college events, etc. He actually still had my high school graduation picture in an old wallet in safe keeping. My daughter looked him up and got us in contact again through his daughter on facebook. My daughter realized that with the recent death of my brother there is nobody left in the world that has shared memories of my teen or college years except the old beau. So she took things in her own hands and tracked him down. I had a good time and six hours of easy conversation. And I must say it doesn't hurt a widow of five years to have someone flirt just a little.
Each of needs to feel admired again after this ugly disease called bc. 0 -
Chevy, Your travel logue is hysterical! I loved it! Thanks for the smiles.
Blondie, Thinking of you and happy to hear how much you love fall. Me too - it's the best.
Crone, The bird photo is stunning. Your friend is a gifted photographer.
Mimi, What a wonderful story about the visit with your old beau. He has a loving daughter to track you down so you two could meet after all these years and he obviously still carries a torch for you. So sweet.
Jackie, Your comment about uncertainty after all the treatment is done resonates with me. While I'm so happy to be done and free. the feelings of doubt about recurrence have surfaced in my dreams. I've always been one to try and understand what my dreams really mean. Last night I had one that was pretty transparent. Thank you for your comment that this is a normal phase that will pass.
At the beach house it's easier to type comments as the lap top is in the great room on the upper level. At the Outer Banks in NC, all houses anywhere near the ocean (we are 8 lots back) are built up high on stilts. At home, I read my threads on my Eclipse and it's very laborious to type anything. I hate being in the basement computer room, but sometimes do post there. I will try and post more often.
The sun will be up soon and I will enjoy a walk on the beach. I don't swim in it anymore, but I sure do love to be near it. It's very spirtual and rejuvenating for me. Have a great day ladies!
Paula
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Great to read what you say I also am 78yrs old, and never realized we could have Breast cancer so late in life.
mine is HER2 positive, I had no further treatment after the mastecomy, but still worryrabout when it will return.... I have gained so much weight.... have you ?? I eat less than before my op, I walk everyday and feel ok. just worry about the weight now... wondering if the cancer has returned somewhere else in my body.
good to chat with someone the same age. we do need to chat about all to someone in our age group.... Thanks for agreeing.
Meriel.
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just read the ihatebreastcancer blog which is a eulogy for a 54 yr old named Ginny. It is well written but the words that I took from it that need to become my mantra are "I know for today it is enough to practice being more and doing less". Those words are a gift as I struggle with what my mind wants to do and my body says NO WAY LADY.
It is a rainy day here in Indiana but with temps going up only to drop 20 or more degrees tonight and then stay cool. I am meeting an old friend for lunch. Her husband died of lung cancer recently and I remember him saying to me that he was glad he didn't die from a heart attack but had the opportunity to experience fully this experience of facing death. Something worth pondering.
The sun just came out...wishing each of you a day filled with sunshine.
Phyllis, aka Crone
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Welcome, Welcome Meriel. So glad you found us. Sorry about the wt. gain. I think a good deal of our issues when we are older is that a study was done ( I really shouldn't say because I don't have the web-site ) that is evidenced based that says there are about 88,000 items in most grocery stores that have extra sugar added --- just meaning that the deck is somewhat stacked for us to either add to or hold onto our weight more so, than less so.
Still, careful monitoring and trying to get a good walk in per day -- I think a couple of miles is good since about 10,000 steps per day usually help you pretty much.
I'm betting that you don't have anything ( cancer ) floating around in you. The Dr.'s are usually good at figuring out what each individual person needs to do to have the highest chance of eliminating all cancer from the body. I also think older women do better with this disease. For one thing.....we don't have the years left of the much younger women ( not that I like that fact for them ) so hopefully, it is more just that un-certain am I ok feeling.
Hope you will come often.
Paula, Mimi and Phyliss -- yes, yes, yes. All of our days are a gift to be used as well as we can. Sometimes it goes well, and sometimes not. We ( just my humble opinion ) are here to grow our soul and would learn so little if we did not go through the different stages and periods and sometimes horrid ups and downs that our lives present. It is not so much what happens as how we respond and even when we go through a couple of periods where we seem stuck ( Meriel ) are we able to find the door to move past it.
Though a lot of times in life are difficult......I see it more as a challenge to "find" the way -- and most of the time I'm not stuck for too long.
Paula -- not surprised about your 'beach' house. Water is a deeply spiritual thing. I miss having lived in southern California near the ocean. All my troubles then floated out to the far, far horizon on big waves barely flitting back to my memory. It is one of the reasons I/we chose to move out here to our lake. The waves are not like the ocean ones....and not much of a horizon for sure, but I still get that same feeling from the water.
I'm off to work -- see you all after.
Blessings
Jackie
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Welcome, Meriel. Hope you'll "hang out" with us here on the oldies thread. After being such a small group for so long, we've suddenly attracted a lot more interesting women. We all wish we didn't qualify for membership in our group but the camaraderie is good for all of us.
The changes bc brings to us become ingrained. For example, I went to the gym with dh this morning and did 30 min. of aerobic exercise and 30 min. of exercise machines. But I skip the machines that exercise the pectoral muscles out of habit. Five years ago when I had reconstructive surgery, the PS told me not to exercise the pecs because the implants could move out of the pockets. I mentioned this to my bc dr.'s nurse practitioner at my last annual visit, and she said I no longer need to avoid exercising the pecs. But I'm still cautious. I can imagine my implants moving under my arms!!
Today is Thurs., the day I take my mother to have her hair done. She recited a long list of groceries during a phone conversation this morning so I'll go to the grocery store and take her purchases to her house when I go to pick her up. I'm so grateful that she seems to be in such good spirits at age 91. She still has an interest in doing some cooking and it isn't easy for her to sit in her electric wheel chair and stir a pot on the stove.
Hello to every and best wishes for a good Thursday.
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