Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Beachbum - Nice catfish! Glad you had a good time at Casting for Recovery. I'll be going to the one Oct 12, 13, 14 in Valentine, NE at The Prairie Club. It's about 200 miles away and in a different state than I live in but 2 from my state were included. Actually, there is to be a Retreat there on Oct 9,10,11 also.

Was that your first time flyfishing? Going to keep doing it? I've been flyfishing for about 5 yrs now - love it. I did Project Healing Waters (a program for Veterans) where I learned to build my own rods and furthered my fly tying skills. I started fly tying thanks to classes that our local Cabellas put on.

Linda, you've received some insightful messages from the women on this discussion group. You are hurt that no one felt you were important enough. I can feel your pain through your words. I agree that at this particular time you are especially vulnerable to disappointments and slights. Many of us can identify. It doesn't help to be told that people didn't do it "on purpose." You were left out and your feelings were not considered.

Feeling ignored by a religious person seems to sting the most since they are supposed to care and are there to help. When they don't, you feel doubly betrayed. I worked for a religious institution for a few years and saw the dirty underside. People I had formerly looked up to showed me their ugly hidden side. At the same time, I was having difficulty with one of my teenage daughters and asked my own pastor for help. He promised so much and never followed up. It was crushing, especially since I had given so much of my time as a volunteer there. Those two situations opened my eyes and gave me the strength to leave my job and my congregation where I'd been for over 10 years. If your soul is being crushed, not fed, what's the point of allowing these people to hurt you more?

It's never easy to make a big change, but this might just be the thing you need right now.

Recovery from surgery takes quite a while. Depending on the kind of surgery you had, you might find you take one step forward and two steps back. I had 6 surgeries over 15 months so I feel like an expert on recovery! LOL. Each one of my surgeries had different recovery periods so even with the same person, it can vary. After the initial double mastectomy, it took three full weeks until I turned the corner and started feeling better. My husband and I were both inpatients at the same time when I had surgery #6 just before last Christmas. His diagnosis was shocking and I suddenly had to deal with the fact that he had a fatal illness. I totally forgot about my own recovery and have really not given breast cancer much of a thought since then. So sometimes you have time to immerse yourself in the details of recovery and other times it is the last thing on your mind. No one can really tell you what it will be like.

Sandra -- what a great answer to Linda.  How interesting that you too were let down by the religious institution/pastor.  Just a little part of the reason I study spirituality and took on my OWN salvation so to speak.  I know that is not for everyone.  Some will always feel better for the fellowship of the other people in their Church family and I'm good with that -- in fact, I'd say even happy if that is the case.  It did though become apparent to me that I didn't need quite all of that as I just saw too many dichotomies and other issues and I feel perfectly capable of handling things myself.  We are all important to the Creator/Supreme Being/God --- whatever name we use --- and I don't think this entity gives one whit how we take care of our spiritual life.  As long as we care -- I'm sure we will get "there".

Jackie

Good afternoon,

Running late today as I had to work and it was pouring rain out --- not a good start to the morning -- though not bad, but I didn't sleep well with all the sinus drainage and needed extra coffee.  So, late getting my chores going and getting out of here.  I am actually this afternoon feeling better.  Have done a few salt water gargles and I may work out of this soon.  Hope so. 

We will see how sleeping is tonight.  I think tomorrow BIL will be back so I won't have the duty of helping in town and maybe can have a relaxing day.  I went to the vets and got some meds for the baby kitties as they had bad eyes.  Hopefully soon they will be just as chipper as can be.

It is nearly 4 O'clock and it only stopped raining a while ago.  Was surprised that we had so much though I can't say it poured.  There was a good amt. but it didn't really overwhelm  any one area -- more consistent I'd say.  I hope that will settle down some of the pollens and other things.  Anyway, in a while I will go and pick up Mickie and get her to her house.  Her furnishings are coming tomorrow ---- but I don't know exactly when she plans to get back in her house.  I'd be majorly ready, but I don't like motel rooms --- far too confining for me. 

I hope you have all had a really good day and sorry I was so late today with the quote.  See you all later.

Blessings,

Jackie

Carole,

Glad you are home and getting settled in again.

Whoo, Puffin, that's cold! It is sunny today and will be hot, high 80's. Tomorrow a front moves in, bringing cool fall air.

Meanwhile I have a busy day ahead. I will send dh off to the supermarket with a long list. The refrigerator is almost empty.

Hi to everyone.

Mornin all

Got back last night from my long weekend with Lucia. She has started talking since the last time I saw her in July! What fun! Most of what she says is clear, and when she can't be understood verbally, sometimes you can figure out what she's trying to say through her tone and body moves. Happy to say, after a couple of hours of calling me Anne as her mom does, my son came home and she started calling me Grandma like him. We played and played. I could have stayed forever, but my body says "Ouch!". I did more walking (around the house, it rained the whole weekend), and sitting on the floor than I have done in years. This is the DIL and granddaughter who are vegan. I made Robs favorite casserole the night before I left, and I made Anna and Lucia a vegan vegetable soup, which they both loved. I had so much fun, I am going to try to get back over before I go back to Fl at the end of Oct.

The sale of this Ga house to my DD and SIL is moving along. The lady handling the actual paperwork was totally confused. She didn't understand why ALL the paperwork ( buyer and seller) was going to the same address, then she asked about the key exchange and changing of the locks, which, of course, is not needed. Plus she was getting emails from Nancy, who she knows thru work by first name only, and had no idea why she was involved in a private sale, based on her job duties. Someone at Nancy's work finally clued her in to what is actually happening.

My 2 grandsons here were really upset that I was only here for a few days before heading to Robs. They understood why (Robs birthday) but were very happy it was a short visit. The oldest, 16, is really trying to figure out life and where he stands politically- try explaining the difference between conservatives and liberals- and also morally and spiritually. We talked for almost two hours last night. He's extremely intelligent, so simple answers don't cut it with him. He researches everything, and just as an example, when I said that the Pledge of Allegiance says "one nation under God" he said that "under God" was only added in 1954. He says the constitution doesn't mention God at all and the Declaration of Independence only has one actual mention of God. As my DD says, he can make your brain hurt after a while, but I am so glad he is searching and seems to be heading in the right direction, at least regarding sex and drugs.

Just to join the conversation started by Linda, I, too, had a bad experience at a church. I had been asked to teach a 3 year old preschool class for a year. I repeatedly told them I had no teacher training or experience. They said that was not a problem, all I had to do was keep the kids and more importantly, the parents, happy. I was also in charge of the church's nursery at the same time. My first hint came when I wAs called into the pastors office and fired from the nursery job, claiming I waS not recruiting enough volunteers and aLso accused of leaving the kids unsupervised. Then at the end of the school year I was told I would not be coming back to teach a second year, as I haD no teaching experience. My big problem was, we had been very active in this particular church for 25 years,and more than that, had been, I thought close friends with the pastor and his wIfe. Our daughter and theirs had been best friends from the day they met, at it was alwAys our house their daughter stayed at when they had to be out of town, which was quite often. So, I couldn't understand, regardless of the outcomes, that he never once picked up the phone to ask me what did is think or feel about what was happening. His wife had chronic fatigue at this time, and when their daughter had a baby, at 16, I was his grandmother for all intents and purposes. We ended up leaving the church , but still have close ties to a lot of its members and run into to the rector occasionally. I find it really funny. If I am aLone, he barely says hello, but if anyone else is there, I get a big hug and a hearty hello, how are you doing. We were so entwined with him and the church that 2 of my kids still asked him to officiate at their weddings. My oldest daughter had been married by him shortly before this all happened. I knew exactly why both the nursery and preschool leaders did what they did, and it had nothing to do with my work performances at all. In fact, the preschool situation had more to do with him than me. The principal was doing a lousy job, and she thought I had his ear, being personal friends, and I was "out to get her" which was absolutely not true. I understood why she thought that, but was as usual, that was never brought up.

Need to get ready for a check up wIth my breast surgeon, so I will talk to you all later

Anne

Carole....so glad you are home safey!

Beachbum....Love the fish! Great job! My son lived in Sheffield Lake for about 2 years when he first graduated from college. He worked for Parker Hannifin which is based in Elyria. We enjoyed visiting him while he was there. His apartment was right on the Lake and he had a gorgeous view. Since then, he has moved all over the country with Parker and is now in Greeneville TN which they really love.

Gee, I always thought it was the job of the religious leader in a church, regardless of denomination, the minister to the sick. Wow! We go to a great little church where everyone "counts." I believe would let that rabbi know how hurt and neglected I felt by his actions.

It was really cool and windy this morning when we started to golf. Now the sun is out and it's a beautiful autumn day!

Since I played all morning I need to get off here and get something accomplished around the house this afternoon.

Happy Birthday, Teacher!!!!

Jackie, termite, wren44, sandra and everyone- I don't know how to tag people here (yet)

It seems you all are on in the morning and I'm having the most trouble at night - before bedtime.

I've decided to take a leave of absence from my congregation and sent an email to the Pres. telling him it's personal reasons and I can't pay dues and please not to contact me. If course he responded that "I'm a valuable member of the congregation ... and I'm welcome back anytime." I'm not sure I want to "join" another synagogue, I tell friends I might be a "wandering Jew" checking out different places. I do like to pray with a community, but it's not the answer for me right now. I know G-d is with me wherever I am. I told a friend today what happened and she's been "done with organized religion" for about 10 years and she asked if I was done with just my cong or all. I told her the wandering Jew story.

New aggravation: work, FMLA forms, HR confusion:

My dept. time report said I return to work Oct 5. I didn't realize my FMLA letter said 9/28, so I didn't show up. I arranged with my boss to return 9/30 and work from home for the rest of the week.

So, I work from home today and get an email from HR that my FMLA is through Fri., I had called the Dr. yesterday for a new fax sent and HR didn't receive it - it took me 1.5 hrs to find out. I called the Dr. back and asked her the fax returning me today from home for rest of week.

At 2:30 pm I get an email that the HR person is at meetings all day and will get back to me after 4pm about receiving the fax. She answers me at 6:45 pm. (which I don't read until 9:30 pm because I stop work at 3pm) telling me there's no stipulation about working from home (which I did ask for).

So now I don't know if today will count as work (I really didn't work the whole day - since I didn't hear from her). I don't know if I should show up tomorrow in person or work from home (that was approved by my boss). My dh suggests I go in if I feel up to it and come home and work if I don't feel well.

As yes, recovery is hard, I burst into tears during breast or cancer commercials, it is a very emotional time as you all know. I had a lumpectomy - it'll be 2 weeks on Fri. and the cancer is out and the lymph nodes are clear, thank G-d.

I don't want to screw up my job, so I guess I have to calm down and sleep so I can show up tomorrow in person.

I'm sorry that others have had issues with religious organizations, too. It feels like a family, but sad when I get disappointed and realize it's not and that others are probably talking about my cancer (which I said was OK). One person today offered to drive me anywhere I need to go on my caringbridge site. I can drive now just fine - just haven't done it at night for a while, but I think it'll be OK this week when I need to.

Anne, sounds like you had a nice family visit.

I have some in-law issues which I'm not going into - it's too aggravating to spend time writing it and giving it energy. I'm praying for the best outcome for the whole family.

Kicks - a woman's retreat sounds wonderful. I also make jewelry (part-time) and have just started a breast cancer survivor collection. I haven't released it to the public yet, and will begin soon.

I'm really glad I joined this group and will try to get more involved with you, but it'll have to be after work. Your support is very important to me and I hope I reach a point where I can give more back to you.

Here's a little image I made today to post on Instagram, but I haven't done it yet.

If it's not OK to post images like that, please let me know.

G-d bless you all,

Linda B.

Trust in the Light.

Darkness is not a force -

it is merely the absence of light.

Observe that when a light is brought to a dark place,

the darkness disappears.

Sadness is similar -

when joy is brought to suffering, the sadness disappears.

Open yourself to the Light!

Hold back nothing, Trust in the Light.

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Puffin, I got a pneumonia shot several years ago, but have never had a flu shot. My NP suggested I skip it last year (dx year), but didn't even suggest one for this year at my appointment last week. Of course.I forgot to ask. Hmmm...what to do?!

Sandra, glad to hear that all is going well. Have a wonderful trip. You two deserve it.

Linda, hang in there. I didn't get support from my church either. People seem to think no "chemical chemo" means that everything is just peachy....even from other survivors. I guess I am not too surprised and hope I showed concern for others at the appropriate times.

Chilly here....I'm ready for fall.

Best wished to all!

Hi ritajean, did you son live at Lakeside 10 or maybe Erie Shores Landing? That's where I live on the 10th floor, so the view is stunning every day. That is about the only apartment building in Sheffield Lake on the Lake. I love it here. The waves were amazing today with 40 mph winds. I have lived here for 6 years, and I am now working at PolyOne in Avon Lake. Small world huh? Cheryl

Our cancer center kicks off October with a breast cancer retreat at the Radisson, 2 hours last evening and all day today. Our support group picks up the $25 fee for its members. Last night was more relaxed and fun - a chocolate fountain, a buffet of yummy hor dourves (however it's spelled) and we played an entertaining and informative game of Jeopardy. All the categories dealt with treatment side effects, like hot flashes, vaginal dryness, food and nutrition, self image, etc. There was a panel of 4 experts on stage that expanded on the discussion of the answers. There was a big bowl of sample packets of lubricant passed around afterwards.

Today will be a variety of topics, some presentations will be for everyone and others we'll have options to choose which session we want to attend.

In case you may be wondering --- I'm longing so much for all the shootings to stop.  Though we are not very political here ( and I really like it that way ) I'm just so tired ( 41 school shootings this yr. alone ) of it all.  I think almost everyone is ok with those individuals who are responsible with their guns.  But I think their is an organization ( NRA ) who sells more guns every time there is another incident.  That is not right --- we do not NEED more guns --- we need a way to help insure that with gun sales, guns get into the hands of people who are willing to be completely responsible with them.  We need a way to weed out people who are not stable and have poor judgment where the use of guns are concerned.   Ok --- rant over.  Probably shouldn't have but how many innocent people have to die or be crippled before we allow ourselves to get honest and push forward to take care of this rampant problem.  Of course, there will always be some --- but 41 school shootings this yr. alone is way more than SOME to me. 

Blessings,

Jackie